S02E22: Evil Villain Schemes

Transcript

00:00:00 Hurst
So that's your worst.

00:00:01 Hurst
That's interesting.

00:00:02 Squirrell
Yeah, I feel there's a problem coming in the future.

00:00:07 Squirrell
You can't see Hurst's face, everybody, but I can.

00:00:10 Squirrell
All right, enough about the worst Hurst.. Possibly.

00:00:12 Squirrell
Let's hear about the first, Hurst!

00:00:13 Hurst
Yeah.

00:00:14 Harriet
Top Five face-off contains adult themes and language that some people may find offensive.

00:00:19 Harriet
Listener discretion is advised.

00:00:21 Squirrell
He's Matt Hurst.

00:00:22 Hurst
He's Matt Squirrel.

00:00:23 Squirrell
And this is Top Five Face-Off, the official world ranking of everything.

00:00:27 Squirrell
What are we ranking today, Hurst?

00:00:29 Hurst
Top Squirrel.

00:00:29 Hurst
Today, we're going to be ranking the top five movie villain schemes.

00:00:34 Squirrell
Coming right up after this.

00:00:36 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than one, then there's a best and a worst.

00:00:40 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than five, call Squirrel and Hurst.

00:00:43 Robo-Katy Perry
It's the top five face-off, actual fact.

00:00:47 Robo-Katy Perry
It's the top fun face off.

00:00:49 Robo-Katy Perry
Facts are exact.

00:00:52 Robo-Katy Perry
Top fun face off.

00:00:53 Robo-Katy Perry
Top fun face off.

00:00:55 Robo-Katy Perry
Official world ranking.

00:00:57 Robo-Katy Perry
What's next?

00:00:57 Robo-Katy Perry
You decide.

00:00:59 Hurst
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, or good night.

00:01:02 Hurst
Welcome back to the show, rankers.

00:01:05 Hurst
And for any new rankers, welcome.

00:01:07 Hurst
If this is, in fact, your first time.

00:01:09 Hurst
Squirrel, why don't you tell these lovely new people what we do here in...

00:01:13 Hurst
why we do it?

00:01:14 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:01:14 Squirrell
Hello, excellent new rankers.

00:01:16 Squirrell
This is Top Five Faced Off, the official world ranking of everything.

00:01:20 Squirrell
Each episode, we have a random subject chosen for us by our Patreons and we pick the top five and the worst in that subject.

00:01:27 Squirrell
And then you, the ranker listening along at home, you go to our website, topfivefaceoff.co.uk and vote.

00:01:34 Squirrell
Tell us who is correct.

00:01:36 Squirrell
One of us is always correct.

00:01:37 Hurst
But of course, we do not like to get straight to the point because we are British.

00:01:42 Hurst
So

00:01:43 Hurst
What's been going on?

00:01:44 Squirrell
It's been hot, Haz.

00:01:45 Hurst
Yeah, it's been well hot.

00:01:47 Squirrell
Proper record-breaking hot.

00:01:49 Squirrell
We did a podcast before it was record-breaking hot, and now it's even more record-breakingly hot.

00:01:54 Hurst
It actually does feed into that thing you were saying last week about what if new stuff comes out, do we have to redo our lists potentially, like when we're breaking records?

00:02:03 Squirrell
Because we've already broken that record.

00:02:05 Hurst
Exactly.

00:02:05 Hurst
That information that we offered on that particular podcast is now out of date.

00:02:11 Hurst
It wasn't record-breaking.

00:02:12 Hurst
Well, it was at the time, but it's not anymore.

00:02:14 Hurst
And if you listen to it now, we're basically lying.

00:02:17 Squirrell
Well, hang on.

00:02:18 Squirrell
No, it was record-breaking.

00:02:20 Squirrell
It's just no longer the record.

00:02:21 Hurst
Yeah.

00:02:22 Hurst
So if you listen to it now, it's false information.

00:02:26 Squirrell
Tricky.

00:02:26 Squirrell
All right.

00:02:27 Squirrell
Well, be sure to check the date on these things.

00:02:34 Squirrell
You can be aware of when we recorded things.

00:02:39 Squirrell
There you are, solved it.

00:02:40 Hurst
Yeah, and if you do think that we've made a mistake and you haven't checked the date, just send us a message anyway and we can let you know what's going on.

00:02:48 Squirrell
Hello at topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:02:50 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:02:52 Hurst
Good stuff.

00:02:53 Hurst
This is a powerful episode already.

00:02:55 Squirrell
Powerful episode.

00:02:56 Squirrell
We've really found our flow.

00:02:57 Squirrell
I'm so ******* thrilled.

00:02:59 Squirrell
We've been recording this for 5 minutes.

00:03:00 Squirrell
I reckon we're going to be, I don't know, 2 1/2 minutes in or 40 seconds of that is ******* feeding you.

00:03:07 Hurst
Jesus.

00:03:08 Hurst
Yes, so it has been well hot, record-breakingly so.

00:03:11 Hurst
And just devastatingly, even when you go out of the house at like 9, 10 o'clock at night, it's just like, what's happening.

00:03:20 Squirrell
Still mad hot?

00:03:21 Hurst
And we don't have pools and most places don't have aircon.

00:03:24 Hurst
It's not like these countries, these developed countries that other people live in with aircon.

00:03:30 Hurst
Anyway, this is boring chat, isn't it?

00:03:31 Hurst
I'll tell you what's been going on that's awesome.

00:03:34 Hurst
I went to see the Masters of the Universe last week.

00:03:36 Squirrell
Oh, right, was it good.

00:03:37 Hurst
It was ******* brilliant.

00:03:39 Hurst
I have such low expectations because obviously the original, the Dolph Lundgren one was so, dreadfully awful.

00:03:48 Hurst
that I couldn't really see past.

00:03:51 Hurst
Even if it was twice as good as that, it'd be half as good as the worst of the Fast and Furious.

00:03:55 Hurst
So it was, I felt, well, I'll go with it.

00:03:57 Hurst
Carly booked it.

00:03:58 Hurst
And I said that, and it was just so funny.

00:04:01 Hurst
It had that sort of Marvel sense of humor, but it had its own identity.

00:04:05 Hurst
And they kept the in-jokes from people who watched He-Man back in the day.

00:04:10 Hurst
Skeletal were brilliantly camp, but also evil.

00:04:13 Hurst
It was just excellently done.

00:04:15 Hurst
All of the characters were just great.

00:04:18 Hurst
And even when we got to the end, I said, Oh, I hope they do like an extra bit with the end of the episode.

00:04:24 Hurst
There was like a lesson.

00:04:26 Hurst
What did we learn this time?

00:04:28 Hurst
Spoiler alert.

00:04:29 Hurst
Orko turned up and did her.

00:04:30 Hurst
What did we learn from this one?

00:04:32 Hurst
******* brilliant.

00:04:34 Squirrell
Oh, they know what they're doing.

00:04:35 Hurst
Yeah, it was really good.

00:04:37 Hurst
I mean, I'm a happy person and I smile a lot, but I don't laugh very easily.

00:04:42 Hurst
You wouldn't think so being on this, but because you made me laugh.

00:04:45 Hurst
But yeah, I laugh quite a lot in that film.

00:04:48 Hurst
and I highly recommend it.

00:04:52 Hurst
So that happened and that was good and that was much more interesting than the weather.

00:04:56 Squirrell
Good.

00:04:56 Hurst
Yeah.

00:04:58 Squirrell
What an excellent chat so far.

00:05:00 Hurst
Yeah, I feel like this has not been our best work.

00:05:03 Hurst
I'm going to blame the 33 heat and say that we are.

00:05:08 Squirrell
It's true.

00:05:10 Squirrell
Well, let's move on before we have to sit in these really hot rooms any longer.

00:05:13 Hurst
Yeah, let's just see what happened last time.

00:05:15 Squirrell
All right.

00:05:16 Squirrell
Well, we were discussing the absolutely excellent film franchise, The Fast and the Furious, as I'm sure you remember.

00:05:24 Squirrell
He loved it, everyone.

00:05:25 Squirrell
He loved it.

00:05:26 Squirrell
He told me as soon as we went off air that they're his favourite things, but he was just trying to be cool.

00:05:33 Squirrell
Anyway, we got some comments from last time.

00:05:36 Hurst
I did actually write up all my notes though for any Patreons who haven't seen the news.

00:05:42 Hurst
All of my write-ups are now on the Patreon site.

