S02E15: Abba songs

Transcript

00:00:00 Squirrell
Geez.

00:00:01 Squirrell
You're the Harry Potter Malc.

00:00:02 Hurst
I would Malc off against anyone when it came to Harry Potter, I reckon.

00:00:05 Squirrell
Interesting challenge.

00:00:07 Squirrell
Perhaps for a Patreon only episode, we could bring in our first guest and I could concoct A Harry Potter trivia game.

00:00:14 Hurst
I love it.

00:00:14 Squirrell
Rankers, if you know **** about Harry Potter.

00:00:17 Hurst
You don't.

00:00:18 Squirrell
Get in touch.

00:00:18 Squirrell
[email protected] and you can take Hurst on in an exciting prize-filled game of Who Knows Most Potters.

00:00:27 Squirrell
I think we'll workshop the title.

00:00:30 Harriet
Top Five Face-off contains adult themes and language that some people may find offensive.

00:00:35 Harriet
Listener discretion is advised.

00:00:37 Squirrell
He's Matt Hurst.

00:00:38 Hurst
He's Matt Squirrel.

00:00:39 Squirrell
And this is Top Five Face-off, the official world rankings of everything.

00:00:42 Squirrell
What are we ranking today, Hurst?

00:00:44 Harriet
Well, Squirrel, today we're going to be ranking the top five Abba songs.

00:00:49 Squirrell
Coming right up after this.

00:00:51 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than one, then there's a best and a worst.

00:00:55 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than five, call Squirrel and Hearst.

00:00:58 Robo-Katy Perry
It's the top five face-off.

00:01:01 Robo-Katy Perry
Actual facts.

00:01:02 Robo-Katy Perry
It's the top five face-off.

00:01:04 Robo-Katy Perry
Facts are exact.

00:01:06 Robo-Katy Perry
Top five face-off.

00:01:08 Robo-Katy Perry
Top five face-off.

00:01:10 Robo-Katy Perry
Official world ranking.

00:01:12 Robo-Katy Perry
What's next?

00:01:12 Robo-Katy Perry
You decide.

00:01:14 Hurst
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, or good night, Rankers.

00:01:17 Hurst
Welcome back.

00:01:19 Hurst
And if you're new to the show?

00:01:20 Hurst
Welcome.

00:01:21 Squirrell
Hello.

00:01:21 Hurst
It's good for all our new rankers.

00:01:23 Hurst
Why don't you tell them what we do here and why we do it?

00:01:26 Squirrell
Yeah, I've been questioning that myself this episode has.

00:01:29 Squirrell
This is Top Five's face off.

00:01:31 Squirrell
The official world rankings of everything as you heard in the song by Robo Katy Perry.

00:01:36 Squirrell
What happens here is our Patreon suggest random topics and we pick one for each episode and we choose the top five and the worst things from that topic.

00:01:44 Squirrell
And then you, the rankers at home or at work or in your car, wherever you are, we don't care.

00:01:49 Squirrell
You can go to the website, Top Five Facebook

00:01:51 Squirrell
and vote to say which one of us is correct, because one of us is always correct.

00:01:55 Hurst
Note, pull over before you vote.

00:01:57 Squirrell
Nah, **** it, do it, you'll be fine.

00:01:58 Squirrell
And the winner goes on to be the official world ranking.

00:02:04 Hurst
Good stuff.

00:02:04 Hurst
Yeah.

00:02:04 Hurst
But we never get straight to the point because we're British.

00:02:07 Hurst
So how's the weather been?

00:02:09 Squirrell
Bit of foreplay.

00:02:11 Squirrell
Abba has affected, Abba's ********* has affected me as I think for this episode.

00:02:15 Squirrell
Stand by, Ranker.

00:02:16 Squirrell
How's the weather been?

00:02:17 Squirrell
It was dry enough for me to cut my lawn at some point over the last couple of weeks since we last recorded our episode.

00:02:23 Hurst
Legitimate hints of spring.

00:02:25 Squirrell
I guess so.

00:02:25 Squirrell
And now, of course, the grass is growing like a *******.

00:02:28 Squirrell
So I will need to cut my lawn again, but it's been raining too much recently.

00:02:31 Squirrell
So there you are.

00:02:32 Squirrell
There's the Bedford weather report.

00:02:34 Hurst
Yeah, I got in the garden this week for the first time on Wednesday.

00:02:37 Hurst
My mum came over to do some gardening, which was nice.

00:02:39 Hurst
Three days later.

00:02:41 Hurst
I'm pumped about doing my first cut of the grass as soon as we can get some consistent, not raining days.

00:02:46 Hurst
You can cut most of that out because I realise that's a dead boring story straight off the bat.

00:02:54 Squirrell
Has anything made you feel old?

00:02:55 Squirrell
Since the last episode has rolled around.

00:02:58 Hurst
Yeah, so much stuff.

00:02:59 Hurst
So much stuff has made me feel old.

00:03:01 Hurst
Thinking about things you remember from your adult life and realizing they were 30 years ago.

00:03:07 Hurst
Remembering watching movies for the first time and then realising that they were much longer ago than you thought, like Terminator 2, which came out 35 years ago.

00:03:16 Hurst
Forrest Gump came out 32 years ago.

00:03:18 Hurst
That's always good for the feeling older.

00:03:20 Hurst
But also, most importantly, realising that 13 years ago is now a relatively recent part of your life.

00:03:26 Hurst
And also the same difference between when you started school and finished sixth four.

00:03:29 Hurst
But that 13 years, that just doesn't feel like anything anymore.

00:03:33 Hurst
I met Carly 13 years ago.

00:03:35 Hurst
Feels like yesterday.

00:03:36 Hurst
School felt like

00:03:37 Hurst
Forever.

00:03:38 Squirrell
Well, now I feel old as well as.

00:03:39 Squirrell
Great.

00:03:40 Hurst
So yeah, plenty's been making me feel old.

00:03:42 Hurst
I should have maybe saved some of those for future episodes, but every time we come together, it's like that.

00:03:47 Squirrell
Just an old fest.

00:03:48 Squirrell
Great.

00:03:49 Hurst
What's been making you feel old?

00:03:50 Squirrell
Yeah, what's making me feel old is that yesterday I went to my friend's birthday party and that is now the third of my friend's 50th birthday parties that I have attended because that's how old my friends are now, it would appear.

00:04:06 Squirrell
Happy birthday, Sarah.

00:04:07 Squirrell
Thanks for listening.

00:04:08 Hurst
Well, happy birthday, Sarah.

00:04:09 Hurst
My friend Hals also had his 50th last week.

00:04:12 Hurst
He listens.

00:04:12 Hurst
So happy birthday, Hals.

00:04:14 Squirrell
Happy birthday, Hals.

00:04:15 Squirrell
Don't forget to vote.

00:04:16 Squirrell
Both of y'all.

00:04:17 Hurst
Do you want to know what's been going on?

00:04:19 Hurst
I've watched some movies that you're going to like.

00:04:21 Squirrell
You've had time to watch movies?

00:04:22 Squirrell
I've done nothing to listen to but **** music.

00:04:25 Hurst
Yeah, I'm an alpha there in the studio listening to Adra.

00:04:27 Hurst
I needed to get some Statham on them.

00:04:29 Hurst
I've watched a film called Home Front.

00:04:31 Hurst
I don't know if you've watched that, but it is the best film ever.

00:04:35 Squirrell
Presumably it's the same as all the others, right?

00:04:37 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:04:37 Hurst
Yeah.

00:04:37 Hurst
I mean, cut and paste, but it's, yeah, if you haven't seen it and you want to watch a new Statham.

00:04:41 Squirrell
All right.

00:04:42 Squirrell
He must be getting on as well, right?

00:04:43 Squirrell
He's nearly 60.

00:04:45 Squirrell
He's 58 years old.

00:04:47 Hurst
He's still nails, though.

00:04:48 Hurst
That's the thing.

00:04:49 Squirrell
He's nails, nails as nails.

00:04:52 Squirrell
I was going to say, he's hard as nails.

00:04:54 Hurst
Yeah, nails as ****.

00:04:55 Hurst
Nails as ****.

00:04:56 Hurst
Also, have you seen War Machine, Alan Richardson's new thing that's out on Netflix?

00:05:02 Squirrell
Oh, no, I haven't, then, if it's new.

00:05:03 Hurst
It's basically Predator, if Megatron and Ed 209 had a baby.

