S02E03: Kitchen Implements

Transcript

00:00:00 Harriet
Top Five Face-Off contains adult themes and language that some people may find offensive.

00:00:05 Harriet
Listener discretion is advised.

00:00:07 Squirrell
He's Matt Hurst.

00:00:08 Hurst
He's Matt Squirrel.

00:00:09 Squirrell
And this is Top Five Face-Off, the official world rankings of everything.

00:00:13 Squirrell
What are we ranking today, Hurst?

00:00:15 Hurst
Well, Squirrel, today we will be ranking the top five kitchen implements.

00:00:20 Squirrell
Coming right up after this.

00:00:38 Harriet
Then there's a best and a worst.

00:00:40 Harriet
If there's more than five, call Squirrel and Hearst.

00:00:43 Harriet
It's the top on face off.

00:00:46 Harriet
Actual fact.

00:00:47 Harriet
It's the top on face off.

00:00:49 Harriet
Facts are exact.

00:00:51 Harriet
Top on face off.

00:00:53 Harriet
Top on face off.

00:00:54 Harriet
Official world ranking.

00:00:56 Harriet
What's next?

00:00:57 Harriet
You decide.

00:00:59 Hurst
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, or good night, Rankers.

00:01:02 Hurst
Welcome back.

00:01:03 Hurst
Or if you're new to the show.

00:01:04 Hurst
Welcome.

00:01:05 Hurst
For all our new listeners, Squirrel, why don't you tell them a little bit about what we do here and why we do it?

00:01:10 Squirrell
Yeah, hello, rankers, and a special hello if you're in a car.

00:01:13 Squirrell
There you are, just for you.

00:01:15 Squirrell
This is Top Five Faceoff, the official world rankings of everything.

00:01:18 Squirrell
We get a random subject, sometimes they're very random subjects, and we pick our top five and a worst, and then you, the rankers at home, decide which one of us is correct, because one of us is always correct.

00:01:30 Squirrell
And you vote by going to our website www..topfivefaceoff.co.uk and you'll see the

00:01:35 Squirrell
box at the top and you can vote in there.

00:01:37 Squirrell
That's new, by the way.

00:01:39 Hurst
Excellent.

00:01:40 Hurst
Well done, you.

00:01:41 Squirrell
Which I'm sure you've picked up on, because you're always looking at our website.

00:01:44 Hurst
No, I've been busy trying to make my own website at a minute.

00:01:46 Hurst
This has been an education.

00:01:48 Squirrell
Is it?

00:01:48 Squirrell
Is that what's been going on, Hurst?

00:01:50 Hurst
That has been going on.

00:01:52 Hurst
I've been all blending or scripting my ****.

00:01:53 Hurst
I've signed up with a company that's built an awesome website that automates all of the printing and delivery of my stuff, but they only

00:02:01 Hurst
do it in America, which they didn't really tell me about at the start.

00:02:04 Hurst
I'm trying to get some work around.

00:02:06 Hurst
Basically, the best way is if I make my own UK version and then a link from their version into that.

00:02:11 Hurst
So yeah, that's been a bit of a ball ache and it has gripped my **** a bit.

00:02:16 Hurst
But hey, I'm learning something new very, very slowly.

00:02:21 Squirrell
All right.

00:02:21 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:02:22 Hurst
Always good to learn, Hurst.

00:02:24 Hurst
Yeah.

00:02:24 Hurst
Of course, the other thing that's going on in my life is I resigned yesterday.

00:02:28 Squirrell
What the ****?

00:02:29 Squirrell
This is news to Squirrel.

00:02:30 Hurst
I know.

00:02:31 Hurst
We need a mic drop or a kaboom kind of sound effect there.

00:02:37 Hurst
Yeah, I resigned from it because I was no longer happy there.

00:02:40 Hurst
I liked a lot of the job, but I felt that, you know, it was just the right time.

00:02:44 Hurst
I needed to find a new challenge.

00:02:47 Hurst
Plus, I'm going to now focus for the next month.

00:02:50 Hurst
whilst I'm working out my notice, kind of really focus hard on trying to make the art stuff.

00:02:54 Hurst
But yeah, big stuff.

00:02:56 Hurst
I resigned yesterday.

00:02:57 Hurst
Something happened and it just triggered me and I called Carly and I said, am I being a bit reactive here if I resign?

00:03:04 Hurst
And she said, no, you've been miserable there for ages.

00:03:06 Hurst
I was like, fine, that's all I needed to know, the voice of reason.

00:03:10 Hurst
So yeah, boom, off it went.

00:03:12 Hurst
Handed in my notice and now, you know, it's exciting and scary and, you know, all of that ****.

00:03:18 Squirrell
Positive life steps, my friend.

00:03:19 Squirrell
So you've got the fear, as they say in Friends, right?

00:03:22 Hurst
Yeah.

00:03:23 Hurst
Or as Ian Brown says in that actually rather good song.

00:03:26 Squirrell
Oh, yeah.

00:03:27 Squirrell
I'm not sure he's talking about leaving your job, though.

00:03:31 Hurst
He's talking about all sorts.

00:03:32 Hurst
Forget everything and remember, you know.

00:03:34 Squirrell
Right, because wow, what's been going on with me, Hurst?

00:03:36 Squirrell
I've also been doing website Shears, and it's special website Shears just for our Patreons.

00:03:43 Squirrell
So you can become a Patreon by going to patreon.com and searching for Top Five Face Off.

00:03:47 Squirrell
There's links at the

00:03:47 Squirrell
bottom of our website.

00:03:49 Squirrell
But we're going to start doing special bonus episodes just for the Patreons.

00:03:53 Squirrell
So they had to have their own way of getting at them in the podcast suite and stuff like that.

00:03:56 Squirrell
So if you're a Patreon, go to patreon.com and check out the Top Five Face-Off page and you'll be able to see a link to a podcast and you should be able to subscribe from there, whether you use Spotify or Apple or Podcast Addict.

00:04:07 Squirrell
If you're on Android, you should use Podcast Addict.

00:04:09 Squirrell
It's really good.

00:04:10 Squirrell
But yeah, exciting stuff.

00:04:12 Squirrell
They've already got a bonus episode we did a year ago about the Friends characters and I've stuck

00:04:18 Squirrell
Episode 0 of, so.

00:04:20 Hurst
Oh my God, that is excellent.

00:04:21 Hurst
That was the Alcopops, wasn't it?

00:04:24 Squirrell
Alcopops, yes.

00:04:25 Hurst
Our first ever foray into podcast.

00:04:27 Squirrell
It was our pilot demo episode.

00:04:29 Squirrell
So yeah, now patrons will have access to that.

00:04:31 Squirrell
And even if you join now, you'll have access to that.

00:04:33 Squirrell
So find a pound, a pound a month.

00:04:36 Squirrell
Imagine, imagine getting something better for a pound a month.

00:04:39 Squirrell
I get not.

00:04:40 Hurst
There isn't anything I don't think.

00:04:41 Hurst
There isn't.

00:04:42 Squirrell
There really isn't.

00:04:43 Hurst
People will spend, I think it's two pounds now on a lottery ticket that they're never going to win.

00:04:47 Squirrell
Of course not.

00:04:47 Squirrell
Of course they're not.

00:04:48 Hurst
And that's every week they're doing that, sometimes twice a week.

00:04:51 Hurst
Yes.

00:04:51 Hurst
So yeah, exactly.

00:04:53 Hurst
Spend that pound wisely.

00:04:55 Squirrell
Cool.

00:04:55 Squirrell
Anything making you feel old at the Hurst?

00:04:58 Hurst
Well, it is my birthday next Friday and that will always make me feel old.

00:05:02 Hurst
And for anyone listening now, that's two days time because we're recording this on a Friday.

00:05:06 Hurst
Hence we have beer.

00:05:08 Squirrell
Yes, we are recording a little bit early and we do have beer.

00:05:11 Squirrell
Can we do an across the internet beer can clink?

00:05:14 Squirrell
Let's find out.

00:05:15 Squirrell
Ready.

00:05:18 Hurst
Hey! Yeah, so birthday in two days time and I'll be 47 joining you up in the giddy ranks so I can expect some pain and general sadness.

00:05:28 Hurst
But yeah, just generally thinking about the fact that we're so close to 50 now and that's just an alarming thought when you feel like school only felt like not that long ago, but level.

00:05:38 Squirrell
Level 47, baby.

00:05:40 Hurst
It was 30 years ago that we finished that ****.

00:05:44 Squirrell
Wait a minute, mate.

00:05:46 Hurst
Yeah.

00:05:47 Squirrell
Even did some side quests because I'm a ******* nerd.

00:05:49 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:05:50 Hurst
I didn't.

00:05:53 Hurst
I barely completed it.

00:05:55 Hurst
I did the game, but I didn't bother doing kind of finding all of the hidden chests and stuff.

00:05:59 Squirrell
Wait, you played New Game Plus though, right?

00:06:01 Squirrell
Because you went to university.

00:06:03 Hurst
Yeah, I didn't complete it.

00:06:04 Squirrell
Oh, I didn't know that.

00:06:05 Squirrell
Sorry.

00:06:08 Hurst
The content that didn't play it.

00:06:09 Squirrell
Never played it right quite.

00:06:13 Squirrell
Let's move swiftly on.

00:06:14 Squirrell
What's making me feel old?

00:06:16 Squirrell
Oh, my child Hurst has passed his theory test today for car driving if you're not in the UK.

00:06:22 Hurst
Do you know how long ago the theory test came out?

00:06:27 Squirrell
It was around 98, wasn't it?

00:06:30 Squirrell
I didn't do one, but only just.

00:06:31 Hurst
Ninety-six.

00:06:33 Squirrell
Ninety-six was it?

00:06:34 Squirrell
All right, ******* up there.

00:06:35 Hurst
Yeah, because that's when I passed my test.

