S02E16: Smells

Transcript

00:00:00 Squirrell
But if you're at a other company's office because you're at an external meeting and there's just this weirdo who's huffing the pens!

00:00:12 Squirrell
It's me, bitches [loud inhale]

00:00:15 Harriet
Top Five face-off contains adult themes and language that some people may find offensive.

00:00:20 Harriet
Listener discretion is advised.

00:00:22 Squirrell
He's Mat Hurst.

00:00:23 Hurst
He's Matt Squirrel.

00:00:24 Squirrell
And this is top five, face off, the official world ranking of everything.

00:00:28 Squirrell
What are you ranking today, Hurst?

00:00:29 Hurst
Well, Squirrel.

00:00:30 Hurst
Today we are going to be ranking the top five smells.

00:00:34 Squirrell
Coming right up after this.

00:00:36 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than one, then there's a best and a worst.

00:00:40 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than five, call Squirrel and Hearst.

00:00:44 Robo-Katy Perry
It's the top five face-off, actual fact.

00:00:47 Robo-Katy Perry
It's the top five face-off, the facts are exact.

00:00:51 Robo-Katy Perry
Top five face-off, top fun face-off, official world ranking.

00:00:57 Robo-Katy Perry
What's next? You decide.

00:00:59 Hurst
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night, Rankers.

00:01:02 Hurst
Welcome back.

00:01:04 Hurst
And if this is your first time listening, welcome to the show.

00:01:07 Hurst
Squirrel.

00:01:08 Hurst
For all our new rankers, why don't you tell them what we do here, and importantly, why we do it?

00:01:13 Squirrell
Why are we doing this?

00:01:14 Squirrell
Well, hi new rankers! This is Top Five Face Off, the official world rankers of everything, just like Robo Katy Perry said.

00:01:21 Squirrell
Each episode, we have a random topic chosen for us by our Patreons, and we...

00:01:26 Squirrell
is that?

00:01:26 Squirrell
That's technically not true, but never mind, we're sticking with it.

00:01:29 Squirrell
and we rank the top five and the worst thing from that topic.

00:01:33 Squirrell
And then you, the ranker at home, go to our website, www..topfivefaceoff.co.uk and vote.

00:01:40 Squirrell
Tell us which one of us is correct, because one of us is always correct.

00:01:43 Squirrell
And that goes on to become the official world ranking.

00:01:46 Hurst
Sweet.

00:01:47 Squirrell
How's that Hurst?

00:01:47 Squirrell
Took me like three tries, that's how.

00:01:49 Hurst
Good summary in the end.

00:01:51 Hurst
Almost passed out, but it'd be cool.

00:01:54 Squirrell
Hurst is not well, Rankers.

00:01:56 Hurst
Yeah, I've got some poorly Hurst here, so I'm going to power through.

00:01:59 Hurst
I've got my Lucozade, I've taken my tablets.

00:02:02 Hurst
I'm going to blast all of my remaining energy at you guys because I love you so flipping much.

00:02:06 Squirrell
Here you go, Rankers.

00:02:08 Squirrell
Hurst is going to blast his love over you.

00:02:10 Squirrell
I'll look out.

00:02:16 Squirrell
Blast is probably doing a lot of work for an old man like you.

00:02:21 Hurst
Jesus.

00:02:22 Hurst
I really love him for abuse, haven't I?

00:02:24 Squirrell
So we started early on this one.

00:02:26 Squirrell
Anyone would think we're doing our Valentine's episode again.

00:02:28 Hurst
But of course, in spite of our important work that we're doing here, we can never really get straight to the point on account of we're British.

00:02:36 Hurst
We need to talk about things like the weather.

00:02:38 Hurst
And really, this has been a bumper week for the Brits when it comes to talking about weather.

00:02:42 Hurst
Fantastic stuff.

00:02:43 Hurst
I assume it's probably been similar down there, but it has been.

00:02:46 Hurst
Monday was disastrously cold.

00:02:48 Hurst
It was dastardly.

00:02:49 Hurst
I was in the playground.

00:02:50 Hurst
We'll come back to that in a minute.

00:02:53 Hurst
Jesus, there's something wrong with you.

00:02:56 Squirrell
I've been watching Family Guy all morning.

00:02:58 Hurst
Rankers, I'm currently working in a special educational needs school as a teaching assistant.

00:03:04 Squirrell
All right, that's better.

00:03:05 Hurst
Part of the job involves supervising things on the playground.

00:03:09 Hurst
And on Monday, it was so flipping cold, I had my big woolen coat on.

00:03:13 Hurst
with a scarf, gloves and a hat.

00:03:15 Hurst
I was like, Jesus, it's bitter.

00:03:17 Hurst
Wednesday, I was out there in a t-shirt sweating.

00:03:20 Hurst
So absolute bumper week of British weather there.

00:03:23 Hurst
It's gone from dustedly cold to glorious.

00:03:26 Hurst
The flowers are all coming out.

00:03:27 Hurst
The cherry trees in bloom.

00:03:29 Hurst
Spring's the...

00:03:30 Hurst
Best.

00:03:30 Hurst
Good times.

00:03:31 Hurst
How about your end?

00:03:32 Hurst
Same sort of thing.

00:03:33 Squirrell
Pretty much the same.

00:03:34 Squirrell
I can't remember it being cold on Monday.

00:03:36 Squirrell
There's a barely good chance I didn't step outside though.

00:03:40 Hurst
Fair enough.

00:03:41 Hurst
Yeah, I spend much more of my time outside now.

00:03:43 Hurst
Well, what else has been going on?

00:03:44 Squirrell
My child had his 80th birthday party yesterday.

00:03:48 Hurst
So he did.

00:03:49 Hurst
Happy birthday, Sam.

00:03:50 Hurst
I know you're officially an adult, but don't go get any ideas that you're actually an adult.

00:03:54 Squirrell
No, God, no.

00:03:55 Squirrell
He's an idiot as we know.

00:03:57 Squirrell
But yeah, my house was just swarmed upon by.

00:04:00 Squirrell
horde of teenagers.

00:04:01 Squirrell
It is bruised but not broken.

00:04:03 Squirrell
It survived the night.

00:04:04 Squirrell
We've got some interesting things just around.

00:04:08 Squirrell
I don't know what happened in my bathroom, but the blinds are like in the wrong place and I can't understand how that's occurred.

00:04:16 Hurst
And actually it will probably come back to this sort of thing.

00:04:18 Hurst
Later you're a house full of teenagers.

00:04:20 Hurst
We've got a worst smell to come to at some point.

00:04:23 Hurst
I'm reckoning your house was possibly the worst smell in Bedford that night.

00:04:27 Squirrell
I smelled of alcohol, so it wasn't the end of the world.

00:04:29 Squirrell
I mean, I just went to the pub, but yeah, good Lord, just rammed full of kids.

00:04:35 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:04:36 Squirrell
And I met a girl with Tiny Hands, whose name I forget.

00:04:41 Squirrell
Sorry, girl, whose name I forget if you're listening.

00:04:43 Squirrell
But they were like, literally, her fingers came up to like the base of my fingers, if you see what I mean.

00:04:47 Squirrell
When we took the whole palm to palm fingers, they were just so small.

00:04:51 Hurst
That's Tiny Hands.

00:04:52 Squirrell
There we go, that is my exciting part of that party.

00:04:57 Hurst
As I alluded to a moment ago, well, I didn't allude to, I said outright, I've been working in a school as a TA and the school I'm working in is in Lincoln.

00:05:06 Hurst
Okay.

00:05:07 Hurst
Now, I don't know what you know about Lincoln.

00:05:09 Squirrell
He got shot at the theatre.

00:05:12 Hurst
Not that Lincoln, different Lincoln.

00:05:14 Hurst
Lincoln, the city.

00:05:15 Hurst
Well, the Red Arrows are based in Lincoln.

00:05:18 Hurst
And they practice there.

00:05:19 Hurst
They practice every day.

00:05:21 Hurst
So literally every day for the last two weeks, I've been watching the red arrows zooming around doing loop-the-loops in formation, which is insane.

00:05:30 Hurst
Spraying their red smoke out the back of their jets and it's just spectacular.

00:05:35 Hurst
And you know what?

00:05:36 Hurst
And they're so used to it in Lincoln, they don't even look up.

00:05:39 Squirrell
They don't even glance up.

00:05:41 Hurst
It's like six of the greatest pilots in the whole world are zooming over our heads.

00:05:45 Hurst
I was playing football with some of the kids on the field and they went over so low you could just seal the detail on the planes.

00:05:51 Hurst
And I stopped and I was just like a kid, like, oh my God, that's so cool.

00:05:55 Hurst
The other kids didn't even stop playing to glance up.

00:05:59 Hurst
I really hope I never get to the point when I'm not absolutely in awe of them because they are so damn cool.

00:06:06 Hurst
But also working in the school is gripping my **** a little bit because as we've talked about and as you can probably hear from my deep Barry White voice, I'm poorly.

00:06:17 Hurst
I've worked in a school for two weeks and I'm already poorly.

00:06:20 Hurst
*** ****.

00:06:20 Squirrell
Children are full of diseases.

00:06:22 Hurst
They are actually riddled with diseases.

00:06:24 Squirrell
They are rife with the virus.

00:06:27 Hurst
And they are spreading them far and wide.

00:06:30 Hurst
They are sharing that ****.

00:06:31 Hurst
Yeah.

00:06:33 Squirrell
So that's pretty annoying.

00:06:35 Squirrell
You've got a cold, right, of some kind.

00:06:38 Squirrell
So ironically, we're doing an episode about smells.

00:06:41 Squirrell
Can you smell anything right now?