00:05:08 Hurst
Oh.

00:05:08 Hurst
And Alan Richardson is Arnie.

00:05:11 Hurst
So it's great.

00:05:13 Hurst
You should definitely watch that.

00:05:14 Hurst
You'll enjoy it.

00:05:15 Squirrell
I should.

00:05:16 Squirrell
So Rita punches robots.

00:05:18 Hurst
Yeah, pretty much.

00:05:19 Squirrell
Sorry, Fad Castle punches robots.

00:05:22 Hurst
Fad Castle punches robots in the vent with some pebbles.

00:05:25 Squirrell
In the vent.

00:05:26 Squirrell
All right, cool.

00:05:27 Hurst
Punches them right in the vent.

00:05:29 Hurst
So that's good.

00:05:30 Hurst
Oh, and of course, you know, the other thing that happened that I was going to mention on it was, remember Ranker Katie spreading the word?

00:05:36 Hurst
Oh, yes.

00:05:37 Hurst
I sent you that screenshot.

00:05:39 Hurst
She's got as a new listener.

00:05:40 Hurst
Well done, Ranker Katie.

00:05:41 Squirrell
Well done, Ranker Katie.

00:05:43 Squirrell
Do you want to read out what it said?

00:05:44 Squirrell
Because it was brilliant.

00:05:45 Hurst
Yes, yeah, I will do, because it was a funny one.

00:05:49 Squirrell
I'm assuming it's her dad or something, or her brother, maybe.

00:05:51 Squirrell
I'm assuming a guy.

00:05:52 Hurst
I think, brother.

00:05:53 Hurst
I mean, it's on the family chat.

00:05:55 Hurst
Oh, Richard.

00:05:56 Hurst
Hi, Richard.

00:05:56 Hurst
Welcome to the show.

00:05:57 Hurst
Hi, Richard.

00:05:58 Hurst
He said, I've dipped into Top Five Face Off.

00:06:01 Hurst
They've won me over already.

00:06:02 Hurst
One of them was talking about when companies supply things with flathead screws for self-assembly.

00:06:08 Hurst
The other man, without pause, dropped straight in.

00:06:10 Hurst
Oh, **** ***.

00:06:11 Hurst
If there was a Top Five Face Off for screw types, flatheads would not win.

00:06:14 Hurst
I approve.

00:06:15 Hurst
Excellent stuff.

00:06:16 Hurst
And I like the fact that we're both called Matt and we're still the other guy.

00:06:21 Hurst
Basically say Matt and your final, although we are more typically Squirrel and Hearst, aren't we?

00:06:25 Squirrell
Are Squirrel and Hearst.

00:06:26 Squirrell
That is one of our first episodes.

00:06:28 Squirrell
Well, I guess they were listening from the beginning, but I'm pretty sure that may well have been Cartoon Villains.

00:06:31 Squirrell
That was early, early, vintage, top five face-off.

00:06:35 Hurst
I was speaking of which, happy anniversary, bud.

00:06:39 Squirrell
Oh, happy anniversary.

00:06:40 Hurst
Yeah, 26th of February was when Cartoon Venice came out.

00:06:43 Squirrell
That is true.

00:06:44 Squirrell
So we've been doing this **** for more than a year now, officially.

00:06:48 Hurst
Yeah.

00:06:48 Hurst
Yeah, we have.

00:06:49 Hurst
Wow.

00:06:50 Hurst
And we haven't got any better.

00:06:52 Squirrell
No, we haven't.

00:06:54 Squirrell
You're welcome, Rankers.

00:06:56 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:06:58 Squirrell
We just take longer.

00:07:04 Hurst
Indeed.

00:07:04 Hurst
Yeah.

00:07:05 Hurst
Thanks, Ranker Katie, Patreon Katie.

00:07:07 Hurst
And welcome to the show, Richard.

00:07:11 Hurst
However, you are related to Katie.

00:07:13 Squirrell
Yes, indeed.

00:07:15 Squirrell
Right.

00:07:15 Squirrell
Is it time to crack on with what happened last week?

00:07:19 Squirrell
Now we need to talk.

00:07:19 Hurst
About what's been gripping our ****.

00:07:21 Squirrell
Carry on this 15 minutes so far conversation of what's been gripping your ****.

00:07:25 Hurst
Yeah, I do, because...

00:07:29 Hurst
There's been plenty and a lot of it is ABBA related, although I will quickly put in another thing that's been grouping on ****.

00:07:36 Hurst
It's potholes part two, the **********.

00:07:40 Squirrell
Oh God.

00:07:40 Hurst
We had to get that alloy straightened, so back into the place, because we were driving down south and the tire just went.

00:07:47 Hurst
And so we had to turn around and come back up, fortunately.

00:07:50 Squirrell
This was after it had been repaired, or was that when it happened?

00:07:52 Hurst
This was, no, the alloy hadn't been repaired, but the tire was okay.

00:07:56 Hurst
And we thought, oh, it'd been fine for a couple of weeks.

00:07:58 Hurst
And then the alloy went, **** you.

00:08:01 Hurst
We were on the A1, heading down to see Michael and Rachel, and then we had to turn around, but they then packed spontaneously and came up to see us.

00:08:08 Hurst
It was all joyful in the end, but park you potholes.

00:08:13 Hurst
And then also, of course, finding out two hours before recording that the 2021 album Voyage by ABBA is not a best of cash grab, but a whole other album.

00:08:23 Hurst
All we have listened to yet.

00:08:25 Hurst
Isn't it enough that I've trudged through eight albums of tedious heroes?

00:08:29 Hurst
They have to bring out another one.

00:08:31 Hurst
But I messaged my friend who's listened to an awful lot of ABBA and said, is it worth listening to that one?

00:08:36 Hurst
Is anything going to make my top five?

00:08:37 Hurst
And he said, no, it's not.

00:08:40 Hurst
If anything, one of them might make the worst.

00:08:44 Squirrell
Yes.

00:08:45 Hurst
We're not too worried about worst.

00:08:46 Hurst
It's a bit like arguing over the worst potholes.

00:08:50 Squirrell
The worst mass murderer?

00:08:51 Hurst
Yeah.

00:08:52 Squirrell
I remember last episode, I asked you saying that, oh, you were looking forward to this.

00:08:55 Squirrell
You quite like ABBA.

00:08:56 Squirrell
I ******* contend that anyone that quite likes ABBA, if they listen to all of ABBA, will no longer like ******* ABBA.

00:09:03 Hurst
The thing is, Squirrel, Abbas like licorice.

00:09:05 Hurst
You think you like it because of licorice all sorts, but then someone makes you eat 9 bags of it and you realise that actually we can't stand licorice.

00:09:14 Hurst
And then also your wife is traumatised because she accidentally ate a bunch of licorice too.

00:09:19 Hurst
So thanks very much.

00:09:22 Squirrell
See, my wife, in this metaphor, loves the licorice.

00:09:26 Squirrell
And I don't think she heard me listening to any of them.

00:09:28 Squirrell
So sorry, Harriet.

00:09:30 Squirrell
I started off not really liking ABBA.

00:09:32 Squirrell
Haven't for a long, long time.

00:09:34 Squirrell
My opinion on this is not beloved at Hurst.

00:09:37 Hurst
I thought I did, but it was an illusion.

00:09:39 Squirrell
But, let's forget about ABBAFAR just a second and start talking about some adverts, Hurst.

00:09:45 Hurst
Yeah.

00:09:45 Hurst
Let's see what happened last week.

00:09:47 Hurst
Who was right?

00:09:48 Squirrell
Something did happen last week, Kirst, and you will realise why as we come into it.

00:09:53 Squirrell
Two things I think are rare have happened.

00:09:55 Squirrell
So back in with the first comment with absolutely no explanation of her absence last time out is Meg 98, who just says, what's up?

00:10:05 Squirrell
And votes first.

00:10:07 Hurst
So she didn't even have like a note or anything from her parents.

00:10:09 Squirrell
No, nothing like that at all.

00:10:11 Squirrell
Nope.

00:10:12 Hurst
Blimey.

00:10:13 Hurst
Okay.

00:10:13 Squirrell
But the rankers, you know, they can do what they

00:10:15 Squirrell
I really like her.

00:10:15 Squirrell
They're intelligent, clever, generally exciting people, I'm sure.

00:10:19 Hurst
Strong, independent adults.

00:10:20 Squirrell
Maybe she was doing something cool.

