S02E21: Fast and Furious movies

Transcript

00:00:00 Hurst
1.5 billion?

00:00:01 Squirrell
1.5 billion.

00:00:02 Hurst
From that one movie?

00:00:03 Squirrell
Yeah, the Fast and the Furious is incredibly successful.

00:00:07 Squirrell
They've made like 9 billion overall.

00:00:09 Hurst
*beep*

00:00:11 Harriet
Top Five Face Off contains adult themes and language that some people may find offensive.

00:00:16 Harriet
Listener discretion is advised.

00:00:18 Squirrell
He's Matt Hurst.

00:00:19 Hurst
He's Matt Squirrel.

00:00:20 Squirrell
And this is Top Five Face Off, the official world ranking of everything.

00:00:24 Squirrell
What are we ranking today, Hurst?

00:00:26 Hurst
Well, Squirrel.

00:00:26 Hurst
Today we're going to be ranking the top five Fast and Furious movies.

00:00:31 Squirrell
That's coming right up after this.

00:00:32 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than one, then there's a best.

00:00:36 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than five, call Squirrel and Hearst.

00:00:41 Robo-Katy Perry
It's the tough fun face-off.

00:00:43 Robo-Katy Perry
Actual fact.

00:00:44 Robo-Katy Perry
It's the tough fun face-off.

00:00:47 Robo-Katy Perry
Facts are exact.

00:00:49 Robo-Katy Perry
Tough fun face-off.

00:00:52 Robo-Katy Perry
Official world ranking.

00:00:54 Robo-Katy Perry
What's next?

00:00:55 Robo-Katy Perry
You decide.

00:00:56 Hurst
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night, rankers.

00:01:00 Hurst
Welcome back to the show.

00:01:01 Hurst
And for any new rankers, welcome to the show.

00:01:04 Squirrell
Hello.

00:01:04 Hurst
Squirrel.

00:01:05 Hurst
For any of our new rankers, why don't you tell them what we do here and, of course, why we do it?

00:01:10 Squirrell
Well, hello, new rankers.

00:01:11 Squirrell
I think we should stop calling them rankers and start calling them family.

00:01:14 Squirrell
What do you reckon?

00:01:17 Squirrell
It's all about family.

00:01:19 Squirrell
Hello.

00:01:19 Squirrell
Mi familia.

00:01:21 Squirrell
Welcome to Top Five Face Off.

00:01:22 Squirrell
Yes, indeed.

00:01:23 Squirrell
We are going to talk about the top five and the worst Fast and Furious movies.

00:01:28 Squirrell
And then you can visit our website, www..topfivefaceoff.co.uk and vote for which of us is correct, because one of us is always correct.

00:01:35 Squirrell
And whoever gets the most votes will be entered into the official world ranking.

00:01:39 Squirrell
Forever, Hurst.

00:01:40 Squirrell
Forever.

00:01:41 Hurst
Yeah, it's a valuable resource for the Times.

00:01:44 Hurst
Not the newspaper, obviously, for the actual Times.

00:01:48 Hurst
We don't get straight onto business because of course we're British, so what's been going on?

00:01:53 Squirrell
I've been gallivanting, Hurst.

00:01:54 Squirrell
And apologies, Rankers, because this episode is a week late because of my gallivanting.

00:01:59 Squirrell
Much like Vin Diesel and his chums, I've been all over the world, Hurst.

00:02:04 Squirrell
Well, kind of.

00:02:05 Hurst
And it's good of you to, take the blame for it being late, but don't forget I also had 23 hours and 6 minutes of drivel to watch.

00:02:14 Squirrell
23 glorious hours.

00:02:16 Hurst
The longest and slowest hours I can remember for some time.

00:02:20 Squirrell
The fastest and most furious hours of my life.

00:02:24 Hurst
Yes, right, because this is probably the episode of which we disagree most vehemently.

00:02:29 Hurst
We are absolutely at the opposite ends of the spectrum on our feelings towards The Fast and the Furious.

00:02:34 Squirrell
So good.

00:02:36 Hurst
Strap in.

00:02:38 Squirrell
They never strap in, or they very rarely strap in, do they, on past and fumes?

00:02:42 Hurst
No, they don't wear how much, they don't wear seat belts.

00:02:44 Hurst
It doesn't matter because they're indestructible, so why would they?

00:02:47 Squirrell
Yes, which is fine.

00:02:49 Squirrell
We'll come to this.

00:02:50 Squirrell
We'll get back to this.

00:02:51 Squirrell
We're not talking about it anyway.

00:02:52 Hurst
I think there's certainly there's a cross-section of the rankers that are going to really enjoy this.

00:02:58 Hurst
I base this on the fact that when I had drinks with Jelly and Kovach, wonderful number ones, it was made clear that my fury powers their day.

00:03:07 Hurst
So finding things that are going to annoy me did seem to be important, especially to Kovach.

00:03:11 Hurst
So yeah, enjoy this one.

00:03:13 Squirrell
Yeah, I don't think anyone does that to me specifically.

00:03:16 Squirrell
Not like I can think of.

00:03:17 Squirrell
What's the most recent one I hate?

00:03:19 Squirrell
ABBA, we both hated that.

00:03:20 Squirrell
Yeah, we didn't.

00:03:21 Squirrell
There's so much of it.

00:03:22 Hurst
I mean, we might as well skip straight to what's gripping your **** because this is gripping my ****.

00:03:25 Hurst
Yeah, an absolute dead wasted time for me, that one.

00:03:31 Hurst
So ABBA has been usurped on the Fast and the Furious.

00:03:35 Hurst
I longed for the days of ABBA.

00:03:39 Squirrell
Well, goodness me.

00:03:40 Hurst
Some more Spice Girls albums.

00:03:42 Squirrell
Well, the Spice Girls.

00:03:44 Squirrell
great, but at least they were blessedly short.

00:03:46 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:03:47 Squirrell
Only the three albums from the spice.

00:03:48 Squirrell
We're reminiscing a lot on today's car.

00:03:51 Squirrell
I believe the kids got it.

00:03:52 Squirrell
Ranker time, which is great because the peeper behind the curtain rankers, it's Monday afternoon slash evening.

00:04:00 Squirrell
I've got to edit this before Wednesday.

00:04:02 Squirrell
So let's just chat away.

00:04:05 Hurst
Speaking of which, I am really close to finishing editing that episode that I still owe the rankers.

00:04:09 Hurst
Although if I can figure out how to do it, I am going to type up all of my

00:04:14 Hurst
synopsis of the films and put them on Patreon so people couldn't read my eye after even the ones that they don't hear.

00:04:20 Squirrell
Oh, you mean, I thought you were talking about the Patreon special, but now you're talking about this, but you were talking about the Patreon special?

00:04:26 Hurst
I was talking about the Patreon special and then I digressed and thought, I was, I've been thinking about what I can offer the rankers as some kind of compensation for not doing this in any kind of a timely manner.

00:04:37 Hurst
And that's one of the things I thought.

00:04:38 Hurst
Anyway, let's move forward.

00:04:42 Hurst
What happened last time?

00:04:43 Hurst
Did we have any

00:04:44 Hurst
Any interest in our listies event idea or did everyone ignore that completely?

00:04:49 Squirrell
I haven't been through the comments yet, so I guess we're going to find out together.

00:04:53 Hurst
Oh, should we do that then?

00:04:55 Squirrell
Who do you think the first comment might be from?

00:04:57 Hurst
Well, I don't think Kovach has got up early twice just to get first comment, so I'm going to hedge my bet on Meg 98.

00:05:07 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:05:07 Squirrell
Winning by an inch or a mile, winnings winning, as we know, Hurst.

00:05:10 Squirrell
And she crossed the line first with a vote for me.

00:05:14 Squirrell
It simply says, this is for saying dairy milk is better than Galaxy.

00:05:18 Squirrell
Oh, no, that's what you did.

00:05:19 Squirrell
You did that.

00:05:20 Squirrell
So she's voted for me.

00:05:21 Squirrell
Okay.

00:05:22 Squirrell
Yeah, I got to agree.

00:05:23 Squirrell
Galaxy's best.

00:05:25 Hurst
I don't know that I'd said that, but...

00:05:28 Squirrell
Yeah, I like Galaxy better.

00:05:30 Hurst
Right, only because it was the original.

00:05:34 Hurst
They didn't have Galaxy as the original.

00:05:35 Hurst
It was an OG thing.

00:05:37 Hurst
I agree with you, Meg 98.

00:05:38 Hurst
I like Galaxy better.

00:05:39 Squirrell
But you didn't put this on your list.

00:05:43 Hurst
I like the consistency.

00:05:45 Hurst
If Galaxy could have been consistently there against Dairy Milk, I would have taken it, but it wasn't.

00:05:49 Squirrell
I see.

00:05:49 Hurst
Because also I'd choose Dairy Milk over Smarties if I was eating them as a chocolate, but within the McFlurry universe, it's a different story.

00:05:57 Squirrell
Well, if that affects your vote, Meg, let me know.

00:06:00 Squirrell
Otherwise, we'll carry on.

00:06:02 Squirrell
We have one from Majuli.

00:06:04 Squirrell
She's voting for you, Hurst.

00:06:05 Squirrell
She says, love, love, love, McFlurry only by them and coffee.

00:06:09 Squirrell
Thanks, Majuli.

00:06:10 Hurst
Yeah, that's it.

00:06:12 Squirrell
That's A throwback.

00:06:13 Squirrell
That movie was a long time ago, wasn't it?

00:06:15 Hurst
Yeah.

00:06:16 Squirrell
Jesus.

00:06:16 Squirrell
Here we are, Hurst.

00:06:17 Squirrell
Another one for you.

00:06:18 Squirrell
I missed voting last time.

00:06:21 Squirrell
It's great to hear that the season of Hearst is in full swing.

00:06:25 Squirrell
It can clearly carry on just fine without me.

00:06:29 Squirrell
Honestly, even if it wasn't such a monumental season of Hearst, I'd still have voted for him.

00:06:34 Squirrell
Turns out I like McDonald's food about as much as Hearst does.

00:06:38 Squirrell
I've never been the biggest McDonald's fan

00:06:40 Squirrell
And I think it might go back to a childhood birthday party there where I didn't get picked to go on the kitchen tour.

00:06:47 Hurst
On your birthday?

00:06:48 Hurst
That is outrageous.

00:06:49 Squirrell
Or they were at a birthday.

00:06:51 Squirrell
That's unclear.

00:06:53 Hurst
Okay.

00:06:54 Hurst
If it was your birthday and you didn't get picked, then man, you have every right to be furious.

00:06:58 Squirrell
A clearly defining moment for young me.

00:07:01 Squirrell
I had a much better experience at a Wimpy party around the same age, though.

00:07:05 Squirrell
Not only did I meet Mr.

00:07:07 Squirrell
Wimpy himself, but Hayley Fox was also there.

00:07:10 Squirrell
We instantly made it the superior fast food experience.

00:07:13 Squirrell
No contest.

00:07:14 Squirrell
That's from the vision with another Hayley Fox name drop.

00:07:17 Squirrell
We love Hayley Fox.

00:07:18 Hurst
Yeah, man, I hope she listens and will get in touch.

00:07:21 Squirrell
I hope you lose up to the name.

00:07:23 Hurst
Yeah.

00:07:24 Hurst
Right, I mean, that must be all for me by now.

00:07:26 Hurst
I'm imagining this is a landslide because I only chose McFlurry.

00:07:30 Squirrell
Yes.

00:07:32 Squirrell
This one is for me.

00:07:33 Squirrell
My heart and my true loyalty lies with Monsieur Hurst, but I also believe in being fair and true.

00:07:39 Squirrell
That is the point of the podcast.

00:07:41 Squirrell
This time round, the burger in all its variety and greatness speaks for itself, so my vote is for Squirrel.

00:07:48 Squirrell
I have faith in the season of Hurst, but you've got to earn it, son.

00:07:52 Squirrell
from Rachel, and she gives you a kissy face.

00:07:55 Hurst
Oh, **** have I earned it this week, though.