00:06:42 Hurst
Well, actually, no, I did just have some bacon and I could smell that.

00:06:46 Squirrell
Good.

00:06:46 Squirrell
Sort of.

00:06:47 Hurst
Not as much as I would like to have smelled it.

00:06:50 Hurst
But no, I did get a minor waft of bacon come through.

00:06:52 Squirrell
So phew.

00:06:54 Squirrell
This one, this episode, we're talking about smells that was suggested by Dav Paz.

00:06:59 Squirrell
I don't know if this is like a bet or a challenge.

00:07:02 Squirrell
It's an interesting one, that's for sure.

00:07:04 Hurst
Maybe he was just in a rush, needed to put something on the wheel or something, smells.

00:07:08 Squirrell
Nice and short, type it real quick, right?

00:07:10 Hurst
Yeah, but you know what?

00:07:11 Hurst
It's nice to have something a bit different, like not having to watch TV or movies or listen to albums.

00:07:16 Hurst
Listen to all of whatever.

00:07:18 Hurst
Just to, oh ****.

00:07:21 Hurst
But yeah, just to notice smells, that's nice, especially with the garden coming into bloom.

00:07:26 Hurst
I've been enjoying that until I can't smell anymore.

00:07:29 Squirrell
I got to admit, I didn't go out deliberately sniffing things.

00:07:32 Hurst
Yeah, you can get in trouble while you're ill.

00:07:34 Squirrell
Yeah, exactly that, right?

00:07:35 Squirrell
Well, you certainly could in your current job.

00:07:39 Squirrell
And some of the things, if they are seasonal, you're not able to smell them yet.

00:07:43 Squirrell
They don't exist to that certain time of the year.

00:07:45 Squirrell
But let's not get in there yet, Hurst, because, I mean...

00:07:48 Hurst
We've got to talk about last week.

00:07:50 Squirrell
Last week, last episode, whatever we want to call it.

00:07:53 Squirrell
That's one of our tougher assignments, Hurst.

00:07:57 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:07:57 Squirrell
There's a lot of ABBA.

00:07:58 Hurst
I felt a real bond of kinship in you.

00:08:01 Hurst
after coming to the end of that particular episode and going, yeah, we did it.

00:08:04 Hurst
We listened to all those albums, except the last one, which I didn't realize was an album until an hour before we recorded.

00:08:10 Hurst
But we put in the hard yards for our rankers there.

00:08:12 Hurst
And I feel like we earned every penny of that internet money that we're currently mining.

00:08:17 Squirrell
That is true.

00:08:18 Squirrell
That is true.

00:08:19 Squirrell
We did pick up a couple new Patreons as well, but I think that was off the back of the earlier week where we had like a squirrely of votes, so we're not really sure why.

00:08:28 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:08:28 Squirrell
But let's talk about Ella.

00:08:30 Squirrell
So we were

00:08:30 Squirrell
Ranking the top five ABBA songs, here comes some comments.

00:08:35 Squirrell
When I think ABBA, I hear Waterloo, says Kern, and votes for me.

00:08:40 Squirrell
Thank you, Kern.

00:08:41 Squirrell
I agree.

00:08:43 Squirrell
Here's a vote for you, Hurst.

00:08:44 Squirrell
I backed Hurst.

00:08:46 Squirrell
Squirrel tried to make a winner takes it all moment, but Hurst actually did from One Good Leg.

00:08:52 Hurst
Wow.

00:08:53 Squirrell
Thanks, One Good Leg.

00:08:54 Hurst
That's her first time for One Good Leg, isn't it?

00:08:56 Hurst
We've not had one good leg before.

00:08:57 Squirrell
It kind of rings a vague bell, but no, maybe not.

00:09:00 Squirrell
Do you think they have one bad leg or just one exceptional leg?

00:09:03 Squirrell
Is that what's going on there?

00:09:04 Hurst
Yeah, maybe.

00:09:05 Squirrell
One normal leg, one really good leg.

00:09:07 Hurst
Yeah.

00:09:08 Hurst
One worth boasting about.

00:09:09 Squirrell
Hell yeah.

00:09:10 Hurst
Gonna flex about my good leg.

00:09:12 Squirrell
Damn right.

00:09:12 Squirrell
Well, keeping up one good leg.

00:09:14 Squirrell
Apart from Jabo for us, let's not keep that up.

00:09:16 Squirrell
Davpaz here.

00:09:17 Squirrell
Young and sweet and only mumble mumble.

00:09:20 Squirrell
Hard to get excited about Abba really, for they were lame long before I ever heard them.

00:09:25 Squirrell
Time for screwing just because he's right about Waterloo.

00:09:27 Squirrell
It slaps.

00:09:28 Squirrell
Go.

00:09:28 Squirrell
Thanks, Dave.

00:09:29 Squirrell
Fair enough.

00:09:30 Squirrell
A vote for you, Hurst, from someone called Pete, who put their name at the front.

00:09:34 Squirrell
Thanks, Pete.

00:09:34 Squirrell
Winner takes it all is, frankly, the best.

00:09:38 Squirrell
There you are.

00:09:38 Squirrell
Simple.

00:09:39 Squirrell
They agree with you there.

00:09:40 Hurst
I like how it's all the votes so far.

00:09:42 Hurst
It's like based on Waterloo or Winner takes it all, because no one else is willing to listen through the back catalogue to see whether we've got the other four right.

00:09:49 Squirrell
Well, Hurst, stand by for a surprise.

00:09:52 Squirrell
A vote for you here.

00:09:53 Squirrell
This is the first time I've really listened to any Amber.

00:09:56 Squirrell
So, thanks.

00:09:58 Squirrell
Dancing Queens swung my vote towards Hearst, although it was certainly close.

00:10:02 Squirrell
That's from Ohio in America in Ohio.

00:10:05 Squirrell
Ohio from Ohio.

00:10:06 Hurst
Hey, Ohio.

00:10:07 Hurst
Thanks for voting.

00:10:08 Hurst
And thanks for getting involved.

00:10:10 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:10:12 Hurst
Feeling the pain with us.

00:10:13 Hurst
That's nice.

00:10:14 Hurst
Good ranking.

00:10:15 Squirrell
Hearst, you remember the mystery from the last episode and the episode before about

00:10:19 Squirrell
Where had Meg 98 been?

00:10:21 Hurst
Oh yeah, go on.

00:10:22 Squirrell
You have the answer.

00:10:23 Hurst
Oh, thanks.

00:10:24 Squirrell
I was on holiday.

00:10:25 Squirrell
Since Meg 98.

00:10:27 Squirrell
Of course.

00:10:28 Hurst
Makes absolute sense.

00:10:29 Squirrell
Makes perfect sense.

00:10:30 Squirrell
Anyway, Waterloo slaps and I strongly dislike Dancing Queen, so it's Squirrel for me.

00:10:36 Squirrell
Thanks, Meg.

00:10:36 Hurst
This slaps business, two of them have said it slaps.

00:10:39 Squirrell
Two of them have said it as slaps.

00:10:40 Hurst
An expression before.

00:10:41 Hurst
Is that something the kids are saying these days?

00:10:44 Squirrell
I think the kids were saying it about 5 or 10 years ago.

00:10:47 Squirrell
It's not so.

00:10:49 Squirrell
Passed me by.

00:10:51 Squirrell
Speaking of Waterloo, Waterloo is obviously the best ABBA song, and like you, I don't ******* like ABBA either.

00:10:57 Squirrell
Surprised neither of you picked Super Trooper as the worst though.

00:11:00 Squirrell
If a song was enough to be parodied by Not the 9 o'clock News, it must have been pretty awful.

00:11:05 Squirrell
Love and hugs, Gaz Chap.

00:11:06 Squirrell
Thank you, Gaz Chap.

00:11:08 Squirrell
And then straight back from a vote for Hurst, ABBA are definitely at their best when it's the funk disco era.

00:11:13 Squirrell
either with a laid-back bassline or a relentlessly driving drum section.

00:11:17 Squirrell
I can take or leave their pop stuff in the main apart from the classics.

00:11:21 Squirrell
Production is excellent though, always, and they know how to structure a song even if the lyrics don't keep up to the same level.

00:11:28 Squirrell
Still going.

00:11:29 Squirrell
first wins this week after a rare fourth choice for...

00:11:34 Squirrell
in his list.

00:11:35 Squirrell
Never heard the instrumental before, not sure I want to hear it again.

00:11:38 Squirrell
Rubbish, it's great.

00:11:39 Squirrell
One thing is for certain, I think the upcoming Mild Stallions Abba tribute medley will be super from Trooper.

00:11:46 Squirrell
Well done, Super Trooper, I get it.

00:11:48 Hurst
Yeah, so who did Trooper vote for?

00:11:50 Squirrell
You, after, yeah, rambled on for a bit and then voted for you because he didn't like...

00:11:55 Hurst
Well, no, Trooper and I have well and truly made-up, he took advantage of

00:11:59 Hurst
The 30% discount.

00:12:01 Squirrell
Oh, in your art store?

00:12:02 Hurst
Procure arts, yeah.

00:12:04 Hurst
He said it was all right to mention it, so I wouldn't have thought him out otherwise.

00:12:07 Hurst
But Trooper, after giving me all that abuse, has turned it around, swiss of love.

00:12:10 Hurst
So, you know, shout out to Trooper.

00:12:12 Squirrell
So basically he's given you money and now you're happy.

00:12:15 Squirrell
You like him now.

00:12:16 Squirrell
All right, fair, fair.

00:12:17 Squirrell
If people want to pay me to like them, I'm ready for that.

00:12:20 Squirrell
A vote for me.

00:12:22 Squirrell
But really it's a vote for us both, Hest.

00:12:24 Squirrell
You lads really suffer for your arts.