00:06:36 Hurst
I was...

00:06:37 Hurst
I took my theory test in the first week that it existed.

00:06:41 Squirrell
So I must have passed mine a little bit before that.

00:06:44 Hurst
To a driving theory test.

00:06:45 Hurst
It was funny because they weren't sure how to pitch it at that point, how difficult to make it, so they made it ******* easy.

00:06:52 Hurst
So I was sitting in this room with about 20 other people and they said, right, you have 45 minutes to complete the paper.

00:07:01 Hurst
You can pop your hand up if you finish early and you want to leave.

00:07:04 Hurst
You may start now.

00:07:04 Hurst
So everyone started.

00:07:06 Hurst
Ten minutes later, I'd finished.

00:07:07 Hurst
And I was like, so I looked back through it, just double checked.

00:07:11 Hurst
One answer I wasn't sure if I got right.

00:07:14 Hurst
And then I was like, okay.

00:07:15 Hurst
Sat there for another two or three minutes waiting for someone else to look like they'd finished.

00:07:19 Hurst
And eventually I stuck my hand up and they said, have you finished?

00:07:21 Hurst
So yeah.

00:07:22 Hurst
I said, you can go.

00:07:23 Hurst
And like 10 other people's hands went up.

00:07:25 Hurst
Like everyone was just sitting there waiting, going, I can't possibly have finished it in 10 minutes, can I?

00:07:30 Hurst
must have missed something, but no.

00:07:32 Squirrell
So was it on a computer or is it on paper?

00:07:35 Hurst
We didn't have computers in any case.

00:07:37 Squirrell
Straight away or what?

00:07:38 Hurst
No, we handed it in and they sent us probably a fax or a telegram.

00:07:45 Hurst
They sent a raven.

00:07:47 Squirrell
Yes.

00:07:48 Hurst
All right, cool.

00:07:50 Hurst
They sent Kevin Costner on his horse to deliver it.

00:07:54 Hurst
But no, it was, yeah, it was laughable really.

00:07:58 Hurst
But I did have to do it again when I passed my motorbike theory and it was a lot harder at that point.

00:08:02 Squirrell
They've got that reaction test **** in there by then, are they all?

00:08:06 Hurst
Yeah, all of that jazz.

00:08:07 Hurst
And it was on computers and everything.

00:08:10 Squirrell
Exciting.

00:08:11 Squirrell
Right, we did promise we were going to push on with this one, Hurst, after our one hour, 15 minute slog fest that was the last episode.

00:08:17 Hurst
Well, that's not a problem because we are doing kitchen implements and I know absolutely sweet **** all about kitchen implements because I'm not

00:08:25 Hurst
very cookie or chefy.

00:08:28 Hurst
And for all the rankers who don't know, Squirrel is an exceptionally good cook and knows all of the implements and some implements that you've never even heard of because he had to invent them to do the wild **** that he does with the other yes chefs.

00:08:40 Squirrell
I totally got one of them.

00:08:43 Squirrell
Cool.

00:08:44 Squirrell
But let's not talk about that yet, Hurst, because we need to talk about the last episode.

00:08:47 Squirrell
Yes, one hour, 15 minutes dead on.

00:08:49 Squirrell
We were discussing post-apocalyptic movies and TV shows.

00:08:53 Hurst
Yes, we were.

00:08:54 Squirrell
Once again, it's pretty close.

00:08:55 Squirrell
Hurst, would you like some comments?

00:08:56 Hurst
Yeah, let's hear it.

00:08:57 Squirrell
Is.

00:08:58 Squirrell
And I'm telling you it's close because the people that voted for you have not come out in the comments, Hurst.

00:09:04 Squirrell
You have got very few comments, but that doesn't mean anything.

00:09:08 Squirrell
But I've done a thing, so it randomizes the order of the comments.

00:09:12 Squirrell
I'm just going to read them in the order they come in.

00:09:15 Squirrell
Got to respect the craft.

00:09:16 Squirrell
Some esoteric but appropriate post-apocalyptic choices branching out from the obvious and bringing innovation.

00:09:22 Squirrell
Wall-E, Endgame.

00:09:24 Squirrell
Round of applause, big fella.

00:09:26 Squirrell
Now, on to Hurst.

00:09:27 Squirrell
Two things, Hurst.

00:09:29 Squirrell
One, I was worried that choice four wouldn't happen.

00:09:31 Squirrell
But luckily it happened at choice two.

00:09:33 Squirrell
The Walking Dead, a show you spent 10 minutes telling us how **** it was and that you couldn't finish it as it dragged so badly.

00:09:39 Squirrell
Yet #2, **** ***.

00:09:41 Squirrell
I am zombie.

00:09:42 Squirrell
I'm fully with Squirrel here.

00:09:43 Squirrell
The ending was absolutely awful.

00:09:45 Squirrell
Up your

00:09:45 Squirrell
your game, Hurst.

00:09:46 Squirrell
Could this be a whitewasher of a season?

00:09:48 Squirrell
If you win this vote, I'll buy one of your paintings.

00:09:51 Squirrell
That's from Troufer.

00:09:53 Hurst
Excellent.

00:09:54 Hurst
I'm so glad it's close because he's going to be sitting there counting out how much spare cash he's got.

00:09:58 Squirrell
He's going to he's going to he wants it to be.

00:10:00 Hurst
The biggest, most expensive one.

00:10:02 Hurst
That one I've gotten for 20 trillion pounds.

00:10:05 Hurst
That's the one he's got to buy.

00:10:06 Squirrell
Could you just mark up all your paintings to 80 grand, then you can't get out of it.

00:10:10 Hurst
Yeah.

00:10:10 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:10:11 Squirrell
So yeah, Trooper voted for me in case you didn't pick that one up.

00:10:13 Hurst
Yeah, it was he, no.

00:10:14 Squirrell
Here's our next comment from Glitterbug.

00:10:17 Squirrell
They say, a tricky one this, as it's not a genre I tend to dip into.

00:10:21 Squirrell
But I'm going with zombies and cylons and Tom Hardy.

00:10:24 Squirrell
Oh my, Wally absolutely clinched it for me.

00:10:26 Squirrell
That adorable little bot deserves all the love.

00:10:28 Squirrell
Thanks for brightening up a drizzly wet week, lads.

00:10:31 Squirrell
Love from Glitterbug kiss, kiss, kiss.

00:10:34 Hurst
Nice.

00:10:34 Squirrell
Or Glitterbug triple X.

00:10:35 Squirrell
Maybe that's what that means.

00:10:37 Hurst
Why does Trooper have to be so ******* negative?

00:10:40 Squirrell
When he was talking about my stuff, he said it was a very negative poster, wasn't it?

00:10:45 Squirrell
On the whole.

00:10:46 Squirrell
It was a bit.

00:10:46 Hurst
He spent a lot more time slamming me than he did praising you.

00:10:49 Squirrell
He did.

00:10:50 Hurst
And then Glitterbug came in and showed him how it's done.

00:10:52 Hurst
Shut up, Trooper.

00:10:53 Squirrell
Don't worry, Hurst, because this next one's a vote for you, and I'm going to read it verbatim.

00:10:58 Squirrell
Hurst, Hurst, Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah.

00:11:01 Squirrell
Yours, Bill Preston.

00:11:02 Hurst
Nice.

00:11:03 Squirrell
All in capital letters apart from the Yours, Bill Preston bit.

00:11:06 Hurst
But that's it.

00:11:07 Hurst
That's it.

00:11:07 Hurst
No, I'm fine with that.

00:11:08 Squirrell
That's literally what it says.

00:11:09 Squirrell
Yep.

00:11:10 Hurst
Yeah, come on, Bill.

00:11:11 Hurst
Bill knows his ****.

00:11:12 Squirrell
All right.

00:11:14 Squirrell
I am constantly here for the times when Squirrel gets so excited about his number one choices.

00:11:18 Squirrell
But where the hell is The Last of Us?

00:11:20 Squirrell
It's essential viewing, says Meg 98.

00:11:23 Squirrell
Hello, Meg.

00:11:23 Hurst
There's a good point, Meg.

00:11:24 Hurst
We did talk about this afterwards.

00:11:26 Squirrell
I dropped the ball, frankly.

00:11:27 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:11:28 Squirrell
Hurst decided not to choose it.

00:11:29 Squirrell
I was.

00:11:30 Hurst
Because I hadn't seen the second one with myself.

00:11:32 Hurst
It happened.

00:11:32 Hurst
It would have been my 6th, probably.

00:11:34 Hurst
It was in my list for a long time.

00:11:35 Squirrell
I reckon The Last of Us would have been my two.

00:11:38 Squirrell
I'm so angry I forgot about that because I like it so much.

00:11:41 Squirrell
Anyway, on we go.

00:11:43 Squirrell
WALL-E is both very dark and very life-affirming brackets, especially the courting robots in space sequence, close brackets, giving us all hope.

00:11:52 Squirrell
Kern.

00:11:53 Squirrell
Thanks, Kern.

00:11:54 Squirrell
Kern voted for me, he asked.

00:11:55 Hurst
I'm surprised that Kern didn't pick up on what I immediately picked up on after we'd finished about Endgame.

00:12:02 Hurst
not actually being an apocalypse because they still had government, half the people, everything worked out.

00:12:07 Hurst
The world didn't fall apart.

00:12:09 Squirrell
It literally fell apart.

00:12:11 Hurst
No, it didn't.

00:12:11 Hurst
They were still cycling around town.

00:12:13 Hurst
They still had massive technology centres.

00:12:15 Hurst
It was like, oh, it's a bit annoying.

00:12:18 Hurst
What the Avengers did because they built a ******* time machine.

00:12:21 Squirrell
Well, he did that on a farm.

00:12:23 Squirrell
He was a farmer.

00:12:24 Squirrell
Tony Stark was a farmer.

00:12:26 Hurst
He came up with the idea there.