00:07:57 Squirrell
Well, we're going to find out.

00:07:58 Squirrell
And it is here when the season of Hearst heareth endeth.

00:08:03 Squirrell
One McFlurry within the top five I could understand, but positions 2 to 5.

00:08:08 Squirrell
It's too much compadre.

00:08:10 Squirrell
I do acknowledge that they are a fine post-burger pud, but the portion size has for sure been getting ridiculously small.

00:08:17 Squirrell
Squirrel season has beguneth.

00:08:19 Squirrell
A fine top five.

00:08:21 Squirrell
That's for Anonymous.

00:08:22 Squirrell
Thanks, Anonymous.

00:08:23 Squirrell
I wish I knew who had my back like the vision who has yours.

00:08:27 Squirrell
Let me know next time, Anonymous.

00:08:29 Squirrell
McFlurry.

00:08:30 Squirrell
WTF ****.

00:08:32 Squirrell
It's a Mr.

00:08:33 Squirrell
Whippy with crap in it.

00:08:35 Squirrell
Vote for squirrel.

00:08:36 Squirrell
Love and hugs Jane.

00:08:38 Squirrell
Thanks, Jane.

00:08:38 Hurst
Who's Jane?

00:08:40 Hurst
Maybe Carly's first.

00:08:41 Hurst
She was on, she was on a cruise with her friend Jane.

00:08:44 Hurst
Maybe they were listening then.

00:08:46 Squirrell
Maybe.

00:08:46 Squirrell
Or maybe she's just someone off the internet.

00:08:48 Squirrell
We do have listeners we don't know.

00:08:50 Hurst
Either way, welcome Jane.

00:08:52 Squirrell
Welcome Jane.

00:08:53 Squirrell
Here's one from our friend Ohio over in the States who says, you guys can get fries at KFC.

00:08:59 Squirrell
That's what he says.

00:09:01 Squirrell
Yeah, I think they have, they don't have fries, right?

00:09:03 Squirrell
They have those biscuit things at KFC in America, like more like scones for us.

00:09:10 Squirrell
There you are.

00:09:11 Squirrell
This one's from Kovach.

00:09:12 Squirrell
Hi, Kovach.

00:09:13 Squirrell
Not a fan of the McFlurry.

00:09:15 Squirrell
Well, that's problematic for you, Hurst.

00:09:16 Squirrell
Happy to be bribed with food, says Kov.

00:09:19 Squirrell
All right, thanks, Kov.

00:09:21 Squirrell
And we'll do a couple more.

00:09:24 Squirrell
The season of Hurst is over.

00:09:25 Squirrell
What a travesty, McFlurries or if Tolkien tried his hand at ice cream.

00:09:30 Squirrell
Squirrel aces this, although no mention of the McRib from Money Slinger.

00:09:34 Squirrell
Yeah, I didn't really like the McRib.

00:09:36 Squirrell
It's all right.

00:09:37 Squirrell
Hello, Bedford.

00:09:38 Squirrell
Daftpas calling.

00:09:40 Squirrell
dear me, mere moments after singing the praises of Variety, Hurst drops what can only be described as a top one list.

00:09:47 Squirrell
We must protect the sanctity of the process.

00:09:49 Squirrell
Even though his list includes the Big Tasty, which I believe was originally supposed to be a version of the Burger King Whopper, which is a slimy nasty mess, Squirrel gets the vote.

00:09:58 Squirrell
Yeah, you're a slimy nasty mess, Dapaz.

00:10:01 Squirrell
Thanks for your contributions and money.

00:10:04 Hurst
And vote.

00:10:06 Squirrell
While McFlurries are the better ice cream, Hurst's list is backwards.

00:10:11 Squirrell
Also, all ice cream.

00:10:12 Squirrell
I love a Filet-O-Fish.

00:10:14 Squirrell
That's from Jazzy.

00:10:15 Squirrell
Now, oh dear, it's difficult to take you seriously there, Jazzy.

00:10:19 Hurst
All these people vote for you and you're just, you're getting cocky there because you've won by so much.

00:10:24 Hurst
You're now just chucking votes away because you don't need them anymore.

00:10:28 Squirrell
That's not how it works.

00:10:30 Squirrell
Voters are very capable people and they will not take their personal feelings into account when choosing them.

00:10:35 Squirrell
Yeah, ******* hell.

00:10:36 Hurst
You're about to leave an eye on the camera and no one votes for you for five weeks.

00:10:42 Squirrell
And we'll do the last one here.

00:10:43 Squirrell
There's been quite a lot of comments, but we'll do this last one.

00:10:46 Squirrell
Hello boys.

00:10:48 Squirrell
Long time, first time.

00:10:49 Squirrell
I've been compelled to vote due to the shocking lack of actual food on Hearst's list.

00:10:53 Squirrell
Just shocking.

00:10:54 Squirrell
My name is Jenny.

00:10:56 Squirrell
Yes, my favorites are the chicken selects, but they're pretty expensive.

00:10:59 Squirrell
Thanks, Jenny.

00:11:01 Hurst
Hey, you listen to Jenny.

00:11:02 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:11:03 Squirrell
Well, that's it, Hearst.

00:11:05 Squirrell
How do you think you've done it?

00:11:06 Hurst
I think it's going to be pretty close.

00:11:08 Hurst
I'm thinking probably around that sort of 27, 28 on the line.

00:11:13 Squirrell
Yeah, in the middle, yeah,

00:11:15 Squirrell
Hurst, I got 49.

00:11:17 Hurst
Nice.

00:11:18 Squirrell
You got 5.

00:11:20 Hurst
Sweet.

00:11:22 Hurst
Don't even care to stand by my list.

00:11:25 Squirrell
I think we can officially say that this one is over and done with.

00:11:29 Squirrell
Do you want to find out what the official top five things you can get from at Don's are, Hurst?

00:11:33 Hurst
I would love to hear that.

00:11:37 Squirrell
At #5 is the Quarter Pounder with cheese.

00:11:44 Squirrell
Number 4 from the breakfast menu, hash brown.

00:11:48 Squirrell
At #3, a slimy, nasty mess, the big tasty.

00:11:54 Squirrell
At #2, fries.

00:11:59 Squirrell
And at #1, the classic double cheeseburger.

00:12:03 Squirrell
It's official fireworks and ****.

00:12:05 Squirrell
Yay, cheering crap.

00:12:07 Hurst
Congratulations, Grill.

00:12:09 Hurst
I mean, I do love a double cheeseburger, that is.

00:12:12 Hurst
An admirable number one.

00:12:13 Hurst
It's the only other thing I would buy at McDonald's.

00:12:16 Squirrell
So it would be cool.

00:12:18 Squirrell
But we don't need to think about that anymore, Hurst.

00:12:21 Hurst
That's it.

00:12:21 Hurst
We don't look backwards.

00:12:22 Squirrell
Well, now we are on to the glory and the majesty that is The Fast and the Furious.

00:12:29 Squirrell
Yep.

00:12:34 Hurst
I guess we decide who's going first now, don't we?

00:12:37 Squirrell
Do.

00:12:38 Squirrell
And to do that, I am going to flip the coin of decision.

00:12:41 Squirrell
Flip it.

00:12:42 Squirrell
How are we going to know who goes first?

00:12:43 Hurst
That's simple.

00:12:44 Squirrell
Squirrels have tails.

00:12:46 Squirrell
Heads first.

00:12:46 Squirrell
All right, here we go.

00:12:49 Squirrell
Wow, smack my new microphone.

00:12:50 Squirrell
Oh **** squirrels have tails, son.

00:12:53 Hurst
That had to happen eventually.

00:12:54 Squirrell
It didn't.

00:12:56 Squirrell
Gambler's fallacy, but you'd think it would have done.

00:12:58 Squirrell
All right, here we go.

00:12:59 Squirrell
I'm going first then.

00:13:00 Squirrell
Well,

00:13:01 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:13:02 Squirrell
I am very excited to do this.

00:13:04 Squirrell
I watched nearly all of them.

00:13:05 Squirrell
I didn't watch them all because I know a couple of them pretty well, so I didn't.

00:13:09 Squirrell
But #5 for me, Furious 7, which is the 7th movie.

00:13:16 Squirrell
No, yeah, probably.

00:13:17 Squirrell
Who knows what movie is in the franchise?

00:13:19 Squirrell
Furious 7 slash Fast and Furious 7.

00:13:22 Squirrell
This is the one where Paul Walker died.

00:13:25 Squirrell
Let me tell you a couple of facts about it first, Hurst.

00:13:28 Squirrell
It was come out in 2015 in April.

00:13:30 Squirrell
directed by James Wan.

00:13:32 Squirrell
He's directed quite a few of them.

00:13:33 Squirrell
It busted out $1.5 billion at the box office.

00:13:38 Squirrell
Just...

00:13:40 Squirrell
That is a lot of cash.

00:13:41 Squirrell
Nice one.

00:13:42 Squirrell
190 million budget roughly.

00:13:45 Squirrell
1.5 billion.

00:13:46 Squirrell
1.5 billion.

00:13:47 Hurst
From that one movie.

00:13:48 Squirrell
Yeah, The Fast and Furious is incredible.

00:13:52 Squirrell
They've made like 9 billion overall for the whole franchise.

00:13:55 Squirrell
It's huge.

00:13:56 Squirrell
Anyway, it won the Golden Globe for Best Original Song.

00:13:59 Squirrell
It won Best Song at the Creative Choice

00:14:00 Squirrell
Awards and it won favourite movie and favourite action movie at the 2016 People's Choice Awards.

00:14:05 Squirrell
Wow.

00:14:07 Hurst
It's actually, so you just had to chime in, it's #9 in the chronological sequence.

00:14:13 Squirrell
Yes, that would make sense.

00:14:14 Hurst
But there are a couple of like preludes, short films that I didn't include because.

00:14:18 Squirrell
Oh, you didn't watch?

00:14:19 Squirrell
Oh, dear.

00:14:20 Hurst
No, I only just managed to get through the others.

00:14:23 Squirrell
That is fine.

00:14:23 Hurst
I had to do multiple sittings for most films.

00:14:26 Hurst
Anyway, so I did carry on.

00:14:27 Squirrell
Yes, this one is all right.

00:14:30 Squirrell
Seven is the one where

00:14:30 Squirrell
Jason Stafen turns up as the new bald bad guy and he is ******* brilliant.

00:14:35 Squirrell
But the reason it's here is because the work they did for Paul Walker, Paul Walker died halfway through filming that movie and they had to CGI replace him for the rest of the scenes.

00:14:46 Squirrell
It's the most CGI heavy Fast and Furious there is because of that.

00:14:49 Squirrell
And they did a fantastic job.

00:14:52 Squirrell
This is back in 2014, 15.

00:14:55 Squirrell
Some of the scenes you can absolutely tell he's been scoped in.

00:14:58 Squirrell
They brought his brothers in

00:15:00 Squirrell
and they kind of filmed it and then they put Brian over the top with computers.

00:15:04 Squirrell
Some of the things you really can't and that was an incredible achievement back in 2015.

00:15:08 Squirrell
So that's why Furious 7 gets on the list.

00:15:11 Squirrell
Bringing Statham in, both excellent things.

00:15:13 Squirrell
Obviously he's not excellent, he died.

00:15:15 Squirrell
Very sad at the end, of course, when his car drove off as well, Hurst.

00:15:18 Squirrell
Were you wiping away a tear when that happened, I wonder?

00:15:21 Hurst
You know what, even though that was one of my least favourite ones, it was torn and it was a low bar.

00:15:26 Hurst
That bit at the end I did actually write in my notes, nice tribute to Bull Walker.

00:15:29 Squirrell
There we go.

00:15:31 Squirrell
It was.

00:15:31 Squirrell
All right, #5, Furious 7.

00:15:34 Hurst
Right.

00:15:35 Squirrell
Strap in, rankers.

00:15:37 Squirrell
Strap in and hit the dots.

00:15:38 Hurst
Strap in and put your helmets on.