00:10:23 Squirrell
And then let's start here, why not?

00:10:26 Squirrell
Tough choice this week, says Kern, but went for squirrel because bear.

00:10:30 Squirrell
Thank you, Kern.

00:10:32 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:10:33 Squirrell
And then Ohio just says Clydesdales and also votes for me.

00:10:38 Squirrell
Clydesdales in big letters.

00:10:40 Squirrell
Thanks, Ohio.

00:10:41 Squirrell
Right, that's all the comments for me.

00:10:44 Squirrell
Now to the rest.

00:10:46 Squirrell
Both great lists and tough to choose between them.

00:10:49 Squirrell
Hearst just edges it with the inclusion of the Milky Way advert.

00:10:51 Squirrell
Still find myself singing that now and again.

00:10:55 Squirrell
One thing this did make me realise is how many great adverts there were for **** beer.

00:10:59 Squirrell
The Carling Black Label ones, Castlemaine 4X, Alston Pills, Carlsberg Bart, etc.

00:11:04 Squirrell
Some absolute classic, says JB.

00:11:06 Squirrell
Thanks, JB.

00:11:07 Hurst
True story.

00:11:08 Squirrell
Another vote for Hearst.

00:11:09 Squirrell
This one just says, in angle brackets, comments blocked by AdGuard.

00:11:13 Squirrell
And that's from Davpaz.

00:11:14 Squirrell
Thanks, Davpaz.

00:11:16 Squirrell
Another vote for Hearst.

00:11:17 Squirrell
The comment says, just because.

00:11:18 Squirrell
That's it.

00:11:19 Squirrell
That's the entire thing.

00:11:20 Squirrell
Don't forget to put your names on these rankers or don't if you want to be anonymous, but bear in mind that we don't magically know who you are.

00:11:27 Squirrell
Love the list.

00:11:28 Squirrell
So many cracking adverts flying about and still loads of myths.

00:11:32 Squirrell
Growing up in Accrington, the bias is fully applied, so Hearst takes it.

00:11:35 Squirrell
Cheers, Cobb.

00:11:37 Squirrell
Brackets.

00:11:38 Squirrell
Cadbury's Gorilla is the best ofs.

00:11:39 Squirrell
Bose brackets.

00:11:41 Squirrell
Do you want to do the impression?

00:11:42 Squirrell
Go ahead, do the impression.

00:11:44 Squirrell
Milk.

00:11:46 Hurst
Apparently when Carly was listening to her on the train, she snorted into her drink and everyone stared at her when we were doing our rendition of Accrington Stanley.

00:11:53 Hurst
So, job done.

00:11:54 Squirrell
Brilliant.

00:11:55 Squirrell
I hope she told everyone why she was snorting into her drink because she's a new funky fresh podcast.

00:12:00 Hurst
Made them all sign up to listen to it.

00:12:02 Hurst
Made them wear pledge rings.

00:12:04 Squirrell
We should get pledge rings.

00:12:05 Squirrell
I vote for her.

00:12:06 Squirrell
Well, they're all votes for her.

00:12:07 Squirrell
now.

00:12:08 Squirrell
Damn, this is possibly the hardest one yet.

00:12:10 Squirrell
Both excellent lists with a single weaker outlier.

00:12:14 Squirrell
First delivery and red car, blue car apparently are the weaker outliers from our lists.

00:12:18 Squirrell
Even if I were to use the worst to swing it, yes, yes, I know I'm not allowed to.

00:12:21 Squirrell
You both had excellent worst ads.

00:12:24 Squirrell
Ultimately, I think Hearst gets it because Wazzahart was so iconic, it beats all from Money Slinger.

00:12:29 Squirrell
P.S.

00:12:30 Squirrell
Can I use a coin toss to pick the ABBA winner?

00:12:32 Squirrell
Like, why the hell is that even in the list?

00:12:35 Squirrell
Preaching to the choir, buddy sligger.

00:12:38 Hurst
Absolutely.

00:12:38 Hurst
Amen, sir.

00:12:39 Squirrell
Your reenactment of Achington Stanley had me in stitches.

00:12:43 Squirrell
The Milky Way advert is so much better than an actual Milky Way.

00:12:46 Squirrell
Fully agree.

00:12:48 Squirrell
Both excellent adverts keep up the good work.

00:12:51 Squirrell
From Katie, brackets, more punctuation added in this week's comment so as to save confusion in who should keep up the good work.

00:12:59 Squirrell
Thanks, Katie.

00:13:00 Squirrell
There you are.

00:13:01 Squirrell
I like milk, says Anora.

00:13:04 Squirrell
Thanks, Anora.

00:13:05 Squirrell
And finally, Milk is the real winner here.

00:13:07 Squirrell
Goatee Milk from Anonymous.

00:13:10 Squirrell
Thank you, Anonymous.

00:13:11 Hurst
You mean goatee Milk?

00:13:13 Squirrell
Milk.

00:13:14 Squirrell
So like I said, a couple of things happened this week, Kirst.

00:13:18 Squirrell
The first is the statistician.

00:13:19 Squirrell
Maybe you can tell us, have I taken an absolute kicking before?

00:13:24 Hurst
I don't think so.

00:13:24 Hurst
No, I've taken a couple, but I used to.

00:13:27 Squirrell
I've never had an absolute showing and maybe I still haven't.

00:13:30 Squirrell
But the other thing that's happened is that I obviously have come in second place.

00:13:36 Squirrell
Holy **** balls.

00:13:38 Squirrell
Hers, you are the winner with 39 votes.

00:13:41 Squirrell
What happened last week?

00:13:43 Squirrell
I don't know.

00:13:44 Squirrell
how many people Katie told.

00:13:48 Hurst
Wow, that's wild.

00:13:50 Hurst
That's got to be, that's got to be a record.

00:13:51 Hurst
I know we had, we did have a big voting week once, but I don't think it was that big.

00:13:56 Hurst
I'd have to go back through some of the old ones.

00:13:59 Squirrell
No, nor do I.

00:14:01 Squirrell
Yeah, this has been a big jump up.

00:14:03 Squirrell
So thanks.

00:14:04 Hurst
Wow.

00:14:04 Squirrell
Hello, new rankers.

00:14:06 Hurst
And if this is all you're doing, Patreon Katie, then bravo.

00:14:10 Squirrell
Yeah, that's right.

00:14:11 Hurst
We'll see how next week goes.

00:14:12 Hurst
In fact, if this continues next week.

00:14:14 Squirrell
We will probably slide you a.

00:14:15 Squirrell
Member hub.

00:14:16 Hurst
Yeah, member hub, like temporary visa for three months.

00:14:19 Squirrell
Yeah, that's right.

00:14:20 Squirrell
But yeah, welcome new rankers.

00:14:22 Squirrell
Strap in.

00:14:24 Squirrell
Some musical excellence with ABBA.

00:14:26 Squirrell
Are you ready to get ranking, Hurst?

00:14:29 Hurst
I am.

00:14:30 Squirrell
I've got some file to tell.

00:14:32 Squirrell
No, you are not ready to get ranking because you need to tell us the top five adverts.

00:14:40 Hurst
Here at #5, Old Spice with the man your man could smell like.

00:14:45 Hurst
#4, Milky Way and the red car and the blue car.

00:14:52 Hurst
Number three is tango with the You've Been Tangled campaign.

00:14:57 Hurst
Number two, Weather.

00:15:00 Squirrell
By Budweiser.

00:15:02 Hurst
And in at number one by the Milk Marketing Board...

00:15:08 Squirrell
Ahhh, I'm timed out! Weather!

00:15:19 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:15:19 Squirrell
Good job.

00:15:20 Squirrell
It is official.

00:15:21 Squirrell
Not unhappy.

00:15:21 Squirrell
Great adverts.

00:15:23 Squirrell
Every one of them, I think, that we mentioned were good.

00:15:26 Hurst
That was a good one.

00:15:26 Hurst
I really enjoyed that week.

00:15:27 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:15:28 Squirrell
Do you want to get onto this week?

00:15:34 Squirrell
Hey, so I'm going to flip the coin of destiny.

00:15:36 Hurst
Nice.

00:15:39 Squirrell
Heads first.

00:15:41 Hurst
Have you taken the blue tack off?

00:15:42 Squirrell
Yeah, it's gone back to normal now.

00:15:44 Squirrell
Non-patreons, I don't think we'll know what we're talking about, but there we are.