00:05:46 Squirrell
Yes, if you want to read just some hate, that's where to go.

00:05:51 Hurst
Some hate-fuelled excellence.

00:05:53 Squirrell
Indeed.

00:05:53 Hurst
And I feel they adequately summed up my feelings and the plot.

00:05:58 Hurst
That's a little bit of bonus something for...

00:06:00 Squirrell
There is to go right to the end.

00:06:03 Squirrell
But anyway, who do you think gone in there first with the first comment?

00:06:07 Hurst
Meg 98.

00:06:08 Squirrell
Meg 98 says, Tokyo Drift is my favourite.

00:06:12 Squirrell
It's so sad you didn't talk about the car in space.

00:06:15 Squirrell
True, we didn't even mention the car in space, did we?

00:06:17 Squirrell
I'm not sure.

00:06:18 Hurst
No, because it didn't make my, it wasn't bad enough to be fast and too fast, too furious, but it also was so **** that it didn't.

00:06:25 Squirrell
Oh, that was like sick for me.

00:06:26 Squirrell
It was so good.

00:06:27 Squirrell
******* loved it.

00:06:29 Hurst
I did actually send a screenshot of that car in space, the squirrel, with the words, and Jesus wept.

00:06:37 Hurst
So we did acknowledge that privately.

00:06:39 Hurst
Sorry, we should have acknowledged it more publicly.

00:06:42 Squirrell
I mean, besides making it the literal cover of the podcast episode, you clearly haven't listened to.

00:06:47 Hurst
Yeah.

00:06:50 Squirrell
Because you wrote, and Jesus wept, and I replied, with joy.

00:06:53 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:06:53 Squirrell
But it's true.

00:06:53 Squirrell
We didn't.

00:06:56 Hurst
We were really at the opposite end of that.

00:06:58 Squirrell
We very much were.

00:07:00 Squirrell
Anyway, that was over for you, Herrs.

00:07:01 Squirrell
Oh, lovely.

00:07:02 Squirrell
I have equal disdain for the F&F series, which I think is a clothing line from Sainsbury's, is it not?

00:07:09 Squirrell
I feel for Hearst this week.

00:07:11 Squirrell
He gets my sympathy vote.

00:07:13 Squirrell
Cheers, cough.

00:07:13 Squirrell
Now, rankers.

00:07:14 Squirrell
And number ones, cough.

00:07:16 Squirrell
We specifically said, don't vote for us.

00:07:20 Squirrell
Vote for the things we say.

00:07:22 Squirrell
Trooper! Voting for Hearst, purely because it will be funny if he wins this week.

00:07:26 Squirrell
Thanks, troops.

00:07:26 Squirrell
Now, look, again, you seem to be missing the point.

00:07:30 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:07:30 Squirrell
Let's see if someone can do it right.

00:07:33 Squirrell
Oh, Money Slinger.

00:07:34 Squirrell
Appreciate the effort Hearst put in for a series he clearly hated.

00:07:38 Squirrell
There you go.

00:07:38 Squirrell
That was a lot of effort and a lot of hate.

00:07:42 Squirrell
But ultimately, I wasn't sure I deserve the top spot.

00:07:45 Squirrell
Also, I know it doesn't count, but man does the second film suck.

00:07:49 Squirrell
Spot on, guys.

00:07:50 Squirrell
That's from Money Slinger.

00:07:51 Squirrell
Thanks, Money Slinger.

00:07:52 Squirrell
You voted for me.

00:07:53 Hurst
Good.

00:07:54 Hurst
No, no, boo.

00:07:56 Squirrell
No.

00:07:56 Squirrell
Well done.

00:07:57 Squirrell
You've done it right.

00:07:58 Hurst
You did do it right.

00:07:59 Hurst
But also if other people hate it and didn't watch them all, they just have to go on what we said and maybe what I said resonated more.

00:08:07 Squirrell
And another vote for me from Ohio.

00:08:09 Squirrell
He just simply says, family.

00:08:12 Squirrell
Yeah, family.

00:08:14 Squirrell
Brilliant.

00:08:15 Squirrell
And that's all the comments.

00:08:16 Squirrell
There's not many comments that time.

00:08:17 Squirrell
Gosh.

00:08:18 Squirrell
Who do you think the winner is?

00:08:19 Squirrell
You've got 3 comments.

00:08:20 Squirrell
I've got two.

00:08:23 Hurst
I mean, I'd love to care more, but...

00:08:31 Hurst
Yeah, me maybe because of the hate.

00:08:33 Squirrell
First I have 23.

00:08:34 Squirrell
You have 25.

00:08:36 Squirrell
Yes.

00:08:36 Squirrell
That's some excellent words.

00:08:39 Squirrell
There you are.

00:08:39 Squirrell
So the official top five Fast and Furious films, please, Ed.

00:08:44 Hurst
Oh crap.

00:08:45 Hurst
Okay.

00:08:47 Squirrell
From 5 to 3, who cares?

00:08:50 Squirrell
Because they're all exactly the same.

00:08:55 Hurst
At #2, Fast and Furious presents Hobbs and Shaw.

00:09:00 Squirrell
And at #1, the best of a bad bunch was the Fast and the Furious slash Point Break.

00:09:09 Squirrell
Yay, it is official.

00:09:11 Squirrell
Very nice.

00:09:12 Squirrell
Now you don't ever have to think about them again until Fast 11 comes out early next year and you rush to the cinema.

00:09:18 Hurst
I don't need to think about that either.

00:09:20 Hurst
I know what happens already.

00:09:22 Squirrell
Well, speaking of knowing what happens here, should we rate some evil villain schemes?

00:09:26 Squirrell
Let's do that.

00:09:31 Squirrell
First I hold upon my hand, the Queen of Destiny.

00:09:35 Squirrell
Anyway, I'm going to flip it and see which of us goes first.

00:09:39 Squirrell
Let's do it.

00:09:39 Squirrell
How will I know?

00:09:40 Hurst
Wow, that's easy.

00:09:41 Hurst
Squirrels have tails, heads first.

00:09:43 Squirrell
Up it goes.

00:09:45 Squirrell
It's heads first.

00:09:47 Hurst
Normality has been restored.

00:09:49 Hurst
this one's been an interesting one because obviously you've seen a lot of films out there and unlike Fast and Furious, there wasn't a finite number that you had to watch to know.

00:09:57 Hurst
It's just, you have a little look out there, see what people are saying, try and remember what things you've liked.

00:10:03 Hurst
But there are a lot of things that make for a good villain scheme, but I've narrowed it down to five core elements so I could then narrow the field and focus on what makes each scheme special.

00:10:12 Hurst
And I have for each of my schemes scored in not an out of 10 and an old school A to F the five fields which are

00:10:19 Hurst
ambition, ingenuity, commitment, execution, and impact.

00:10:25 Squirrell
Got that out.

00:10:26 Hurst
Well, I needed a way to transfer it out.

00:10:27 Hurst
I did struggle a bit.

00:10:28 Hurst
But banging straight in at #5, I have got a really controversial one, just because, yeah, you got it.

00:10:34 Hurst
could just as easily have been my worst, because it's just such convoluted nonsense.

00:10:39 Hurst
But in this particular instance, that's what it was meant to be.

00:10:43 Hurst
And it was just hilariously ridiculous.

00:10:47 Hurst
So my number 5 is Ray Finkel from Ace Ventura Pet Detective in 1994.

00:10:56 Hurst
The scheme is.

00:10:57 Squirrell
Okay, good, because I'm trying to remember.

00:10:59 Hurst
Ray Finkel was once the kicker for the Miami Dolphins.

00:11:02 Hurst
In the final seconds of the Super Bowl, Dan Marino placed the ball with the Laces facing the wrong direction.

00:11:09 Squirrell
Laces in, right?

00:11:10 Hurst
Right.

00:11:11 Hurst
Bad.

00:11:11 Hurst
Finkel missed the field goal, the Dolphins lost, and his career effectively imploded.

00:11:16 Hurst
For the following 10 years, he constructed an entirely new identity as the ball-busting Lois Einhorn, joined law enforcement, and rose up to Lieutenant, or as

00:11:26 Hurst
of the America's Lieutenant of the Miami Police Department, so he, as Lois, could cover his future crimes of kidnapping the Dolphins' mascot dolphin, Snowflake, which is only a distraction, so he can abduct the quarterback Dan Marino, so he can't play in the Super Bowl and the Dolphins lose.