00:12:26 Squirrell
Not a fan of ABBA or Dancing Queen.

00:12:29 Squirrell
Thanks, Kov.

00:12:31 Squirrell
You're right, Kov.

00:12:33 Hurst
It's all a load of old bobbins in there.

00:12:35 Squirrell
And the final vote is also about Dancing Queen and comes from my wife, who is the lady you hear warning you at the start of the episode that we might do swears.

00:12:45 Squirrell
She has voted for you, Hirst, and she has said,

00:12:47 Squirrell
The song that is most associated with your wife and that was played in the church our wedding didn't make the top five.

00:12:54 Squirrell
It's a vote against Squirrel.

00:12:57 Hurst
So not a vote for her so much as a vote against Squirrel.

00:13:00 Squirrell
About Squirrel, that's very much true.

00:13:02 Squirrell
Yes, we had the organist in the church play two songs that weren't hims.

00:13:06 Squirrell
One was Hakuna Matata from The Lion King.

00:13:09 Squirrell
I chose that one.

00:13:10 Squirrell
And the other was Dancing Queen, which, yes, I had forgotten my bee.

00:13:16 Squirrell
Sorry, honey.

00:13:17 Squirrell
So anyway, Hurst is currently downing some Lucas A, but he looks about done with his coughing fit.

00:13:22 Squirrell
Are you ready for the results, Hurst?

00:13:24 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:13:25 Squirrell
Oh, it was close.

00:13:26 Squirrell
It was close.

00:13:27 Squirrell
I will tell you that you got 26 votes.

00:13:30 Squirrell
And after our sudden upswing of votes, you don't know if that's good or bad.

00:13:33 Hurst
I have no idea.

00:13:34 Squirrell
It's the second most I've ever got.

00:13:36 Squirrell
I got 25.

00:13:39 Squirrell
So you win by one vote, Hurst.

00:13:41 Squirrell
Congratulations.

00:13:43 Squirrell
On the downside, you now have to dig out your list of other songs, which you've almost certainly forgotten, to remind us of the official world record.

00:13:52 Squirrell
Here at #5, Darts in Queen.

00:13:56 Squirrell
Up to #4 this week, Mamma Mia.

00:14:00 Hurst
Number 3 sees Gimmy, Gimmy, Gimmy making a brand new entry.

00:14:05 Squirrell
My Mama Set is in her #2.

00:14:08 Squirrell
And #1 this week,

00:14:11 Squirrell
And the greatest ever song of all time ever is Winner Takes It All.

00:14:20 Squirrell
Well, let's never think about Abba again.

00:14:22 Hurst
Done.

00:14:26 Squirrell
Shall we talk about some smells?

00:14:28 Hurst
Let's talk about smells.

00:14:34 Squirrell
Who gets to talk first about smells, Hurst?

00:14:36 Squirrell
How can we decide?

00:14:37 Hurst
I think we should check in with the coin of destiny.

00:14:39 Hurst
Flip that ****.

00:14:41 Squirrell
Flipping that **** right, Nizzow.

00:14:44 Hurst
Heads for Hurst.

00:14:45 Hurst
Sweet.

00:14:46 Hurst
Right, I'm going to dive straight in on this one because we all know what smells are.

00:14:50 Hurst
Some are good, some are bad.

00:14:51 Hurst
This is your top five.

00:14:52 Hurst
Number 5 for me is clean sheets.

00:14:56 Hurst
Think Sunday night, climbing into bed with fresh sheets after a nice hot bar.

00:15:01 Hurst
You feel clean, the sheets feel clean, everything's refreshing.

00:15:04 Hurst
And then as you put your head down on the pillow and breathe in, the smell of freshness finishes off the perfect comfort.

00:15:11 Hurst
It's part of the combination of joy, the smell, but it's the icing, it's the crown, it's the cherry on the cake.

00:15:17 Hurst
Fresh, clean sheets.

00:15:19 Hurst
Love that ****.

00:15:20 Hurst
Number 5.

00:15:21 Squirrell
Yeah, legit.

00:15:22 Squirrell
They haven't been covered in dogs yet, presumably.

00:15:24 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:15:25 Squirrell
All right, there we go.

00:15:26 Squirrell
Number 5 for me is a more seasonal smell, and I haven't really had it yet.

00:15:31 Squirrell
And that is specifically a...

00:15:34 Squirrell
arriving somewhere where they're having a barbecue party.

00:15:38 Squirrell
It doesn't work if you're already, if you're the chef, you cook it, it's not the same as rocking up at the house and getting just smacked in the face by all these smells at once.

00:15:46 Squirrell
You've got, obviously you're cooking meat, you've got like hot fat and you've got beer and alcohol and you've got like a sun cream if it's a really hot day in the summer.

00:15:55 Squirrell
And all of that mixed together is just fricking British nostalgia just in your face at the same time.

00:16:01 Squirrell
And I love it, it's one of my favourite smells.

00:16:04 Hurst
It's such a good call because BBQ as a smell is brilliant.

00:16:07 Hurst
But you're absolutely right.

00:16:08 Hurst
There's something about turning up when it's in full flow.

00:16:11 Hurst
If you've said the BBQ, you've been there as the smell's developed and you haven't quite got that hit, but you walk into someone else's BBQ, especially because it means you're not doing the work.

00:16:19 Hurst
It's like when someone brings you a cup of tea, always tastes better.

00:16:22 Hurst
Yeah, that's such a great shout that it's not just the smell of BBQ, it's the smell of arriving at a BBQ.

00:16:29 Hurst
Yep.

00:16:30 Hurst
Bravo.

00:16:31 Squirrell
Well, fear not #4 is weird as hell.

00:16:33 Hurst
Sweet.

00:16:33 Hurst
Same for me.

00:16:34 Squirrell
Well, go on then.

00:16:35 Hurst
Number 4 is Petrichor.

00:16:37 Hurst
Have you ever heard that word before?

00:16:39 Hurst
Petrichor.

00:16:40 Squirrell
Petrichor?

00:16:41 Squirrell
No.

00:16:42 Squirrell
Is it to do with petrol?

00:16:43 Hurst
It is not.

00:16:44 Hurst
It is the smell of rain on a hot pavement.

00:16:47 Hurst
It actually has a word.

00:16:49 Squirrell
Very nice.

00:16:50 Hurst
It's the pleasant earthy smell that's produced when rain falls on dry soil or concrete, often described as smelling like wet earth or rocks and fresh air.

00:16:59 Hurst
You know the smell, though, when it's been absolutely roasting.

00:17:03 Squirrell
Yeah, it's got the weeds.

00:17:04 Hurst
And then that first few drops of rain hits the concrete.

00:17:08 Hurst
That smell is called petrichor and it's caused by the release of plant oils, ozone and a bacterial compound called geosmin or geosmin.

00:17:16 Hurst
I don't know how that's pronounced.

00:17:18 Squirrell
It sounds like she's a singer.

00:17:20 Hurst
Yeah, Josmin Stone.

00:17:22 Hurst
Josmin.

00:17:23 Hurst
But it's G-E-O-S-M-I-N, pronounce it how you like, but that's what that's about.

00:17:27 Hurst
But that smell is, again, it's a rarity, not to be mistaken for the smell of ozone, which is another great smell, but when the storms come in and you can smell it, it's got that kind of metallic smell in the air of the electricity.

00:17:39 Squirrell
It's the same as the bumper cars, right?

00:17:41 Squirrell
That's the same smell because it's the same thing.

00:17:43 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:17:43 Hurst
So, but for me, Petrichor, the actual, that rain moment, because it's usually such a relief as well, because it's been so hot and it's gotten muggy and you just want the air to clear.

00:17:53 Hurst
So there's, again, like with the clean sheets, there's more than just the smell.

00:17:56 Hurst
There's the whole experience.

00:17:58 Hurst
But it's, yeah, it's good stuff that Petrichor #4.

00:18:01 Squirrell
Yeah, see, now we've both discussed experiences so far, and I'm about to do it again.

00:18:06 Squirrell
There's a lot of stuff going on, which isn't necessarily to do with the smell itself, right?

00:18:11 Squirrell
But maybe that's just how these things work.

00:18:13 Squirrell
Brains.

00:18:14 Squirrell
Weird.

00:18:15 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:18:15 Squirrell
Number four, traction engines.

00:18:17 Squirrell
So bear with me.

00:18:20 Hurst
So I think I know the smell you mean.

00:18:22 Hurst
I think carry on.

00:18:23 Squirrell
My father has always had traction engines.

00:18:27 Squirrell
He builds little ones, and when I say little, they're still pretty big, but they are smaller than full-size traction engines, but he's had a full-sized one as well.

00:18:34 Squirrell
That was always normal for me.

00:18:36 Squirrell
That was like just what people did as far as I was concerned when I was a kid.

00:18:40 Squirrell
Anyway, traction engines, if you have a traction engine, you often go to what we call engine rallies or steam fairs.

00:18:46 Squirrell
Some people call them, you know, they gather them all together and people wonder, there's a fairground, and that fairground bit is important because

00:18:52 Squirrell
Because obviously as a kid I loved them because they had fairgrounds, because they had things to do and it was exciting and the traction industry was just there as far as I was concerned because I was very used to them.

00:19:02 Squirrell
But they have a smell to them which is ******* just ********.

00:19:07 Squirrell
It's just like work.

00:19:09 Squirrell
It's like having a tractor before health and safety came along to make everything dull.

00:19:13 Squirrell
It's obviously the smell of burning coal.

00:19:16 Squirrell
It's normally cheap coal that smokes a lot as well because the steam rally people supply the coal so they want it to be fairly cheap as possible.

00:19:23 Squirrell
It would cost them loads of money.