00:12:27 Hurst
The other guys made it at the Avengers house.

00:12:30 Hurst
Hulk made one, **** sake.

00:12:31 Squirrell
That's right, yeah, whatever Hulk was.

00:12:33 Squirrell
Well, I still think losing half of all the things in the entire universe would be apocalyptic.

00:12:37 Hurst
Yeah, but it wasn't.

00:12:38 Hurst
I mean, it should be, but it wasn't.

00:12:40 Squirrell
Well, we're going to find out.

00:12:41 Hurst
And then they've gone back anyway.

00:12:42 Squirrell
Are we going to find out?

00:12:43 Squirrell
Well, yes.

00:12:44 Squirrell
Spoilers.

00:12:46 Squirrell
**** that's actual spoilers as well.

00:12:47 Squirrell
We're going to have to spoil a comment that anyway.

00:12:51 Squirrell
I may not bother.

00:12:51 Hurst
Anyway.

00:12:52 Squirrell
Anyway.

00:12:53 Hurst
Carry on with the comments.

00:12:54 Squirrell
Yes, where did I get to?

00:12:56 Squirrell
What a great list.

00:12:57 Squirrell
Going to start watching Battlestar again.

00:12:59 Squirrell
Thanks, Kov.

00:13:00 Squirrell
Thanks, Kov.

00:13:01 Squirrell
Battlestar's great.

00:13:02 Squirrell
Yes, absolutely.

00:13:02 Squirrell
Watch it.

00:13:03 Hurst
Yeah, your pre-apocalypse choice.

00:13:05 Hurst
Yeah.

00:13:05 Squirrell
Yep.

00:13:06 Squirrell
Here we go, Hers.

00:13:07 Squirrell
Told you, season 2 is her season.

00:13:09 Squirrell
It's just a matter of time.

00:13:12 Squirrell
No name on that one, but I think it was the vision last time who said it was the season first, right?

00:13:16 Squirrell
Yes.

00:13:17 Hurst
Reliable.

00:13:17 Hurst
He was really listening properly, wasn't he?

00:13:19 Squirrell
Jesus Christ.

00:13:22 Squirrell
Here we go.

00:13:23 Squirrell
Another anonymous one, but I think we can work it out.

00:13:26 Squirrell
A up higher architects.

00:13:27 Squirrell
Apologies for labelling you as mere rankers in the last episode.

00:13:30 Squirrell
I have to mention you were struggling to think of contained apocalypse, but you mentioned one in the list 28 days later.

00:13:36 Squirrell
In the sequels, we learned that the outbreak was contained only in the mainland UK.

00:13:40 Squirrell
PS, it was I that chose the topic this week, and then they didn't put their name on it.

00:13:44 Squirrell
That was Dav Paz.

00:13:45 Hurst
Nice.

00:13:46 Squirrell
Thanks, Dav Paz.

00:13:47 Hurst
Yeah, but also in 28 days later, we don't know that.

00:13:49 Squirrell
Yes, we did actually discuss this, but I cut it out of the episode because it was already

00:13:52 Squirrell
So, *** **** long.

00:13:54 Squirrell
Come on, long.

00:13:55 Squirrell
Yes, you're quite right.

00:13:56 Squirrell
Here we go.

00:13:58 Squirrell
By far the hardest to choose between top fives for a while.

00:14:01 Squirrell
Hearst Nansit, because Squirrel had a couple that are a bit edgy on the definition of post-apocalypse, even if Battlestar Galactory is one of the greatest shows ever made from Money Slinger.

00:14:11 Hurst
Very intelligent, that Money Slinger.

00:14:13 Squirrell
Hearst Nansit.

00:14:14 Hurst
Nansit.

00:14:15 Squirrell
N-A-N-S.

00:14:16 Squirrell
Hearst Nansit.

00:14:17 Squirrell
Nabzit.

00:14:18 Squirrell
Nabzit.

00:14:18 Squirrell
I bet he meant Nabzit.

00:14:19 Squirrell
The keys are right next to each other.

00:14:21 Hurst
I like it there.

00:14:21 Hurst
I think we should.

00:14:22 Hurst
Keep that Nans it.

00:14:23 Hurst
It's like it's really close.

00:14:24 Squirrell
Nans it up thumbs and mouths, right?

00:14:27 Squirrell
Top Five in jokes.

00:14:28 Squirrell
Let us know, Patreons.

00:14:30 Squirrell
Here's a vote for you, Hurst.

00:14:31 Squirrell
It just says, I love him.

00:14:32 Squirrell
What's the entire thing?

00:14:34 Hurst
Well, that's Carly.

00:14:35 Squirrell
Yeah, maybe.

00:14:36 Hurst
Might not be, though.

00:14:36 Hurst
Who knows?

00:14:37 Squirrell
Hey, All right, leave your number next time.

00:14:41 Squirrell
And then final comment.

00:14:42 Squirrell
10 really good films slash TV series, very hard to choose.

00:14:46 Squirrell
Gone for you, squirrel, as I too love Endgame.

00:14:50 Squirrell
It was the perfect end to the Infinity Story start.

00:14:52 Squirrell
Stone.

00:14:52 Squirrell
It was the perfect end to the Infinity Stone start.

00:14:55 Squirrell
****.

00:14:57 Squirrell
Gone for you as I too love Endgame.

00:14:59 Squirrell
It was the perfect end to the Infinity Stone Saga.

00:15:01 Squirrell
And there are just so many goosebumps, Mo...

00:15:04 Squirrell
******* Jesus.

00:15:05 Squirrell
Who wrote this ****?

00:15:06 Squirrell
Oh, we don't know.

00:15:08 Squirrell
This is a very well-written thing and I can't read it.

00:15:10 Squirrell
Hang on, let me try again.

00:15:12 Squirrell
Gone for you as I too love Endgame.

00:15:14 Squirrell
It was the perfect end to the Infinity Stone Saga.

00:15:16 Squirrell
And there are.

00:15:17 Squirrell
Stop it.

00:15:20 Squirrell
I'm not even.

00:15:20 Hurst
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

00:15:22 Squirrell
And you can do this.

00:15:23 Squirrell
Actually, **** this noise.

00:15:24 Squirrell
I'm going to put it in the saga.

00:15:25 Squirrell
You can read it.

00:15:27 Squirrell
All right.

00:15:29 Squirrell
Let's see if you can do better.

00:15:30 Squirrell
Come on, let's have it.

00:15:31 Hurst
Ten really good films slash TV series.

00:15:34 Hurst
Very hard to choose.

00:15:35 Hurst
Gone for you as I too love Endgame.

00:15:38 Hurst
It was the perfect end to the Infinity Stone saga.

00:15:40 Hurst
And there is.

00:15:42 Hurst
And there are just so many goosebumps.

00:15:44 Hurst
It's hoping because it's ******* tiny.

00:15:46 Squirrell
Well, make it bigger.

00:15:47 Hurst
How do I do that?

00:15:48 Squirrell
Hold down control, mouse wheel left and down, or control plus, I think.

00:15:52 Hurst
Oh yeah, there we go.

00:15:53 Hurst
Sweet as.

00:15:55 Hurst
Ten really good film slash TV series, very hard to choose.

00:15:59 Hurst
Gone for you as I too love Endgame.

00:16:01 Hurst
**** you, buddy.

00:16:05 Hurst
Shut up, mate.

00:16:06 Hurst
Gone for you as I too love Endgame.

00:16:08 Hurst
It was the perfect end to the Infinity Stone saga, and there are just so many goosebump moments in the film.

00:16:15 Hurst
Love it, love it, love it.

00:16:18 Hurst
However, you all probably have never heard of

00:16:22 Hurst
Not with a bang, which I'm sure you both would have included if you'd seen or heard it.

00:16:27 Hurst
If I hadn't seen it or heard it, and you haven't seen or heard it, can't be that good.

00:16:31 Hurst
Just can't be, right.

00:16:33 Squirrell
Not with a bang.

00:16:34 Squirrell
Yes, I have heard of that.

00:16:35 Squirrell
It is a very old sitcom, right?

00:16:37 Squirrell
It's like in the kind of same age as Ain't Our Fot Mom or ******* that one with Alf Garnett who punches his wife.

00:16:45 Squirrell
Is that a thing?

00:16:45 Squirrell
Have I made the punching his wife thing up?

00:16:48 Hurst
I don't know.

00:16:48 Squirrell
Were they married?

00:16:50 Squirrell
We've gone off topic has.

00:16:51 Squirrell
That's the end of the

00:16:52 Squirrell
the comments.

00:16:53 Squirrell
Are you ready for the results?

00:16:54 Hurst
So what's the scores on the doors?

00:16:56 Squirrell
Votes for Squirrel, 19.

00:16:59 Squirrell
Votes for Hurst, 17.

00:17:02 Squirrell
Oh, it was closer than Trooper wanted, I bet.

00:17:05 Squirrell
Shut up, Trooper.

00:17:06 Squirrell
Yes, the top five countdown.

00:17:08 Squirrell
to our new music.

00:17:09 Squirrell
Our music is, what am I trying to say here?

00:17:12 Hurst
Dividing, it's divisive.

00:17:14 Squirrell
It's divisive.

00:17:15 Squirrell
Like people either hate it or they love it or some people love it because they hate it so much because it's so bad.

00:17:21 Squirrell
I agree.

00:17:21 Squirrell
It is terrible slash great and I love it for that.

00:17:25 Squirrell
But here it comes.

00:17:27 Squirrell
At #5 is Pixar's Wall-E.

00:17:29 Squirrell
At #4 is Zombieland, which no one mentioned.

00:17:34 Squirrell
At #3, Battlestar Galactica.

00:17:38 Squirrell
At #2, Avengers Endgame.

00:17:44 Squirrell
And at #1, Mad Max Fury Road.

00:17:49 Hurst
Congratulations, Squirrel.