00:11:42 Squirrell
Yes, that's right.

00:11:44 Hurst
He also murders a guy along the way because he was close to discovering a truth about the kidnapped dolphin, which is more of a malfeasance, but you know, might as well crank it up to murder.

00:11:52 Hurst
And the whole thing was because he missed a field goal.

00:11:56 Hurst
It's just so excellently petty and unnecessarily complicated.

00:12:02 Hurst
And yeah, made me laugh.

00:12:04 Hurst
It's a very original scheme.

00:12:06 Hurst
There's been a lot of bad guy schemes out there over the years.

00:12:09 Hurst
A lot of them are based on various themes of money, power, vengeance or whatever.

00:12:13 Hurst
And this one hits the vengeance note, but really for very petty reasons.

00:12:16 Hurst
So anyway, my scorings were ambition, D minus really, because it wasn't a brilliantly evil plan.

00:12:23 Hurst
It was just D minus.

00:12:25 Hurst
Ingenuity.

00:12:26 Hurst
A plus, absolutely A plus.

00:12:27 Hurst
Commitment, A plus, all the way, 10 years of planning just to try and ruin a Super Bowl for someone.

00:12:34 Hurst
And then execution, B, because actually for the vast part did well, and then impact, F, because who cares?

00:12:41 Squirrell
Nothing happened, right?

00:12:42 Hurst
Yeah.

00:12:42 Hurst
nothing happened.

00:12:43 Hurst
And even if it had been a riot of success, only Dolphins fans would have cared.

00:12:47 Squirrell
Yes.

00:12:48 Squirrell
And becoming lieutenant within 10 years of joining the, that's really good going.

00:12:54 Squirrell
I should have just stuck with that career.

00:12:56 Hurst
That's a pretty decent career, Rise.

00:12:58 Hurst
Maybe let go of your past and just be Lois Einhorn, #5, Ray Finkel.

00:13:04 Squirrell
All righty.

00:13:05 Squirrell
So for my #5, I have Jigsaw from the original Saw movie.

00:13:11 Squirrell
Now, I don't have any grading systems, Hearst.

00:13:14 Squirrell
You've been quite scientific about this, and I've just gone...

00:13:17 Squirrell
Yeah, that one was quite good.

00:13:19 Squirrell
And then put them in the right order.

00:13:20 Hurst
Lick your finger pop it in the air, which way is the wind blowing?

00:13:22 Hurst
Yeah.

00:13:23 Squirrell
Right.

00:13:23 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:13:23 Squirrell
And then you choose like 10 and some of them end up on the list and some of them don't.

00:13:27 Squirrell
But anyway, John Kramer was his name.

00:13:30 Squirrell
Sounds a bit like John Craven, doesn't it?

00:13:32 Squirrell
Off Newsround.

00:13:32 Hurst
Oh yeah, that's niche.

00:13:34 Squirrell
He was known as Jigsaw and he makes these games where you will probably die.

00:13:41 Squirrell
But if you don't die,

00:13:43 Squirrell
You rethink your life choices.

00:13:45 Squirrell
Yeah, that's it.

00:13:46 Squirrell
That's all he does.

00:13:47 Squirrell
He just wants people to be better versions of themselves.

00:13:51 Squirrell
He is a project manager and he makes all these contraptions and plans and he does his research.

00:13:57 Squirrell
And if people survive it, they tend to come out of it better.

00:14:00 Squirrell
Like maybe like, yeah, they have PTSD now, but they're not as selfish as they were.

00:14:04 Squirrell
So that's good, right?

00:14:06 Hurst
Number five, jigsaw.

00:14:07 Hurst
Good trade-off.

00:14:09 Hurst
Right.

00:14:10 Hurst
Fair enough.

00:14:11 Hurst
My #4 is a classic villain, Lex Luthor, from Superman, the 1978 movie.

00:14:19 Hurst
Okay.

00:14:19 Hurst
The scheme, Lex's scheme is complex, but based on simple economics.

00:14:23 Hurst
Land is valuable.

00:14:25 Hurst
Beachfront land is really valuable.

00:14:28 Hurst
Therefore, if you could somehow create thousands of miles of new coastline, you could become unimaginably rich.

00:14:34 Hurst
So he purchases vast amounts of cheap desert real estate in the American Southwest before stealing 2

00:14:40 Hurst
nuclear missiles.

00:14:42 Hurst
He then plans to detonate one along the San Andreas Fault, triggering A catastrophic chain reaction that will cause California to break away and sink beneath the Pacific Ocean.

00:14:50 Hurst
With California gone, next is worthless.

00:14:52 Hurst
Desert suddenly becomes the new west coast of America.

00:14:54 Hurst
It's actually a brilliant screen.

00:14:57 Hurst
And why is it brilliant?

00:14:58 Hurst
beneath the comic book madness, the logic is surprisingly coherent and every step leads naturally to the next.

00:15:05 Hurst
Buy cheap land, create demand, profit.

00:15:08 Hurst
So yeah, it's creative, it's audacious.

00:15:10 Hurst
The beauty of the planet is rooted in a genuine economic principle.

00:15:13 Hurst
Lex understands that scarcity creates value.

00:15:16 Hurst
He simply decides to manufacture scarcity by deleting California.

00:15:20 Hurst
It's good stuff.

00:15:21 Hurst
Unfortunately,

00:15:22 Hurst
He gets right in his own way.

00:15:24 Hurst
So after doing all the hard work of acquiring the nukes, kryptonite, both of which are extremely difficult to obtain, he manages to trick Superman into coming to his secret lair, opening the safe full of kryptonite and effectively being made completely impotent.

00:15:37 Hurst
Absolutely.

00:15:39 Hurst
To have achieved that was amazing.

00:15:40 Hurst
All he has to do is kill the now totally neutralized Superman and complete the plan.

00:15:44 Hurst
But like a prized turd, Lex struts off and leaves him slowly dying and entirely rescuable by the easily influenced Miss Tesmaka, who properly rescues him.

00:15:52 Hurst
Superman

00:15:52 Hurst
recovers and thwarts left.

00:15:54 Hurst
What a plum.

00:15:55 Hurst
So ambition, B, it's good stuff.

00:15:58 Hurst
Ingenuity, A plus.

00:16:00 Hurst
Commitment, B plus, because he did a lot of good work along the way before, you know, shooting himself in the foot.

00:16:04 Hurst
Execution, C minus.

00:16:06 Hurst
because he did so well.

00:16:08 Hurst
But just schoolboy Bond villain era and then impact B plus, if it had succeeded, it would have been world changing.

00:16:15 Hurst
He would have become the richest man in the world.

00:16:16 Hurst
He would have been known all over the world.

00:16:18 Hurst
I mean, people might have been annoyed with it, though.

00:16:20 Hurst
He might have gone to prison.

00:16:21 Hurst
But anyway, or he might have become president.

00:16:22 Hurst
You never know over there.

00:16:23 Squirrell
Well, same old.

00:16:25 Hurst
So yeah, it was so close.

00:16:28 Hurst
But good stuff from Lex.

00:16:29 Hurst
That's good super villain stuff there.

00:16:31 Hurst
So #4 is Lex Luther.

00:16:33 Squirrell
All right, there we go.

00:16:34 Squirrell
But he's not worrying about the fact that he is, you know, radiation poisoned his shiny new land, or at least a bit near it.

00:16:43 Hurst
I mean, details.

00:16:44 Squirrell
Right.

00:16:45 Squirrell
Just scrub that up, right?

00:16:46 Squirrell
We'll figure it out.

00:16:47 Squirrell
This was in the 70s.

00:16:48 Squirrell
Maybe, you know, they didn't know about that stuff.

00:16:50 Hurst
Yeah, maybe the nukes are cleaning back then.

00:16:52 Squirrell
All right, my #4 is a bit niche-hurst.

00:16:55 Hurst
Oh, I like niche.

00:16:56 Squirrell
Is the rich people.

00:16:59 Squirrell
in Stark, which was a movie based on a book by Ben Elton.

00:17:03 Squirrell
It was also a mini-series.

00:17:04 Squirrell
It was a mini-series and then they took some bits out and stuffed it all together and it became a movie.

00:17:08 Squirrell
But anyway, Stark was based on Ben Elton's debut novel out in 1989.