00:19:23 Squirrell
So you've got burning coal, you've got very hot oil because these things run really hot.

00:19:28 Squirrell
You've got ******* beer because there's always beer.

00:19:31 Squirrell
You've got the fairground smells and that was it.

00:19:33 Squirrell
And that's, I just love the smell of the things.

00:19:36 Squirrell
They just smell angry and powerful and yeah, great.

00:19:41 Hurst
Until I met you, I didn't know what a traction engine was.

00:19:44 Hurst
My only experience with it was from, there was a show called The day-to-day, which was like a fake news, pretend news show with Chris Morris.

00:19:51 Squirrell
And that's what- Like a traction engine?

00:19:52 Hurst
Yeah.

00:19:53 Hurst
Alan Parker's when he's doing the World Cup commentary, he goes, **** did you see that?

00:19:59 Hurst
He must have a foot like a traction engine.

00:20:02 Hurst
And I didn't know what it was, but I knew it meant it was powerful.

00:20:05 Squirrell
Well, here they are.

00:20:06 Squirrell
And obviously as a kid, I like going to these things because there's a fairground and then as I got older, well, now they have beer tents, the adult fairground.

00:20:14 Hurst
Yeah, that smell of coal burning and like the steam and all of that is a weird smell.

00:20:19 Hurst
It's not technically a nice smell, but it somehow is.

00:20:21 Squirrell
Yeah, I know what you mean.

00:20:22 Squirrell
I think I've got at least two more things that aren't technically nice smells on my lips, but they are.

00:20:28 Squirrell
You'd never have it in a perfume, although you do come home smelling like it anyway, so there's no need to have it in a perfume.

00:20:33 Hurst
I mean, there is a perfume brand called Diesel, isn't there?

00:20:37 Hurst
Maybe they should think about it.

00:20:39 Squirrell
So anyway, that's my #4, traction engines.

00:20:42 Squirrell
You may have never smelt one.

00:20:44 Squirrell
Sorry.

00:20:46 Hurst
Fair enough.

00:20:46 Hurst
No, it's good.

00:20:47 Hurst
It's good stuff.

00:20:48 Hurst
My #3 is wood fires.

00:20:51 Hurst
So this could be campfires, log burners, bonfire night.

00:20:56 Hurst
your dad's bonfire at the bottom of the garden when you're a kid, when he's just burning off like bits of twigs or **** that didn't want any day.

00:21:02 Hurst
Yeah.

00:21:03 Hurst
You didn't have to take it into your green bin.

00:21:05 Squirrell
You just ******* burnt it at the bottom of your garden.

00:21:08 Hurst
Yeah.

00:21:10 Hurst
There's just comfort, nostalgia, and possibly that ancient lizard brain that's like fire is good.

00:21:16 Hurst
Fire is helpful for us.

00:21:18 Hurst
It's defensive.

00:21:19 Hurst
We can use it for cooking.

00:21:20 Hurst
You can use it for all sorts.

00:21:21 Hurst
Staring at a fire, you can stare at for ages, but there's something about the smell of it.

00:21:25 Hurst
Plus also

00:21:26 Hurst
Also, when you're getting it going, unlike the BBQ, part of the smell of getting the kindling going, which then turns into, quite the pungent, smoky smell of getting, the fire properly going.

00:21:37 Hurst
And then once it's all flame, it doesn't give off much of A smell, but it's just the whole process of wood fires is just ******* great.

00:21:44 Hurst
Plus, you can have s'mores on it.

00:21:46 Hurst
You can do those dough twists with jam where it's burnt on the outside and raw on the inside, but somehow you still think it's nice.

00:21:52 Hurst
You convince your brain, no, this is all right.

00:21:54 Hurst
And of course, feeling like an utter

00:21:56 Hurst
It's a manly man whenever you get what you're going.

00:21:59 Squirrell
Make caveman, make the fire.

00:22:02 Hurst
It is one of the most primal feelings of exalted manliness that you can feel when you get a fire going from nowhere.

00:22:08 Hurst
It's like,

00:22:09 Hurst
I know how to do this.

00:22:10 Hurst
I mean, granted, I have matches for it.

00:22:11 Hurst
I'm not one of those.

00:22:13 Squirrell
Were you rubbing 2 sticks together at this point?

00:22:16 Hurst
No, I was a fairness.

00:22:17 Hurst
I don't know how to do that.

00:22:18 Hurst
I've seen it done.

00:22:19 Hurst
Like you rub the sticks in a little hole and it makes a little tiny thing.

00:22:22 Hurst
I haven't done that ****.

00:22:24 Hurst
Don't need to do that.

00:22:25 Hurst
Don't use flint because I'm not going out hiking on Mount Everest.

00:22:28 Hurst
So I've got matches.

00:22:30 Hurst
But yeah, the smell of wood fires, that's good stuff.

00:22:32 Hurst
There are so many situations.

00:22:34 Hurst
It was such good times.

00:22:36 Squirrell
Yeah, love it.

00:22:37 Squirrell
Good shout.

00:22:37 Squirrell
All good shouts so far.

00:22:39 Squirrell
Very good list.

00:22:40 Squirrell
So a challenging one for our rankers.

00:22:42 Squirrell
Let's see how they do.

00:22:43 Squirrell
My number three is cooking garlic.

00:22:47 Squirrell
There you go.

00:22:47 Squirrell
Quite a simple one.

00:22:48 Squirrell
This is garlic.

00:22:49 Squirrell
Obviously people know what garlic smells like, probably.

00:22:52 Squirrell
Lots of you know what garlic smells like.

00:22:53 Squirrell
Unless you have no sense of smell.

00:22:55 Squirrell
If you have anosmia, this isn't really the episode for you.

00:22:58 Squirrell
But maybe you're tuning in because we're describing smells and you can learn about them too.

00:23:03 Squirrell
But anyway, garlic smells specifically of something called

00:23:08 Squirrell
Here comes the pronunciation.

00:23:09 Squirrell
Alinase.

00:23:11 Squirrell
Alinase.

00:23:12 Squirrell
Alinase.

00:23:13 Squirrell
I don't know.

00:23:14 Squirrell
A double L, double I, NASE.

00:23:17 Squirrell
Alinase.

00:23:19 Squirrell
I don't know, something like that.

00:23:22 Squirrell
It's the conversion of alien to allicinin.

00:23:26 Squirrell
And that is what smells like.

00:23:28 Squirrell
And when you damage garlic, that's the smell that's released.

00:23:30 Squirrell
And when you heat it or cook it, that is when it gets aerosolized into the air and then you can smell it and it smells really ******* nice.

00:23:38 Squirrell
That is basically the gist of it.

00:23:40 Squirrell
I have no event-driven memories for this one.

00:23:43 Squirrell
I have no nostalgia.

00:23:44 Squirrell
It just smells bloody great cooking garlic number three.

00:23:48 Hurst
Yeah, I mean, you do a lot of cooking, so that would be its own nostalgia for you.

00:23:51 Hurst
Like, it's getting something started.

00:23:53 Hurst
I don't cook much, but whenever I'm cooking anything in a frying pan, I like to start with garlic and onion, because it builds that base.

00:23:59 Hurst
It smells like cooking and getting things going.

00:24:02 Hurst
It's going to have a bit of flavor to it.

00:24:04 Hurst
So I know exactly what you mean about garlic.

00:24:06 Hurst
Good one.

00:24:06 Hurst
My #2.

00:24:08 Hurst
is freshly cut grass.

00:24:10 Hurst
And I think that's one that pretty much everyone likes the smell of unless they have hay fever, in which case they'd probably dread that smell a little bit.

00:24:17 Hurst
But I think there's twofold.

00:24:19 Hurst
There's the changing of the seasons out of winter.

00:24:21 Hurst
That first time you cut the grass after winter, it smells great because spring's here.

00:24:26 Hurst
Winter's done, it's been miserable.

00:24:27 Hurst
And that is the first thing I think, yeah, that's the smell of spring coming in, is the smell of cut grass.

00:24:33 Hurst
But also then, because you have to do it throughout the rest of it, it's just a reminder every time you do that we're in spring

00:24:38 Hurst
or summer or the early part of autumn, I'm having to cut the grass, which is a bit of a suck job, but it's because it's the best seasons, it's the best time of year.

00:24:45 Hurst
And also cut grass looks awesome.

00:24:47 Hurst
It does.

00:24:47 Hurst
When you live opposite a field or something.

00:24:50 Hurst
So we used to live opposite a field in our last house.

00:24:52 Hurst
And every time the grass had just been cut, aside from the great smell, it just looks brilliant.

00:24:56 Hurst
It looks really inviting.

00:24:58 Hurst
So I think that's, I smell cut grass.

00:25:00 Hurst
That means there's a field that we can go and sit in and have a picnic if we want.

00:25:03 Squirrell
Yeah, that's true.

00:25:04 Hurst
It's great stuff.

00:25:05 Squirrell
Cut grass was your #2, correct?

00:25:07 Hurst
That's right, yeah.

00:25:08 Hurst
What's your number two?

00:25:08 Squirrell
My #2 is actually toxic and you shouldn't smell it too much.

00:25:13 Squirrell
It's petrol.

00:25:14 Squirrell
I ******* love the smell of petrol.

00:25:16 Squirrell
I have done since I was a kid, right?

00:25:18 Squirrell
But if you've got to stick your nose in the can of petrol that your dad's using for the bow and go, there's a good chance you black out.

00:25:24 Squirrell
So don't do that.

00:25:26 Hurst
Education.

00:25:27 Squirrell
Petrol's like properly forbidden for that reason.

00:25:29 Squirrell
It's A forbidden smell.

00:25:31 Squirrell
There's a danger to it.