00:15:41 Hurst
So what I've done for each one is I have written my summary of it.

00:15:46 Hurst
They're quite long, but I had to sit through the film, so you have to sit through this.

00:15:52 Hurst
And I've got a little game for you at the end.

00:15:54 Squirrell
For me or the rankers at home?

00:15:56 Hurst
For you.

00:15:58 Hurst
I mean, they can play along, obviously.

00:16:00 Hurst
My #5 is Fast Five.

00:16:03 Hurst
Even though it says they aren't furious anymore, they sure seem it.

00:16:06 Hurst
Here we ******* go.

00:16:07 Hurst
Okay.

00:16:08 Hurst
A bus full of maximum security prisoners drives unescorted down a long wilderness rd.

00:16:13 Hurst
Three fast cars hijack it through a combination of changing gear and playing chicken.

00:16:17 Hurst
The bus full of people is eventually rolled, including the person they're trying to free, by making it run into a now stationary fast car, which miraculously doesn't smash into pieces and kill the driver.

00:16:27 Hurst
Instead, it stays exactly where it is like it's made out of a mountain.

00:16:30 Hurst
Meanwhile, the bus disintegrates as it continues to roll another four or five times.

00:16:35 Hurst
Paul Walker smugly smiling the whole time like he probably hasn't just killed his best mate.

00:16:39 Hurst
This one's happening in Brazil because they're all criminals now that drive like *******

00:16:43 Hurst
and America's had enough of that ****.

00:16:44 Hurst
The next action is a ridiculous train heist, but they get double crossed.

00:16:48 Hurst
Dom comfortably rides being hit with a crowbar, jumps out of the train into the desert in a supercar, definitely destroying it.

00:16:55 Hurst
But next scene, it's in perfect condition until they drive it off a cliff.

00:16:58 Hurst
Anyway, turns out a bad guy wanted those cars, so I think that's what this one's all about.

00:17:03 Hurst
The rocks in this one, so that's a bonus.

00:17:05 Hurst
During the double cross, though, the baddies killed some of his agents and they said it was Dom and Bri.

00:17:10 Hurst
The rock is ****** and so full of testosterone that he actually changes

00:17:13 Hurst
year without a car.

00:17:13 Hurst
So now they are stuck between the rock and a hard place.

00:17:18 Hurst
So the guys come up with a plan to steal the bad guys' money by burning about $10 million of it and saying they're coming for the rest.

00:17:25 Hurst
Cool plan.

00:17:26 Hurst
would have been just as effective to steal it, but drama.

00:17:29 Hurst
Some Ocean's Eleven sort of vibes, a bit cooler than the previous ones.

00:17:34 Hurst
Once The Rock realizes the gang are just misunderstood, he teams up with them for the heist.

00:17:38 Hurst
Can't really remember why, considering he's part of Team America World Police and the plan is clearly very elite.

00:17:43 Hurst
Anyway, he says his cool guy line,

00:17:45 Hurst
I'm in.

00:17:46 Hurst
I'll ride with you, Toretto.

00:17:47 Hurst
Does his big muscles handshake like off of Predator, then shoots up a police station in another country.

00:17:52 Hurst
The final chase is out of ******** and it made me so angry.

00:17:56 Hurst
They smash through a wall in the basement of a police station using driving, then use more driving to pull it out of the building and escape with it.

00:18:04 Hurst
We then watch two cars dragging a 14 ton safe around the streets of Rio.

00:18:10 Hurst
Physics goes completely out the window.

00:18:11 Hurst
The safe wipes out a bank as they go around a corner, but not

00:18:15 Hurst
chassis of the car.

00:18:16 Hurst
In fact, it doesn't seem to have any effect on the performance of the cars at all.

00:18:20 Hurst
The cops chase them to a bridge where a metric **** ton of ******** is piled onto the existing steaming pile.

00:18:25 Hurst
And frankly, it's more nonsense than I can comfortably contemplate.

00:18:28 Hurst
Somehow they win and all the cops in Rio lose.

00:18:30 Hurst
They have the safe and the bad guys are dead.

00:18:32 Hurst
Suddenly the Rock says, you're back on my **** ****.

00:18:35 Hurst
You can have a head start, but leave the money.

00:18:38 Hurst
Dude, you're a crook now too.

00:18:40 Hurst
Anyway, utter **** but something had to go in at number five.

00:18:44 Squirrell
I love it.

00:18:45 Hurst
Here is the game.

00:18:47 Hurst
I want you to tell me how many gear changes you think there were.

00:18:50 Hurst
Hard stomping like gear change and acceleration pedal stomp.

00:18:54 Hurst
How many gear changes in fast fart?

00:18:56 Squirrell
It has to be said, and Ohio and our other American listeners, this is directed at you.

00:19:01 Squirrell
guys seem to have a massive hard on for changing gear.

00:19:04 Squirrell
Like in the UK,

00:19:07 Squirrell
What is it, about 90% of people drive manuals, I guess.

00:19:09 Hurst
Pretty much everyone passes their test in a manual or stick shift, as you'd call it in a mariner stick.

00:19:15 Squirrell
That's right.

00:19:16 Squirrell
I mean, they have such a hard offer that they're often changing gear in automatic cars.

00:19:21 Hurst
Yeah.

00:19:23 Hurst
Also changing gear is like dropping into third at 140 miles an hour.

00:19:27 Squirrell
Ludacris puts his Jeep in park when he's trying to climb up a bridge at one point, but we'll ignore that.

00:19:33 Hurst
That's just the least of problems I have with it.

00:19:36 Squirrell
Amazing.

00:19:36 Squirrell
Did you say count these with a little clicker or something?

00:19:39 Hurst
No, I went onto the Googles to find out.

00:19:41 Hurst
Someone else has though.

00:19:42 Squirrell
Okay, so this was fast 5.

00:19:44 Squirrell
Oh, there was a lot of gear changing at the end when they were in their Civics trying to pull that safe.

00:19:48 Squirrell
I mean, Chargers, Charger SRT 8s.

00:19:51 Squirrell
Didn't even have four-wheel dr cars.

00:19:53 Squirrell
I drove in there for a great big 4x4.

00:19:55 Squirrell
They probably could have pulled out with that anyway.

00:19:56 Squirrell
I don't know where to start.

00:19:59 Squirrell
I don't have a good baseline, so I'm going to say 80.

00:20:02 Squirrell
80.

00:20:03 Squirrell
Why not?

00:20:03 Hurst
Oh, no, you're way too high.

00:20:04 Hurst
It's actually only 20 in this one.

00:20:08 Hurst
Imagine sticking all of those back-to-back.

00:20:11 Hurst
That's an awful lot of gear changing for one movie when actually the majority of the action isn't around cars anymore because by this point the gang of street racers keeps getting tapped up by Team America to do jobs that they're woefully underqualified to do.

00:20:27 Squirrell
We'll come back to that Hurst is obviously incorrect, but there we are.

00:20:31 Hurst
No, it's not.

00:20:32 Hurst
Basically everything from 5 onwards is the same film.

00:20:36 Squirrell
At #4 for me, Hurst, is the OG Fast and Furious movie.

00:20:40 Squirrell
A very different movie to all the others, if viewers point it out.

00:20:43 Squirrell
They're probably not indestructible.

00:20:45 Squirrell
Or maybe they were indestructible, they just didn't realise it back then.

00:20:48 Squirrell
This one is very much based more on street racing than being spies.

00:20:53 Squirrell
Is that what they are now?

00:20:54 Squirrell
I'm not really sure.

00:20:56 Squirrell
Spies slash superheroes is what they are now.

00:20:59 Squirrell
But this one came out long, long ago, Hurst.

00:21:02 Squirrell
It still did pretty well at the cinema.

00:21:03 Squirrell
It came out in 2001, directed by a guy

00:21:06 Squirrell
Rob Cohen because he read a magazine article called Racer X and just decided he was going to make a movie about it.

00:21:12 Squirrell
He made it for 38 million and it brought in 207 million so pretty good going.

00:21:18 Squirrell
Won best on-screen team for Finn Diesel and Paul Walker at the 2002 MTV Movie Awards.

00:21:22 Squirrell
Wow! And it won best action sequence.

00:21:25 Squirrell
Very exciting.

00:21:26 Squirrell
But yeah, Brian is an undercover

00:21:29 Squirrell
They called him a cop a lot.

00:21:30 Squirrell
He's not.

00:21:30 Squirrell
He's an FBI agent.

00:21:32 Squirrell
And he is undercover trying to discover who's stealing DVD players.

00:21:35 Squirrell
Wow.

00:21:36 Squirrell
Because you know.

00:21:37 Squirrell
Big stuff the FBI is.

00:21:40 Squirrell
That's right.

00:21:40 Squirrell
And he does this by infiltrating the underground scene of street racing in California or LA or wherever they were.

00:21:48 Squirrell
Is LA in California or vice versa?

00:21:50 Squirrell
I know.

00:21:50 Squirrell
LA is in California.

00:21:51 Squirrell
LA is in California.

00:21:52 Squirrell
That's what I'm going with.

00:21:53 Squirrell
It was good film.

00:21:54 Squirrell
Yeah, but it was a good film.

00:21:56 Squirrell
It was like it wasn't big.

00:21:58 Squirrell
all the ones, not all the ones, but it wasn't big like they are now.

00:22:01 Squirrell
It was a little small film.

00:22:02 Squirrell
It felt pretty indie.

00:22:03 Squirrell
There was a lot of gear changes in that one.

00:22:05 Squirrell
It's got to be more than 20 when that comes up.

00:22:07 Squirrell
It's a solid little film.

00:22:08 Squirrell
It's a good start.

00:22:09 Squirrell
It's really about Brian.

00:22:11 Squirrell
Dom is kind of a background character to some extent.

00:22:14 Squirrell
And it also has the toughest man in the universe because he's the guy driving the truck at the end and he just fights them all off with a stick and a shotgun.

00:22:21 Squirrell
And now you can't even do that of nuclear submarines.

00:22:24 Squirrell
So this guy, wow, he is just the toughest dude

00:22:27 Squirrell
existed.

00:22:28 Squirrell
And they also bought us the, you can only drink Corona if you're drinking beer.

00:22:33 Squirrell
And it's just nice how kind of little it is, you know?

00:22:36 Hurst
Yeah, these films were really sponsored by Corona and Snap-on tools, weren't they?

00:22:40 Squirrell
That's really basically, yeah, and Vale side modifications.

00:22:44 Squirrell
You had the first quarter mile race, which took I think around 2 minutes and the cars were doing 160 miles an hour at some point, not even a Bugatti Veyron could get on that speed in 1/4 mile race.

00:22:56 Squirrell
But yeah, good going.

00:22:59 Squirrell
So yeah, #4, first Fast and Furious.

00:23:02 Hurst
Okay.

00:23:03 Hurst
Yeah, that's the only one I didn't re-watch because it was the only one I had already watched.

00:23:07 Hurst
And frankly, I was bang out of time by then because I actually had some other stuff I needed to do.

00:23:12 Hurst
Okay, #4 for me is Fast and Furious 8 or The Fate of the Furious, depending on where you see it, 2 hours and 16 minutes.

00:23:21 Hurst
So they decided they needed to be over 2 hours at this point.

00:23:25 Hurst
It was utter ******** but at least it had a sense of humor, good stuff from the

00:23:28 Hurst
Rock and Statham and Helen Mirren.

00:23:30 Squirrell
So as the Oscar-winning Helen Mirren, please.

00:23:33 Hurst
Yeah, not for this she wasn't.

00:23:35 Hurst
I don't think any of these films bothered the Oscar panel at all.

00:23:41 Hurst
Anyway, so.

00:23:42 Hurst
This one starts off with a race in Cuba over the same old ********.

00:23:45 Hurst
Dom wins even though he's up against the fastest car on the island whilst his car's made out of sticks and a Coke can.

00:23:50 Hurst
Adding salt to the ridiculous wound, he reverses it over the finish line.

00:23:54 Hurst
Massive size.