00:17:13 Squirrell
Basically what happens is the rich people who of course have been lying about how bad their stuff is for the environment to make sure they can make as much money as possible, they realise that the Earth's going to ******* die, there's nothing they can do about it.

00:17:25 Squirrell
So what they decide they're going to do, they're going to disappear into space on

00:17:29 Squirrell
star arcs or starks, right?

00:17:31 Squirrell
You get it.

00:17:32 Squirrell
And leave everybody else to just ******* deal with the problems.

00:17:35 Squirrell
But what?

00:17:37 Squirrell
They couldn't actually afford it, which made them very angry because they're a bunch of very rich people, like 30 or 40 richest people.

00:17:43 Squirrell
So what they do is they engineer a stock market crash by selling off all their shares really, really cheap and everything collapses and on paper they become really poor, but they're still now there compared to everyone else, ******* super rich and they can build their star arcs and disappear into space.

00:17:56 Squirrell
*******.

00:17:58 Squirrell
******* rich people, man.

00:17:59 Squirrell
**** ** the planet.

00:18:00 Squirrell
And then just like, oh no, we broke it.

00:18:01 Squirrell
Okay, off we go.

00:18:02 Squirrell
Have fun, pause.

00:18:04 Squirrell
Man, I hate them.

00:18:05 Squirrell
And they **** well, spoiler, spoiler from something that came out in 89, and they ******* got away with it.

00:18:11 Squirrell
Damn.

00:18:12 Hurst
I actually really respect that in bad guys games.

00:18:14 Squirrell
When they get away with it.

00:18:16 Squirrell
Yeah, right.

00:18:16 Hurst
Yeah.

00:18:17 Squirrell
You're not going to stop them.

00:18:18 Squirrell
They're ******* billionaires, right?

00:18:20 Squirrell
And this is what, hang on, let's do some quick maths.

00:18:22 Squirrell
What is that?

00:18:24 Squirrell
1137, 37 years ago, this was written.

00:18:27 Squirrell
**** it, could have been last week, couldn't it?

00:18:29 Hurst
Didn't you watch this in the news about that trillionaire ****?

00:18:31 Hurst
Yeah, right.

00:18:33 Squirrell
I mean, how is this?

00:18:35 Squirrell
Well, that's over it's not happening now, but yeah, private lifeboat.

00:18:38 Squirrell
*******.

00:18:39 Squirrell
Hate them.

00:18:40 Squirrell
Good work, Benno.

00:18:41 Hurst
I mean, it's sort of right in process, isn't it?

00:18:43 Hurst
It's like, no, there's the climate thing, there's a hoax, say all the billionaires who want to make more billions from their climate ruining ****.

00:18:49 Squirrell
Yeah, and make everybody else poor in the process.

00:18:51 Squirrell
Just even poorer.

00:18:52 Squirrell
**** you.

00:18:53 Squirrell
Oh my God, I hate them.

00:18:54 Squirrell
I hate rich people like that.

00:18:55 Squirrell
These imaginary rich people that don't exist.

00:18:57 Squirrell
They make me so angry.

00:18:59 Squirrell
So there we are.

00:18:59 Squirrell
Number 4, the rich people, Bellow and Stark.

00:19:03 Hurst
Excellent.

00:19:04 Squirrell
There you are.

00:19:04 Squirrell
Read it.

00:19:05 Squirrell
It's good.

00:19:05 Hurst
I'm going to do that.

00:19:06 Squirrell
Go read it.

00:19:07 Hurst
My #3 is Biff Tanner from Back to the Future, Part 2.

00:19:13 Squirrell
Which one?

00:19:13 Squirrell
There's like several.

00:19:14 Hurst
Back to the Future, Part 2, like just.

00:19:16 Squirrell
But there's several.

00:19:18 Hurst
Yeah.

00:19:18 Hurst
Okay.

00:19:19 Hurst
I mean, they're all involved.

00:19:20 Hurst
It's like, but it's the same guy, just at different ages.

00:19:23 Squirrell
Or different timelines, right?

00:19:24 Hurst
Different timelines and different ages.

00:19:25 Hurst
Anyway.

00:19:26 Hurst
Mostly old Biff, if we're going to specifics, old Biff is.

00:19:31 Squirrell
Not rapey Biff.

00:19:33 Hurst
Not rapey Biff, no.

00:19:35 Hurst
Old Biff from Back to the Future 2, the scheme.

00:19:39 Hurst
When elderly Biff, that's nice of him.

00:19:41 Hurst
When elderly Biff discovers a sports almanac containing the results of every major sporting event for the next 50 years, he immediately recognizes the opportunity.

00:19:49 Hurst
Using Doc Brown's time machine, which he intuitively knows how to use and fuel, he travels back to 1955 and gives the almanac to his younger self.

00:19:56 Hurst
That's it.

00:19:57 Hurst
Absolutely simple.

00:19:58 Hurst
Young Biff then spends decades betting on events he already knows the outcome of, accumulating enormous wealth and influence until effectively he owns Hill Valley.

00:20:07 Hurst
The genius is the simplicity and the purity of the execution.

00:20:11 Hurst
He sees an opportunity and he just goes for it.

00:20:13 Hurst
No planning, no risk assessment, no second guessing.

00:20:17 Hurst
He grabs the almanac, gets in the car, and for probably half an hour's work and zero time lost, he's a millionaire.

00:20:23 Hurst
And the most impressive part is he wins completely.

00:20:26 Hurst
Absolutely.

00:20:26 Hurst
When Marty arrives in the alternate 1985, Biff's empire is already built.

00:20:30 Hurst
The casinos exist, the money exists, the influence exists, the plan works exactly as intended.

00:20:35 Hurst
The heroes actually have to travel through time after the fact to undo what he's already accomplished, which is cheating.

00:20:41 Hurst
More on that later.

00:20:42 Hurst
Ambition, B.

00:20:45 Hurst
Ingenuity, B.

00:20:46 Hurst
Commitment, A plus.

00:20:47 Hurst
Just pure execution.

00:20:50 Squirrell
I think you're able to work out how the ******* DeLorean worked.

00:20:52 Squirrell
Do you see how many buttons are in that thing?

00:20:54 Squirrell
How in God's that?

00:20:55 Squirrell
You'd have never figured it out.

00:20:56 Hurst
It just initially.

00:20:57 Hurst
Oh, God, no.

00:20:57 Hurst
I could have got the doors done.

00:20:59 Hurst
I could have switched it on.

00:21:00 Hurst
Turn the engine on.

00:21:00 Hurst
I could have driven it.

00:21:01 Hurst
I just, yeah.

00:21:02 Squirrell
It was a pretty normal car at that for that bit, wasn't it?

00:21:05 Hurst
Yeah, At that point it had Mr.

00:21:06 Hurst
Fusion as well, didn't it?

00:21:08 Hurst
So it's like knowing to put...

00:21:10 Squirrell
Hopefully that was in charge, right?

00:21:12 Hurst
Anyway, so yeah, commitment A plus, execution A minus.

00:21:16 Hurst
He should have trashed the car when he got Back to the Future.

00:21:18 Hurst
That's the only bit he didn't do right.

00:21:21 Hurst
If he trashed the car, perfect.

00:21:22 Hurst
Impact C plus, it's no super villain scheme, but it was formulated and executed extraordinary efficiency, and I admire that.

00:21:31 Hurst
So yeah, number three, Elderly Biff from Back to the Future 2.

00:21:35 Squirrell
Good job, Elderly Biff.

00:21:37 Squirrell
Joined by Back to the Future time travel mechanics, did elderly Biff ever benefit from that?

00:21:43 Squirrell
Or did other Biff in the different timeline benefit from that?

00:21:46 Squirrell
Or did he go forward to the elderly timeline?

00:21:48 Squirrell
I'm not sure how it works for Back to the Future.

00:21:50 Hurst
It's difficult to think on it too much because it does fall apart pretty rapidly.

00:21:55 Hurst
Technically, from the moment he gave that to Biff, when he went forward in time, it should have gone back to his new timeline, which means he would have never gone back to the time where Marty and Dr.

00:22:07 Hurst
because that was a different timeline.

00:22:09 Squirrell
Yes.

00:22:09 Hurst
And they would have never seen the car again.

00:22:11 Hurst
So the whole franchise does fall down there.

00:22:14 Hurst
But we're going to skate over that because the important bit is not that they ended up winning in the end by going back in time.

00:22:20 Hurst
That actually Biff saw an opportunity and just immediately executed on it.