00:25:32 Squirrell
But it just smells really nice.

00:25:34 Squirrell
I love it.

00:25:34 Squirrell
I know some people absolutely hate it.

00:25:36 Squirrell
And I get that because it's a

00:25:38 Squirrell
Really strong smell, but it's...

00:25:40 Squirrell
really strong smell that I really freaking like.

00:25:42 Squirrell
Just don't breathe too much of that.

00:25:44 Squirrell
Not healthy, but smells great.

00:25:46 Squirrell
Petrol, #3, two.

00:25:48 Squirrell
Petrol, #2.

00:25:50 Hurst
I get what you mean because it...

00:25:51 Hurst
isn't a nice smell, but I think it's the things that go with it.

00:25:54 Hurst
So I've had diesel cars for so long, I barely smell petrol.

00:25:57 Squirrell
Diesel is gross.

00:25:58 Hurst
It does.

00:25:59 Hurst
When I had my motorbike, filling that up because it was fun.

00:26:02 Hurst
There was no real practical point of me having a motorbike.

00:26:05 Hurst
I had it just for the joy of riding.

00:26:07 Hurst
So filling up with petrol always meant I'm just going out on a ride.

00:26:10 Hurst
So yeah.

00:26:12 Hurst
Might be controversial.

00:26:14 Squirrell
Well, I love it.

00:26:14 Hurst
Could swing it either way for you.

00:26:16 Squirrell
Who knows, right?

00:26:16 Squirrell
Who knows?

00:26:17 Squirrell
I don't know much about what other people like in terms of smells.

00:26:21 Squirrell
I don't know how many of the people I know like the smell of petrol.

00:26:24 Squirrell
Maybe all of them.

00:26:24 Squirrell
Maybe bloody none of them.

00:26:25 Squirrell
Maybe I'm really weird.

00:26:27 Squirrell
I don't know.

00:26:28 Hurst
Or maybe none of them, but they get it.

00:26:29 Hurst
Maybe.

00:26:30 Hurst
Because they can't put the finger on it.

00:26:31 Squirrell
Probably shouldn't put your finger on petrol.

00:26:33 Squirrell
It is not for your skin.

00:26:35 Squirrell
And you know, quite flammable, I believe.

00:26:38 Squirrell
So yes, important safety advice from Top Five Face Off.

00:26:41 Hurst
Well, that's been gripping my **** this week, actually, to be honest, the whole price of fuel at the moment.

00:26:45 Hurst
I went into a garage on Monday afternoon on the way home

00:26:49 Hurst
from school to fill up and it said it was 169 on the diesel.

00:26:54 Hurst
No, it was 159 for diesel at thing.

00:26:56 Hurst
I was like, all right, I'll go in there.

00:26:57 Hurst
Literally, by the time I got to the pump, it was up to 162.

00:27:01 Squirrell
What the hell?

00:27:02 Squirrell
They already went to change them at night.

00:27:03 Squirrell
What went on?

00:27:05 Hurst
So then I went in and I said to them, your sign says 159, but he charged you once you do this.

00:27:11 Hurst
No, it's all right.

00:27:12 Hurst
We've changed it.

00:27:12 Hurst
I looked out and they had already changed it.

00:27:14 Hurst
So and then by the end of the week, it was up to 172.

00:27:18 Hurst
So it went up like 12 P in five days.

00:27:21 Hurst
And that's all ******* Donald Trump's fault by making another war that isn't needed.

00:27:25 Hurst
Oh, that's true.

00:27:26 Hurst
It's a stupid fault, but my fuel costs too much money.

00:27:29 Hurst
We digress.

00:27:30 Hurst
Anyway, we need to talk about the worst smells.

00:27:35 Squirrell
There's a lot of choice for worst hursts.

00:27:37 Hurst
There are.

00:27:38 Hurst
I mean, as I mentioned earlier, like a classroom full of teenagers and a warm day is a bad, bad smell.

00:27:43 Hurst
Obviously, going to the tip is one of the worst things, partly because you feel like you're being judged by the people who work there at all points.

00:27:49 Squirrell
You are.

00:27:49 Hurst
And you're terrified that you're going to be getting it wrong.

00:27:52 Hurst
Like, can I put this in here?

00:27:53 Hurst
Like, no, damn it.

00:27:54 Squirrell
No, bin 16 or whatever.

00:27:57 Squirrell
If I worked at the tip, I would absolutely.

00:27:59 Squirrell
I would absolutely be eagle-eyed on what people were throwing away.

00:28:02 Squirrell
And I would make such assumptions about people from what they were putting into my skip beds.

00:28:06 Squirrell
Like you're throwing away garden furniture.

00:28:08 Squirrell
I'd ever make a phone like, excuse me.

00:28:12 Squirrell
You with that perfectly good garden furniture.

00:28:15 Hurst
That's it.

00:28:15 Hurst
Yeah, so that's bad smell.

00:28:16 Hurst
If you've ever driven past a sewage works, that's about as bad as it gets.

00:28:19 Hurst
But I thought I would go with something a bit more metaphorical, and that's the bitter stench of defeat.

00:28:25 Squirrell
Oh my god! Good job we don't count these, you ******* cheat! Alright, the stench of defeat hit me with it, Hers.

00:28:31 Hurst
The grim whiff of losing.

00:28:34 Hurst
Alright, we've all been there, we've all lost something we really, really wanted to win, and you feel like a loser, and that's because you are.

00:28:41 Squirrell
You smell of losing.

00:28:43 Squirrell
Week of loss.

00:28:43 Squirrell
Ugh.

00:28:44 Squirrell
Ugh.

00:28:46 Hurst
Alright, your turn.

00:28:47 Squirrell
That's it, is it?

00:28:50 Squirrell
Squirrel here.

00:28:51 Squirrell
Hello, Rankers.

00:28:52 Squirrell
I just wanted to let you know that I'm about to discuss a dead dog.

00:28:56 Squirrell
If you don't want to hear that, I can understand why you wouldn't.

00:28:59 Squirrell
Skip forward to whatever this number is.

00:29:03 Speaker 2
30 minutes and 30 seconds.

00:29:07 Squirrell
Right, good.

00:29:08 Squirrell
Mine is very specific and I'm not going to try and bury the lead on what it is because you're going to know what it is immediately when I say that when I was young, one of my mates, his dog went missing.

00:29:19 Squirrell
Oh yeah.

00:29:21 Squirrell
Cadaver.

00:29:22 Squirrell
So we're going to jump straight to the end of this story.

00:29:24 Squirrell
I found the missing dog, but unfortunately I found it easily a month or two too late.

00:29:28 Squirrell
It was an unpleasant smell coming from this little shed.

00:29:33 Squirrell
And when I opened the door, holy God.

00:29:36 Squirrell
He didn't smell bad.

00:29:37 Hurst
And that just makes me really sad that someone's dog died starving in a shed.

00:29:41 Squirrell
Someone died in a shed, right?

00:29:43 Squirrell
And he was sad, but...

00:29:44 Squirrell
Oh God, the smell of dead rotting animal and coupled with like a ******* tornado of flies coming at me as I opened the door.

00:29:52 Squirrell
Because they're just looking, oh my God, that smells so freaking bad.

00:29:56 Squirrell
I was, I was puking for an hour, I reckon.

00:30:00 Squirrell
God, it smelled horrible.

00:30:02 Squirrell
And then, of course, I had to go.

00:30:03 Squirrell
Well, I didn't go and tell them.

00:30:04 Squirrell
I was only, I was only...

00:30:06 Squirrell
Maybe eight or nine.

00:30:07 Squirrell
I wasn't old.

00:30:08 Squirrell
So I didn't go and tell them.

00:30:09 Squirrell
I didn't know.

00:30:10 Squirrell
I didn't have the mental capacity to do that.

00:30:11 Squirrell
I went and told an adult and they went and told them.

00:30:14 Squirrell
Being delegated.

00:30:15 Squirrell
My first delegation, maybe.

00:30:17 Squirrell
Nice.

00:30:17 Squirrell
Not that me.

00:30:18 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:30:19 Squirrell
Set me up for a life of middle management.

00:30:20 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:30:22 Squirrell
But yeah, finding a lost dog far too late is my worst smell.

00:30:26 Squirrell
Well, enough about the worst hearse.

00:30:28 Squirrell
Tell us about the first hearse.

00:30:35 Hurst
The best smell in the whole world is the smell of fresh bread.

00:30:40 Hurst
Of all the food smells in all the world, bread's the best.

00:30:43 Hurst
And there is actually a little bit of science behind why it's so good.

00:30:46 Hurst
It is.

00:30:47 Hurst
When bread bakes, two big reactions kick off.

00:30:49 Hurst
One of them is called the Maillard reaction.

00:30:53 Hurst
Deep roasted nutty smells, which is the same magic that comes up when you're cooking steak

00:30:58 Hurst
or roasting coffee.

00:31:00 Hurst
Not that I'm a coffee man, but I can appreciate the smell of it.

00:31:03 Hurst
That's true.

00:31:03 Hurst
And then the other side of it is the caramelization, which adds to the warm, sweet notes.

00:31:07 Hurst
Plus, bread hits multiple lizard brain.

00:31:10 Hurst
This is good for survival signals because it's warm and safe.

00:31:13 Hurst
It's carbs, it's energy, it's fresh, it's not spoiled at all.

00:31:16 Hurst
And that is why technically and actually fresh bread is the absolute greatest smell.

00:31:23 Hurst
We have a new baker on the same road that my studio's on.

00:31:27 Hurst
He's an artisan baker.

00:31:29 Hurst
And he said, bread's actually very reasonable.

00:31:30 Hurst
It's not like London priced bread.