00:15:48 Hurst
You better cough up a pound if you want to know about that in joke.

00:15:51 Squirrell
Oh, pound.

00:15:52 Hurst
Right.

00:15:52 Squirrell
Let's go.

00:15:53 Hurst
Okay.

00:15:54 Hurst
Yeah, it's in a slog and I did go through the albums and on the whole, the ones that were famous were the best of a bad bunch.

00:16:02 Hurst
But there, you know, there were a couple that put my interest along the way and either made or nearly made the list.

00:16:09 Hurst
But number five, I've gone with Dancing Queen from the album Arrival 1976.

00:16:27 Hurst
Basically, I chose this one because it reminds me of every single wedding and every single disco that's ever happened in the UK, ever.

00:16:36 Hurst
Mostly I was drunk and happy when I listened to it, so it's probably a Pavlovian response rather than a genuine belief that it's a good song.

00:16:57 Hurst
I'm pretty sure it is, isn't it?

00:16:59 Hurst
Or not?

00:17:00 Hurst
Oh, I don't bloody know, but I like it.

00:17:02 Hurst
So #5, Dancing Queen.

00:17:05 Squirrell
All right, notable as well because Bjorn played guitar on Dancing Queen and although he shows up in a lot of the videos looking like he played the guitar, he didn't often in the actual songs.

00:17:15 Squirrell
Yes, a staple of UK weddings, a staple of UK discos for people over a certain age and as someone who used to be a DJ who did that kind of thing, ******* hate Dancing Queen.

00:17:27 Squirrell
It can die.

00:17:28 Hurst
I bet you used it to get people on the floor, didn't you?

00:17:31 Squirrell
Well, people would always ask for it.

00:17:33 Squirrell
So I'd be like, yeah, fine.

00:17:34 Squirrell
Yeah, **** it, whatever.

00:17:35 Squirrell
Dancing is just, It's not a bad song.

00:17:37 Squirrell
I'm well aware it's not a bad song.

00:17:39 Squirrell
I just, I've heard it so many times that I just cannot with that anymore.

00:17:44 Hurst
Yeah, now I can see why that would hurt you.

00:17:46 Squirrell
Cool.

00:17:47 Squirrell
But still.

00:17:48 Squirrell
I understand why it's there.

00:17:50 Squirrell
My #5 is the very long titled gimme exclamation point, gimme exclamation point, gimme exclamation point, brackets, a man after midnight, close brackets.

00:18:12 Squirrell
Nice.

00:18:13 Squirrell
Yep, Gimme Gimme Gimme the Man After Midnight is from October 1979.

00:18:19 Squirrell
Written by Benny and Bjorn, like nearly all of them were.

00:18:21 Squirrell
It's from the Voulez Vous album.

00:18:23 Squirrell
And in the UK it reached number three.

00:18:24 Squirrell
It was their highest ranking song that didn't get to number one in the UK charts.

00:18:30 Squirrell
It's a fun song.

00:18:32 Squirrell
It's a ***** song.

00:18:34 Squirrell
A lot of Abba songs are quite *****.

00:18:35 Squirrell
It's something I discovered while actually listening to them.

00:18:39 Squirrell
It is about wanting someone to come over and give them some because they are

00:18:43 Squirrell
lonely and watching TV at night and it's fun and yeah all that right it's nice yeah it's an all right song um Madonna sampled it for hung up of course which we all know so it's got a durable old.

00:19:16 Hurst
Hook yeah they didn't typically let people sample those songs that was a very rare one wasn't.

00:19:20 Squirrell
It I don't know that's what I read all right cool

00:19:25 Squirrell
Number 5, gimme, gimme, gimme brackets and then after midnight close brackets.

00:19:28 Hurst
Excellent.

00:19:29 Hurst
My #4, I battled with a little bit.

00:19:31 Hurst
I had a few popping in and out, some that were album tracks, but ultimately, after I'd listened to them more times than I ever cared to again in my life, I've landed on Mamma Mia from the ABBA album, 1975.

00:20:00 Hurst
Probably the defining hit for ABBA.

00:20:02 Hurst
Lyrically, the song captures the emotional push and pull of a toxic romance.

00:20:06 Hurst
It's classic ABBA storytelling, heartbreak delivered with upbeat, irritatingly catchy pop.

00:20:12 Hurst
Initially, the band weren't actually convinced the song would be a hit.

00:20:15 Hurst
It was only after performing on Australian television that the response was so overwhelming the record label rushed it out as a single that became a number one hit in multiple countries.

00:20:23 Hurst
So yeah, that was lucky for them because obviously there's now a stage show, there's two movies.

00:20:29 Hurst
It's all named after Mamma Mia.

00:20:31 Hurst
Big hit.

00:20:32 Hurst
Absolute classic ABBA.

00:20:34 Hurst
Number four, Mamma Mia.

00:20:50 Squirrell
All right, cool.

00:20:52 Squirrell
Sound the horn! At my number four is Mamma Mia by ABBA.

00:21:00 Squirrell
Let me cover the stuff you missed, Hurst.

00:21:02 Squirrell
It is the first of ABBA's UK number one since Waterloo.

00:21:05 Hurst
Yes, it was, wasn't it?

00:21:07 Squirrell
That's it.

00:21:07 Squirrell
Number four, Mamma Mia.

00:21:08 Squirrell
I said basically everything I was going to say, including the Australian ****.

00:21:13 Hurst
Yeah, that was the thing that really cemented their fame after Eurovision, because they were quite a big band in Sweden, but it was Eurovision that sent them stratospheric.

00:21:22 Hurst
I also read that it was partly their performance and the whole showmanship of it that changed Eurovision.

00:21:27 Hurst
They went from what it used to be to turning it to what it is now, so they've got a lot to answer for.

00:21:32 Squirrell
And I do like a Eurovision, so thanks for that, Benny Bjorn.

00:21:37 Squirrell
I agree.

00:21:37 Squirrell
What the **** were the other two called?

00:21:39 Squirrell
Billy Bjorn and their wives.

00:21:41 Hurst
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm.

00:21:55 Squirrell
Agnatha.

00:21:56 Squirrell
We'll be kind of this bit out, so it sounds like we know what we're talking about.

00:22:00 Hurst
Yeah, we should probably have researched how to pronounce, we'll call it Agnatha.

00:22:03 Squirrell
How to pronounce their names.

00:22:05 Squirrell
We don't even want to get onto the ******* surnames, right?

00:22:08 Squirrell
Foltskog.

00:22:13 Hurst
Right.

00:22:14 Hurst
So yes, very good.

00:22:15 Hurst
Both of us, Mamma Mia at #4.

00:22:17 Hurst
That seems like that's a lock then for the official world rankings at #4.

00:22:20 Squirrell
Can we do it again?

00:22:22 Squirrell
Let's find out.

00:22:24 Hurst
We can't, because at number three, I have Gimme, Gimme, Gimme from the Ville Vue album that came out in November '78, which was incidentally when I was born.

00:22:58 Hurst
Tongue-in-cheek song about the lonely woman in her flat watching late night TV, longing for a romantic connection to chase the shadows away.

00:23:07 Hurst
Absolutely killer intro.

00:23:09 Hurst
Decent funk chops as well, actually.

00:23:12 Hurst
I noticed the songs I tended to like most had some real funk to the bass and a bit of a driving beat to them.

00:23:18 Hurst
Pure late night disco drama.

00:23:20 Squirrell
Oh yeah, that session basses good work.

00:23:23 Hurst
Actually quite a lot to like, not just pure nostalgia.

00:23:25 Hurst
I found that

00:23:26 Hurst
gimme gimme gimme I was okay with.

00:23:28 Squirrell
Fair enough.

00:23:29 Squirrell
So yeah, can't match this time and this would be a good horn if we did match because I have chosen from the Voulez Vous album.

00:23:37 Squirrell
Lovers brackets live a little longer close brackets.

00:24:04 Squirrell
So this is not on any of their greatest hits out.

00:24:07 Squirrell
This is one of the more obscure ABBA songs, if there is such a thing though.

00:24:12 Squirrell
It's all about people in love live longer.

00:24:15 Squirrell
This is scientific fact, I believe.

00:24:18 Squirrell
Although I believe it's only scientific fact for men, women tend to live less long.

00:24:21 Squirrell
But I suspect when ABBA heard this news in 1979, that small part of it was admitted, right?

00:24:27 Squirrell
Because who cared?