00:22:26 Hurst
That's entrepreneurial spirit that would get you somewhere.

00:22:29 Hurst
And it did.

00:22:29 Squirrell
He didn't just drive the car.

00:22:30 Squirrell
He flew the ******* car.

00:22:32 Squirrell
I just remembered.

00:22:33 Squirrell
Oh my God.

00:22:33 Hurst
Yeah.

00:22:34 Hurst
But then cars did fly.

00:22:35 Squirrell
Cars did fly.

00:22:36 Squirrell
Maybe they were.

00:22:38 Squirrell
Yeah, that's true.

00:22:38 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:22:40 Squirrell
There we are.

00:22:40 Squirrell
Solid choice.

00:22:41 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:22:41 Squirrell
And he got the girl, of course.

00:22:43 Hurst
Yeah, he did.

00:22:45 Squirrell
She may not have been pleased about that, but.

00:22:46 Squirrell
No, that was a big rapey biff in full flow and that.

00:22:50 Squirrell
Yeah, that was, yeah, Marnie's mom, although not, I guess.

00:22:54 Squirrell
But anyway, we're cool.

00:22:55 Squirrell
Let's not think about time travel anymore.

00:22:57 Squirrell
My head will break.

00:22:58 Squirrell
My #3 is Simon Gruber.

00:23:03 Squirrell
Donny Hard with a vengeance.

00:23:05 Squirrell
Yeah, no fair play.

00:23:06 Squirrell
That was something that I read a lot about.

00:23:09 Squirrell
Yes.

00:23:10 Squirrell
Now you could argue it's not so much a scheme as a plan.

00:23:13 Squirrell
I don't know what the actual difference between a scheme and a plan is, but his plan was so ******* good.

00:23:19 Squirrell
Like it was spot on.

00:23:21 Squirrell
He had everyone thinking he was just out for revenge for Han.

00:23:25 Squirrell
And that was once they'd found out who he was.

00:23:27 Squirrell
They didn't have a clue before that.

00:23:29 Squirrell
But no,

00:23:30 Squirrell
He was doing a really good bank robbery.

00:23:32 Squirrell
No one even ******* realised.

00:23:34 Squirrell
Tom McLean lucked in at the end, like properly lucked in.

00:23:38 Squirrell
There was no skill involved.

00:23:40 Squirrell
And it was just, oh, he so nearly got away with so much money.

00:23:44 Squirrell
And he looked like he was just being a terrorist and blowing **** up for the sake of it.

00:23:48 Squirrell
And even some of the people working for him thought that was what going on.

00:23:51 Squirrell
But no, the inner circle knew that what he really wanted to do was shut down all the subway trains because of the bombs

00:23:58 Squirrell
and drill through the hole in the bank to steal all the gold.

00:24:02 Squirrell
Because banks are full of gold, I guess, in America.

00:24:06 Squirrell
Ohio let us know.

00:24:06 Squirrell
Yeah, all those vaults you've been in America.

00:24:12 Squirrell
Yeah, probably, right?

00:24:13 Squirrell
I mean, and there's a lot of gold.

00:24:15 Squirrell
And yeah, the plan was just so meticulous.

00:24:19 Squirrell
And so well thought out.

00:24:21 Squirrell
And he was way more successful than Hans was for like 99% of the film.

00:24:26 Squirrell
And Hans definitely had more style.

00:24:28 Squirrell
I think if Simon had had just the class that Hans Gruber had from the first one, this would probably be higher up.

00:24:34 Hurst
Are you calling him Hans Gruber?

00:24:37 Squirrell
Hans.

00:24:38 Hurst
I'm just missing the S.

00:24:39 Hurst
Oh, right.

00:24:40 Squirrell
Sorry, he's Hans Gruber.

00:24:41 Squirrell
Yes, he would have been higher on the list, but as it was,

00:24:46 Squirrell
he wasn't, he was very well acted.

00:24:48 Squirrell
Let's not take anything away from Jeremy Irons and his German accent, but he just wasn't quite as cool.

00:24:52 Squirrell
But he was so clever.

00:24:54 Squirrell
And his riddles designed to put people off what he was actually doing were excellent.

00:24:59 Squirrell
The film was originally going to be called, apparently Simon Says, that's what the script was called.

00:25:03 Squirrell
It had nothing to do with Die Hard.

00:25:04 Squirrell
And then it became a Lethal Weapon sequel.

00:25:08 Squirrell
And that's why they brought in the two people working together.

00:25:10 Squirrell
And then it became Die Hard and they had to bring in Simon L.

00:25:12 Squirrell
Jackson to take the place of the other Lethal Weapon person.

00:25:15 Squirrell
But there we are.

00:25:16 Squirrell
Yeah, #3.

00:25:17 Squirrell
Just an excellent, meticulous, well-fought-out brand.

00:25:20 Squirrell
Simon Gruber, Die Hard Free.

00:25:23 Hurst
Yeah, no, good call.

00:25:25 Hurst
There were a lot of contenders for this one.

00:25:27 Hurst
It did require some narrowing, hence my scoring schemes and me obviously forgetting the whole.

00:25:32 Hurst
whole bunch of stuff as well.

00:25:33 Hurst
And now I have a suspicion that we've I know we've never agreed on #1 and we're not there yet, but I just.

00:25:38 Squirrell
Apart from the two tests, we've agreed on the number one, we're sure.

00:25:41 Hurst
Yeah, but yeah, not when it was only when it was obvious.

00:25:44 Squirrell
Well, that's true, that's true.

00:25:45 Squirrell
It has been obvious from the start.

00:25:47 Hurst
Whereas this one is a bit more subjective.

00:25:50 Squirrell
We're not, it's not a chance.

00:25:52 Hurst
OK, fair enough.

00:25:53 Squirrell
Don't think you never know.

00:25:55 Hurst
My #2 is John Doe from the film Seven.

00:25:58 Hurst
Yeah.

00:26:01 Hurst
So John Doe played by Kevin Spacey.

00:26:03 Hurst
Don't worry about that.

00:26:05 Hurst
We're looking at the villain scheme.

00:26:06 Hurst
We're not looking at the...

00:26:07 Squirrell
It'll be true to that, doesn't it?

00:26:09 Squirrell
Even the film could be ****.

00:26:10 Squirrell
It wouldn't matter if the scheme was good.

00:26:12 Hurst
Yeah, exactly.

00:26:13 Hurst
So John Doe is the bad guy and his scheme, he spent years constructing a serial killer masterpiece so that a detective would murder him on cue.

00:26:22 Hurst
So he believes society's become morally bankrupt.

00:26:25 Hurst
So he chooses 7 victims, each representing one of the seven deadly sins.

00:26:29 Hurst
So the one he killed gluttony, forced to eat until his stomach ruptured.

00:26:32 Hurst
I mean, it's a really gross film, but it's really intense, a real thriller.

00:26:36 Hurst
Greed, a lawyer forced to cut off his own pound of flesh.

00:26:39 Hurst
Sloth kept alive and bound to a bed for a year in extreme conditions.

00:26:44 Hurst
Ghastly business.

00:26:45 Hurst
Lust, a man forced to kill a sex worker.

00:26:47 Hurst
also in a horribly grisly way.

00:26:49 Hurst
Pride, a model whose face was mutilated and was left with the option of death or living disfigured, chose death.

00:26:55 Hurst
Envy, John Doe himself, who murdered Detective Mills' wife because he envied the detective's lie.

00:27:01 Hurst
And finally, Wrath, Detective Mills, who gave in to his anger and executed John Doe, completing the plan.

00:27:08 Hurst
Again, spoilers, but we are talking like 95 or something.

00:27:11 Hurst
So, catch up.

00:27:13 Hurst
The murders are effectively grisly art installations, but with immense detail and clues that ultimately lead the detectives themselves to become part of the final piece.

00:27:21 Hurst
And why the plan works, the brilliance of John Doe's scheme is that he is not trying to escape capture.

00:27:26 Hurst
In fact, capture is essential to the design.

00:27:29 Hurst
He needs Somerset and Mills to follow the trail exactly as he's laid it out.

00:27:33 Hurst
And by the end, he's turned himself into the final piece of his own masterpiece.

00:27:37 Hurst
The investigation of the victims, the detectives' reactions all become part of the same kit.

00:27:41 Hurst
The engineered conclusion.