00:23:55 Hurst
Charlize Theron turns up as a hacker with horrible grubbly hair and mystery video.

00:23:59 Squirrell
That's the Oscar award-winning Charlize Theron.

00:24:02 Hurst
Turns up as a hacker with horrible grubbly hair and a non-Oscar winning performance and a mystery video that will apparently make Dom **** over his beloved crew and family.

00:24:11 Hurst
Turns out Dom.

00:24:12 Hurst
as a kid with his ex from episode 3.

00:24:14 Hurst
So that's what was on the video.

00:24:16 Hurst
Anyway, meanwhile, in a sign that Fast and Furious is finally realizing it can't take itself so seriously whilst being so ridiculous, the Rock is comically teaching little girls soccer.

00:24:25 Hurst
So I was like, okay, now you're not taking yourself so seriously.

00:24:28 Hurst
My hatred has dissipated a little.

00:24:30 Hurst
Then they have to help the Rock under deep cover to steal an EMP using cars.

00:24:35 Hurst
Dom double steals it and ******* off on a plane.

00:24:38 Hurst
Obviously, the Rock is ****** and in jail a little bit.

00:24:40 Hurst
Statham's in jail too and

00:24:42 Hurst
which is a nice touch.

00:24:43 Hurst
Then he somehow opens every cell in prison with a cattle prod and causes a riot.

00:24:47 Hurst
So sure, they sort of escape and join forces with Kurt Russell and the Men in Black.

00:24:52 Hurst
The Rock doesn't like it and calls Statham a tiered crumpets-eating *** ** * ***** which is absolutely classic.

00:24:58 Hurst
Together with the crew, they have to track down Dom and the shampoo-dodging cipher.

00:25:02 Hurst
It's easy because actually they then show up at Scooby Gang headquarters with stun grenades and **** the crew up and steal the God Zytech that got stolen in the last movie.

00:25:10 Hurst
To be honest, Men in Black are really

00:25:12 Hurst
with their tech.

00:25:13 Hurst
Anyway, the Rock and Statham are now sort of frenemies.

00:25:16 Hurst
Apparently the tech can take over and drive cars.

00:25:19 Hurst
So Moldy Locks does that with half of the cars in New York in order to hijack a motorcade full of nuclear launch codes.

00:25:26 Hurst
Suddenly it's raining cars because everyone in Manhattan keeps their cars in sixth floor apartments.

00:25:31 Hurst
Don picks up the codes, the crew watch him in their government supercars and there's a chase across the city.

00:25:37 Hurst
And then they kept him using car harpoons, obviously.

00:25:40 Hurst
And in an unprecedented

00:25:42 Hurst
Fast and Furious history, Don escapes on foot.

00:25:48 Hurst
So, that's fun.

00:25:50 Hurst
Skip forward.

00:25:51 Hurst
Don breaks into a heavily fortified Russian nuclear base using driving and an EMP.

00:25:56 Hurst
Cipher is stealing a nuclear submarine so the crew try to intercept using driving and hacking.

00:26:01 Hurst
The 2 ladies have a hack off whilst Letty fights that guy who always plays special forces in everything, but he never has a lie.

00:26:07 Hurst
And the one that waxes the end of his moustache like a ringmaster.

00:26:10 Hurst
I ******* love that guy.

00:26:11 Hurst
He always shows up.

00:26:13 Hurst
for special forces.

00:26:14 Hurst
Anyway, she fights him.

00:26:15 Hurst
Then the escape chases on ice and is back to standard Fast and Furious ******** with impossible stunts going on for way too long.

00:26:22 Hurst
Statham and original Hobbs show up in jet packs.

00:26:24 Hurst
Helen Mirren says it's called the devil's ******* or something, which is another classic line.

00:26:30 Hurst
Love that.

00:26:31 Hurst
Oh yeah, Dom gets to the all clear that his family is now safe and switches back to the good side.

00:26:37 Hurst
Another series of wildly unrealistic stunts.

00:26:39 Hurst
Sees the gang surround Dom on the ice to save him from the giant flaming

00:26:43 Hurst
flaming explosion on ice that doesn't melt.

00:26:46 Hurst
Absolute garbage.

00:26:47 Hurst
Statham, the rocket dom are all now, friends.

00:26:50 Hurst
Dreadful ******** interspersed with occasional funny lines.

00:26:53 Hurst
There we go.

00:26:54 Hurst
How many gear changes in The Fate of the Furious?

00:26:58 Hurst
Bearing in mind it's about 6 hours long.

00:27:03 Squirrell
I went too high last time, but I feel it is more than 20.

00:27:06 Squirrell
I'm going to go 32.

00:27:08 Hurst
Oh, mate.

00:27:10 Hurst
He's 31.

00:27:11 Hurst
I'll let you have that.

00:27:12 Hurst
That's within a reasonable standard deviation or something.

00:27:16 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:27:17 Hurst
Very good.

00:27:18 Hurst
So #4 is The Fate of the Furious or Fast and Furious 8.

00:27:22 Squirrell
All right.

00:27:23 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:27:24 Hurst
This might not be coming out on Wednesday.

00:27:25 Hurst
There's going to be a lot to...

00:27:26 Hurst
It's fine.

00:27:27 Squirrell
I've got this.

00:27:28 Squirrell
Fear not.

00:27:29 Squirrell
Number 3 for me is The Fate of the Furious or Fast and Furious 8.

00:27:34 Squirrell
So I've put it one higher than you has, but

00:27:37 Squirrell
Yeah, plenty of fun.

00:27:38 Squirrell
The main reason this goes in is a reason you didn't even mention her, which is the superb scene of Stafen rescuing the baby on the plane.

00:27:47 Squirrell
He puts the little headphones on the baby so the baby can't hear the violence and he's just got a little baby chair in one hand and a gun or a bat or a vase or whatever he's nearby or a person.

00:27:58 Squirrell
Quite often a person.

00:28:00 Squirrell
the other hand, and he's kicking the **** out of him and chatting to the baby like, you're right, you're right.

00:28:04 Squirrell
Oh my God, I love that scene.

00:28:06 Squirrell
It's brilliant.

00:28:07 Squirrell
But yeah, other than that, Big of the Furious.

00:28:09 Squirrell
Yeah, everything you said.

00:28:10 Squirrell
Wasn't it great?

00:28:11 Squirrell
Oh my God, they got Chase by Submarine.

00:28:12 Squirrell
It's brilliant.

00:28:13 Squirrell
2017 in April, this one came out directed by F.

00:28:16 Squirrell
Gary Gary.

00:28:17 Squirrell
I don't know if you noticed that.

00:28:18 Squirrell
Oh no, wait, F.

00:28:19 Squirrell
Gary Gray.

00:28:20 Squirrell
I can't read my name.

00:28:22 Squirrell
I prefer F.

00:28:23 Squirrell
Gary Gary.

00:28:24 Squirrell
This one merely made my

00:28:26 Squirrell
1.236 billion at the box office on its 250 million budget.

00:28:32 Squirrell
It got the Chen Choice and Saturn nominations for Best Action and Adventure Film and Editing.

00:28:39 Squirrell
It was the biggest box office opening in history and was only overtaken by Avengers Infinity War.

00:28:46 Squirrell
So there we are.

00:28:47 Squirrell
Good job.

00:28:48 Squirrell
Fate of the Furious.

00:28:50 Squirrell
What an excellent film.

00:28:52 Hurst
Yeah.

00:28:52 Squirrell
For all the reasons has described.

00:28:53 Hurst
Yeah.

00:28:55 Hurst
Sure.

00:28:55 Hurst
I think we've stumbled upon it here that this to me was a whole series of complete nonsense, but based on taking itself seriously and based on a world where physics still exists and it's not a superhero world.

00:29:11 Hurst
And it was only around episode 7 or something that they said, oh, I think we might be invincible.

00:29:16 Hurst
It's like, well, that's it.

00:29:17 Hurst
That's your nod to explaining why no one ever dies.

00:29:22 Squirrell
They chatted about being invincible.

00:29:24 Squirrell
It was rumoured.

00:29:25 Hurst
Problematically, it just takes away any kind of intensity or suspense because, well, it doesn't matter.

00:29:31 Hurst
They can't die.

00:29:32 Squirrell
Some of them died.

00:29:33 Hurst
No, they didn't.

00:29:35 Hurst
They came back again quite a bit later, but they still died.

00:29:38 Hurst
So even when someone does die, you go, they'll be back in like Fast and Furious 17 or something.

00:29:43 Squirrell
Any of them can likely dead right now.

00:29:46 Hurst
No, it's the whole of Fast X just finished without any kind of explanation.

00:29:50 Hurst
It just stopped.

00:29:50 Squirrell
Yes, Dom Dom's brother is currently dead, as far as we know, Jacob.

00:29:55 Squirrell
I'm sad I'm not going to talk about Jacob because John Cena was ******* amazing.

00:30:00 Squirrell
But yeah, spoiler.

00:30:06 Squirrell
Yeah, he waddles, doesn't he?

00:30:08 Squirrell
Because I think his leg muscles crash into each other as he walks.

00:30:12 Squirrell
I genuinely think that's the problem.

00:30:14 Squirrell
Anyway, I was talking about Fast Eight.

00:30:15 Squirrell
Yes, this is absolutely the one.

00:30:17 Squirrell
Dom is now no longer a man, right?

00:30:20 Squirrell
He is no longer human at this point.

00:30:21 Squirrell
He is very much some form of superhero.

00:30:24 Squirrell
They're all pretty much indestructible.

00:30:27 Squirrell
Obviously, it's nonsense.

00:30:28 Squirrell
But

00:30:30 Squirrell
Everything now has to be bigger and shinier and faster and more furious and stupider than the film before and all about loyalty and family.

00:30:38 Squirrell
That's it.

00:30:39 Squirrell
That's how this is.

00:30:40 Squirrell
We're off now, right?

00:30:41 Squirrell
Family is some sort of superpower word and they say family and they become indestructible.

00:30:46 Squirrell
Like He-Man says, I have the power, right?

00:30:48 Squirrell
It gets real big.

00:30:49 Squirrell
These guys say family.

00:30:51 Squirrell
It's ******* great.

00:30:51 Squirrell
Number 3, Fate of the Furious Boss.

00:30:56 Squirrell
Honestly, I don't care about what I was saying.

00:30:58 Squirrell
I want to hear your stories.

00:30:59 Squirrell
I want to hear your version of them.

00:31:01 Squirrell
This is brilliant.

00:31:02 Hurst
For me, #3, are we on #3?

00:31:05 Hurst
We are on #3.

00:31:06 Hurst
Yeah, I've done 2 already.

00:31:08 Hurst
It is Tokyo Drift, Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift, which is one hour 44 minutes, which is much more reasonable.

00:31:14 Hurst
It's basically young Fast and Furious and still pretty **** but better than most of them.

00:31:18 Hurst
Ridiculous, but on the Fast and Furious scale, it may be the second least ridiculous.

00:31:22 Hurst
So that's where it's coming at #3 for me.

00:31:25 Hurst
So here's what happened.

00:31:27 Hurst
A 24 year old high school kid gets sent to Tokyo to live with his dad because the other option is adult GV and Japan's the new Australia.

00:31:35 Hurst
Immediately he breaks the two rules his dad sets about not driving and coming home straight after school to go and race cars after school.

00:31:42 Hurst
He forms an unlikely friendship with Han Solo off of the other episodes.

00:31:46 Hurst
And yes, Han Solo.

00:31:48 Squirrell
Yep, genius.

00:31:49 Hurst
He ****** off a wannabe Yakuza local punk called DJ, the Drift King.

00:31:54 Hurst
Was it DK?

00:31:54 Hurst
It's DK, isn't it?

00:31:55 Squirrell
Drift King.

00:31:56 Hurst
Stands for Drift King, yeah.

00:31:58 Hurst
By hitting on his schoolgirl girlfriend.

00:32:01 Hurst
Luckily she is 22, so it's okay to think she's hot because she really is a specimen.

00:32:06 Hurst
Unfazed by knowing nothing about local gangster hierarchy, he hits on the girl some more and gets whacked about.