00:24:28 Hurst
Plus the guys were writing the songs.

00:24:29 Squirrell
Plus the guys were writing the songs.

00:24:45 Squirrell
It is a very different song to their normal sound.

00:24:49 Squirrell
It is a lot more, it reminded me of some of the Spice Girls songs.

00:24:52 Squirrell
That's what I was thinking about when I heard it.

00:24:55 Squirrell
is a very modern sounding song and it certainly didn't change civilization like some of the other ABBA songs did, but it is still incredibly polished like all of their songs are.

00:25:06 Squirrell
Their production values, which I'll talk about a bit later, are just superb.

00:25:11 Squirrell
But it was different and I think I was ******* craving

00:25:15 Squirrell
different by the time I went through them all for the second time.

00:25:17 Squirrell
And that's what made it stand out to me.

00:25:19 Squirrell
And I was like, yes, this goes on the list.

00:25:21 Squirrell
Can't even remember noticing it the first time around, but second time around I'm like, oh my God, this is actually just not generic.

00:25:29 Squirrell
in my ears, get on my list.

00:25:31 Hurst
Absolutely.

00:25:32 Hurst
It's good stuff.

00:25:33 Hurst
I did find that actually, as I went through the albums, there were attempts to evolve, but they almost always ended up, they'd come up with like a really interesting new intro.

00:25:41 Hurst
You think, oh yeah, yeah.

00:25:42 Hurst
But they didn't just turn into an album.

00:25:44 Squirrell
String back into, yeah.

00:25:46 Squirrell
Yep.

00:25:47 Hurst
Happened an awful lot.

00:25:48 Hurst
The album, 1977, I made a couple of notes, more experimental with hints of things like Queen, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Fleetwood Mac influences of my notes, a less tiresome overall

00:25:59 Hurst
listen.

00:25:59 Hurst
So high praise for the 1977 album, The Album.

00:26:04 Squirrell
The Album, yes.

00:26:05 Hurst
Okay, yeah, no, I'm glad you've gone through an album track in there for your number three.

00:26:10 Squirrell
Oh Christ, keep listening.

00:26:11 Hurst
Because my number two, I have done exactly the same with the song My Mama Said from the Waterloo album, 1973, right at the beginning.

00:26:26 Hurst
leans far more into funk and groove than the bright Europop they're more famous for.

00:26:31 Hurst
So it's built around a thick bassline rhythmic piano, giving it a laid back, almost American funk feel.

00:26:57 Hurst
It's one of the rare Abba songs where the groove does most of the work rather than the vocal melodies.

00:27:01 Hurst
Bass riff is

00:27:02 Hurst
Aces breaking down into a great little guitar jazz solo on 2 minutes.

00:27:06 Hurst
Legitimately a really good song.

00:27:07 Hurst
Probably won't go down very well with the Rankers on account of it being an album track from 73.

00:27:12 Hurst
Most of them have probably never heard of it, but I would actually urge people to listen to it because it is a good song and it might even bother some of my personal playlists now because I just love the groove of it.

00:27:22 Hurst
So yeah, that was my #2 and my mama said.

00:27:26 Squirrell
There we go.

00:27:26 Squirrell
And it was a good one.

00:27:28 Squirrell
That was on my short list.

00:27:29 Squirrell
You're quite right.

00:27:30 Squirrell
It was, it's just an all right song.

00:27:31 Squirrell
And that is, you know, again, it was, it was like a, um, not an amuse bouche.

00:27:38 Squirrell
What do they call it?

00:27:38 Squirrell
A palate cleanser.

00:27:39 Squirrell
It was like a palate cleanser between all the other stuff, right?

00:27:42 Hurst
Cheeky little lemon sorbet.

00:27:45 Squirrell
Much like my number two.

00:27:46 Squirrell
And if you think, if you think your number two Hurst is possibly gonna alienate you from the rankers who already listened to the Greatest Hips album, my number two is

00:27:56 Squirrell
Ezzo #1, Emma's only instrumental song.

00:28:00 Squirrell
Wow.

00:28:02 Hurst
Nice.

00:28:35 Squirrell
It's ******* weird and I like it.

00:28:39 Squirrell
It's a weird intermission track.

00:28:41 Squirrell
It's still like 4 minutes on, maybe a little, maybe 3 1/2.

00:28:44 Hurst
Which album is it from?

00:28:45 Squirrell
It is from 75, the ABBA album.

00:28:47 Hurst
Right, yeah.

00:28:48 Squirrell
And it's listed in the credits as Intermezzo #1 featuring Benny Anderson.

00:29:10 Squirrell
I think it's just, it was like, ******* Benny's gone a bit mad, let's let him cook.

00:29:15 Squirrell
And it's strange and it's nothing like an hour sound.

00:29:19 Squirrell
It is like an overture of many movie themes, maybe.

00:29:23 Squirrell
I don't know, but not real movie themes.

00:29:25 Squirrell
It's just slammed together in a way that made me think of War of the Worlds by Jeff, Jeff Bridges, War of the Worlds?

00:29:32 Squirrell
No, Jeff Wayne, that's it.

00:29:33 Squirrell
And if it's not right, I'll just dub myself saying the Craig thing afterward.

00:29:37 Hurst
Nice.

00:29:39 Squirrell
And yeah, it was a weird thing.

00:29:41 Squirrell
I don't know why it's on the album.

00:29:42 Squirrell
They never did it ever again.

00:29:44 Squirrell
But it kind of goes to show that they could be good musicians or they could write good music.

00:29:50 Squirrell
Benny did play the piano quite a lot, but I think obviously a lot of their actual music was from session musicians and in post-production.

00:29:57 Squirrell
But it was well arranged.

00:29:59 Squirrell
It was flamboyant is a word I wrote downhurst.

00:30:02 Squirrell
And it's not a great fit for best hammer list, but at least I listened

00:30:09 Squirrell
the ******* songs.

00:30:10 Squirrell
**** ***.

00:30:10 Squirrell
You didn't, rankers.

00:30:12 Hurst
That's the thing.

00:30:13 Hurst
I think the rankers sometimes forget what we put ourselves through for their listening pleasure.

00:30:19 Squirrell
It was the B-side of Mamma Mia in some countries as well.

00:30:22 Squirrell
So there you are.

00:30:23 Squirrell
Number 4 for us.

00:30:25 Squirrell
Flip it over, you get my #2.

00:30:26 Hurst
Yeah, it's funny.

00:30:28 Hurst
They did try some experimental stuff.

00:30:30 Hurst
And as I was listening to the 1980 album, The Visitors, my only notes were weird and experimental.

00:30:36 Hurst
They sounded more and more like they were writing for

00:30:39 Hurst
West End musical as it went on, it seemed to completely lack any of the Euro pop bit by that point.

00:30:44 Hurst
And I think at that point they needed to not really alienate their fans and just stick with what had been working for them because, yeah, I don't think much happened after that.

00:30:55 Hurst
Maybe one more albums.

00:30:56 Hurst
Oh no, that was it.

00:30:57 Hurst
wasn't the last one, the visitors until 2021 show?

00:31:00 Squirrell
Yeah, it was.

00:31:01 Squirrell
There was nothing good on that album.

00:31:03 Squirrell
Speaking of which, it's time for the Wordhurst.

00:31:09 Hurst
So the worst was, it was an embarrassment of riches, really, wasn't it?

00:31:13 Hurst
That was several.

00:31:14 Hurst
Throw a dart at the dartboard.

00:31:17 Hurst
From the first album, there was Love Isn't Easy with the lyrics, I bought you dresses.

00:31:22 Hurst
There's me and Bobby and Bobby's brother, merry-go-round.

00:31:24 Hurst
I also threw Ring Ring into the mix because it wasn't a dreadful song, but it was the album song from the first album, which they used twice, including a Swedish one, and then threw in the second album.

00:31:36 Hurst
It's like it's not that good of a song.

00:31:39 Hurst
Why you make if you listen to it more?

00:31:40 Squirrell
They had the Swedish version, the English version, and then the American version.

00:31:45 Squirrell
Is that correct?

00:31:45 Hurst
Yes, that's correct.

00:31:46 Hurst
Absolute ********.

00:31:47 Hurst
Because Americans needed their own version.

00:31:50 Hurst
No, they just wanted to spack it out and they loved that song.

00:31:52 Hurst
I don't make it good by putting it on that many times.

00:31:56 Hurst
In 1978, does your mother know the reason basically that the guys don't sing lead?