00:17:50 Squirrell
Thank you very much.

00:17:51 Squirrell
Thanks.

00:17:52 Squirrell
back-to-back.

00:17:52 Squirrell
Well done.

00:17:53 Squirrell
Yep.

00:17:54 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:17:54 Squirrell
Let's move on, Hurst.

00:17:57 Squirrell
Tony, get Rankin.

00:17:58 Squirrell
Let's do it.

00:18:03 Squirrell
Should we find out who goes first?

00:18:04 Squirrell
Let's do it.

00:18:05 Squirrell
Hence for Hurst, squirrels have tails.

00:18:09 Squirrell
Squirrels have tails.

00:18:10 Squirrell
Squirrels.

00:18:11 Squirrell
Top Five kitchen implements.

00:18:13 Squirrell
So just quickly, we had a quick debate about what an implement is.

00:18:16 Squirrell
We decided it could be most things used in the kitchen, but stuff like ovens and dishwashers, they don't count, right?

00:18:22 Hurst
Yeah.

00:18:22 Hurst
Implements are handheld devices that you can use, but they can be plugged in.

00:18:27 Hurst
So for example, like an electric whisk is handheld and electric, but it is an implement.

00:18:32 Hurst
A utensil is not electric and it's handheld.

00:18:35 Hurst
So an implement can be a utensil, but a

00:18:38 Hurst
The utensil cannot be an, no, that's the wrong way around.

00:18:41 Hurst
I don't ******* know.

00:18:42 Squirrell
Wake up Rankers, we're gonna start.

00:18:44 Squirrell
All right.

00:18:47 Hurst
Yeah, so you can't have a dishwasher 'cause that's clearly an appliance.

00:18:50 Squirrell
Yes, I agree.

00:18:51 Squirrell
But anything else that is handheld or I guess something like a stand mixer that you operate with your hands, even though it stands there.

00:18:57 Squirrell
I haven't got one of them, but that's borderline, let's see.

00:19:00 Squirrell
At #5, I choose, this is power boring, but I couldn't not have it on my list, it's a chef's knife.

00:19:08 Squirrell
One of the most useful things you can have in the kitchen.

00:19:10 Squirrell
I am holding this up for hers to see.

00:19:12 Squirrell
This is a eight inch chef knife made by Maison or Mison.

00:19:16 Hurst
It's a nice chef's knife.

00:19:17 Squirrell
It is.

00:19:18 Squirrell
It's a very nice.

00:19:18 Squirrell
I've had it quite a while.

00:19:19 Squirrell
There's just so much you can do with them.

00:19:21 Squirrell
They are the most versatile of the knives.

00:19:24 Squirrell
You know, you probably want a boning knife if you're doing a lot of meat work and maybe a pairing.

00:19:31 Squirrell
Oh dear.

00:19:32 Hurst
Boning knife for the ***** amongst us.

00:19:34 Squirrell
And a paring knife if you want to do your apple cores or whatever.

00:19:38 Squirrell
But a chef's knife will do 90% of the stuff you need to do in the kitchen when it comes to cutting things.

00:19:43 Squirrell
And they're pretty much an essential.

00:19:44 Squirrell
They're not expensive.

00:19:45 Squirrell
You can get very expensive ones, but you don't have to.

00:19:47 Squirrell
This one, I think, was about 50 or 60 quid.

00:19:50 Squirrell
It keeps an edge really nicely.

00:19:52 Squirrell
That's what you're looking for in a chef's knife or any knife really.

00:19:54 Squirrell
Just needs to keep an edge for a farewell and sharpen up well, which this one does.

00:19:58 Squirrell
And you can go in the dishwasher.

00:19:59 Squirrell
Of course, it can go in the dishwasher.

00:20:00 Squirrell
Anything that can't go in the dishwasher is ****.

00:20:02 Hurst
So here's a good point for us to explain a little between the difference in our cheffery skills.

00:20:08 Hurst
You just said they're not that expensive.

00:20:09 Hurst
This one was 50 or 60 quid.

00:20:11 Hurst
I just bought 3 knives for the kitchen and they were 10 quid.

00:20:14 Squirrell
******* Jesus Christ.

00:20:16 Squirrell
Were they knives you used to eat with like a knife and fork?

00:20:18 Hurst
No, for cutting stuff up.

00:20:20 Hurst
Because they cut stuff up.

00:20:22 Hurst
So.

00:20:22 Hurst
I can cut chicken with it.

00:20:24 Squirrell
So they're going to be fine.

00:20:25 Squirrell
They're just likely to not hold an inch for as long and you'll have to sharpen them more often.

00:20:29 Squirrell
Do you even have a sharpener?

00:20:30 Hurst
I sharpen them each time anyway.

00:20:32 Squirrell
Oh, there you go.

00:20:32 Squirrell
Do you sharpen them or do you hone them?

00:20:35 Hurst
I don't know.

00:20:35 Squirrell
If you've got a bit of steel that you go shing, shing, shing, shing.

00:20:38 Hurst
Oh, I used to, but now I've got a thing that sticks to the table.

00:20:40 Hurst
I just drag the knife through it.

00:20:42 Squirrell
That's probably honing.

00:20:43 Squirrell
So what that does is, oh, ******* that's far too boring.

00:20:45 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:20:46 Squirrell
So yeah, I mean, yeah, you'll have to do that more often.

00:20:48 Squirrell
And ideally you want someone to sharpen your knives every now and again anyway if you ever go and sharpen it.

00:20:52 Squirrell
But they'll be fine.

00:20:53 Squirrell
They'll be all right.

00:20:54 Hurst
Cool.

00:20:54 Hurst
So #5, a knife.

00:20:56 Squirrell
Specifically a chef's knife.

00:20:57 Hurst
Yes.

00:20:58 Hurst
Okie dokie.

00:20:58 Hurst
For my #5, I've chosen the electric whisk.

00:21:02 Hurst
All right.

00:21:03 Hurst
It does all the hard labour so you can make cakes easier.

00:21:08 Hurst
Number 5, electric whistle.

00:21:13 Squirrell
We are going to run through this.

00:21:14 Squirrell
I'm going to open another drink.

00:21:16 Squirrell
There we go.

00:21:16 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:21:19 Squirrell
Haz is also having another drink.

00:21:21 Hurst
Managed to try and whisk using a regular hand whisk or one of those bulb whisks or whatever and it's ******* hard work.

00:21:28 Hurst
Just jab that electric whisk in there and that's it.

00:21:31 Hurst
Done.

00:21:32 Hurst
The cake is at least 10 minutes sooner than it would have been.

00:21:34 Squirrell
There you go, exactly that.

00:21:35 Squirrell
And if you're making things like meringue or God forbid butter and you're doing that with a hand whisk, Jesus no.

00:21:41 Hurst
What kind of a flipping hippie turd makes their own butter?

00:21:47 Squirrell
All right, anyway, moving on.

00:21:49 Squirrell
What?

00:21:50 Squirrell
Have you never

00:21:51 Squirrell
Try making butter.

00:21:55 Hurst
Butter is awful, but also.

00:21:57 Squirrell
Oh, I forgot you hate your butter.

00:21:58 Hurst
You can buy butter.

00:21:59 Squirrell
You can buy lots of things.

00:22:00 Squirrell
You can buy cakes first.

00:22:02 Hurst
Yeah, they don't taste as good.

00:22:03 Hurst
Are you telling me homemade butter actually tastes the same?

00:22:06 Hurst
Of course it does.

00:22:07 Squirrell
Yeah, Does it?

00:22:08 Squirrell
You just get double cream, dump it in a bowl, whisk it till it goes solid, squeeze out all the liquid butter.

00:22:13 Hurst
Yeah.

00:22:14 Squirrell
It's that simple.

00:22:14 Hurst
So we're not doing top five things you can buy.

00:22:16 Hurst
It's...

00:22:17 Hurst
No, we're not.

00:22:18 Hurst
Yeah, no, so you're fair enough.

00:22:19 Hurst
I just outraged that some kind of hipsters are out there now making their own butter.

00:22:23 Hurst
Go, yo, I'll make my own butter.

00:22:25 Hurst
That's 2020 quid.

00:22:26 Squirrell
Someone has to make your butter.

00:22:27 Squirrell
You can't eat butter.

00:22:29 Hurst
20 quid a bar because I made it myself.

00:22:33 Squirrell
Yama would be very nice.

00:22:34 Squirrell
You never know.

00:22:35 Squirrell
Artisan butter.

00:22:36 Hurst
It won't be, it's butter.

00:22:37 Squirrell
Anyway, at #4 Hurst I have Oopfield.

00:22:41 Hurst
You ******* hipster knobby.

00:22:43 Hurst
What the ****** an Oop Field?

00:22:45 Squirrell
Oop Field is a cheese grater from Ikia and it literally translates to fulfilled.

00:22:50 Squirrell
I'm sure you can get them from other places, but they're great.

00:22:52 Squirrell
So this looks like a, I'm showing Hurst, it just looks like a cheese grater, a small.

00:22:56 Hurst
It's a cheese grater, everyone.

00:22:57 Hurst
Number 4, a cheese grater.

00:22:59 Squirrell
No, because look.

00:23:01 Hurst
A cheese grater with a base.

00:23:03 Squirrell
It's a cheese grater that goes onto the top of a box.

00:23:06 Squirrell
So when you grate it, all your cheese goes into the box.

00:23:09 Squirrell
It doesn't **** itself all over the plate.

00:23:12 Squirrell
These are so ******* useful, I can't even begin to tell you.

00:23:15 Squirrell
You grate your stuff, it goes into the container, and then you use it.

00:23:19 Squirrell
You don't make any mess.

00:23:21 Squirrell
It's just brilliant.

00:23:22 Squirrell
I've got like three of these, at least.

00:23:24 Squirrell
Number three, no, what number, number four, a container cheese grater, specifically this one.