00:32:12 Hurst
Han Solo apparently has some side hustles that DK didn't know about.

00:32:16 Hurst
So he straight up smacks him about and then pulls a gun.

00:32:18 Hurst
A big chase ensues, obviously.

00:32:20 Hurst
And they all drive around Tokyo insisting on drifting down the straight roads.

00:32:24 Hurst
Luckily for the bad guys, nobody thinks to drive in a straight line and get away.

00:32:27 Hurst
And ultimately Han Solo gets into a crash, his car explodes and he is presumably dead.

00:32:33 Hurst
After nearly getting shot outside his front door, Sean decides to man up and face DK's uncle, the big Yakuza boss.

00:32:39 Hurst
He says sorry, then proposes a deal where there is a race, obviously,

00:32:44 Hurst
and the loser leaves town.

00:32:46 Hurst
Naturally, with nothing to gain and everything to lose, the big boss agrees to the terms of this unknown school kid, and instead of killing him and continuing to rule the city.

00:32:55 Hurst
The police have seized all of the good guys cars, so they pull together an engine and ******** Mustang shell that Sean's dad happens to have spare, and a car building montage breaks out.

00:33:05 Hurst
And it turns out the race is going to be on a super dangerous rd that only DK can complete.

00:33:10 Squirrell
I don't know.

00:33:12 Hurst
So they drift down this winding mountain, DK

00:33:14 Hurst
He uses his carbon fiber Nissan to try and ram the steel American muscle car and somehow isn't torn in half, but he does crash after a while and Sean wins.

00:33:22 Hurst
Shocking.

00:33:23 Hurst
The Kikuza boss says fair dinkum and Sean becomes the new DK.

00:33:26 Hurst
Vin Diesel turns

00:33:27 Hurst
up for a tiny cameo at the end.

00:33:31 Hurst
I guess sort of like the Karate Kid loosely.

00:33:35 Hurst
Anyway, how many gear changes in Tokyo Drift?

00:33:40 Squirrell
Oh, they are slapping them gearboxes good.

00:33:43 Squirrell
Even in the first race where he's racing for that guy's girlfriend, there's a lot of slapping of gearboxes and automatic cars.

00:33:51 Hurst
Which she's apparently fine with.

00:33:52 Squirrell
Yeah, well, it's her idea.

00:33:55 Hurst
She was like, well, you've erased for me.

00:33:57 Hurst
Erased so much of this from my memory.

00:33:59 Hurst
Because I watched these all in order.

00:34:01 Hurst
So the further back they are, the less I remember them.

00:34:03 Squirrell
Well, this was actually, of course, the sick film chronologically, because that's when Han dies in the story, even though they're all using tiny little crappy and Nokia phones.

00:34:12 Squirrell
And anyway, sorry.

00:34:13 Hurst
I remember like the American schoolgirl says, yeah, you can have me, whoever wins.

00:34:17 Squirrell
That's right.

00:34:18 Hurst
Slag that she is.

00:34:23 Squirrell
I'm going to say slightly more, 35.

00:34:25 Hurst
It's a good effort.

00:34:26 Hurst
It's actually 40.

00:34:28 Hurst
There are 40 gear changes this one.

00:34:30 Hurst
So pretty impressive stuff.

00:34:31 Squirrell
*** ****.

00:34:33 Squirrell
And a little bow wow is in it.

00:34:34 Squirrell
And you didn't mention his Hulk car.

00:34:36 Squirrell
I'm surprised you didn't mention that.

00:34:38 Hurst
Oh, right.

00:34:38 Hurst
Yeah.

00:34:38 Hurst
I mean, I didn't really care much about it.

00:34:40 Hurst
If I'd written every detail, then we would never be having dinner tonight.

00:34:44 Squirrell
All right, cool.

00:34:46 Squirrell
In at #2 for me, the already mentioned Fast Five.

00:34:49 Squirrell
this came out in 2011, so 15 years ago.

00:34:54 Squirrell
Don't think about it.

00:34:55 Squirrell
Directed by serious favourite Justin Lin, of course, and a mere 626 million at the box office off a 125 million budget.

00:35:04 Squirrell
Won the Choice Movie Action at the Teen Choice Awards, yeah boy.

00:35:09 Squirrell
And Critics Choice nominated it for Best Action Movie and Best Action Adventure Film.

00:35:14 Squirrell
Fast Five is

00:35:16 Squirrell
an important one in the franchise's evolution.

00:35:19 Squirrell
Fast Forward was still about driving cars and it was still kind of underground-y.

00:35:22 Squirrell
The one you just mentioned, Tokyo Drift, very much about still driving your cars, although not street racing, drifting, obviously.

00:35:28 Squirrell
Fast Five, nah, now it's a heist movie, right?

00:35:31 Squirrell
Now it's just Ocean's 11 or Toretto's 11, I guess.

00:35:35 Squirrell
And as you well mentioned, The Rock strolls in as Hobbs, he is bald bad man in this movie.

00:35:41 Squirrell
Yeah,

00:35:41 Squirrell
He's great, obviously, because he's The Rock.

00:35:44 Squirrell
It was chosen by a Facebook vote.

00:35:45 Squirrell
It was The Rock, as several of the main story beats in Faster Pilots are driven by the fans because they love their fans.

00:35:54 Squirrell
And yeah, cars are no longer cars.

00:35:58 Squirrell
They are magical, physics-defying things like that vault, that weren't moving.

00:36:02 Squirrell
ever.

00:36:03 Squirrell
Like there's no way those two things are dragging that vault out.

00:36:07 Squirrell
But the vault chase, you said it was ridiculous.

00:36:09 Squirrell
It was obviously brilliant.

00:36:11 Squirrell
Like they're dragging a vault and it's smashing into stuff.

00:36:15 Squirrell
They're like, yeah.

00:36:16 Squirrell
And one thing that I haven't mentioned yet much about the Fast and Furious is a lot of it in like the Mission Impossible style, a lot of it is practical.

00:36:24 Squirrell
They use special effects when things are dangerous.

00:36:26 Squirrell
Like there wouldn't be any people near that ******* vault, but they were pulling a one ton vault behind these cars.

00:36:32 Squirrell
cables.

00:36:33 Squirrell
And sometimes the vault had a little pickup truck inside it so the vault itself could drive along for it.

00:36:38 Squirrell
It was doing some squirrely stuff.

00:36:39 Squirrell
But otherwise they were just tossing this ******* thing into cars and stuff.

00:36:42 Squirrell
And there's all sorts of practical effects.

00:36:44 Squirrell
The train, when they were pulling things out the train, they really did that.

00:36:46 Squirrell
And then they threw something at a train and it nearly fell over.

00:36:49 Squirrell
**** me.

00:36:50 Squirrell
Love that.

00:36:51 Squirrell
It's just, you wouldn't think that the magnets are real.

00:36:54 Squirrell
They're not real magnets.

00:36:55 Squirrell
They use cables, but ******* they're tossy **** about.

00:36:57 Squirrell
It's great.

00:36:58 Squirrell
Anyway, 5 is a great one.

00:37:00 Squirrell
They steal a vault.

00:37:01 Squirrell
They **** *** a bad man.

00:37:02 Squirrell
10 because the Batman's son is all up in class 10.

00:37:06 Squirrell
And yeah, they get super muscular.

00:37:09 Squirrell
Like this is, Terrell is huge.

00:37:11 Squirrell
The rock is huge.

00:37:13 Squirrell
Yeah, brilliant.

00:37:14 Squirrell
Plus five.

00:37:17 Hurst
The hugeness leads to one of my observations I've made.

00:37:20 Hurst
Obviously one was about the gear changing.

00:37:22 Squirrell
Like, bro, he shifted into third.

00:37:28 Squirrell
Why isn't he in the correct gear?

00:37:31 Squirrell
His gearbox has gone through the floor.

00:37:33 Squirrell
Oh no.

00:37:33 Squirrell
Now he's going to shift gears.

00:37:37 Squirrell
Sorry, a hire.

00:37:38 Hurst
My other observation that I've written down was that the more tough guy actors they cast, the less they bother with a story.

00:37:44 Hurst
So by Fast X, they have Diesel, Statham, Momoa, Cedar, The Rock, and Richardson.

00:37:49 Hurst
The writers just didn't even show up.

00:37:51 Hurst
They just said, yeah, go and watch some 10 year olds playing Let's Pretend and just make a movie out of that.

00:37:57 Hurst
But cast these massive dudes as the kids.

00:37:59 Hurst
Absolutely.

00:38:00 Hurst
And yes, they did a lot of practical stunts, but they also did a lot of nonsense that absolutely is

00:38:06 Hurst
physically impossible.

00:38:07 Hurst
And I mean that in the terms of physics says no.

00:38:11 Hurst
But yeah, that's what vexes me so much.

00:38:14 Hurst
So they're pretending that this is based in a world where normal physics applies, but then do stuff that clearly.

00:38:23 Squirrell
Doesn't.

00:38:23 Squirrell
I think they know now that they're being a bit silly.

00:38:26 Hurst
Now they do, but they pretended it for so long and it's like, stop calling Fast and Furious.

00:38:31 Hurst
It's clearly not about street races anymore.

00:38:34 Hurst
In the last one, they have Fast X.

00:38:36 Hurst
Yes.

00:38:37 Squirrell
Something else to point out about Fast Five.

00:38:39 Squirrell
It is the first time that Brian and Letty have a conversation in the entire thing.

00:38:44 Hurst
I mean, she's dead for a couple of episodes anyway, though, isn't she?

00:38:49 Squirrell
She is dead.

00:38:50 Squirrell
But it turns out she wasn't dead.

00:38:52 Squirrell
Everyone at home, don't worry.

00:38:54 Squirrell
She just had amnesia.

00:38:55 Squirrell
Wow.

00:38:56 Squirrell
What a plot device.

00:38:58 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:38:59 Hurst
Means you never care if anyone dies because you don't believe it.

00:39:03 Squirrell
At least she continued to have amnesia for quite a long time and shot Don.

00:39:06 Squirrell
That was brilliant.

00:39:07 Squirrell
Bang.

00:39:09 Squirrell
**** you.

00:39:10 Squirrell
But there we are.

00:39:11 Hurst
Yes.

00:39:12 Hurst
Excellent.

00:39:12 Hurst
So #2.

00:39:14 Hurst
Fast and Furious presents Hobbs and Shaw.

00:39:18 Hurst
Two hours and 17 minutes, not really necessary, but okay.

00:39:21 Hurst
This one had a sense of humour, quality frenemy bromance between The Rock and Statham.

00:39:26 Hurst
And apart from still being impossible from almost every angle, this one's actually quite good.

00:39:30 Hurst
Has a bit of an old school Guy Ritchie vibe about it, not just because of Statham, like the music, the British sense of humour and that sort of East End attitude, it all works.

00:39:39 Hurst
It's still complete nonsense, but the fact that none of the lead characters are on qualified st races

00:39:44 Hurst
and are in fact instead special forces action hero types.

00:39:47 Hurst
It makes it way less annoying.

00:39:48 Hurst
So yeah, this one I actually kind of enjoyed.

00:39:51 Hurst
Probably wouldn't watch it again, but if I had to watch it again, I wouldn't be super angry.

00:39:55 Hurst
So this is what happened.

00:39:57 Hurst
Idris Elba is a cyborg called Brixton with a self-driving transformer motorbike.

00:40:03 Hurst
Tries to steal a virus from under MI6's nose but fails.

00:40:07 Hurst
During the botched virus ****** Shaw's sister,

00:40:10 Hurst
A British agent escapes with it and then gets framed by Brixton and his impossible tech overlord company.

00:40:17 Hurst
So she decides the best course of action is not to tell her bosses what happened and put the tech in the hands of the experts, but to keep it and go on the run.

00:40:23 Hurst
Fun cameo, Ryan Reynolds is in it briefly, playing Ryan Reynolds if he was a CIA agent.

00:40:28 Hurst
In order to recapture the virus, the CIA teams shore up with Hobbs.