00:27:42 Hurst
And he's really clever writing, but it's also, it's a horrible thing to watch, but it's mesmerizing.

00:27:49 Hurst
Really, really good.

00:27:50 Hurst
And he's a strong candidate for most elaborate, certainly.

00:27:53 Hurst
And the murders are planned months, maybe years in advance.

00:27:56 Hurst
Every victim is selected very deliberately and he's manipulating the investigation right from the side.

00:28:01 Hurst
So good.

00:28:01 Hurst
And the ending only works because he understands Mills and exactly how he'll react.

00:28:06 Hurst
great stuff.

00:28:06 Hurst
It's one of the Revenant plans where the villain achieves exactly what he set out to do.

00:28:10 Squirrell
Everything goes perfectly.

00:28:11 Hurst
I'm calling Biffs like he did it, he did his bit, then they cheated to get past it.

00:28:16 Hurst
But no comebacks on this man at all.

00:28:18 Hurst
He said exactly what he set out to do, achieved, executed his plan and the victims perfectly.

00:28:23 Hurst
And he went.

00:28:25 Hurst
No one saw it coming.

00:28:26 Hurst
Everyone was blown away by it.

00:28:28 Hurst
Ambition, A, ingenuity, A plus, commitment, A plus.

00:28:32 Squirrell
Oh God, yeah.

00:28:33 Hurst
He was doing it for years.

00:28:35 Hurst
Execution, again, A plus.

00:28:39 Hurst
Impact, C plus.

00:28:41 Hurst
I mean, it's great, but it is small scale in terms of global impact and

00:28:46 Hurst
how much it would make the news in other places.

00:28:49 Hurst
But it is, the scheme itself is brilliant.

00:28:51 Hurst
That doesn't take away from it.

00:28:52 Hurst
It's my #2.

00:28:53 Hurst
Excellent stuff.

00:28:54 Hurst
John Doe from Seven.

00:28:56 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:28:57 Squirrell
Solid choice.

00:28:58 Squirrell
Yeah, he absolutely nailed what he was going for.

00:29:02 Squirrell
Like the leeway of that.

00:29:03 Squirrell
It was spot on to the letter, right?

00:29:05 Hurst
Didn't have to deviate the plan at any point.

00:29:07 Hurst
Just planned it, executed it.

00:29:09 Hurst
Just so excellently done.

00:29:12 Squirrell
What's in the box?

00:29:13 Squirrell
There you go.

00:29:14 Squirrell
It's my plan, ************.

00:29:17 Squirrell
Cool.

00:29:18 Squirrell
My #2 is Ozzy Mandis from Watchmen.

00:29:22 Hurst
Yeah.

00:29:23 Squirrell
So Watchmen was a movie which was based on a comic.

00:29:27 Squirrell
And the comic is brilliant.

00:29:28 Squirrell
If you haven't read that.

00:29:30 Squirrell
Sorry, it's a graphic novel.

00:29:31 Squirrell
It's not a comic.

00:29:32 Squirrell
It's just one.

00:29:33 Squirrell
Brilliant.

00:29:34 Squirrell
Absolutely superb.

00:29:35 Squirrell
And it's about superheroes and vigilante fighters.

00:29:38 Squirrell
And what would they be like if they were more

00:29:42 Squirrell
realistic, like psychologically ******* damaged and just basically doing what they like some of the times because no one can stop them.

00:29:49 Squirrell
Ozymandis was the smartest man in the world.

00:29:52 Squirrell
He was also an excellent acrobat for reasons.

00:29:55 Squirrell
This was based around a slightly alternate universe where the space race didn't really take off and hey, and we're on top of things today.

00:30:03 Squirrell
Cold War was looming, right, between Russia and the US.

00:30:07 Squirrell
Ozymandis didn't want this to happen because A, he wanted people

00:30:12 Squirrell
live through the decade.

00:30:13 Squirrell
And B, he was very rich and he thought that he would be poor if that happened.

00:30:19 Squirrell
But it was generally more about the people.

00:30:21 Squirrell
He was doing it for kind of good reasons.

00:30:23 Squirrell
And what he did is, in the movie at least, he engineered it so one of the superheroes, it looked like, attacked New York.

00:30:30 Squirrell
And the destruction was so much that Russia were like, Christ, do you need any help?

00:30:36 Squirrell
and **** like that.

00:30:36 Squirrell
And then Russia and America just high-fiving and hugging.

00:30:40 Squirrell
Possibly like that in real life.

00:30:41 Squirrell
Sorry.

00:30:43 Squirrell
In the comics, he magicked up a psychic alien beast, which had the exact same effect.

00:30:48 Squirrell
It destroyed you.

00:30:50 Squirrell
The best thing about it, which I like, which is just the moment when you're reading it, or if you hadn't read it when you watched it and found this out, was two of the heroes had gone to his hideout.

00:30:59 Squirrell
They knew what he was going to do.

00:31:00 Squirrell
So they've gone together to stop him.

00:31:02 Squirrell
They reckon together they could probably do it.

00:31:04 Squirrell
And

00:31:05 Squirrell
They get there and he monologues his scheme at them.

00:31:07 Squirrell
They're like, we're not gonna ******* let you get away with this, buddy.

00:31:10 Squirrell
And he goes, what are you talking about?

00:31:11 Squirrell
I did it half an hour ago.

00:31:13 Squirrell
And it was just like, oh ****.

00:31:14 Squirrell
And it's like smartest villain ever.

00:31:18 Squirrell
Cause he tells them the plan after he's done the plan and there's nothing they could do about it.

00:31:23 Squirrell
And he's ******* done it.

00:31:24 Squirrell
New York is destroyed.

00:31:25 Squirrell
The war slash Cold War is over.

00:31:28 Squirrell
He wins.

00:31:30 Squirrell
Ozzy Mendes.

00:31:31 Squirrell
Brilliant.

00:31:32 Squirrell
Nailed it.

00:31:32 Hurst
Fine work, Ozzy Mendes.

00:31:35 Squirrell
All right.

00:31:35 Squirrell
So that's it, right?

00:31:36 Squirrell
We're on to the worst.

00:31:40 Squirrell
Yeah, we are.

00:31:44 Squirrell
Cool.

00:31:44 Squirrell
Who have you got?

00:31:45 Hurst
Sorry, I didn't put as much time into this one because, again, there were a few contenders, but mine was Mr.

00:31:52 Hurst
Freeze from Batman and Robin.

00:31:54 Hurst
The scheme was freeze the entire Earth.

00:31:59 Squirrell
Yes.

00:32:00 Hurst
Now the problem is everyone dies.

00:32:03 Hurst
Including the people you're trying to save.

00:32:06 Hurst
Including your wife.

00:32:08 Hurst
Which is Mr.

00:32:09 Hurst
Freeze's whole thing.

00:32:09 Hurst
Oh, my wife.

00:32:11 Hurst
Everyone's dead.

00:32:11 Hurst
Like, what have you gained?

00:32:13 Hurst
So yeah, and you know what, it's just lazy because he's Mr.

00:32:15 Hurst
Freeze is like, what am I good at?

00:32:17 Hurst
I'll just freeze.

00:32:18 Hurst
That's going to be my plan.

00:32:20 Squirrell
My name is Freeze.

00:32:22 Hurst
It's a bit on the nose, isn't it?

00:32:24 Squirrell
What go the dinosaurs?

00:32:25 Squirrell
The Ice Age.

00:32:27 Hurst
So yeah, in terms of...

00:32:29 Hurst
I suppose ambition is quite highly stored, ingenuity, E-minus commitment, didn't really get anywhere, execution rubbish, impact, like, I mean, it would have been impactful, but it was just ********.

00:32:42 Hurst
**** you, Mr.

00:32:42 Hurst
Freeze.

00:32:43 Squirrell
Yeah, fair.

00:32:43 Squirrell
I've gone niche again, Hurst.

00:32:46 Squirrell
I had Thanos from phase one of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, just the entire ******* thing.

00:32:50 Squirrell
**** is he doing?

00:32:52 Squirrell
We're doing Thanos, you stupid giant idiot.

00:32:54 Squirrell
He's a ******* ******* great.

00:32:58 Squirrell
Titanic.

00:32:58 Squirrell
No, he's literally a Titan, so I can't say Titanic.

00:33:01 Squirrell
He's enormous.

00:33:02 Squirrell
He's ******* super hard, super smart, super fast.