00:32:01 Hurst
Status Quo meets the Bee Gees, then gets drunk and can't sing.

00:32:04 Hurst
That's my notes on that.

00:32:06 Hurst
Chickatito, which blatantly is Chicken Tika when they sing it, taking the **** to do that.

00:32:11 Hurst
Ultimately, I chose from the 1979 album Super Trooper a song called The Piper.

00:32:42 Hurst
Absolute balls.

00:32:44 Hurst
Totally phoning it in, basically assuming nobody's even listening anymore by track 8, trying to do Beatles lyrics in a woodland dell, skipping around a campfire, playing the recorder in a 60s hippie tie-dye, utter toss.

00:32:59 Hurst
Dreadful song.

00:33:00 Hurst
That's the word.

00:33:01 Squirrell
One of them anyway.

00:33:02 Squirrell
I disagree, Hurst.

00:33:03 Squirrell
I disagree.

00:33:04 Hurst
What's even worse than that?

00:33:06 Squirrell
From the 1974 Waterloo album,

00:33:10 Squirrell
I'm pretty sure someone lost a ******* bet when they put King Kong song onto a ******* album.

00:33:33 Squirrell
Even the band itself has tried to ******* bury it.

00:33:35 Squirrell
Like they pretend it doesn't exist.

00:33:37 Squirrell
They don't like it at all.

00:33:38 Squirrell
It's about King Kong.

00:33:40 Squirrell
It's about the movie King Kong and watching King Kong and about a *******.

00:33:44 Squirrell
Why are they singing about a gorilla?

00:33:46 Squirrell
And...

00:33:47 Squirrell
******* sounds like a children's TV theme done while they were drunk.

00:33:51 Squirrell
Hey, hang on a minute.

00:33:52 Squirrell
There's maybe there's some correlation here.

00:33:54 Squirrell
Maybe they were just smashed a lot of the time.

00:34:14 Squirrell
King Kong song is a bad song about a ridiculous thing that is just strange.

00:34:20 Hurst
Yeah, having a quick nose into Google's for what's the number one best ABBA song is to be the winner takes right down there from the 1971.

00:34:31 Squirrell
What else do they think?

00:34:32 Hurst
I can't remember, but that one stuck out.

00:34:35 Hurst
I went away with it.

00:34:36 Hurst
I just, the piper annoyed me so much.

00:34:38 Hurst
Stop it.

00:34:39 Hurst
Just stop it.

00:34:40 Hurst
It's 1979, not 1965.

00:34:43 Squirrell
All right.

00:34:44 Squirrell
So we're done with the worst hairs.

00:34:45 Squirrell
So what's the first hairs?

00:35:39 Hurst
Written by band members Benny and Bjorn, sung by Agnetha.

00:35:44 Hurst
Written or Agnetha, we didn't figure that out.

00:35:47 Hurst
Written after Bjorn and Agnetha's divorce, The Winner Takes It All is a melancholic, piano-driven ballad about the emotional wreckage of a breakup.

00:35:56 Hurst
It steps away from the relentless, polished, upbeat pop that riddles the ABBAC catalog and delivers a refined vocal, moving from a restrained sadness as it starts to a full-throated anguish.

00:36:08 Hurst
It's legitimately a good song.

00:36:10 Hurst
If any, they'd all been this good.

00:36:11 Hurst
Abba might have done quite well.

00:36:12 Squirrell
They might have been successful.

00:36:14 Squirrell
Is that what you're suggesting?

00:36:15 Hurst
Okay.

00:36:16 Hurst
No, I genuinely, it is a beautiful song.

00:36:19 Hurst
The vocal's fantastic.

00:36:20 Hurst
I think I just decided to let Agnetha go at that one, but you know, brutal.

00:36:26 Hurst
And just after Bjorn's divorce and that song comes out, you can imagine how emotionally charged it was, which leads me nicely on to my fact and estimated fact.

00:36:36 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:36:38 Hurst
Fact, when recording the Winner Takes It All, singer Agnetha Feltzgog recorded the final vocal in a single take.

00:36:46 Hurst
The performance was so emotionally charged that the band reportedly left the studio silently afterwards and didn't regroup to finish the album for two weeks.

00:36:54 Squirrell
Wow.

00:36:55 Hurst
Fact, despite how autobiographical it sounds, Bjorn has repeatedly insisted the lyrics were not about his divorce from Agnetha, claiming he simply used his own experience to help write a convincing story.

00:37:09 Hurst
His own experience of ******* divorce.

00:37:11 Squirrell
Well, exactly.

00:37:12 Squirrell
It was about that.

00:37:14 Hurst
He could deny all he likes.

00:37:16 Hurst
That's how he says it.

00:37:18 Hurst
He says it wasn't.

00:37:19 Squirrell
See, I reckon he would say it wasn't.

00:37:21 Squirrell
And I'm sticking with it.

00:37:22 Squirrell
That is the lie.

00:37:23 Squirrell
I mean, that is the fact.

00:37:25 Squirrell
He said, ******* Jesus, I'm not even going to bother to re-record this.

00:37:29 Squirrell
That was true.

00:37:30 Hurst
It is absolutely true.

00:37:31 Hurst
He has repeatedly insisted that the lyrics weren't about his divorce.

00:37:36 Hurst
But I liked the live because just listening to it, was haunting and thought, wow, this is a raw song.

00:37:42 Hurst
It was nice, a nice difference from the others.

00:37:45 Hurst
Even though it's very famous, obviously it did very well.

00:37:48 Hurst
Went to number one as well, I believe.

00:37:49 Hurst
But it was, yeah, it's a nice song.

00:37:52 Hurst
Well, it's not a nice song, it's a terribly sad song.

00:37:54 Hurst
Beautifully sung, well written.

00:37:56 Hurst
And as with all Laba, you can't take away from them, the production is spectacular, really good, really polished.

00:38:02 Squirrell
Just stunning.

00:38:03 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:38:03 Hurst
But songs were just a bit enough.

00:38:06 Squirrell
That's fair.

00:38:06 Squirrell
No, it's a good song, but ain't no way I'm choosing a ******* ballad for my number one.

00:38:11 Squirrell
It's going to be a banger.

00:38:12 Squirrell
And that banger is going to be the banger that put them on the mother flipping map first.

00:38:16 Squirrell
It's going to be.

00:38:49 Squirrell
Because it is just great.

00:38:51 Squirrell
I don't like ABBA.

00:38:52 Squirrell
I've made no secret of this.

00:38:53 Squirrell
******* like this song.

00:38:55 Squirrell
It's cracking.

00:38:55 Squirrell
I completely believe that this is what changed Eurovision because this is a Eurovision song.

00:39:00 Squirrell
******* through and through.

00:39:01 Squirrell
It is basically the template for the perfect Eurovision song.

00:39:05 Squirrell
It's catchy.

00:39:06 Squirrell
It's about ********.

00:39:08 Squirrell
and you can't get it out of your head for a million years and it's stupid and it's ridiculous and you can imagine people wearing sequins singing it.

00:39:16 Squirrell
It's just a great song.

00:39:18 Squirrell
The first line, my, at Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender.

00:39:22 Squirrell
No, he didn't.

00:39:23 Squirrell
He went back to France and abdicated.

00:39:24 Squirrell
******** Ava, learn your history.

00:39:26 Squirrell
But apart from telling that history, get in the way of a good story, come on now.

00:39:31 Squirrell
that's true.

00:39:31 Squirrell
And it wasn't, of course, about Napoleon himself.

00:39:33 Squirrell
It was a metaphor for the fact that she was being conquered.

00:39:38 Squirrell
Oh, no, sorry, because it's the guys that write.

00:39:40 Squirrell
I'm not sure, actually, and I didn't think to look it up, but now I think about it, I'm not sure who wrote this one, because obviously Eurovision, maybe they had different writers.

00:39:48 Hurst
Benny and Bjorn, 100%.

00:39:50 Squirrell
It would be Benny and Bjorn if it was Benny and Bjorn doing the singing.

00:39:53 Squirrell
This was their first hit.

00:39:54 Squirrell
This is their first UK number one.

00:39:56 Squirrell
It was one of the first times they'd sung in English, because I believe the rules said in

00:40:01 Squirrell
at the time, you had to sing in English, which is just ******* typical of people, like English people.

00:40:06 Hurst
But just as well they did, because they probably wouldn't have gone on for such global success otherwise.