00:40:33 Hurst
Neither of them are very happy about it, even though they were getting on fine at the end of the previous episode.

00:40:37 Hurst
Brixton's company suddenly sticks Hobbs and Shaw

00:40:40 Hurst
Shaw and Shaw, the three of them, 2 Shaws and a Hobbs in the most wanted list.

00:40:44 Hurst
So they go to Shaw's secret bunker, then they go to Russia so they can get the stuff to break into the place that will have the cure to the fire.

00:40:52 Hurst
It's best not to think about it too much.

00:40:54 Hurst
The plot's pretty flimsy, but the film's funny and entertaining.

00:40:57 Hurst
So there's a big shoot up and a chase in Russia, fighting, driving explosions, et cetera.

00:41:02 Hurst
Hobbs and Shaw steal the tech that will cure the virus, but it breaks in all the *******.

00:41:06 Hurst
So they head off to Samoa to fix it, this high tech antivirus machine.

00:41:11 Hurst
Naturally, Brixton's going to come and steal it back.

00:41:13 Hurst
They do a bit of rustic family fortification whilst Hobbs' brother fixes the highly complicated machine he knows nothing about.

00:41:20 Hurst
Again, probably best to skate over the details there.

00:41:23 Hurst
Family has no guns, but not to worry because they have some spears and axes and a whole lot of moxie.

00:41:28 Hurst
There's a quick island will provide montage as they do a week's work in about 3 hours.

00:41:32 Hurst
The magical island of Samoa is ready to nullify Brixton's army of super high-tech weapons.

00:41:37 Hurst
So the bad guys arrive, cue more fighting, driving explosions.

00:41:41 Hurst
Night becomes day in about 30 seconds.

00:41:43 Hurst
Bright sunshine turns into a thunderstorm to suit the action.

00:41:47 Hurst
Hobbs and Shaw realise that if they team up, Brixton's brain tech is too slow to stop them both.

00:41:52 Hurst
They beat him down and spout some cheeseball lines about how they believe in people over tech.

00:41:56 Hurst
Big Brother closes down Brixton and he's dead.

00:41:58 Hurst
The end.

00:41:59 Hurst
So fun cameos and a sense of humour and enjoyably 36 minutes before the first car chase.

00:42:05 Hurst
A reasonable attempt at making a passable film.

00:42:09 Squirrell
What high praise.

00:42:11 Hurst
How many gear changes in Hobson Shaw?

00:42:14 Squirrell
Now you're right in that it does take a while before they get into cars but they do spend quite a lot of time in cars in that bit and that bit and then they drive around and jump it onto the truck and he's in the truck and then they have the helicopter chase don't they so I reckon not as many as

00:42:30 Squirrell
Tokyo Drift, but still I'm going to go back to 32.

00:42:33 Hurst
Actually, only 15 gear changes because it's no longer a driving movie.

00:42:38 Hurst
It's about spies and stuff.

00:42:40 Hurst
So they, I mean, they can drive a bit.

00:42:42 Hurst
They need to remind you, but it's not like they drive a car into space or anything or out the back of a plane or anything.

00:42:49 Squirrell
Nothing bad or something.

00:42:50 Squirrell
Nothing at the front of a plane as well.

00:42:52 Hurst
So yeah, good for them.

00:42:55 Squirrell
Barely.

00:42:56 Hurst
Yeah.

00:42:57 Hurst
#2, Fast and Furious presents Hobson Shaw.

00:43:00 Squirrell
I'm genuinely intrigued as to how you're going to pick your worst.

00:43:03 Squirrell
I cannot wait.

00:43:04 Squirrell
Let's do it.

00:43:07 Squirrell
Unfortunately, I'm going first, so I have to wait a moment to hear what your worst is first, but I'll rattle through my own real quick.

00:43:13 Squirrell
The worst clearly is Too Fast, Too Furious.

00:43:17 Squirrell
It's like, what's it doing there?

00:43:18 Squirrell
It feels like a cash grab sequel.

00:43:20 Squirrell
They didn't put much thought into it.

00:43:23 Squirrell
Chin Diesel was like, read the script and went, nah, thanks.

00:43:25 Squirrell
So they got Roman in his dead and Roman's been the comic relief forever.

00:43:29 Squirrell
And I don't particularly like Roman.

00:43:31 Squirrell
I think he's a bit of a weak character.

00:43:33 Squirrell
And honestly, they should have just hoofed him out when The Rock arrived.

00:43:36 Squirrell
But anyway, yeah, I mean, the title's not great, but it does set up, we're gonna give them stupid titles from here on.

00:43:42 Squirrell
It's too stupid to feel as grounded as the first movie and it's nowhere near stupid enough to feel fun.

00:43:50 Squirrell
and it's just in the wrong lane and in the wrong lane, a car pun, in the wrong lane and it just doesn't feel right.

00:44:00 Squirrell
It's...

00:44:01 Squirrell
So in Miami, it's got your hip hop feel and Tej is there, that's Ludacris with massive hair, which disappears without trace for the rest of the series.

00:44:12 Squirrell
That would have been Ja Rule, by the way, from the first movie.

00:44:14 Squirrell
Ja Rule was in the first movie, but he wanted too much money to come back, so they gave it to Ludacris instead.

00:44:18 Squirrell
Ja Rule must be quite upset considering how much these movies are making now and the fact that there are points for all the principal parts.

00:44:25 Squirrell
But it's just kind of

00:44:28 Squirrell
not interesting.

00:44:29 Squirrell
And it's they only knew about the fact that it's meant to have cars and shouting and vests.

00:44:36 Squirrell
And they're like, okay, well, we'll just make the film based around that then.

00:44:39 Squirrell
And it's not very good.

00:44:41 Hurst
And the acting is absolute bobbins.

00:44:44 Squirrell
Diabolical.

00:44:45 Squirrell
Terrible, terrible business.

00:44:47 Squirrell
This one made 236 million off a 70 million budget.

00:44:50 Squirrell
So double the budget of the first one, but you would literally not know.

00:44:54 Squirrell
It's just, yeah.

00:44:55 Squirrell
Also nominated for a Razziehurst.

00:44:57 Squirrell
Wow.

00:44:58 Squirrell
Worst remake or sequel and worst excuse for an actual movie.

00:45:02 Squirrell
Not in the this is a bad movie sense, but why have you made this sense?

00:45:08 Hurst
It sounds better without the justification.

00:45:10 Squirrell
Oh, it does.

00:45:10 Squirrell
It didn't win either because the Affleck and Jennifer Lopez movie, Giggly, swept the Razzies that year.

00:45:18 Squirrell
not a good film and can easily be skipped.

00:45:21 Squirrell
And you'll just have to be like, who's this Roman guy?

00:45:24 Squirrell
And that's it.

00:45:24 Squirrell
It's Karen.

00:45:25 Hurst
Him and his constant bickering with Ted are annoying.

00:45:28 Hurst
And then they have that really lame fight in a fast ten.

00:45:30 Hurst
Like considering these guys can take out a squad of 10 special forces each, they start slapping each other around.

00:45:36 Squirrell
And let's not forget that Ludacris is a genius hacker.

00:45:42 Hurst
Yeah, that came out of nowhere.

00:45:44 Hurst
It went from being a mechanic to a genius hacker because...

00:45:46 Squirrell
Well, the Torettos had that little cafe in the first one, that little restaurant that's tuna, no crust, never mentioned again.

00:45:53 Squirrell
No one's working at that cafe now.

00:45:56 Squirrell
They were hiding in Rio de Janeiro.

00:45:58 Hurst
Seems a bit slow and calm for Fast and Furious, doesn't it?

00:46:01 Squirrell
It doesn't really.

00:46:03 Hurst
Right.

00:46:03 Hurst
Here it has.

00:46:04 Hurst
So yeah, this was really tough.

00:46:05 Hurst
I mean, when the bar's this low, finding something to fit under it does become quite challenging.

00:46:09 Hurst
But I chose...

00:46:12 Squirrell
There's really no option.

00:46:15 Hurst
Of course it was too fast, too furious, the birthplace of the real nonsense.

00:46:19 Hurst
Even at an hour and 47 minutes, it was at least an hour too long.

00:46:23 Hurst
And how the **** they managed to keep the franchise going after this turns an absolute mystery.

00:46:27 Hurst
Or maybe that's when they realized they could just churn out 100 of these and people would just watch whatever boogers and *** they served up.

00:46:32 Hurst
So this is what happens.

00:46:34 Hurst
The failed cop and his criminal mate call each other bro and change gear a lot to defeat a comically over-the-top bad guy.

00:46:40 Hurst
The action goes straight into a street race because character development's for *******.

00:46:44 Hurst
The opening crowd scene looks like a Limp Bizkit video flash mobbed into a Halfords car park.

00:46:49 Hurst
Skinny chicks, tag tops, men named things like Orange Julius, Paul Walker attempting emotions entirely through aggressive squinting and pouting, relentless eye acting.

00:47:00 Hurst
The bridge jump looks like someone gave a 14 year old some Red Bull on a CGI budget.

00:47:04 Hurst
But having watched the rest of the films, that seems pretty realistic now.

00:47:07 Hurst
Anyway, there is a mid-air overtake and physics immediately resigns.

00:47:11 Hurst
Expectedly, Paul Walker wins.

00:47:12 Hurst
Prize money, $35,000.

00:47:14 Hurst
Damage to cars, approximately double that.

00:47:18 Hurst
Not much in the way of a story, even less in the way of a script.

00:47:21 Hurst
Every sentence ends with bro, man or cur.

00:47:23 Hurst
You're my brother, bro.

00:47:25 Hurst
No, bro, you're my brother.

00:47:27 Hurst
Sponsored by Snap-on Tools and Corona, Arthur ********.

00:47:29 Hurst
And as we've discussed, the fascination with changing gear is

00:47:33 Hurst
real and this one is special.

00:47:36 Hurst
So how many gear changes in Too Fast Too Furious?

00:47:41 Squirrell
First one didn't have that many.

00:47:43 Squirrell
I don't think they're leaning into it that much yet.

00:47:45 Squirrell
I'm going to say 22.

00:47:48 Hurst
No.

00:47:50 Squirrell
Is this the big one?

00:47:51 Hurst
Sixty-five.

00:47:54 Hurst
Wow.

00:47:55 Hurst
In an hour and forty-seven minutes, they managed to slam in sixty-five.

00:47:59 Hurst
I guess if gear change pedal stomps.

00:48:01 Squirrell
Amazing.

00:48:02 Squirrell
That's a gear change every two minutes and 10 seconds.

00:48:06 Hurst
So bad.

00:48:09 Squirrell
It was pretty bad.

00:48:11 Hurst
Yeah, I did have some notes on that.

00:48:13 Hurst
It has 20 more gear changes than any other Fast and Furious movie.

00:48:17 Hurst
It has more gear changes than the Fast and the Furious, Hobbs and Short and Fast Five put together.

00:48:22 Hurst
And it's shorter than all of those.

00:48:24 Hurst
It is so bad.

00:48:25 Hurst
So bad.

00:48:27 Squirrell
So yeah, I.

00:48:28 Hurst
Didn't think we were going to end up agreeing on things today, but that is a firm turd, that one.

00:48:34 Squirrell
Oh yeah, there is no denying that Too Fast is not a good movie.

00:48:38 Squirrell
Well, enough about the worst hearse, let's hear about the first hearse.

00:48:48 Hurst
All right.

00:48:48 Squirrell
That's me on it.

00:48:50 Squirrell
I'm so used to you go first, so I get to talk about it.

00:48:53 Squirrell
Well,

00:48:54 Squirrell
I mean, which one I've picked, I'm pretty sure.

00:48:56 Squirrell
I have picked Fast and Furious Presents, Hobbs and Shaw, because it is, for all the reasons you said, excellent film.

00:49:04 Squirrell
It came out in 2019.

00:49:06 Squirrell
It was directed by David Leach, who, John Wick, he directed that as well.

00:49:11 Squirrell
This one was just a spin-off, so it didn't make as much as the others.