00:31:32 Hurst
Right.

00:31:33 Hurst
It's more expensive than supermarkets, but **** me, dad.

00:31:37 Hurst
It's so good.

00:31:39 Hurst
And I've tried almost everything he does.

00:31:41 Hurst
And to a single loaf, it is all spectacular.

00:31:45 Hurst
I can't remember what it's called, but if you are ever in Retford, get down Bridgegate and go to the Artisan Baker there because it's worth a detour.

00:31:53 Speaker 2
It's called Vintage Bakery on the corner near the bridge.

00:31:58 Hurst
As you're walking down the street, you can smell it.

00:32:00 Hurst
And I'm usually walking there from the studio to get bread for lunch.

00:32:03 Hurst
So I'm already in that zone of I'm going to get bread and then I smell it.

00:32:07 Hurst
and I start salivating straight away.

00:32:09 Hurst
It just, it hits me immediately and I walk in there and it's like shopping when you're hungry.

00:32:14 Hurst
It's a terrible thing.

00:32:15 Hurst
I mean, I want that one and that one and that one.

00:32:18 Hurst
I want, I'll take the lot.

00:32:20 Hurst
So you have to be a bit sensible there.

00:32:22 Hurst
Anyway, so bread, I ******* love bread, but the smell of bread, amazing.

00:32:26 Squirrell
Bread's an excellent shout, Hurst.

00:32:28 Squirrell
Do you have a fact in the estimated fact for me about bread?

00:32:31 Hurst
I have both of those things.

00:32:33 Hurst
Here is a fact about bread.

00:32:36 Hurst
Bread

00:32:36 Hurst
is over 14,000 years old.

00:32:39 Hurst
It's older than agriculture.

00:32:41 Hurst
Humans were making flatbreads before farming properly kicked off.

00:32:45 Hurst
Here's another fact about bread.

00:32:46 Hurst
Right.

00:32:48 Hurst
NASA spent over $2 million recreating the smell of fresh bread for astronauts because it had proven to be extremely effective in reducing homesickness at children's summer camps in the US.

00:32:57 Hurst
Hmm.

00:32:58 Squirrell
Hmm.

00:32:59 Squirrell
Both pretty good facts.

00:33:00 Squirrell
That's both pretty good.

00:33:02 Squirrell
I think I'm deciding toward the first one about bread being mad old, because obviously bread is mad old, but I didn't give you a date, but we know bread is mad old.

00:33:09 Squirrell
So yeah, I'm going to go with the first one.

00:33:10 Squirrell
Let me know, am I right?

00:33:11 Squirrell
You are absolutely right.

00:33:13 Hurst
Bread is over 14,000 years old.

00:33:16 Hurst
There was a site found, the research was from University College London and University of Copenhagen.

00:33:21 Hurst
I went in and double checked my stats.

00:33:24 Hurst
They did find a site that was 14,400 years old and had evidence of bread.

00:33:30 Squirrell
I wonder what they made out of back then, because they weren't like growing wheat, were they?

00:33:34 Squirrell
So yeah.

00:33:35 Hurst
But also in terms of NASA, they'd spend 2 million pounds on getting the right doorstops, because that's what places like that do in America.

00:33:42 Hurst
2 million of nothing to NASA.

00:33:45 Squirrell
I think it is right now.

00:33:47 Squirrell
I think that might be how much they've got in total.

00:33:49 Squirrell
But yeah, no, there we go.

00:33:51 Squirrell
Excellent bread facts, my friend.

00:33:53 Squirrell
Excellent choice for #1.

00:33:55 Squirrell
popular.

00:33:55 Squirrell
Oh, sure to win a popular vote.

00:33:57 Squirrell
Let's find out.

00:33:58 Squirrell
But my number one is just legitimately me, my favorite smell.

00:34:02 Squirrell
And if I get the opportunity, I will jam a marker pen under my nose.

00:34:08 Squirrell
Just half it like a weirdo.

00:34:10 Squirrell
Even if I'm in like, in professional way, it's mostly in professional settings, because I'm not playing with marker pens at home.

00:34:17 Squirrell
I'm not like you.

00:34:18 Squirrell
Don't do color it in.

00:34:20 Squirrell
Stay safe, kids.

00:34:22 Squirrell
Stay safe, kids.

00:34:23 Squirrell
*** ****.

00:34:24 Squirrell
Dry erase board markers or permanent markers just smell incredible.

00:34:29 Squirrell
There's a chemical in them and I will find the name of it in my notes.

00:34:33 Squirrell
Here we go.

00:34:34 Squirrell
We probably should have looked at how to pronounce some of these words before we started, right?

00:34:39 Squirrell
Why break the habit of a lifetime?

00:34:40 Squirrell
Halloween and xylene are the strongest smelling solvents and they are actually being phased out.

00:34:50 Squirrell
is sad news as low odor markers are generally alcohol-based instead.

00:34:56 Squirrell
You definitely smell the alcohol-based ones and immediately know that they're different to the ******* good old toxic chemicals that they rammed into the old ones.

00:35:04 Squirrell
God, I love that smell.

00:35:05 Squirrell
I will sit in meetings and just be like, pass me the pen.

00:35:11 Squirrell
Which is, all right, if you're with your colleagues, you know, that's cool, they know me, I do weird **** they're down with that.

00:35:16 Squirrell
But, you know, if you're at a other company's office, because you're at an external meeting, and there's just this weirdo who's ******* huffing the pens, and has, potentially at the same time, it's **** mobile.

00:35:32 Squirrell
It's me, which is...

00:35:37 Squirrell
Love 'em.

00:35:37 Squirrell
Love the smell of that **** right?

00:35:40 Squirrell
It's nothing to do with nostalgia.

00:35:41 Squirrell
It's not because I remember my school days.

00:35:44 Squirrell
Gotta get that toluene and xylene chemical melts can correct my pronunciation.

00:35:50 Hurst
All right, so sir.

00:35:51 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:35:52 Squirrell
Got any facts about them?

00:35:54 Squirrell
I do have a fact, buddy.

00:35:55 Squirrell
I do have a fact.

00:35:56 Squirrell
Fact.

00:35:57 Squirrell
Permanent markers are impressively toxic, not just from breathing them in, but from getting them on your skin.

00:36:03 Squirrell
And in more than one case, children who get hold of them and play with them by drawing all over their bodies have ******* died.

00:36:09 Squirrell
That's how toxic they can be.

00:36:12 Squirrell
If you accidentally use a permanent marker on a whiteboard and you can't get it off, you can draw over it with non-permanent marker and then you can just wipe it off as normal, like magic.

00:36:20 Hurst
I know that to be true.

00:36:21 Hurst
I have done said activity before when I've accidentally defaced a whiteboard.

00:36:26 Hurst
Someone showed me that.

00:36:27 Hurst
It's like, what is this voodoo?

00:36:30 Hurst
Title and Xylenol are powerful and they overpower your permanent marker.

00:36:35 Squirrell
I think Xylenol is something you take for stress, right?

00:36:39 Squirrell
Xylene, I think it was called.

00:36:40 Squirrell
I've got 2 typical.

00:36:41 Hurst
No, that one is definitely true.

00:36:42 Hurst
I thought the first one probably wouldn't be either way.

00:36:44 Hurst
He's like, I think we'd have probably heard more about it if markers were killing kids.

00:36:48 Squirrell
Maybe.

00:36:49 Squirrell
I doubt it's probably good for you to cover yourself with these chemicals, but I don't know of any children dying though, although I didn't actually check.

00:36:55 Squirrell
But you're completely right.

00:36:56 Squirrell
If you use permanent marker on a whiteboard, the only difference between permanent marker and dry erased marker is the addition of these chemicals.

00:37:02 Squirrell
So when you put the chemicals on, you can get the ink off.

00:37:05 Squirrell
There you go.

00:37:06 Squirrell
That's basically how that works.

00:37:07 Hurst
Science.

00:37:08 Squirrell
And they smell delicious.

00:37:10 Squirrell
Science.

00:37:11 Hurst
Field science fact.

00:37:12 Squirrell
There you go.

00:37:14 Squirrell
Did you have any that just missed your list test?

00:37:17 Hurst
I had a few close calls.

00:37:18 Hurst
I was going to ask you the same thing, actually, because it obviously we discussed bacon.

00:37:21 Hurst
That's great stuff as well.

00:37:24 Squirrell
You have to have bacon for lunch.

00:37:25 Hurst
Yeah, and that is a good smell.

00:37:27 Hurst
I can even smell it through the illness.

00:37:28 Hurst
So that's good stuff.

00:37:29 Hurst
There were a couple as well.

00:37:31 Hurst
So when I was growing up, Cool Water by Davidoff, the fragrance.

00:37:35 Squirrell
Oh yeah.

00:37:35 Hurst
That was my first fragrance and all I got it because all the girls love cool water.

00:37:39 Hurst
So that's why all the boys bought cool water.

00:37:42 Hurst
Exactly that, right?

00:37:43 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:37:44 Hurst
So to this day, I love the smell of it because it has that nostalgia.

00:37:47 Hurst
the excitement of, trying to woo girls back in the day.

00:37:50 Hurst
It's cool.

00:37:51 Squirrell
To woo girls back in the 1800s.

00:37:54 Hurst
Yeah, back in them days.

00:37:55 Hurst
Right, okay.

00:37:57 Hurst
Back some 30 odd years ago.

00:38:00 Squirrell
God, yeah.

00:38:01 Hurst
I still have a bottle of cold water kicking around that sometimes I'll throw a bit on, just get the nostalgic smell.

00:38:07 Hurst
I also like Coco Mademoiselle because that's what Carly wears.

00:38:10 Hurst
So I've just put that in for making sure I like the way that Carly smells.