00:23:31 Squirrell
You can get them from IKEA.

00:23:32 Squirrell
It was like 3 quid, if that.

00:23:35 Squirrell
And it comes with lots of different lids as well.

00:23:37 Squirrell
So you can do big grating and little grating.

00:23:40 Hurst
All the different cheese graters.

00:23:42 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:23:42 Squirrell
With a box.

00:23:43 Squirrell
Yeah, they're brilliant.

00:23:45 Squirrell
Get one.

00:23:45 Hurst
I mean, I'm not knocking a cheese grater.

00:23:47 Hurst
They are good.

00:23:49 Squirrell
But this is better than a cheese grater.

00:23:50 Squirrell
That's the point.

00:23:51 Hurst
I'm just tutting at the fact that you just chefed out and called it an Oomph field.

00:23:55 Squirrell
Well, that's what it's called from IKEA, right?

00:23:58 Hurst
IKEA, yeah.

00:23:58 Squirrell
It was pretty nice IKEA.

00:24:02 Hurst
Yeah, I'm not playing that game.

00:24:03 Hurst
They should have told us that like 30 years ago.

00:24:05 Squirrell
They did.

00:24:06 Squirrell
We just ignored them a minute.

00:24:07 Hurst
It's like if I suddenly turned up and said, actually, no, my name's Mark.

00:24:09 Squirrell
You should absolutely be called Mark from then on.

00:24:11 Hurst
I would be okay with you still calling me Matt.

00:24:14 Squirrell
You're trying to tell me that we shouldn't respect people that want to change things about...

00:24:18 Squirrell
Okay, don't move on.

00:24:21 Hurst
Abort, abort, abort.

00:24:22 Hurst
Pull the rib cord.

00:24:23 Hurst
Pull it.

00:24:25 Hurst
Cheese grater.

00:24:25 Hurst
A cheese grater is a good choice.

00:24:26 Hurst
I was just thrown a loop by you cheffing at me, which I don't mind when I'm eating at the end of it, but I'm not.

00:24:33 Hurst
So my #4 is the humble icing bag, which is great because it turns a basic cake into an amazing cake.

00:24:43 Squirrell
Piping bag.

00:24:44 Hurst
Yeah, got you.

00:24:46 Hurst
Number 4, a piping bag.

00:24:50 Squirrell
This is brilliant.

00:24:51 Squirrell
I'm ******* I'm so looking forward to editing this one.

00:24:53 Squirrell
It's just going to be so easy.

00:24:56 Squirrell
My #3 is also very humble.

00:24:58 Squirrell
It is a set of tongs.

00:25:00 Hurst
Now we're talking.

00:25:01 Squirrell
Now we're talking, right?

00:25:02 Squirrell
Just normal tongs.

00:25:03 Squirrell
Here they are.

00:25:03 Squirrell
We can make sure they work.

00:25:05 Squirrell
Every time you pick up tongs, you have to...

00:25:07 Squirrell
to make sure they go.

00:25:08 Hurst
Sure, you definitely want to go with tongues, not a looper.

00:25:10 Squirrell
It's just the name, Oopfjord.

00:25:12 Squirrell
It was just the name that it was called.

00:25:14 Hurst
People, if you hadn't explained afterwards, you'd have lost, because no one would have known.

00:25:19 Squirrell
I'd have ******* won, because I'm great.

00:25:22 Squirrell
Anyway, tongs, if you do a lot of work in the kitchen, tongs basically become extensions of your hands.

00:25:27 Squirrell
They're just super ******* useful.

00:25:29 Squirrell
I've got a drawer full of them.

00:25:30 Squirrell
I've got big ones for the BBQ.

00:25:31 Squirrell
BBQ tongs need to have the grippy bits on.

00:25:33 Squirrell
They can't just be flat.

00:25:34 Squirrell
Those ones are ****.

00:25:35 Squirrell
They need to be like kind of curved under at the bottom and have like teeth.

00:25:38 Squirrell
Tongs #4, three, whatever.

00:25:39 Squirrell
Let's go.

00:25:40 Squirrell
Right, cool.

00:25:40 Hurst
So #3, I have the spatula.

00:25:45 Squirrell
I have that #6 for me.

00:25:46 Hurst
Scrapes every last molecule of batter, like the greedy little legend it is.

00:25:51 Hurst
It's basically the lollipop stick of my youth and a really cool word.

00:25:54 Hurst
It's fun to say, spatula.

00:25:56 Hurst
Spatula.

00:25:57 Hurst
And that's obviously an integral part of cake.

00:26:00 Squirrell
Yes, are all your things going to be related to cake, Hurst?

00:26:02 Hurst
It's possible.

00:26:03 Hurst
I do like cake.

00:26:04 Hurst
It's one of the best things that comes out of the kitchen.

00:26:06 Hurst
So #3, spatula.

00:26:07 Squirrell
Certainly consider the spatula.

00:26:09 Squirrell
Mad useful.

00:26:10 Squirrell
Not just for cake things.

00:26:11 Squirrell
If you made a curry and you don't want to waste none of that delicious curry sauce, get in there with your spatula.

00:26:17 Hurst
Especially those nice.

00:26:18 Hurst
What's the

00:26:20 Hurst
Not the wooden ones, because those are nah.

00:26:21 Squirrell
Those are **** silicon you want.

00:26:22 Hurst
Silicon ones, that's the word I'm looking for.

00:26:24 Hurst
Silicon spatula.

00:26:25 Hurst
In fact, I'm going to upgrade.

00:26:26 Hurst
Silicon spatula.

00:26:27 Hurst
The wooden ones can do one.

00:26:28 Squirrell
Fair.

00:26:29 Squirrell
Number 2, look at us go.

00:26:31 Squirrell
If you thought the Oopfiord was a bit weird, now we're into the realms of not many people need this.

00:26:37 Squirrell
Genuinely, I think this is one of the best things I have in my kitchen.

00:26:41 Squirrell
It's A Makita power drill with a bastardized pepper grinder on the end.

00:26:49 Squirrell
Look out.

00:26:50 Squirrell
If you do a lot of BBQ, if you make a lot of your own spice rubs and stuff like that, if you were grinding pepper by hand with a little pepper grinder, your wrist would be like, ow, my flipper.

00:27:00 Squirrell
So I took one of those pepper grinders that has a handle on the top and took the handle off.

00:27:06 Squirrell
So it's just a little, basically like a square bit of metal and then attached it to the end of a power drill.

00:27:12 Squirrell
And now

00:27:14 Squirrell
I can grind a teaspoon of pepper every second, that's how I measure it.

00:27:18 Squirrell
So very usual.

00:27:21 Squirrell
Pepper cannon, #2.

00:27:24 Hurst
Wow, sure that's not your #4?

00:27:26 Squirrell
No, it's #2.

00:27:29 Squirrell
Number 4 was my fjord.

00:27:32 Hurst
Oh yeah, that's just as bad.

00:27:33 Hurst
Right, okay, fine.

00:27:36 Hurst
My #2 is the kitchen knife, which is probably a chef's knife.

00:27:40 Hurst
I don't know.

00:27:40 Hurst
It's perfect for cutting precise slices of cake.

00:27:44 Hurst
Also, super versatile and the deadliest thing in the kitchen.

00:27:48 Hurst
If you don't count putting the toaster in the bath or something.

00:27:51 Hurst
And importantly, we were out shopping last week for bits and pieces for the new kitchen, which has just gone in.

00:27:58 Hurst
And we went into a particular kitchen shop.

00:28:00 Hurst
Can't remember what it was called.

00:28:01 Hurst
Didn't care then.

00:28:02 Hurst
Don't really care now.

00:28:03 Hurst
And as we got to the checkout, there was a, like,

00:28:07 Hurst
when they lock stuff away, 'cause it's can't you can't be trusted to be able to access that, the glass cabinets, the glass cabinets of knives, also probably 'cause...

00:28:18 Hurst
Don't steal knives, but all the cheap knives.

00:28:19 Squirrell
Don't steal anything except for films.

00:28:22 Hurst
This will probably mean something to you.

00:28:24 Hurst
Damascus steel.

00:28:25 Squirrell
Oh yeah.

00:28:26 Hurst
So basically miniature samurai swords and you can tell, and this is going through the Bushido pardon me, you can tell by the patterns on them that it is genuine folded steel.

00:28:35 Hurst
They look beautiful.

00:28:36 Hurst
There were some next to them that were half price and had patterns on, but it was clearly a printed pattern because it was the same pattern on every knife.

00:28:42 Hurst
Whereas the Damascus steel ones were all like legitimate folded steel, took ages, make they were 200

00:28:48 Hurst
and 20 quid for a knife.

00:28:49 Hurst
And my God, I wanted it so bad.

00:28:51 Hurst
They're so pretty.

00:28:52 Hurst
They were stunning.

00:28:53 Hurst
I was like, I didn't think I could feel that way about a knife that for the kitchen or anything for the kitchen, frankly, that it was stunning.

00:29:00 Hurst
It's the only word.

00:29:01 Hurst
And I really wanted it.

00:29:02 Squirrell
The problem with Damascus knives is they're so pretty, I wouldn't really want to use them, even though they're really good knives.

00:29:08 Squirrell
They're like, what if I, what if I, yeah, no.

00:29:10 Hurst
Well, you wouldn't put it through the dishwasher, that's for sure.

00:29:14 Hurst
Anyway, so that's it.

00:29:15 Hurst
That's my number two.

00:29:16 Squirrell
All right, so it's time to discuss the worst.

00:29:20 Squirrell
Hearst is probably going to PSA you about not choosing your vote based on the worst right now.

00:29:29 Hurst
Yeah, don't do that.

00:29:31 Squirrell
Okay, excellent PSA, my friend.

00:29:33 Squirrell
My worst, Hearst, is tricky because it is genuinely useful, but I hate it.