00:33:04 Squirrell
He's got all these magical crystal stones on his glove that let him do anything he wants and what he wants to do because he think overpopulation destroyed his planet where he came from called Titan.

00:33:16 Squirrell
He is going to get rid of every other person, every other living thing across the entire universe.

00:33:21 Squirrell
That's his plan.

00:33:22 Squirrell
That's it.

00:33:23 Squirrell
Because then there's more resources.

00:33:24 Squirrell
Well, just double the ******* resources, you pleb, right?

00:33:27 Squirrell
Then no one dies.

00:33:28 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:33:29 Squirrell
Also, if there's double the resources, any living things kind of grow rapidly to fill up the amount of resources they have.

00:33:37 Squirrell
People who are smarter than me reckon that Thanos's solution would have lasted about 9 years.

00:33:42 Squirrell
And then we'd have been right back where we were.

00:33:44 Squirrell
And he's done all of this.

00:33:45 Squirrell
And he did do a lot.

00:33:46 Squirrell
He went through a lot of **** to get himself in the position where he could and half of all the people vanished.

00:33:53 Squirrell
But no, why did he, why the **** just bring your planet back with your magic?

00:33:58 Squirrell
A ******* just absurd **** ***.

00:34:03 Hurst
Oh, I see.

00:34:04 Squirrell
There we are.

00:34:07 Squirrell
He has the power of a god.

00:34:09 Squirrell
And he is like,

00:34:10 Squirrell
Oh, there's too many people in the pub.

00:34:13 Squirrell
I'm gonna get rid of some of them and then half of them are gone.

00:34:16 Hurst
Oh, okay.

00:34:18 Hurst
So that's your worst.

00:34:19 Hurst
That's interesting.

00:34:20 Squirrell
Yeah, I feel there's a problem coming into our future.

00:34:25 Squirrell
You can't see her's face, everybody, but I can.

00:34:27 Squirrell
All right, enough about the worst hearse, possibly this.

00:34:30 Squirrell
I hear about the first hearse.

00:34:31 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:34:39 Hurst
Okay, so my number one,

00:34:42 Hurst
It's Thanos from Avengers Infinity War.

00:34:45 Hurst
This is the second time this isn't it.

00:34:46 Hurst
The scheme, Thanos believes life inevitably consumes more resources than are available.

00:34:51 Hurst
Having witnessed the collapse of his own world, Titan, he becomes convinced that the only way to save the universe is to reduce its population.

00:34:57 Hurst
And of course, you know, all the nerds on Earth have gone, no, because, you know, they have a truly broad view of the whole universe, unlike Thanos, who is Titan and actually does have a view of the whole universe and can see what's going to work for it.

00:35:10 Hurst
Anyway, that's fine.

00:35:12 Hurst
But it's the only way is to reduce the population.

00:35:13 Hurst
So he travels the galaxy collecting the six infinity stones, which is mega.

00:35:19 Hurst
Like to be able to do that, no one else could do that.

00:35:21 Hurst
Only Thanos was like, yeah, fair play.

00:35:22 Hurst
Unite them in the infinity gauntlet, which he had specially made, and wipe out half of all life in existence with a single snap of his fingers.

00:35:29 Hurst
But 1/2 of the planet,

00:35:31 Hurst
one half of all the life.

00:35:33 Hurst
Making space for regrowth and people to develop in new and interesting ways.

00:35:38 Hurst
Myers brilliant.

00:35:39 Hurst
Most movie villains want something for themselves.

00:35:41 Hurst
They want money, power, revenge, immortality.

00:35:43 Hurst
He has all the power in the world.

00:35:46 Hurst
His plan isn't conquering the universe, it's saving it.

00:35:49 Hurst
So that immediately elevates the scheme because every sacrifice he makes is in services of what he sees as the greater good.

00:35:56 Hurst
So as a project, it's remarkably elegant.

00:35:59 Hurst
Identify the problem, acquire the tools, execute the solution, retire.

00:36:02 Hurst
Good stuff.

00:36:03 Hurst
And that's what he does.

00:36:04 Hurst
And for all the things you just said, I entirely disagree.

00:36:07 Hurst
I think you could double the amount of resources, but where are you going to put them all?

00:36:12 Hurst
It doesn't matter.

00:36:12 Hurst
It doesn't matter.

00:36:13 Hurst
You can do that.

00:36:14 Hurst
People still won't have acting like what?

00:36:15 Hurst
You just have to remake the whole thing.

00:36:17 Hurst
Then everyone's different anyway.

00:36:18 Hurst
We can do that.

00:36:19 Hurst
But then how's that any better than if everyone has to be completely different, like completely new set of people?

00:36:26 Hurst
You're like, start again.

00:36:27 Hurst
It's kind of what he did.

00:36:30 Hurst
But why did he do it?

00:36:32 Hurst
Makes no sense.

00:36:32 Squirrell
Such a bad plan.

00:36:34 Squirrell
Fanos.

00:36:36 Hurst
Because there are like 200.

00:36:38 Hurst
billion galaxies.

00:36:39 Hurst
And in each one of those, or 200 million galaxies, each one of those 200 million stars, and around each one of those, probably a stack of planets.

00:36:44 Hurst
Of all the planets, all of the trillions and trillions of planets, you've not got time to go and organize all of them.

00:36:49 Hurst
It's just like, wipe them all out, let them start again.

00:36:51 Hurst
Well, not all of them.

00:36:51 Hurst
He didn't wipe them all out.

00:36:52 Hurst
It's like, right.

00:36:53 Hurst
Half of everything's got, he was dispassionate.

00:36:55 Hurst
He wasn't malicious.

00:36:56 Hurst
It wasn't right.

00:36:57 Hurst
All the rich people are all the ***** all the people I don't like.

00:37:01 Hurst
It's not like a genocide, not a focused kind of, this is a people I hate.

00:37:05 Hurst
This is half of everything's just gone, rebuild.

00:37:08 Squirrell
There we are.

00:37:08 Hurst
I think it's a remarkably elegant plan.

00:37:10 Hurst
I think the fact that they went back in time and cheated and then undid it.

00:37:13 Hurst
I was like, no, no.

00:37:15 Hurst
I know better than that, that God in the sky.

00:37:17 Hurst
It's...

00:37:19 Squirrell
That's because they killed their mates.

00:37:22 Hurst
Yeah.

00:37:22 Squirrell
I didn't know that.

00:37:24 Hurst
Yeah, so they can't look at it dispassionately about what's actually best for the universe.

00:37:28 Hurst
They're looking at it, it's like, no, we want to save Earth and like some of our other planets we like.

00:37:35 Squirrell
And Groot.

00:37:37 Hurst
So anyway, ambition, A plus.

00:37:39 Hurst
Like that is a big ******* plan.

00:37:42 Hurst
Ingenuity, B plus.

00:37:45 Hurst
He knew what he needed and he had the tools, but he did have to get around a lot of places to get the stone.

00:37:50 Hurst
So that requires some ingenuity.

00:37:52 Squirrell
True.

00:37:52 Squirrell
Ingenious, but wrong.

00:37:54 Hurst
Commitment, A plus.

00:37:55 Hurst
Like he went full way, nailed it.

00:37:57 Hurst
Execution, A plus, because he did it.

00:37:59 Hurst
He succeeded.

00:38:00 Hurst
And impact.

00:38:01 Hurst
Massive A plus.

00:38:02 Hurst
And is there anything better than A plus?

00:38:04 Hurst
A plus plus eBay?

00:38:06 Hurst
Just spectacular work.

00:38:07 Hurst
And because of all of that, just the whole way down, I gave him B plus because I don't like to see straight A's anywhere.

00:38:13 Hurst
But yeah, just heroic villainy.

00:38:17 Hurst
Great scheme.

00:38:19 Squirrell
All right.

00:38:20 Squirrell
There we are.

00:38:20 Squirrell
Well.

00:38:20 Hurst
So that thing where I thought we might have the same one, that kind of went a different direction.

00:38:24 Squirrell
We kind of had the same one, just in different places.

00:38:27 Hurst
Okay, let's see.

00:38:28 Squirrell
Ultimately different places.

00:38:29 Squirrell
Well, mine is also from the MCU, but I have chosen Baron Zemo from the MCU.

00:38:36 Squirrell
Now, this may not be a name that you immediately pick up, but Baron Zemo was in Captain America Civil War.

00:38:43 Squirrell
He was the little, I think he was Hungarian dude who

00:38:49 Squirrell
Sorry, of course he wasn't homevarian.