00:38:14 Hurst
She needs to know that.

00:38:15 Hurst
Love you, Angel.

00:38:17 Squirrell
To make it sound bad.

00:38:20 Hurst
Tick.

00:38:20 Squirrell
I'm going to put that in for your worst somehow.

00:38:22 Squirrell
I'm going to edit that in so when you say your worst, it's flat.

00:38:26 Squirrell
Get you in trouble?

00:38:27 Hurst
Yeah, so those were both there.

00:38:30 Squirrell
What about you?

00:38:30 Squirrell
I really like walking into, what are those shops called?

00:38:34 Squirrell
Like Lush, I think the shop is called.

00:38:36 Squirrell
The ones that make all those bath product things and soaps and stuff.

00:38:40 Squirrell
And it's just like an actual physical assault on your nose when you walk in there.

00:38:45 Squirrell
It's like, pow.

00:38:46 Squirrell
And they sell all these soaps and stuff.

00:38:48 Squirrell
I don't think they're meant to be very good.

00:38:50 Squirrell
I don't know if we like luster or not in terms of whether they're vegetable, but they smell incredible.

00:38:54 Squirrell
And they just smell these soaps and these bath bombs and these other things.

00:38:57 Squirrell
Oh, mate, you want to eat them so bad.

00:38:59 Squirrell
They smell so good.

00:39:01 Squirrell
And you're like, oh, this must taste amazing.

00:39:03 Squirrell
They do not.

00:39:04 Squirrell
They do not taste like that at all.

00:39:06 Squirrell
Sniffing markers, eating bath bombs.

00:39:10 Squirrell
Eating ******* bath bombs.

00:39:12 Squirrell
Specifically, this candle.

00:39:13 Squirrell
It's a cinnamon and clove scented candle, which you can get as part of free from Costco.

00:39:19 Squirrell
Oh, my God.

00:39:21 Hurst
Check it out.

00:39:22 Hurst
We have a lot of cats in our house on account of dogs.

00:39:25 Squirrell
I do like a scented candle.

00:39:27 Squirrell
I'm a fan of the red variety, the more Christmassy smelling ones, like cinnamon, like clove, that kind of stuff.

00:39:33 Squirrell
Festive ****.

00:39:34 Squirrell
I could have that all day.

00:39:36 Hurst
Yeah, I like the linen smelling ones, and they've got the white candles.

00:39:41 Hurst
Yeah, the sandalwood's a really nice smell as well.

00:39:43 Squirrell
I've got a sandalwood one around somewhere.

00:39:45 Hurst
I used to have that when I was burning justics as a youngster.

00:39:48 Hurst
Like, yeah, cool in my hippy environment.

00:39:50 Hurst
Sandalwood.

00:39:51 Squirrell
But yeah, I guess scented candles are kind of meant to smell nice.

00:39:54 Hurst
Feels a bit cheaty.

00:39:55 Hurst
It is a bit cheaty.

00:39:56 Hurst
I thought that as well.

00:39:56 Squirrell
Exciting stuff.

00:39:58 Squirrell
First, we find out what we're ranking next week.

00:40:01 Hurst
Let's have a look.

00:40:02 Hurst
We got any new ones?

00:40:03 Squirrell
I was about to regale you, Hurst.

00:40:05 Squirrell
We have a lot of new ones off the back of the weirdly popular advert episode, right?

00:40:12 Squirrell
So we've got top five meatloaf songs.

00:40:15 Squirrell
No, that one.

00:40:17 Squirrell
Oh, I'm probably happy with that one.

00:40:19 Squirrell
There's a lot of meatloaf.

00:40:20 Squirrell
There it is.

00:40:21 Squirrell
Top Five conspiracy theories.

00:40:23 Hurst
Oh, now that's interesting.

00:40:25 Squirrell
Yes, top five guitar riffs.

00:40:28 Hurst
Yeah, now we're into my wheelhouse.

00:40:29 Squirrell
Yes.

00:40:30 Squirrell
Top Five songs with more than five words in the title.

00:40:33 Squirrell
That's been the vision.

00:40:34 Squirrell
That one sounds hard.

00:40:35 Hurst
Crikey, Vish.

00:40:37 Squirrell
Right?

00:40:37 Squirrell
It's a good job by professionals, but jeez.

00:40:41 Squirrell
And then finally, top five weekends away in the UK, brackets, that aren't London, closed brackets.

00:40:46 Squirrell
That's been Kern.

00:40:47 Squirrell
What about London, Kern?

00:40:49 Squirrell
Jeez, it's one thing on a list.

00:40:50 Squirrell
Wow.

00:40:51 Hurst
Wouldn't even include London anyway.

00:40:53 Squirrell
Screw you, London.

00:40:54 Squirrell
Well, you might not.

00:40:55 Squirrell
I like London, so I would have done.

00:40:56 Squirrell
But yeah, top five weekends away in the UK.

00:41:00 Hurst
Right, show us the wheel of decisions.

00:41:03 Squirrell
Spin it.

00:41:04 Squirrell
We.

00:41:05 Squirrell
We're going to get...

00:41:07 Squirrell
Oh, what, 80s and 90s cartoons.

00:41:13 Squirrell
Well, there is something we know some stuff about.

00:41:16 Squirrell
A better place than adult cartoons with them, right, Hurst?

00:41:19 Hurst
So much better place.

00:41:21 Squirrell
Have a look who asked for that.

00:41:24 Squirrell
I think it was maybe Laura.

00:41:25 Squirrell
Oh, no.

00:41:26 Squirrell
Rachel the Juggler.

00:41:27 Squirrell
Sorry, Rachel.

00:41:28 Hurst
Oh, that's her second one.

00:41:29 Hurst
She was kitchen implements.

00:41:30 Hurst
She's doing well out of the wheel.

00:41:32 Squirrell
She is doing well out of the wheel.

00:41:33 Squirrell
We will rank the top five and the worst 80s and 90s cartoon.

00:41:39 Squirrell
Again, we're probably not doing anime in there, right?

00:41:41 Squirrell
That will be its own separate category if it ever comes up, I think.

00:41:44 Squirrell
But oh, there's so many crackers you used to watch when you were a kid.

00:41:47 Squirrell
They're going to, oh, already this is a challenge.

00:41:50 Squirrell
We have, don't get confused.

00:41:52 Squirrell
You may be thinking, haven't you already done cartoons?

00:41:53 Squirrell
Didn't you do that first?

00:41:54 Squirrell
No, we did cartoon villains.

00:41:56 Squirrell
A lot of them were from the 80s and 90s, but not all of them.

00:41:59 Squirrell
I had a couple, certainly more recent ones.

00:42:01 Squirrell
Looking forward to that.

00:42:02 Squirrell
Otherwise, let us back this one into the supermarket car park and call it a day, Hurst.

00:42:08 Squirrell
We've spun the wheel.

00:42:10 Squirrell
So trying to remind you to like and subscribe and stuff like that.

00:42:14 Squirrell
I don't know how it works.

00:42:16 Squirrell
Tell your friend, that's very helpful.

00:42:18 Hurst
If you're not a patron already, how much is it going to cost?

00:42:20 Hurst
Because it's not going to be as cheap forever, is it, Squirrel?

00:42:22 Squirrell
We've talked about that.

00:42:23 Squirrell
We need to talk about that.

00:42:24 Squirrell
Well done, Hurst.

00:42:25 Squirrell
So yes, our Patreon, I spoke to those people who are actually good at this **** and I explained what our Patreon

00:42:32 Squirrell
was like, they were like a pound.

00:42:33 Squirrell
Are you insane?

00:42:34 Squirrell
So apparently we're being far too cheap first, like the cheap audio ****** we are.

00:42:40 Squirrell
So we're not going to go and put any prices up.

00:42:42 Squirrell
That's * **** **** first.

00:42:43 Squirrell
So those of you on the one pound Patreon tier, the official suggestion committee, that is not going to go up.

00:42:49 Squirrell
What we are going to do is limit that to 20 people.

00:42:51 Squirrell
So there can only ever be 20 people in the one pound tier.

00:42:55 Squirrell
Anyone joining after that has to go into the two pound tier, which is exactly the same.

00:43:00 Squirrell
you have to pay two pounds.

00:43:01 Squirrell
Makes sense?

00:43:02 Squirrell
Good.

00:43:03 Squirrell
Pretty simple.

00:43:04 Squirrell
Be an OG, a doctor, save money, Hurst.

00:43:07 Squirrell
Simple as that.

00:43:07 Squirrell
Exactly right.

00:43:08 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:43:08 Squirrell
You can join the two pound tier if you want to, but you don't have to.

00:43:12 Squirrell
If there's still spaces left in the one pound tier, the official supporter hub Hurst, which is five pound a month, that's always been limited to 20 people.

00:43:19 Squirrell
So we're not just continually reading names out.

00:43:22 Squirrell
Five pounds a month, the official support hub gets you everything that you also get in the OG Patreon, the ability to suggest topics, you get special once a month

00:43:30 Squirrell
bonus episodes.

00:43:31 Squirrell
If we ever do adverts, you're not going to hear them.

00:43:34 Squirrell
And you get your name read out in every episode just like this.

00:43:40 Hurst
Big up to the amazing, lovely goddess Jasmine, the marvellous Gaz Chap, the excellent Kovach and the wonderful Dav Paz.

00:43:52 Hurst
Love you guys the most.

00:43:55 Squirrell
I thought you were going to do an Ali G impression that last.

00:43:57 Squirrell
I was very excited to hear the name.

00:43:59 Squirrell
Innit, you get me though, innit?

00:44:01 Squirrell
That's next time.

00:44:02 Squirrell
I'm just going to throw random things at you.