00:29:39 Squirrell
It is a mandolin slicer.

00:29:42 Squirrell
These things

00:29:43 Squirrell
terrify me.

00:29:44 Squirrell
I've had it here ready to show you and I've been wary of it the entire time because I dislike it.

00:29:49 Squirrell
Have you ever seen one of these before?

00:29:51 Squirrell
Do you know what they're for?

00:29:52 Hurst
No.

00:29:52 Hurst
You better explain to the rankers.

00:29:53 Hurst
I reckon 90% of them don't know what you're talking about.

00:29:55 Squirrell
No, absolutely untrue.

00:29:57 Squirrell
I reckon 90% will.

00:29:59 Squirrell
So basically what it is, it's like a blade that sticks up slightly across a flat plane and you take like an onion and you run it up and **** I don't like doing that.

00:30:07 Squirrell
You run it down the thing and it slices thin bits of onion off very even, very quick, very easy

00:30:13 Squirrell
to do absolutely wants to eat your fingers.

00:30:16 Squirrell
That's all it was to do.

00:30:17 Hurst
Even watching you do that was making me nervous.

00:30:21 Hurst
It's horrible.

00:30:22 Hurst
Anxiety attacks every time your fingers went near it, it's like, okay, I'm with you.

00:30:25 Hurst
That is horrible.

00:30:26 Hurst
Why would you have something like that in your house?

00:30:28 Squirrell
They're genuinely good at making slices out of things.

00:30:31 Squirrell
Genuinely good.

00:30:32 Squirrell
And they do come with a hand guard.

00:30:33 Hurst
Slices out of you.

00:30:34 Squirrell
Yeah, that's the problem.

00:30:35 Squirrell
I've never cut myself on this, but I own a table saw for cutting big bits of wood.

00:30:40 Squirrell
I give this ******* thing more respect than I give my table saw, even though my table

00:30:43 Squirrell
Also, I could easily chop my ******* arm off.

00:30:45 Squirrell
This thing, I just hate it.

00:30:46 Squirrell
They are a bit of a mean thing because everybody hates them because they are just terrifying.

00:30:52 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:30:52 Squirrell
The worst.

00:30:53 Squirrell
A ******* mandolin.

00:30:54 Hurst
I think the thing to be hated for though, isn't it?

00:30:56 Hurst
Being terrifying.

00:30:58 Squirrell
I just like it.

00:30:58 Squirrell
I'm going to put it right down there and get away from it.

00:31:00 Squirrell
There we go.

00:31:00 Hurst
Oh, no, fair call.

00:31:01 Hurst
For my worst, I've gone for something that isn't useful and is not terrifying and it's a freaking melon baller.

00:31:11 Hurst
What in the giant kingdom of **** is the point of a melon baller?

00:31:16 Hurst
Total not idea.

00:31:17 Squirrell
I can explain it to you.

00:31:18 Hurst
I know how it works.

00:31:19 Hurst
What's the ******* point?

00:31:20 Squirrell
You could use your melon baller.

00:31:22 Squirrell
It's just a small spoon.

00:31:23 Hurst
It's just, that's all it is.

00:31:24 Hurst
But it turns them into little, they're pointless.

00:31:27 Squirrell
They are.

00:31:28 Hurst
They're for decoration and they're a rubbish idea and Emily's bought one.

00:31:31 Hurst
Really needs to take a good look in the mirror.

00:31:34 Squirrell
I guess unless you eat a lot of melon and you like it in a bowl shape or you eat a lot of cucumbers but you don't like the seeds.

00:31:41 Squirrell
But yeah, genuinely just get a spoon.

00:31:44 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:31:44 Hurst
Shut up, melon baller.

00:31:46 Squirrell
Do you feel the same about ice cream scoops?

00:31:48 Squirrell
No, because those are useful.

00:31:50 Squirrell
Well, they do the exact same thing, but just from ice cream.

00:31:53 Hurst
But think of an ice cream cone.

00:31:56 Hurst
It's a very specific shape that needs a ball on top of it.

00:31:59 Squirrell
Okay.

00:32:00 Hurst
If you just take a spoon and try and stick it on, you get this kind of weird hat that flops over the sides of it and doesn't get very tall.

00:32:07 Hurst
It makes for a rubbish ice cream.

00:32:08 Hurst
You can also use an ice cream scoop for mash.

00:32:11 Squirrell
You can use a melon baller for mash.

00:32:14 Hurst
**** but no, it's too small.

00:32:17 Squirrell
So is an ice cream scoop, frankly.

00:32:18 Hurst
You don't want my mashed peas, do you?

00:32:22 Hurst
If you wanted to do something fancy in your kitchen, like making mash into a ball, then you can use them for that.

00:32:28 Squirrell
Yeah, stop arguing.

00:32:30 Squirrell
They're ****.

00:32:31 Squirrell
I'm not arguing.

00:32:32 Squirrell
They are **** but I'm not convinced ice cream screws are much less ****.

00:32:35 Squirrell
But they are less **** so I don't want to let you off.

00:32:37 Squirrell
Yeah, what a wanky waste of time.

00:32:39 Squirrell
At least I can't slice the ends of my ******* fingers off though, so...

00:32:42 Hurst
That's true.

00:32:43 Hurst
Not that it matters.

00:32:44 Hurst
because it doesn't count people.

00:32:45 Hurst
No one doesn't count.

00:32:46 Hurst
No one should be voting on this.

00:32:48 Hurst
You should be voting on the new fur or the cannon pepper.

00:32:54 Squirrell
Pepper Canon.

00:32:55 Squirrell
Pepper Canon or Oopfield?

00:32:58 Hurst
Canon's even worse.

00:32:59 Hurst
Canon would have at least been cool.

00:33:00 Squirrell
It is canon, but I pronounce it canon because I think it's funny.

00:33:02 Squirrell
Grab the pepper canon.

00:33:05 Squirrell
Well, no, it doesn't make that noise.

00:33:06 Squirrell
Get to the grinder.

00:33:08 Squirrell
Get to the grinder.

00:33:09 Squirrell
Get to the grinder.

00:33:10 Squirrell
Do it, do it now.

00:33:14 Squirrell
All right, time for our number one's Hurst.

00:33:23 Squirrell
Hurst, my number one, is not one of my favorite kitchen implements.

00:33:27 Squirrell
It's one of the favorite things I own.

00:33:29 Squirrell
And alas, it is too big for me to bring it in here to show you.

00:33:33 Squirrell
Even though I do have smaller versions, I want to specifically talk about my very big can opener.

00:33:39 Squirrell
I believe you have seen my very big can opener.

00:33:43 Squirrell
Yes.

00:33:44 Squirrell
But I will need to explain it for the benefit of the Rankers at home.

00:33:48 Squirrell
Many years ago, Rankers, I was sniffing around on Kickstarter and somebody was selling something that you held in your hand and you squished onto the top of your drinks can and you swizzled it about a bit and then you took it off and the lid of the entire top of your drinks can had gone.

00:34:03 Squirrell
And then you could drink out of it.

00:34:05 Squirrell
wasn't sharp or anything.

00:34:06 Squirrell
It rolled the edges over.

00:34:07 Squirrell
It was genius.

00:34:07 Squirrell
And I thought, I'm having one of them.

00:34:08 Squirrell
It's like 20 bucks.

00:34:10 Squirrell
delivered.

00:34:10 Squirrell
I got me one of them.

00:34:11 Squirrell
I thought it was great.

00:34:12 Squirrell
They did a slightly better one.

00:34:13 Squirrell
I got me one of them.

00:34:14 Squirrell
Twenty bucks delivered again, Hurst.

00:34:16 Squirrell
Then they did a pro version for use in bars and clubs.

00:34:21 Squirrell
And this one, it's not electric, but you kind of slam your drink into the bottom of it and it grips hold of it.

00:34:27 Squirrell
You pull a big lever and it's done.

00:34:30 Squirrell
There's no lid on your drink anymore.

00:34:32 Squirrell
It's gone.

00:34:32 Squirrell
I'm going to have to put a video of it somewhere because I can't describe it and give it the gravity it needs, just how ******* great it

00:34:39 Squirrell
It is.

00:34:40 Squirrell
This one didn't cost $20.

00:34:42 Squirrell
We're not going to discuss how much it costs because my wife listens to this podcast and she was angry enough when it arrived.

00:34:47 Squirrell
And she's going to be even more angry when she realizes that I could see a number on the loads of $85.

00:34:54 Squirrell
And that would be the shipping.

00:34:58 Hurst
It's fine.

00:34:59 Hurst
She's fine.

00:34:59 Hurst
It was only 15,000 pounds.

00:35:01 Hurst
It wasn't 15,000 pounds.

00:35:02 Hurst
It was a beautiful piece of kick, Harriet don't draw him.

00:35:06 Squirrell
No, she's not allowed to divorce me.

00:35:08 Squirrell
That's not allowed.

00:35:08 Squirrell
She made a vow in the eyes of Jesus.

00:35:11 Hurst
Yeah, sure.

00:35:14 Squirrell
So, for 15 grand, though.

00:35:16 Hurst
It was a 15 grand.

00:35:17 Hurst
Stop it, ****.

00:35:19 Squirrell
So it is excellent.

00:35:20 Hurst
And my number one is a **** stirrer.

00:35:23 Squirrell
The top five **** stirrers let us know, Patreons.

00:35:26 Squirrell
So the company actually wrote to me.

00:35:29 Squirrell
They sent me an e-mail after this thing got delivered and go, I wonder if you could send us some photos of it being used because you're the only customer we have in the UK.

00:35:37 Squirrell
if you can take some pictures of it being used behind your bar or in your club or whatever, I'm like, I got some really bad news for you guys.

00:35:43 Squirrell
It's in my gut.

00:35:47 Hurst
You can have some pictures, they probably won't go on your website.