00:40:10 Squirrell
Legitimately.

00:40:11 Squirrell
And that's part of the reason I chose it.

00:40:12 Squirrell
I think it is the song that put them on the map as just something huge.

00:40:18 Squirrell
And it's worth mentioning, they were ******* enormous.

00:40:21 Squirrell
Like, they've had over a billion streams, they get some sort of award for that.

00:40:25 Squirrell
They've sold around about 400 million records worldwide, although that's tricky because the keeping of records wasn't very

00:40:31 Squirrell
good back in the days when ABBA were around.

00:40:33 Squirrell
They're certainly the best-selling Swedish band.

00:40:35 Squirrell
They're probably the best-selling continental Europe band.

00:40:39 Squirrell
They're one of the best-selling bands that doesn't perform in their native language.

00:40:43 Squirrell
They had eight consecutive number one albums in the UK.

00:40:46 Squirrell
They were just generationally big, probably even more so than the Spice Girls.

00:40:52 Hurst
I mean, that is a big claim.

00:40:55 Hurst
I mean, they had a longer lifespan, obviously by a long way, but in those five years, the whole world was basically Spice World.

00:41:01 Squirrell
This is true.

00:41:01 Squirrell
This is true.

00:41:02 Squirrell
But doesn't change the fact that Waterloo is my number one song.

00:41:06 Squirrell
Everyone wants to hit Dancing Queen at the party.

00:41:08 Squirrell
Waterloo is a far better party song.

00:41:11 Squirrell
So there you are.

00:41:12 Squirrell
Would you like a fact in the estimated fact about the song Waterloo?

00:41:16 Hurst
I really would.

00:41:16 Squirrell
All right.

00:41:17 Squirrell
It was the first ABBA single released under the name ABBA rather than the original name Beyond Benny, Agatha and Frida.

00:41:26 Squirrell
That's not part of the fact.

00:41:33 Squirrell
B, in the accompanying music video, Tom Cruise was offered the role of Napoleon, but turned it down to focus on being nine years old.

00:41:42 Hurst
I'm not falling for it this time, because I know at 9 years old, he was recording Reacher, wasn't he?

00:41:45 Hurst
So he wouldn't have been anywhere near this.

00:41:47 Squirrell
Yes, Reach Jacker.

00:41:49 Hurst
For once, I'm not going to go with it, because after you said the first one, I thought, yeah, I think that's right.

00:41:54 Hurst
I'm pretty sure that he did.

00:41:55 Hurst
have to shorten it to the much more sensible ABBA.

00:41:58 Squirrell
Which is of course their initials.

00:42:00 Hurst
Yeah.

00:42:00 Squirrell
And yes, you're entirely correct.

00:42:02 Squirrell
Waterloo was the first song by ABBA, potentially, and put them on the map.

00:42:07 Squirrell
And there we are.

00:42:09 Squirrell
Dust our hands of it, Hurst.

00:42:10 Squirrell
We are done with ABBA.

00:42:12 Hurst
I'm not surprised that someone out there liked him enough to want to put it on the wheel, but that was a slog.

00:42:19 Hurst
Not like a Spice Girls 3 album.

00:42:22 Hurst
It's a brutal troll.

00:42:24 Squirrell
What other bands have we got on the wheel?

00:42:25 Squirrell
I know we've got Girls Aloud.

00:42:27 Squirrell
We have got Girls Aloud.

00:42:28 Squirrell
I think that's the only other band.

00:42:30 Squirrell
If you're going to put a band on the wheel, Rankers, make it a band.

00:42:33 Squirrell
We're quite a tight, tight list.

00:42:36 Squirrell
Or make it so big that we couldn't possibly listen to it all.

00:42:39 Hurst
Yeah, a really good band.

00:42:41 Hurst
or a band with no more than three albums.

00:42:44 Squirrell
That's right, yes.

00:42:45 Squirrell
There we are.

00:42:45 Squirrell
Well, speaking about next week, first, shall we find out what we're doing?

00:42:48 Squirrell
Let's do it.

00:42:49 Hurst
Spin the wheel.

00:42:51 Squirrell
Off it goes.

00:42:57 Squirrell
That's Justin smells.

00:43:00 Hurst
Smells.

00:43:01 Squirrell
Smells and really long movies.

00:43:03 Squirrell
We have got smells.

00:43:04 Squirrell
The top five smells.

00:43:06 Squirrell
Fairly sure that was from Dav Paz.

00:43:08 Squirrell
Thanks, I guess, Dav Paz.

00:43:10 Squirrell
We're off to smell everything that exists for our research for the next episode.

00:43:14 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:43:15 Hurst
Just be getting down to sniffing things.

00:43:17 Squirrell
So please line up everyone.

00:43:19 Hurst
Who smells best?

00:43:21 Hurst
Which ranker smells the best?

00:43:23 Squirrell
Smells.

00:43:23 Squirrell
It is indeed Dav Paz.

00:43:25 Squirrell
Thank you, Dav Paz, for that, I guess.

00:43:29 Hurst
The nice thing about

00:43:30 Hurst
Smells is completely different to anything else we've done.

00:43:33 Hurst
It's not films, music, television, anything.

00:43:35 Hurst
Smells is out there as something new.

00:43:37 Hurst
And it's going to make us think about what brings us joy.

00:43:41 Hurst
And just as spring's kicking in and all the best smells are happening.

00:43:44 Squirrell
All right, there you are.

00:43:44 Squirrell
Yeah, it's not something we're going to really research.

00:43:46 Squirrell
And I don't think it's something that we can research our choices to either, really, besides talking about why we like that smell and failing.

00:43:54 Hurst
Exactly.

00:43:54 Hurst
It's something to make us think.

00:43:56 Hurst
It's A philosophical question for us.

00:43:59 Hurst
What smells great?

00:44:00 Hurst
And why does it smell great?

00:44:02 Squirrell
Napalm in the morning.

00:44:04 Hurst
Yeah, toothpaste, fresh parchment, freshly mown grass.

00:44:08 Hurst
And Liony Granger.

00:44:09 Squirrell
Hang on.

00:44:10 Hurst
No, she goes to a potion's class, there's a love potion, which smells different to different people depending on what attracts them.

00:44:16 Hurst
She likes fresh parchment, freshly mown grass and toothpaste.

00:44:21 Hurst
So parents of dentists, you see.

00:44:22 Squirrell
Wouldn't that be an excellent thing for us to have for this next episode?

00:44:26 Squirrell
We could just sniff it and there's our list.

00:44:29 Hurst
Yeah.

00:44:30 Hurst
And more tenture it's called.

00:44:31 Hurst
Wow, that's some nerd, isn't it?

00:44:33 Squirrell
Oh, ****.

00:44:34 Squirrell
Oh, geez.

00:44:35 Squirrell
Oh, you're the Harry Potter mouth.

00:44:37 Hurst
I am.

00:44:38 Hurst
Absolutely the Harry Potter mouth.

00:44:40 Hurst
Sadly, it's the thing I think I know most about.

00:44:43 Squirrell
Well, there we are.

00:44:44 Hurst
I would mouth off against anyone when it came to Harry Potter, I reckon.

00:44:48 Squirrell
Interesting challenge there.

00:44:50 Squirrell
Perhaps potentially for a Patreon only episode, we could bring in our first guest and I could concoct a Harry Potter trivia game.

00:44:58 Squirrell
I love it.

00:44:59 Squirrell
Because if you know **** about Harry Potter, if you know more than Hearst does, you don't get in touch.

00:45:05 Squirrell
Hello at Top Five Face Off.co.uk or directly if you know us and you can take Hearst on in an exciting prize filled asterisks game of who knows most potters.

00:45:17 Squirrell
Or something.

00:45:18 Squirrell
We'll workshop the tail.

00:45:20 Squirrell
Pottermelks.

00:45:21 Squirrell
I like Pottermelks.

00:45:22 Hurst
Pottermelks.

00:45:24 Hurst
Yes, Pottermelks will do.

00:45:25 Hurst
That can be a Patreon special.

00:45:26 Squirrell
Who is the Pottermelk?

00:45:28 Squirrell
There can only be one.

00:45:30 Squirrell
All right, so.

00:45:32 Hurst
Got to do a quick shout out to our official Sportser Hub.

00:45:35 Squirrell
We're on the ******* home straight after a mere hour of recording, Hurst.

00:45:38 Squirrell
What the ****?