00:49:15 Squirrell
It only made $760.7 million.

00:49:18 Squirrell
So that's a shame.

00:49:19 Hurst
Barely worth making.

00:49:20 Squirrell
I know.

00:49:21 Squirrell
For a 200 mil budget.

00:49:23 Squirrell
So plenty of cash went into it.

00:49:24 Squirrell
Plenty of cash came out.

00:49:26 Squirrell
It was nominated for Best Action Adventure Film at the Saturn Awards and Dwayne Johnson won a Kids' Choice Award for their favourite movie act.

00:49:33 Hurst
I love all of the awards that you talk about, these things describing for my best MTV Kids Award.

00:49:38 Hurst
That's right.

00:49:38 Hurst
Now 17.

00:49:40 Squirrell
The ones that are voted for by the people, you'll notice, rather than the local critics.

00:49:46 Squirrell
Well, yeah, fair.

00:49:48 Squirrell
Hobbs and Shaw is great because Hobbs and Shaw are great.

00:49:51 Squirrell
They work really well together.

00:49:53 Squirrell
Statham and The Rock are really good and you can tell they ******* like each other really unlike The Rock and all the other male co-stars, which is why they had to give him his own movie.

00:50:04 Squirrell
But anyway, let's gloss over that.

00:50:06 Squirrell
They're up against Idris Elba.

00:50:07 Squirrell
He is, as you say, a cyborg with a magical motorbike and they're helped out by the lovely Vanessa Kirby.

00:50:14 Squirrell
And it's just funny as ****.

00:50:17 Squirrell
Statham is just, he's not, it seems unfair to call him low effort because he does, not Statham.

00:50:23 Squirrell
Sure.

00:50:24 Squirrell
So sure is low effort.

00:50:25 Squirrell
He will obviously mess up a fool and he does it with lots of fisty fighting and quick moves.

00:50:31 Squirrell
Whereas the Hulk I was going to call him, which is about right, obviously just throws people through

00:50:35 Squirrell
walls and stuff.

00:50:36 Squirrell
But other than that, like Hobbs is working out and drinking his protein set, that breakfast montage was brilliant with the rock getting up real early in the morning and busting out some weights and then Statham just drinking coffee and occasionally punching a bad man.

00:50:50 Squirrell
That's the difference between the two of them.

00:50:53 Squirrell
But the whole thing is just brilliant when Statham takes the lift.

00:51:00 Squirrell
And The Rock is running down a building and they were just shrugging at him like, what the **** are you doing, you moron?

00:51:08 Squirrell
It's just really good.

00:51:09 Squirrell
I love Bobs and Shaw.

00:51:10 Squirrell
And you've talked about it plenty.

00:51:12 Squirrell
Yeah, you're right.

00:51:12 Squirrell
They went to Samoa at the end.

00:51:13 Squirrell
Well, they actually went to Hawaii at the end, but they pretended it was Samoa.

00:51:16 Squirrell
Took away all that tech hearse, which is, you know, a key point of all the other movies.

00:51:20 Squirrell
But don't worry about that because now they have sticks and they're going to whack people and The Rock is going to

00:51:26 Squirrell
take on a helicopter and just hold it back with just sheer muscles and anger and do a war dance.

00:51:32 Squirrell
Yes.

00:51:34 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:51:35 Squirrell
So there we are.

00:51:36 Squirrell
A really good Buddy Cop film, Hobbs and Shaw, number one.

00:51:40 Squirrell
Yeah, it was quite good fun.

00:51:43 Squirrell
But what do you think is better first?

00:51:45 Squirrell
I'm intrigued.

00:51:45 Squirrell
Oh no, you want to fact an estimated fact first, right?

00:51:48 Squirrell
I'd love to hear about that.

00:51:49 Squirrell
All right, so we meet Pobs' mum in the movie.

00:51:53 Squirrell
It's actually his auntie in real life, and she's Roman Reigns' mum, and Roman Reigns played his brother.

00:51:59 Squirrell
He was the other wrestler with the long hair.

00:52:00 Squirrell
That little lady that shouted at them, that was The Rock's aunt in real life.

00:52:05 Squirrell
And at one point, Idris Elba calls himself Black Superman, but the original line was actually Black James Bond, but Idris wouldn't say that.

00:52:15 Hurst
Those are good ones.

00:52:17 Hurst
They both seem quite plausible.

00:52:18 Hurst
I think.

00:52:20 Hurst
you know what?

00:52:21 Hurst
I think it's that second one.

00:52:23 Hurst
I know, but then why would it matter that Superman was black and the wooden man that James Bond was, or vice versa?

00:52:29 Hurst
No, it's Rock's auntie.

00:52:30 Hurst
Why not?

00:52:31 Squirrell
Right, you were nearly there, Hurst.

00:52:33 Squirrell
You were going the right direction, then you veered off down a side street into an alley at the last moment and got it wrong.

00:52:39 Squirrell
Idris does indeed say Black Superman.

00:52:41 Squirrell
The original line was Black James Bond, but he wouldn't say it because he was in the running to be James Bond.

00:52:45 Squirrell
Or potentially it was being talked about he was going to be the next James Bond.

00:52:49 Hurst
He's too old to be James Bond now.

00:52:50 Hurst
They need someone younger to get the next few movies out.

00:52:54 Squirrell
Someone younger like me or you have.

00:52:55 Hurst
I don't think we're younger than him.

00:52:59 Squirrell
Probably.

00:53:00 Hurst
I mean, it was close.

00:53:01 Hurst
Okay, so let's go to my number one.

00:53:03 Hurst
Number one is.

00:53:05 Hurst
The Fast and the Furious.

00:53:07 Hurst
One hour, 46 minutes, the original film.

00:53:10 Hurst
Let's go straight into what happened.

00:53:12 Hurst
A young undercover law enforcement officer called Johnny Utah infiltrates A tight-knit group of charismatic, thrill-seeking outlaws led by philosophical alpha male Bodie, who has his own code of right and wrong.

00:53:23 Hurst
As Utah becomes increasingly immersed in the gang's lifestyle, he develops genuine friendships, falls for Bodie's sister, questions his loyalties, and eventually finds himself torn between duty and admiration for the very people he was sent to bring down.

00:53:35 Hurst
And Utah effectively lets Bodie escape because he's come to respect him so much.

00:53:39 Hurst
Yeah, Point Break is a classic, a genuine classic and a great movie.

00:53:43 Hurst
And in light of 0 competition from the rest of the Fast and Furious franchise, for me it was a comfortable #1.

00:53:48 Hurst
How many gear changes?

00:53:51 Hurst
In actual Fast and Furious, not Point Break.

00:53:53 Squirrell
Not many, I think is the answer.

00:53:55 Squirrell
I don't think there's many at all.

00:53:57 Squirrell
Most of them come from that drag race right at the beginning, otherwise they're not doing the shifting.

00:54:02 Squirrell
I reckon it's going to be the lowest one we've discussed because they didn't realize that the Americans got such a ***** for driving stick.

00:54:09 Squirrell
I do apologize to all our American friends.

00:54:14 Hurst
Very, very close within standard deviation.

00:54:16 Hurst
Absolutely.

00:54:17 Hurst
Gear change was 16.

00:54:19 Squirrell
Oh, God.

00:54:19 Hurst
One out twice is really good, though, considering there were, and I have notes on this.

00:54:26 Hurst
There were 285 across all the franchise.

00:54:28 Squirrell
Oh, ****.

00:54:29 Squirrell
So only 16 in the first one is better.

00:54:32 Hurst
I think it was only 15 or so in the one in London, largely because everyone in England isn't impressed by gear changing.

00:54:40 Squirrell
Oh, 56.

00:54:40 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:54:42 Hurst
So, would you like a fact and an estimated fact on?

00:54:49 Hurst
I did sort of across the Fast and Furious franchise.

00:54:53 Hurst
One specific one is generic.

00:54:57 Hurst
but it's not about the first film, which I mean, I mock it for being an absolute rip-off of Point Break, but if you are going to copy someone's homework, copy the smart kid and Point Break is an absolute classic.

00:55:10 Hurst
Right, so fact.

00:55:12 Hurst
I was not alone in my disdain for the vault chase in Fast Five.

00:55:16 Hurst
A physicist calculated that given the car's power and the weight of the vault, after 15 seconds, they would have only accelerated to about 2.3 miles an hour.

00:55:25 Hurst
cops could have walked up and arrested them.

00:55:31 Hurst
Fact, Don says family 74 times across all of the movies.

00:55:37 Squirrell
That feels high.

00:55:38 Squirrell
That feels like a high number.

00:55:40 Squirrell
The problem I have with the physicist one is the

00:55:43 Squirrell
those cars can pull jumbo jets as long as you, it's not a power issue, it's a traction issue that they have.

00:55:48 Squirrell
They've got plenty of, but maybe the physicists are just dumbing it down for the idiots who watch Fast and Furious movies and love them and think that nitrous gives you more traction.

00:56:02 Squirrell
The 72 is so many Hurst.

00:56:04 Squirrell
There's so many.

00:56:05 Hurst
74.

00:56:06 Squirrell
74.

00:56:08 Squirrell
77.4 per movie, but he doesn't see it that much.

00:56:11 Squirrell
It's going to be close, however many times it says it.

00:56:14 Squirrell
I reckon it's going to be like around that number, but not that high.

00:56:17 Squirrell
I'm going with the...

00:56:18 Squirrell
No, **** no.

00:56:19 Squirrell
Hurst, you're broken me.

00:56:20 Squirrell
No, I'm going with the family.

00:56:22 Hurst
You were so close that you veered off down to a.

00:56:25 Hurst
**** **** **** ****.

00:56:26 Hurst
No, two one-ton cars carrying what was a nearly 15 ton volt, because it was a 10 ton volt and $100 million, 4,900 kilos, they reckon.

00:56:37 Hurst
And no, they would not have been able to pull it.

00:56:40 Hurst
doesn't have, they can pull a jumbo jet.

00:56:41 Hurst
It has wheels.

00:56:43 Hurst
It's not effectively a tanker.

00:56:45 Squirrell
They wouldn't have accelerated anywhere.

00:56:47 Hurst
So yeah.

00:56:49 Squirrell
How many times do you think he does say family?

00:56:51 Hurst
It's actually a

00:56:52 Hurst
Because when I looked it up.

00:56:53 Hurst
you did look it up all right then.

00:56:55 Squirrell
Yeah, it's across.

00:56:57 Squirrell
It's barely in.

00:56:58 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:56:58 Hurst
The word family spoken 51 times across the 1st 9 films.

00:57:02 Hurst
So there we have it.

00:57:03 Hurst
Excellent.

00:57:04 Hurst
That's it.

00:57:08 Hurst
All of that, but whilst it was misery for me having to watch them, I did enjoy writing scathing reviews of every single one of them.

00:57:16 Hurst
As I say, if our Patreon site allows for it, I will post all of my reviews up there so you can enjoy them.

00:57:22 Squirrell
But before we talk more about our Patreon test, we find out what we're doing next week.

00:57:26 Squirrell
Hopefully you'll enjoy it a lot more.

00:57:28 Hurst
Okay, yeah, let's do it.

00:57:29 Hurst
I'm a little nervous.

00:57:31 Hurst
It's like how many more have we got before the end of season break?

00:57:36 Squirrell
Yes, indeed.

00:57:36 Squirrell
This is going to be episode 36.

00:57:38 Squirrell
So four more.

00:57:39 Squirrell
Let's find out what the first one is.

00:57:43 Squirrell
There's the wheel, Hearst.

00:57:44 Squirrell
New on the wheel.

00:57:45 Squirrell
Top Five breakfast items.

00:57:47 Squirrell
That's come from Adam Brackets and James.

00:57:49 Squirrell
Thanks, Adam and James.

00:57:51 Squirrell
Fast and Furious movies came from Ohio.

00:57:54 Squirrell
Thank you, Ohio, or maybe not so much if you're Hearst.

00:57:58 Squirrell
But here we are.

00:57:59 Squirrell
Right.