00:44:04 Squirrell
That's how you're going to have to read them out in the future.

00:44:06 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:44:07 Squirrell
We were also told that considering the content of our podcast, the name Official Supporter Hub is very dull and we should change it to something more interesting.

00:44:16 Squirrell
And you're quite right.

00:44:17 Squirrell
We should do that.

00:44:18 Squirrell
So the Official Supporter Hub has, we need a new name for our top tier patrons that makes them feel like they are indeed.

00:44:25 Squirrell
top-tier Patreons.

00:44:26 Squirrell
We need something that makes them feel special.

00:44:28 Squirrell
And we came up with **** all.

00:44:30 Hurst
I know we came up with a fraction more than **** all, but it wasn't enough to warrant a change.

00:44:34 Hurst
And I think we need to throw this one out to the rankers.

00:44:37 Hurst
And there could be a temporary visa prize maybe for it.

00:44:41 Squirrell
Yes, indeed.

00:44:42 Squirrell
If you give us a name for the Official Supporter Hub, which is our top tier of patronage, and we choose it, you will win three months worth of Official Supporter Hub or whatever it is called, then access for absolutely nothing.

00:44:53 Squirrell
And Hurst will say your name in whatever silly voice I choose next time out.

00:44:59 Squirrell
So yeah, if you've got an idea, sling it at us, you put it in the comment when you vote on the website, or you can send us an e-mail, [email protected].

00:45:07 Squirrell
We hang around on Facebook, we hang around on Blue Scale, although I don't look at Blue Scale very often,

00:45:11 Squirrell
And you could put it as a comment on Patreon.

00:45:13 Squirrell
You don't have to be paying to do that.

00:45:15 Hurst
And the other cool thing about this is not only will they get the benefits of being in said club every week when they hear us say, and the members of the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah club, they will know that was their doing.

00:45:27 Hurst
That's like having your name read out.

00:45:30 Hurst
Like you sit there going, yeah, I'll come up with that.

00:45:32 Squirrell
That was always them.

00:45:34 Hurst
I'm part of the show.

00:45:35 Squirrell
If you like this **** join our Patreon.

00:45:37 Squirrell
We don't mind which tier you join.

00:45:39 Squirrell
Come and find us in those various places that I mentioned earlier.

00:45:41 Squirrell
Come to our website and vote.

00:45:42 Squirrell
That's very important.

00:45:43 Squirrell
topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:45:45 Squirrell
Or if you're lazy, TFFO.uk.

00:45:48 Squirrell
There you go.

00:45:49 Squirrell
That's all you have to type.

00:45:50 Squirrell
Seven characters.

00:45:51 Squirrell
Bang.

00:45:51 Squirrell
Time to vote.

00:45:52 Squirrell
Wow.

00:45:53 Squirrell
I didn't know we had that one.

00:45:54 Squirrell
Well done, mate.

00:45:54 Squirrell
There you are.

00:45:55 Squirrell
It's new, Hurst.

00:45:55 Squirrell
It's new.

00:45:56 Squirrell
That's why I bring it up.

00:45:58 Squirrell
I think that is about all we have to say apart from, I look upon the walls of my recently trashed house by Teenagers Hearst, many beer stains and disasters, and I'm too lazy to clean it.

00:46:08 Squirrell
Maybe I just want to cover it up with some arts.

00:46:11 Squirrell
Where can I procure some arts, Hurst?

00:46:13 Hurst
Well, all the cool kids are going to www..what's my website?

00:46:18 Squirrell
Doghouse Art.

00:46:20 Hurst
All the cool kids are going to www..dogghouseart.uk.

00:46:24 Hurst
No, all the cool kids are going to www..

00:46:28 Squirrell
Can you do it?

00:46:31 Squirrell
All the cool kids are going to doghazart.co.uk and buying pictures.

00:46:36 Squirrell
Is the money off still good, Hurst, or is it finished?

00:46:40 Hurst
It is for our rankers.

00:46:42 Squirrell
All right, there we go.

00:46:43 Hurst
If you want 30% off, which is absolute marks, just right in the discount code area, all caps, the facts are exact.

00:46:53 Hurst
Excellent Patreon trooper has already taken advantage of it.

00:46:57 Squirrell
So we know it works.

00:46:57 Squirrell
That's the most surprising part of that for me, Hurst, is that you said it upright.

00:47:01 Squirrell
Well, I mean.

00:47:03 Hurst
Thanks, Troop.

00:47:03 Hurst
You're a hero.

00:47:04 Hurst
And everyone else, get on it because I'm still skin.

00:47:08 Hurst
I may be working in schools now, but I'm a TA, so I still owe **** all money.

00:47:11 Squirrell
One more thing to remind you, Rankers.

00:47:13 Squirrell
Hurst did drop a bit of a Harry Potter-shaped gauntlet in the last episode.

00:47:17 Squirrell
Do they have gauntlets in Harry Potter's world?

00:47:20 Hurst
I mean, not strictly because none of them are knights.

00:47:22 Hurst
Maybe some of the ghosts or maybe some of the coats of arms would have gauntlets, but.

00:47:26 Squirrell
Anyway, Hearst thinks no one could beat him in a Harry Potter trivia competition.

00:47:31 Squirrell
I want to find out if that's true.

00:47:33 Squirrell
So we are looking to bring on a guest or two for one of our Patreon specials.

00:47:37 Squirrell
If you're good at the Potter or you know someone who's good at the Potter, please get in touch if you would like to be involved.

00:47:44 Squirrell
Got a couple of people I reckon already, Hearst.

00:47:46 Squirrell
They're going to form one team.

00:47:48 Squirrell
Two people on one team.

00:47:49 Squirrell
Hell yeah.

00:47:49 Squirrell
You're the best.

00:47:50 Squirrell
That's no problem for you.

00:47:51 Squirrell
And I'm having a chat with the person that runs one of the top rated Harry Potter podcasts.

00:47:57 Squirrell
So we'll see how this goes.

00:48:02 Squirrell
Yeah, it's going to be an interesting one, Rankers.

00:48:05 Squirrell
So make sure you don't miss out.

00:48:07 Squirrell
I reckon we're about done talking about smells and other things.

00:48:11 Hurst
Let's parallel park it and I can go take some meds and pass it out.

00:48:15 Squirrell
There you go.

00:48:16 Squirrell
Please rewind this podcast for the next person to come along and we will see you in a couple of weeks time with

00:48:22 Squirrell
80s and 90s cartoons.

00:48:24 Hurst
Sweet.

00:48:26 Squirrell
See you later.

00:48:27 Hurst
See you later.

00:48:28 Hurst
Love you.

00:48:33 Harriet
Top Five Face Off is presented by Matt Hurst and Matt Squirrel and produced by Power Storm Awesome Fire Incorporated.

00:48:40 Harriet
For more details and to vote for winner, visit topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:48:45 Harriet
Thanks for listening.

00:49:16 Hurst
Hearst doesn't even know his own website.

00:49:20 Squirrell
When I hear ABBA, immediately within three ******* words, I messed that up.

00:49:27 Squirrell
When I think ABBA, I hear Waterloo.

00:49:33 Squirrell
Yeah, man.

00:49:34 Squirrell
I work for a green energy company.

00:49:37 Hurst
I work with children with special needs, so it's good to you.

00:49:41 Squirrell
Whatever.

00:49:46 Squirrell
If we were to go on a romantic getaway hearse, where would you take us?

00:49:49 Squirrell
That's what the question is asking.

00:49:51 Hurst
All right.

00:49:52 Hurst
But you were asking me and I was going to tell you something really nice.

00:49:54 Hurst
I'd tell you to a lush hotel, mate.

00:49:56 Squirrell
Oh, yeah, of course you were.

00:49:57 Squirrell
No, I was legitimately asking where you would take me.

00:50:00 Hurst
Five star, champagne and roses, the whole works.

00:50:03 Squirrell
I don't like champagne.

00:50:04 Hurst
I love the champagne.

00:50:06 Squirrell
It gives me heartburn.

00:50:07 Hurst
All right, beer and roses.

00:50:08 Squirrell
Hell yeah, here we go.

00:50:10 Squirrell
I mean, roses here, mate.

00:50:11 Hurst
Beer and petrol.

00:50:13 Squirrell
Oh yeah, just a jug of petrol and a jug of beer.

00:50:17 Squirrell
Don't mix them up.

00:50:18 Squirrell
I'll treat you real nice, mate.

00:50:20 Hurst
Have a have a red markers on the table.

00:50:22 Squirrell
Get a big jug of beer.

00:50:24 Squirrell
You can just colour yourself in.

00:50:27 Squirrell
What is happening?

00:50:31 Squirrell
On the downside, you now have to dig out your list of ABBA songs, which you've almost certainly forgotten, to remind us of the official world ranking.

00:50:39 Squirrell
That is absolutely true.

00:50:40 Squirrell
I've forgotten to do that.

00:50:42 Hurst
I remembered at the start of the show, I thought, well, hopefully you'll win it and I don't have to try and find it.

00:50:48 Squirrell
We have a big...

00:50:51 Squirrell
**** let's do that again.

00:50:53 Squirrell
Each episode.

00:50:55 Squirrell
Why did I say that?

00:50:56 Squirrell
God, this is going well.

00:50:57 Squirrell
Hurst wants to get up quick and I can't even ******* do the first bit.

00:51:02 Hurst
Spraying their red flame.

00:51:05 Hurst
Let's try that again.

00:51:06 Hurst
Spraying their red mist out.

00:51:09 Hurst
What is it?

00:51:09 Squirrell
Smoke.

00:51:10 Hurst
******* smoke.

00:51:11 Hurst
Spraying the red smoke out the back of their jet.