00:45:40 Hurst
We've not got better, we just got quicker.

00:45:41 Squirrell
Lovely rankers, here we are at the end of our show.

00:45:44 Squirrell
Thank you very much for listening.

00:45:45 Squirrell
We always need to mention some stuff.

00:45:48 Squirrell
You can find us all over the internet on various social media sites.

00:45:52 Squirrell
You can find us on Patreon, patreon.com slash Top Five Face Off, where you can become a member and put things on the wheel that make us hate you.

00:46:00 Squirrell
Please don't do that.

00:46:01 Squirrell
But you also get some really cool Patreon only episodes.

00:46:04 Squirrell
So what did we do most recently Hearst.

00:46:06 Hurst
We did the Valentine's special.

00:46:08 Squirrell
We did our Valentine's special, which is probably enough said about our Valentine's special.

00:46:14 Squirrell
But if you want to hear that, just join up to our Patreon now and you'll hear that and all the back catalogue of our Patreon specials, a couple of other things that only our

00:46:22 Squirrell
John's Nav, and of course, you'll be able to put things on the wheel.

00:46:26 Squirrell
Or for five pounds a month first, you can get your name read out in every episode just like this: Dav Paz, Gaz Chap, Goddess Jasmine, and Kovach.

00:46:38 Hurst
Our absolute favourite Patreons.

00:46:40 Hurst
We love you guys so much.

00:46:41 Squirrell
Thank you very much.

00:46:43 Squirrell
And yeah, Hurst.

00:46:45 Squirrell
I had a wall, but it was a bit dull.

00:46:47 Squirrell
Maybe I could hang something on it.

00:46:49 Squirrell
Maybe even a painting.

00:46:50 Squirrell
Where could I get one of those?

00:46:52 Squirrell
I'm an idiot.

00:46:53 Squirrell
Help me out.

00:46:54 Hurst
You should definitely go to doghouseart.co.uk where I've finally got things up and running.

00:47:00 Hurst
I managed to get an order that went through the system.

00:47:03 Hurst
I even upload a discount code.

00:47:05 Hurst
Now, I don't want to be too beggy here, but **** me and my poor at the minute.

00:47:11 Hurst
So yeah, if you do want to go on there, I'm going to go and set up a discount code on now called the facts are exact to get you 30% off.

00:47:20 Hurst
And if you want to go and buy something, have at it.

00:47:24 Squirrell
The facts are exact.

00:47:26 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:47:26 Squirrell
So they put that in at the end.

00:47:27 Squirrell
Do they put spaces in?

00:47:29 Hurst
No, just all one word.

00:47:30 Hurst
The facts are exact.

00:47:32 Squirrell
Other than that, Rankers, thank you very much for listening and please remember to reword this podcast for the next people to come along.

00:47:40 Squirrell
We will see you next episode for Smells.

00:47:43 Hurst
See you later then, Rankers.

00:47:46 Hurst
Love you.

00:47:50 Harriet
Top Five Face-Off is presented by Matt Hurst and Matt Squirrel and produced by Powerstorm Awesome Fire Incorporated.

00:47:57 Harriet
For more details and to vote for a winner, visit topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:48:03 Harriet
Thanks for listening.

00:48:04 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

00:48:23 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

00:48:26 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

00:48:29 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

00:48:35 Squirrell
But what about the movies?

00:48:37 Hurst
Yeah, movies is all right.

00:48:39 Hurst
It gets a bit confusing because they change some stuff around, but we can do movies as well.

00:48:42 Hurst
Why not give everyone else a chance?

00:48:44 Squirrell
Is that right?

00:48:45 Squirrell
Oh, it's ******* fighting words.

00:48:47 Squirrell
Are we still recording?

00:48:47 Squirrell
Yes.

00:48:48 Squirrell
All right, that's an outtake.

00:48:50 Squirrell
It was fighting words.

00:48:51 Squirrell
I have to remember that's there.

00:48:56 Hurst
And in at #1 by the Milk Marketing Board.

00:49:01 Harriet
He just sounded like Gollum.

00:49:13 Hurst
My precious at #1.

00:49:17 Squirrell
Some musical excellence with ABBA.

00:49:20 Squirrell
Are you ready to get ranking Hurst?

00:49:23 Hurst
I am.

00:49:24 Squirrell
No, you are not ready to get ranking because you need to tell us the top five adverts.

00:49:35 Hurst
Of course, there's no music, is there?

00:49:36 Hurst
Were you waiting for the music?

00:49:39 Squirrell
Can we play it on my phone?

00:49:40 Squirrell
Would that help?

00:49:41 Hurst
Take me away for the music.

00:49:46 Squirrell
You can get your name read out in every episode just like this.

00:49:50 Hurst
Sorry, I was trying to multitask and that failed miserably.

00:49:56 Hurst
Yeah, toothpaste, fresh parchment, freshly mown grass, and Liony Granger.

00:50:02 Squirrell
Hang on.

00:50:03 Hurst
Half of Half-Blood Prince.

00:50:06 Hurst
And she was older than us.

00:50:08 Hurst
Slughorn's potion session.

00:50:11 Hurst
It's a love potion.

00:50:12 Hurst
Anyway, we're not going to keep this.

00:50:13 Squirrell
Hurst is nerding out over children that he wants to sniff at.

00:50:21 Squirrell
What's that?

00:50:22 Hurst
It's completely not what happened.

00:50:24 Squirrell
I haven't seen the movies, I don't know.

00:50:27 Squirrell
I thought you just went to sniff on her.

00:50:28 Hurst
I said these are the things that she likes and you went to Hurst wants to sniff children.

00:50:33 Squirrell
I thought you would listen to things that you liked.

00:50:35 Squirrell
I apologise.

00:50:39 Squirrell
We're on the ******* home straight after a mere hour of recording.

00:50:42 Squirrell
What the ****?

00:50:43 Hurst
I know.

00:50:44 Hurst
We've not got better.

00:50:44 Hurst
We just got quicker.

00:50:47 Squirrell
Title of your sex tape.

00:50:48 Hurst
I'm all right with that.

00:50:53 Hurst
You are.

00:50:54 Hurst
Only a full breaks the two second rule.

00:50:57 Squirrell
That's true.

00:50:57 Squirrell
That's true.

00:50:58 Squirrell
It's not premature for me, sweetheart.

00:51:00 Squirrell
It's bang on time.

00:51:07 Hurst
Pull your up and make me a cup of tea.

00:51:09 Squirrell
Just keep up next time.

00:51:11 Squirrell
Right.

00:51:12 Squirrell
Well, Patreons, if you just heard that, you're the only ones.

00:51:18 Hurst
Tongue-in-cheek song about the lonely woman in her flat watching late night TV, longing for a romantic connection to chase the shadows away.

00:51:27 Hurst
Absolutely killer.

00:51:28 Squirrell
Shadows of her vagina.

00:51:33 Squirrell
I'm a thorny.

00:51:34 Squirrell
I told you.

00:51:39 Squirrell
Tom Cruise, maybe at 9 years old, Napoleon was famously fairly short, was he not?

00:51:43 Squirrell
So maybe that would have been useful.

00:51:46 Hurst
I mean, I suppose he could have been, yeah.

00:51:48 Squirrell
I think the bigger reason was there's no way they would have had a music video back in 1974.

00:51:52 Squirrell
Yeah, that's true.

00:51:54 Squirrell
I don't think they were really young.

00:51:57 Squirrell
That's boring.

00:52:02 Squirrell
Off it goes.

00:52:07 Squirrell
Right.

00:52:08 Hurst
Abba songs.

00:52:09 Hurst
Abba songs.

00:52:10 Squirrell
I can't do it all again.

00:52:12 Squirrell
I took that off the wheel.

00:52:14 Hurst
Apparently it wants to be done again.

00:52:16 Squirrell
All right, now it's gone.

00:52:17 Squirrell
Right.

00:52:17 Squirrell
It's just a quick joke.

00:52:18 Squirrell
******* hell.

00:52:18 Squirrell
Shall I spread the wheel, Hurst?

00:52:21 Squirrell
Just one of the choices.

00:52:26 Squirrell
We will see you next episode.

00:52:28 Squirrell
The smells.

00:52:30 Hurst
There we go.

00:52:30 Hurst
Smells it is.

00:52:34 Squirrell
You do the last bit, it's not me.

00:52:37 Hurst
All right, see you later then, Rankers.

00:52:40 Hurst
Love you.