00:35:50 Squirrell
So yeah, I ******* love it because it's so weird, so unusual, and it does such a good job of taking the top off your cans of beer.

00:35:56 Hurst
Yeah, I think that's the first time you might have mentioned that this is beer cans.

00:35:59 Hurst
This isn't cans of beans or anything.

00:36:01 Hurst
This is not the typical can opener.

00:36:04 Squirrell
Yeah, no, I love it.

00:36:05 Squirrell
Their website says it.

00:36:06 Squirrell
Increases the aroma to improve the taste of your drink.

00:36:09 Squirrell
I think that's ********.

00:36:09 Squirrell
Total ********.

00:36:10 Squirrell
You can drink it much quicker, though, and you could put bits of fruit in the top if you're one of them that wants bits of fruit in your beer for some reason.

00:36:17 Squirrell
Would you like a fact, an estimated fact, about drinks cans, Hurst?

00:36:21 Hurst
Go on.

00:36:21 Squirrell
All right.

00:36:22 Squirrell
Fact.

00:36:23 Squirrell
Drinks cans are more than 90 years old.

00:36:29 Squirrell
Or fact.

00:36:31 Squirrell
Four drinks cans could hold up most cars.

00:36:34 Squirrell
One under each wheel.

00:36:39 Hurst
Over 90 years old.

00:36:43 Squirrell
I'm afraid you're wrong, Hurst.

00:36:44 Hurst
Really.

00:36:44 Squirrell
Drinks cans.

00:36:45 Squirrell
Oh, ****.

00:36:46 Squirrell
No, wait a minute.

00:36:46 Squirrell
When was this written?

00:36:47 Squirrell
Okay, no, we're good.

00:36:48 Squirrell
Oh, **** it's really close.

00:36:49 Squirrell
I feel like I've misled you there.

00:36:51 Squirrell
Drinks cans were started in 1945.

00:36:54 Squirrell
So how long ago was that?

00:36:55 Squirrell
wasn't that long ago.

00:36:57 Squirrell
When this was written, it was less long ago.

00:36:59 Hurst
80, 80 years.

00:37:02 Squirrell
When this was written, it was not that.

00:37:05 Squirrell
Wherever I get this.

00:37:06 Squirrell
No, apparently you can drop a car onto 4 drinks cans as long as you do it carefully without wobbling them side to side.

00:37:12 Squirrell
They're strong enough to just, you know, hold it up.

00:37:14 Squirrell
It seems you can put it on like some eggs, right?

00:37:17 Squirrell
Yeah, very strong in one direction.

00:37:19 Hurst
That was kind of a bit, **** like 80 to 90 years is a small thing.

00:37:23 Hurst
And yeah, if you...

00:37:25 Hurst
circumstances, the cans are not open and you place a car on them.

00:37:29 Hurst
Oh, the cans are open.

00:37:30 Squirrell
You can use empty cans.

00:37:31 Squirrell
Yeah, that'd be fun.

00:37:32 Squirrell
You can put a load of weight on an empty can and it won't move until you kind of shift it left or right a little bit and then it'll collapse.

00:37:38 Hurst
We need to go back and over because I'm not sure if this is a handheld device.

00:37:42 Hurst
I'm not sure this qualifies.

00:37:43 Squirrell
Doesn't talk about my cans.

00:37:44 Hurst
It has to be, yeah, it has to be.

00:37:47 Hurst
grounded in order for you to pull the lever.

00:37:50 Hurst
And that doesn't, that's not a handheld.

00:37:52 Squirrell
I could hold it.

00:37:52 Hurst
Yeah, well, I can hold them.

00:37:54 Hurst
I can hold it.

00:37:55 Hurst
That doesn't make it an implement.

00:37:57 Hurst
Anyway.

00:37:58 Squirrell
That's it.

00:37:59 Hurst
No, this is good.

00:37:59 Hurst
I feel like I've got a strong chance this week because I'm just using real things.

00:38:04 Hurst
Number one, the greatest of all the kitchen utensils is.

00:38:09 Squirrell
Implements.

00:38:10 Hurst
The greatest of all of the kitchen implements is the mighty yet humble fork.

00:38:17 Squirrell
Perfect.

00:38:18 Squirrell
Thank Jesus.

00:38:18 Squirrell
Yes.

00:38:19 Squirrell
Another victory for me.

00:38:21 Hurst
Perfect for eating.

00:38:22 Hurst
Oh, all right.

00:38:23 Hurst
The ******** you've spurred out, you could have put everyone's favorite thing in the world at #1 and you'd still struggle.

00:38:29 Hurst
It's a ******* fork.

00:38:31 Hurst
Fork, yeah, perfect for eating cake.

00:38:32 Hurst
Oh my God.

00:38:33 Hurst
Double ramen.

00:38:36 Hurst
But just such an incredibly versatile for kitchen, garden and ruling the ocean.

00:38:42 Hurst
You can spab, scoop, slice, whip, stir.

00:38:46 Hurst
It's all good.

00:38:47 Hurst
Basically, just a great invention.

00:38:51 Squirrell
Fork, is it as good as a spork?

00:38:53 Hurst
It is.

00:38:54 Hurst
A spork is kind of handy in its own unique camping.

00:38:58 Hurst
I need to eat my beans, but at the same time, I don't want to carry a spoon as well as a fork.

00:39:03 Hurst
But in the kitchen, no, because you've got a spoon.

00:39:07 Squirrell
Why not a spoon?

00:39:09 Squirrell
I'm intrigued just to where the fork is the king of the cutlery.

00:39:12 Hurst
Have you ever tried to hold a sausage still?

00:39:16 Hurst
with a spoon whilst you cut it with a knife.

00:39:18 Squirrell
Yeah, you probably can just peel it to the plate.

00:39:20 Squirrell
That'd be simple.

00:39:21 Hurst
Have you ever tried to pick up a, you know, say a roast potato on Sunday dinner with a spoon to eat it?

00:39:27 Squirrell
I mean, it would be quite, simple to do such a thing, yes?

00:39:31 Hurst
It would, but have you?

00:39:32 Hurst
Would you?

00:39:32 Hurst
Would you serve them with a spoon over a fork in most situations that didn't require keeping liquid in place?

00:39:41 Squirrell
No, but to be, I've got to be honest with you.

00:39:43 Squirrell
I'll just use my fingers.

00:39:44 Squirrell
Especially if I'm eating cake, man.

00:39:46 Squirrell
Cake just gets shoveled in by the handful.

00:39:48 Hurst
How often do you use your beer can opener?

00:39:53 Squirrell
Well, many, many times on occasional nights.

00:39:57 Squirrell
I'll be using it tonight.

00:39:59 Hurst
How often do you use a fork?

00:40:01 Squirrell
Yeah, daily, I guess.

00:40:03 Hurst
Many times a day.

00:40:04 Hurst
I'd say probably most meals.

00:40:06 Hurst
I mean, unless you're having cereal, which goes fair play to the spoon.

00:40:11 Squirrell
Yeah, that's true.

00:40:12 Squirrell
You're not going to eat cereal before.

00:40:13 Hurst
Fair place.

00:40:14 Hurst
Spoon has its place.

00:40:16 Hurst
But the fork is just, it's the best because you can eat it.

00:40:19 Hurst
You can eat cake with it, but also you can stab stuff with it.

00:40:23 Hurst
You can stir.

00:40:24 Hurst
You can use it in so many ways.

00:40:26 Hurst
If you only had one implement to eat meal with, you'd probably choose a fork.

00:40:30 Hurst
You can cut sausages with it using that knife, side like

00:40:33 Hurst
going sideways on it, push down, you get there, and then you can jab that piece of sausage.

00:40:37 Hurst
I don't know why I've fixated on sausages, but they're just a good example.

00:40:40 Squirrell
You are.

00:40:41 Hurst
Yep, Same deal with a potato, same deal with most things that need cutting.

00:40:45 Hurst
You could cut most things in half or bits with the edge of a fork if you didn't have a knife.

00:40:50 Squirrell
I would argue you can do most of the stuff you could do with a fork with a spoon, plus you could eat soup.

00:40:56 Hurst
But you would generally use a fork with a spoon or a fork with a knife.

00:41:00 Squirrell
Oh, I'm not posh enough to use a fork and a spoon for dessert.

00:41:03 Hurst
I don't bring your lack of poshness into this audience of high class rankers.

00:41:08 Squirrell
You were calling me a hippie before because I'd make my own butter.

00:41:11 Hurst
Yeah, but you're a low class hippie.

00:41:13 Squirrell
As opposed to one of them high class friends.

00:41:15 Hurst
No rent hippie.

00:41:16 Hurst
Some kind of wannabe hipster?

00:41:18 Squirrell
All right, okay, got it.

00:41:20 Hurst
Yeah, you're more hippie than hipster.

00:41:22 Squirrell
I think I'd probably take that, yeah.

00:41:24 Hurst
But still, the fork is there for main course, the fork is there for dessert, the fork's there just for, all of your...

00:41:31 Squirrell
I'm not going to argue.

00:41:32 Hurst
I'm going to stabbing an e-mail.

00:41:33 Squirrell
My rankers do that for me.

00:41:37 Hurst
Yeah, I'm feeling good about this week.

00:41:39 Hurst
Are you?

00:41:40 Hurst
Yeah, I'm feeling very good about this week.

00:41:42 Hurst
All right.

00:41:43 Hurst
Partly because I haven't talked for a very long time about each thing.

00:41:46 Hurst
That's true.

00:41:46 Hurst
Which doesn't seem to do me any favours.

00:41:48 Squirrell
Yeah, I think we're going to finish recording this episode faster than the last one lasted after the edit.

00:41:54 Hurst
So would you like a fact and an estimated fact about a fall?

00:41:57 Hurst
I would.

00:41:58 Hurst
Fact.

00:41:59 Hurst
Tines is the technical word specifically for the individual points of a fork.