00:57:59 Squirrell
Can you see the wheel, Hearst?

00:58:01 Hurst
I can see the wheel.

00:58:02 Squirrell
I'll give it a spin.

00:58:03 Hurst
Spin, spin, sugar.

00:58:06 Squirrell
Oh, round she goes.

00:58:09 Squirrell
Nobody knows, etc., etc., etc.

00:58:11 Squirrell
And it's going to be Movie Villain Schemes.

00:58:16 Squirrell
That one has been on the wheel for a long time.

00:58:19 Squirrell
That is from our friend and ex-colleague, Pete Murgat.

00:58:23 Hurst
Well done, Pete.

00:58:24 Squirrell
Thanks, Pete.

00:58:24 Squirrell
So here we go.

00:58:25 Squirrell
Top fives.

00:58:26 Squirrell
movie villain schemes.

00:58:29 Squirrell
Not really one we can research this one.

00:58:31 Squirrell
I think we just have to figure it out.

00:58:33 Hurst
I think you just have to know.

00:58:35 Squirrell
Okay, cool.

00:58:36 Squirrell
Well, thank you, Pete.

00:58:37 Squirrell
We will do our very best.

00:58:39 Squirrell
That's coming in a couple of weeks time.

00:58:42 Squirrell
In the meantime, Hurst, let's not forget to thank our number one Patreon, number ones.

00:58:50 Hurst
Yes.

00:58:51 Squirrell
We'll now read out their names in the only choice there is for this week.

00:58:56 Squirrell
It is, of course, Vin Diesel welcoming the new members of his family.

00:59:03 Hurst
Thanks to my family, there is Jazzy and Gaz Chap and Kovach and Ohio on a temporary visa.

00:59:22 Squirrell
And who have I forgotten?

00:59:25 Squirrell
Dav Paz.

00:59:27 Squirrell
Oh yeah, of course.

00:59:28 Squirrell
Dav Paz.

00:59:30 Squirrell
We sound more like some late night ******* romance radio show presenter.

00:59:36 Squirrell
This is Graham Torrington with Late Night Love.

00:59:38 Hurst
This one's for all you lovers.

00:59:43 Squirrell
But anyway, there's a reason we don't do radio.

00:59:45 Squirrell
Because we're so ******* good looking at.

00:59:47 Squirrell
That's why.

00:59:48 Squirrell
And it would be a travesty.

00:59:50 Squirrell
There you are.

00:59:50 Squirrell
Thank you very much to our number ones.

00:59:51 Squirrell
They're the ones that cough up 5 pounds a month to hear their names on the Patreon.

00:59:56 Squirrell
You want that to be you?

00:59:57 Squirrell
Patreon.com slash Top Five Face Off.

00:59:59 Squirrell
Come join them in.

01:00:00 Squirrell
Or you could just have one pound a month.

01:00:02 Squirrell
And what do you get for that, Hurst?

01:00:03 Hurst
You get to access the Patreon site.

01:00:05 Squirrell
You do.

01:00:06 Hurst
There will be some stuff coming up for that.

01:00:08 Hurst
So I'm going to put all of my reviews over there.

01:00:11 Hurst
I film synopses, which will be better than my efforts on the editing.

01:00:15 Hurst
God, I hate the editing.

01:00:16 Squirrell
The special Patreon editor, which is nearly there.

01:00:18 Hurst
It's so close, yeah.

01:00:20 Hurst
a couple more sessions, 45 minutes, and I'll be done.

01:00:24 Hurst
I'm really slow at it.

01:00:25 Hurst
I find it very difficult.

01:00:26 Hurst
So sorry, everyone, but I will try and find things I can add to the site that will make up for my shortcomings.

01:00:32 Squirrell
And of course, you also get to put things on the wheel of decision.

01:00:35 Squirrell
You can think of a thing for us to rank and give you the official world ranking on.

01:00:40 Squirrell
Wow.

01:00:42 Squirrell
First, I have an important update from the last episode we did.

01:00:46 Squirrell
Now, if you remember Rankers on the last episode, there was

01:00:50 Squirrell
an impromptu tech support moment.

01:00:53 Squirrell
And by the end of the episode, my mother had not sent an e-mail, even though I talked her through how to attach a screenshot and sent an e-mail.

01:01:03 Squirrell
But good news.

01:01:05 Squirrell
When I told her about this the day after, she eventually sent the e-mail through Hurst.

01:01:09 Squirrell
Do you remember she had to attach a screenshot of a QR code, right?

01:01:12 Squirrell
Yes.

01:01:13 Squirrell
I'm going to show you my phone.

01:01:14 Squirrell
Here it is.

01:01:15 Squirrell
There's the screenshot.

01:01:16 Squirrell
There's another screenshot.

01:01:17 Squirrell
There's another screenshot.

01:01:18 Squirrell
There's a look, they're still coming.

01:01:21 Squirrell
Sweet baby Jesus.

01:01:24 Squirrell
This one e-mail has 25 identical screenshots in it.

01:01:28 Hurst
I don't know if I mentioned it last time or whether I talked to you about it separately, but I've now got a bit of a theory that there is

01:01:34 Hurst
secret social media platform for pensioner parents.

01:01:39 Hurst
And they are basically all competing to who can make themselves look the stupidest to their kids.

01:01:45 Squirrell
Brilliant.

01:01:45 Hurst
They say, I had my son working on this for 45 minutes.

01:01:48 Hurst
I sent him 50 screenshots.

01:01:52 Squirrell
While he was recording a podcast.

01:01:54 Hurst
And I waited 12 hours.

01:01:58 Squirrell
And they're all ******* themselves.

01:02:00 Squirrell
I think they're just taking.

01:02:01 Hurst
The on their own secret platform.

01:02:03 Hurst
And when you turn 65,

01:02:05 Hurst
It's like you get a letter about the game now as you turn 100, but you suddenly get like a golden letter or a Hogwarts letter through the post saying, join our social media platform.

01:02:14 Hurst
You too can laugh at the young people who think they're laughing at you.

01:02:18 Squirrell
Oh man, that'd be amazing.

01:02:20 Squirrell
Not long to go for us either.

01:02:21 Squirrell
A depressingly short amount of time until we get that letter.

01:02:26 Hurst
It's fine.

01:02:27 Hurst
We've got ages.

01:02:30 Squirrell
We've got ages.

01:02:31 Hurst
Got loads we can do for that?

01:02:34 Squirrell
What else do we say, Hearst?

01:02:36 Squirrell
We thank our pictures very much.

01:02:37 Squirrell
We've done that.

01:02:38 Squirrell
We tell people to buy Hearst's paintings.

01:02:40 Hurst
And I need paintings.

01:02:42 Hurst
I do have a commission I'm working on at the minute, which is nice.

01:02:45 Hurst
A chap I used to work with.

01:02:47 Squirrell
But if you've got a commission, you wouldn't want Hearst to paint for you.

01:02:49 Squirrell
don't just paint animals, do you?

01:02:51 Squirrell
You'll paint ******* anything.

01:02:52 Squirrell
You're not proud.

01:02:52 Hurst
I'll give it a go.

01:02:54 Squirrell
Yeah, how about furry stuff?

01:02:56 Squirrell
That's good money, apparently.

01:02:57 Hurst
I can turn my hand to anything.

01:02:58 Hurst
I'm a professional.

01:02:59 Hurst
Even if it takes me 20 hours, I'll get it right.

01:03:02 Squirrell
Excellent.

01:03:02 Squirrell
There we are.

01:03:03 Squirrell
And doghouseart.co.uk for all your painting needs or the Instagram at dog.house.art.

01:03:09 Squirrell
Yeah.

01:03:09 Squirrell
All right, good one.

01:03:11 Hurst
Oh, good.

01:03:12 Squirrell
You can find us in various places, Facebook, Blue Sky, where else are we?

01:03:15 Squirrell
It's Patreon.

01:03:16 Squirrell
Just search for Top Five Face Off, you'll find us.

01:03:19 Squirrell
The important bit is you go to the website, topfivefaceoff.co.uk and vote for the winner.

01:03:24 Squirrell
This is the important bit.

01:03:25 Squirrell
And it's not as simple as last time out, I don't think.

01:03:28 Squirrell
when you just voted for Squirrel.

01:03:30 Squirrell
Now you've got to put some thought into it.

01:03:32 Squirrell
Yeah, exactly.

01:03:32 Squirrell
You guys have to go and watch Fast and Furious hats on.

01:03:35 Hurst
11 movies.

01:03:35 Squirrell
Don't vote for Hers just because you agree that all the movies are bad.

01:03:38 Squirrell
That's not what this is about.

01:03:40 Squirrell
You need to vote for the correct order of the list.

01:03:42 Squirrell
That's an important way of saying.

01:03:44 Hurst
I wouldn't like to think you voted on my list just out of sympathy.

01:03:48 Hurst
I would like to maintain the integrity of the list.

01:03:51 Squirrell
There we go.

01:03:53 Squirrell
of that, I think we can do a J-turn and reverse this one across the finish line whilst it's on fire first.

01:04:02 Hurst
Yeah.

01:04:03 Hurst
Cool.

01:04:05 Hurst
Long episode.

01:04:07 Squirrell
Right.

01:04:08 Squirrell
Yeah, thanks.

01:04:08 Squirrell
I've got, yeah, I've got a day.

01:04:10 Squirrell
Thanks for sticking with us, Rinkers.

01:04:12 Hurst
And many thanks to Skrill for his ability to focus in and turn around editing like that.

01:04:17 Hurst
It's so.

01:04:18 Squirrell
Careful now.

01:04:18 Squirrell
Look, this might come out a day late yet.

01:04:20 Squirrell
Probably just cut that bit out.

01:04:22 Squirrell
All right, cool.

01:04:23 Squirrell
But yes, thank you for sticking with us, Rinkers.

01:04:25 Squirrell
Please rewind this podcast for the next people to come along.

01:04:28 Squirrell
And we will see you in two weeks' time for

01:04:31 Squirrell
Movie villain schemes.

01:04:38 Hurst
See you later, Rankers.

01:04:41 Squirrell
Love you.

01:04:44 Squirrell
Top Five Face Off is presented by Matt Hurst and Matt Squirrel and produced by Powerstorm Awesome Fire Incorporated.

01:04:51 Squirrell
For more details and to vote for winner, visit topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

01:04:56 Squirrell
Thanks for listening.

01:05:12 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

01:05:17 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

01:05:23 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

01:05:28 Squirrell
Excellent.

01:05:29 Squirrell
So if you want a painting of a dead animal, ranker.

01:05:31 Hurst
It's an alive animal, but all right, yeah, it's dead now.

01:05:35 Hurst
It's not a picture of a dead animal.

01:05:37 Hurst
It's a picture of an alive animal that passed away a few years ago.

01:05:41 Hurst
It's.

01:05:42 Squirrell
On the floor of his tongue out.

01:05:43 Squirrell
This isn't what I wanted Hurst!

01:05:46 Squirrell
Tough **** you've paid.

01:05:48 Squirrell
It's just got X's eyes.

01:05:53 Hurst
Oh, this just went sideways.

01:05:55 Squirrell
Yeah, that's all going at the end.

01:05:59 Squirrell
Cool.

01:06:00 Squirrell
Well, enough about the worst host.

01:06:01 Squirrell
Let's find out about the whole no.

01:06:06 Squirrell
Enough about the whole ****.

01:06:11 Squirrell
I wasn't sure it was great.

01:06:14 Squirrell
I go the Christmas jingle bells, which are still hanging on my desk.

01:06:21 Squirrell
We will see you in two weeks time for movie villain schemes.

01:06:30 Squirrell
We're both doing the fingers thing and no one can see us.

01:06:33 Squirrell
It's coming to laugh something at the finger.

01:06:35 Squirrell
It doesn't work.

01:06:38 Squirrell
Yeah, ****.

01:06:41 Squirrell
See you later, Rankers.

01:06:43 Squirrell
Love you.

01:06:44 Squirrell
What a ******* chaotic episode this is going to be.