00:42:04 Squirrell
Yeah, of course, everyone knows that.

00:42:05 Hurst
A prong is any pointy sticking out bit, and a tine is a prong that's part of a fork-like tool.

00:42:11 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:42:12 Hurst
How the **** do you know that?

00:42:14 Squirrell
Everyone knows that.

00:42:15 Hurst
Some tines are prongs, but not all prongs are prongs.

00:42:17 Squirrell
You count the tines one time, but everyone knows that.

00:42:21 Squirrell
Everyone that's seen Pretty Woman knows that.

00:42:23 Hurst
I should have gone with my original estimated fact, which was also funny, but I found that fascinating.

00:42:27 Hurst
I was like, I'll pop that in.

00:42:29 Squirrell
I can't believe you didn't know that.

00:42:31 Squirrell
Have you not seen Pretty Woman?

00:42:33 Hurst
I have.

00:42:33 Hurst
And I never really paid any attention to the forks of it because at that point, kitchen implements weren't a massive part of my life.

00:42:39 Squirrell
What a contentious episode this one is.

00:42:41 Hurst
I know.

00:42:42 Hurst
It's been highly tense, hasn't it?

00:42:44 Hurst
The usual back-slapping chummy, yeah, good answer, well done.

00:42:47 Hurst
You're great.

00:42:48 Hurst
Like, no, ********.

00:42:49 Hurst
I think you'll list sometimes.

00:42:51 Hurst
And I hate your facts.

00:42:53 Squirrell
Brilliant.

00:42:54 Squirrell
Brilliant.

00:42:55 Squirrell
I'm here for that.

00:42:56 Squirrell
You want to find out what we're doing next week?

00:42:58 Hurst
Yeah, go on then.

00:42:59 Hurst
Spin it.

00:42:59 Squirrell
Nice.

00:43:04 Squirrell
We have top five Tarantino movies from Ohio.

00:43:08 Squirrell
Thanks, Ohio.

00:43:09 Squirrell
Oh, nice.

00:43:10 Hurst
That'll be a good one.

00:43:11 Squirrell
And top five sports movies.

00:43:14 Hurst
Okay, yeah.

00:43:15 Squirrell
Meg asked if she could have another one because she's a big girl patron.

00:43:18 Squirrell
I said yes.

00:43:19 Squirrell
Top Five things you can buy, brackets or do, close brackets, for less than 5 pounds.

00:43:25 Hurst
Interesting.

00:43:26 Squirrell
That's much better than girls allowed.

00:43:29 Squirrell
Shall we spin the wheel, Hest?

00:43:30 Squirrell
Spin it.

00:43:31 Squirrell
Off it goes.

00:43:33 Squirrell
What have we got?

00:43:35 Squirrell
Oh, ****.

00:43:36 Squirrell
I think it's going to be biscuits.

00:43:39 Squirrell
Top Five biscuits.

00:43:43 Hurst
Okay.

00:43:43 Squirrell
Let me look up who suggested that.

00:43:45 Squirrell
Top Five biscuits suggested by Kovach.

00:43:47 Squirrell
I think I said dollars.

00:43:49 Squirrell
Thank you, Kovach.

00:43:50 Hurst
Nice.

00:43:50 Squirrell
Just drop the wheels and bring this one into Landhurst.

00:43:53 Squirrell
What else do we discuss at the end of our podcast?

00:43:55 Squirrell
Don't forget to vote, rankers.

00:43:56 Squirrell
It's very important.

00:43:57 Squirrell
There's no point in us doing this if you don't vote.

00:43:59 Squirrell
Just go to www...topfaceoff.co.uk.

00:44:03 Squirrell
Look for the button that says Vote

00:44:04 Squirrell
for Squirrel and ******* click it because his number one was a fork.

00:44:08 Hurst
His number one wasn't even an implement.

00:44:10 Squirrell
**** it was.

00:44:12 Hurst
Right.

00:44:12 Hurst
Anyway, we need to do a quick shout out to our supporter hub.

00:44:16 Squirrell
Yes, indeed.

00:44:17 Squirrell
The support hub and our patrons in general are what keeps us bringing this to you for free.

00:44:22 Squirrell
So thank you very much to Kovach, Davpaz, and Meg98.

00:44:27 Hurst
I love you the most.

00:44:28 Squirrell
But if you want to join the supporter hub, folks, it costs you 5 pounds a month.

00:44:33 Squirrell
That's one of the top five things you

00:44:34 Squirrell
If you can buy or do for less than 5 pounds, bowls has.

00:44:38 Hurst
Drop it down to 499.

00:44:39 Squirrell
Drop it down to 499 and we're including it on our lists.

00:44:42 Hurst
Now we can be #1 and we can get the honk honk and everyone will vote for it.

00:44:46 Squirrell
We haven't had it for some time.

00:44:48 Hurst
No, we haven't had one, have we?

00:44:49 Hurst
We've been disagreeing a little bit.

00:44:51 Squirrell
Maybe biscuits will have more in common.

00:44:54 Hurst
I'll be surprised though.

00:44:55 Hurst
There's such a lot of variety and it's such a contentious issue.

00:44:58 Hurst
So love the Sports Hub.

00:45:00 Hurst
Love you guys the absolute most.

00:45:01 Hurst
But also

00:45:03 Hurst
Love the rest of you as well.

00:45:04 Hurst
Thanks for listening.

00:45:05 Hurst
Thanks for playing along.

00:45:06 Squirrell
Yeah, thank you very much.

00:45:07 Squirrell
Don't forget to check us out on Facebook, Top Five Face Off, on Blue Sky, Top Five Face Off, on Patreon, Top Five Face Off, on the internet, topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:45:16 Squirrell
We're everywhere.

00:45:16 Squirrell
Just search for Top Five Face Off.

00:45:18 Squirrell
You're going to find us.

00:45:19 Squirrell
But what if they don't want excellent podcast content, Hers?

00:45:22 Squirrell
What if they want a painting for their wall?

00:45:25 Squirrell
Where would they go to find one of those?

00:45:27 Hurst
Taking into effect the caveats that I mentioned earlier about my stupid American site, go to doghouseart.co.uk

00:45:33 Hurst
UK and decide what you like and then, you know, write to the show until I finish writing my UK website.

00:45:39 Squirrell
There we go.

00:45:40 Squirrell
Long-winded but factual.

00:45:42 Hurst
Yeah.

00:45:43 Hurst
Yeah.

00:45:43 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:45:44 Squirrell
Please rewind this podcast for the next person to come along and we will see you in two weeks time for the top five biscuits.

00:45:50 Squirrell
Has anyone ever been waiting for a better thing, Hurst?

00:45:53 Hurst
I think, I mean, that time when we did the TV theme tunes, yeah, apart from the tread and audio, but that still is my favourite every week.

00:46:03 Squirrell
You meant to say no, Hurst.

00:46:04 Squirrell
That was clearly a corner of response.

00:46:06 Hurst
No, absolutely not.

00:46:07 Hurst
Sorry, I thought, yeah, I went into honesty mode.

00:46:10 Hurst
No, it's going to be the greatest week of your life.

00:46:13 Squirrell
Thanks for listening, Rankers.

00:46:14 Hurst
See you later.

00:46:15 Hurst
Love you.

00:46:19 Harriet
Top Five Face Off is presented by Matt Hurst and Matt Squirrel and produced by Power Storm Awesome Fire Incorporated.

00:46:26 Harriet
For more details and to vote for winner, visit topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:46:32 Harriet
Thanks for listening.

00:47:04 Hurst
And you never even asked what my estimated fact was.

00:47:07 Squirrell
Well, it doesn't need to.

00:47:09 Squirrell
What was your estimated factors?

00:47:10 Hurst
No, **** *** you never get to hear it.

00:47:13 Hurst
Shut up, Trooper.

00:47:13 Squirrell
Now he's not going to buy one of your paintings.

00:47:17 Squirrell
We could just lie.

00:47:18 Squirrell
Can we lie and put it in the outtakes, the actual result, but then make Trooper pick all the way through?

00:47:23 Squirrell
He's got to buy one.

00:47:24 Hurst
No, he's not allowed one of my paintings, actually.

00:47:27 Squirrell
Oh, ****.

00:47:28 Squirrell
That sounds like a challenge.

00:47:31 Hurst
He's talked himself out of having one of my paintings.

00:47:33 Squirrell
All right, fine.

00:47:34 Squirrell
So anyway.

00:47:35 Hurst
I have to put some code in the website.

00:47:36 Hurst
I need your help, Squirrel.

00:47:38 Squirrell
OK, I'll figure that out.

00:47:41 Squirrell
Should we find out who goes first?

00:47:42 Squirrell
Let's do it.

00:47:43 Squirrell
Let's flip the coin of destiny.

00:47:48 Squirrell
It's on its side.

00:47:50 Squirrell
It's against my keyboard.

00:47:53 Squirrell
So if you do a lot of BBQ, if you do a lot of big meat like I do, if you were grinding pepper by hand...

00:47:58 Squirrell
Yeah, all right.

00:47:59 Squirrell
I heard myself say it.

00:48:06 Squirrell
Let's do that again.

00:48:08 Squirrell
No, let's go.

00:48:09 Squirrell
Let's just keep that because that's genius.

00:48:10 Squirrell
No, it's going at the end.

00:48:14 Hurst
Give your laugh bone a...

00:48:15 Hurst
Oh.

00:48:15 Hurst
Yep.

00:48:21 Hurst
Give your laugh bone a laugh.

00:48:23 Squirrell
Give your laugh funny bone.

00:48:24 Squirrell
Is that what you're looking for?

00:48:25 Hurst
That's the word I'm looking for.

00:48:27 Hurst
Give you a funny bone.

00:48:28 Hurst
Oh, **** now.

00:48:29 Hurst
Let's make hope.

00:48:30 Squirrell
Let's go at the end of it.