00:38:50 Squirrell
He was Sokovian.

00:38:52 Squirrell
Of course he was.

00:38:52 Squirrell
That's very important.

00:38:54 Squirrell
Because in Age of Ultron, his family got killed by the Avengers, not on purpose, but just as Ultron was smashing **** up and they were smashing **** up, Zemo's family died.

00:39:04 Squirrell
And he decided he was going to bump up the Avengers.

00:39:06 Squirrell
And he was just a dude.

00:39:08 Squirrell
He was a psychiatrist, right?

00:39:09 Squirrell
He was a doctor.

00:39:10 Squirrell
He wasn't somebody that could find lasers out of their eyes or some ****.

00:39:13 Squirrell
So he's got no chance of beating any of the Avengers up.

00:39:15 Squirrell
So what he does is he just makes them hate themselves.

00:39:18 Squirrell
He frees the Winter Soldier for the UN bombing and uses the Winter Soldier programming and ultimately revealing that it was Bucky, the Winter Soldier, who killed Tony Stark's parents.

00:39:28 Squirrell
Not only this, Captain America knew about that and obviously when Iron Man found out, he was very, very cross and they had a big fight, which was an excellent big fight.

00:39:37 Squirrell
All of this is just

00:39:39 Squirrell
completely pure and from his point of view, there's no violence he committed.

00:39:45 Squirrell
And it actually works much like the previous plans we've been hearing about.

00:39:49 Squirrell
It works fine.

00:39:50 Squirrell
They get into a big fight and beat each other up and the Avengers are basically over from that point.

00:39:55 Squirrell
And there are so many people in the Civil War, it might as well have been called Avengers 2 1/2 or something, because they're all ******* in it apart from 4 because they had to get rid of four and whole curve wise, they would have just come down and go, no, stop it, crack some heads about.

00:40:05 Squirrell
But anyway, ignore that.

00:40:08 Squirrell
He is a rare MC

00:40:09 Squirrell
villain because his plan is small scale.

00:40:12 Squirrell
It's personal to him, but strategically it was massive.

00:40:16 Squirrell
He doesn't want to conquer the earth.

00:40:17 Squirrell
He doesn't want to kill one in every two people across the entire universe.

00:40:21 Squirrell
He just understands that family groups, which the Avengers were, fall apart when you kind of take away the trust they have between each other, especially with egos as big as some of them in the Avengers.

00:40:31 Squirrell
He's super fast reading the ******* room, basically.

00:40:34 Squirrell
And he did it superbly.

00:40:36 Squirrell
And nearly, nearly brought about the end of all the Avengers.

00:40:40 Squirrell
And I believe, if I'm remembering rightly, he pretty much did until Thanos showed up and started swinging his big sword about.

00:40:46 Squirrell
So is it a sword?

00:40:48 Squirrell
Do you call it a sword if it's got two ends?

00:40:50 Squirrell
What is that?

00:40:50 Squirrell
You do weapons.

00:40:51 Hurst
I don't know, our staff maul, he knows what they're called.

00:40:53 Hurst
I know, it's like a staff, like what a double sword, a sword staffer.

00:40:57 Hurst
A helicopter sword.

00:40:59 Hurst
It was clever, but yeah, no, we're miles apart again, I guess.

00:41:03 Hurst
It's always going to be different.

00:41:04 Hurst
Yeah, it is.

00:41:06 Hurst
Yeah, of course he didn't want to destroy all of half or half of all life because he's a tiny little human with no view of the universe as a whole.

00:41:14 Hurst
And he's one of those people who might just be suddenly not there anymore.

00:41:18 Squirrell
Well, that's true.

00:41:18 Squirrell
Or he's a doctor of a base understanding of how these things work and, you know, new.

00:41:22 Hurst
A base understanding of how the whole universe works, like all doctors do.

00:41:26 Squirrell
Apparently, the whole universe works in exactly the same way because there are resources and we use them up.

00:41:30 Hurst
Yeah, based on our view from a tiny little planet.

00:41:32 Squirrell
No, that's the family.

00:41:33 Squirrell
That was the family's whole plan.

00:41:35 Hurst
Oh, right.

00:41:36 Hurst
Your little doctor's guy.

00:41:38 Squirrell
Oh, no.

00:41:39 Squirrell
Zemo.

00:41:40 Squirrell
Would you like a fact and an estimated fact about Baron Zemo?

00:41:43 Hurst
Oh, **** yeah.

00:41:44 Hurst
I better do some quick typing in a second.

00:41:49 Squirrell
Fact.

00:41:50 Squirrell
In the comics, he was called Herman Nemo.

00:41:52 Squirrell
But they changed the name because of Finding Nemo and Finding Dory, the incredibly popular films or fact in the comics, he was incredibly flamboyant and had a purple mask and kind of pranced about very different to the down to earth dude he was in the movies.

00:42:08 Hurst
Oh, yeah, I do like the idea of that.

00:42:11 Hurst
And even if I'm wrong, I'm going for that because flamboyant purple mask, that does sound very comic book, sorry, graphic novel, frettly.

00:42:19 Squirrell
Oh no, they were comic books.

00:42:22 Squirrell
for the Avengers.

00:42:23 Squirrell
Well, you're right, anyway.

00:42:24 Squirrell
For whatever reason, he wore a purple mask and he kind of pranced.

00:42:28 Squirrell
Yes, Nemo, he was always called Helmut Zemo in the comics.

00:42:34 Hurst
Would you like to hear some facts, unestimated facts about Infinity War?

00:42:38 Squirrell
Oh, yes, I would.

00:42:40 Hurst
Fact.

00:42:41 Hurst
The Wakandan war cry, Yabambe, is Josa for hold strong.

00:42:47 Hurst
Fact.

00:42:48 Hurst
The security for filming of Avengers Infinity War at Durham Cathedral was so tight that not even the cathedral wardens were allowed access inside.

00:43:03 Squirrell
Pretty sure the battle growing is Wakanda forever.

00:43:06 Squirrell
So we'll go with the second one.

00:43:08 Hurst
You are correct.

00:43:09 Hurst
The security for the filming of Avengers Infinity War at Durham Cathedral was so tight that not even the cathedral wardens were allowed access inside.

00:43:18 Squirrell
Seems unfair.

00:43:20 Squirrell
I know.

00:43:20 Squirrell
It's their house.

00:43:21 Squirrell
All right, cool.

00:43:22 Squirrell
But we are done, right?

00:43:24 Squirrell
It's time to find out.

00:43:25 Hurst
That's it for the ranking.

00:43:26 Hurst
And now we're just on to the sign off of the show and the last bits.

00:43:31 Hurst
Obviously, we need to find out what we're going to be doing next week.

00:43:34 Squirrell
We're doing next week.

00:43:34 Squirrell
Well, there's only one way of doing that, Haz.

00:43:36 Squirrell
That means we have to spin the wheel of decision.

00:43:39 Hurst
Spin that mother.

00:43:41 Squirrell
All right, here we go.

00:43:42 Squirrell
Nothing new on the wheel from last time, Haz.

00:43:45 Squirrell
Although that said, we've got some gaps.

00:43:47 Squirrell
Some people owe us

00:43:48 Squirrell
So, there's certainly still plenty on the wheel.

00:43:50 Squirrell
It's got to be said.

00:43:51 Squirrell
But if we have covered your topic, you can put another thing on the wheel if you're still a Patreon.

00:43:56 Squirrell
So let us know.

00:43:57 Squirrell
But enough of that rubbish, Hurst, shall I give it a press?

00:43:59 Hurst
Can you give it a go?

00:44:00 Hurst
Let's see what happens.

00:44:01 Squirrell
Wee.

00:44:03 Squirrell
And it's going to be, oh **** oh no, oh God, Hurst.

00:44:07 Hurst
Meatloaf songs.

00:44:12 Hurst
That's better than that, I suppose.

00:44:14 Hurst
Meatloaf's all right.

00:44:14 Hurst
I mean, all these songs are like 12 minutes longer, aren't they?

00:44:17 Squirrell
Oh, good.

00:44:17 Squirrell
Well, certainly a few of them are.

00:44:19 Squirrell
Meatloaf songs comes from Kovach, one of our number ones.

00:44:22 Squirrell
Thanks, guys.

00:44:23 Squirrell
Very much Kovach, we will cover that.

00:44:25 Squirrell
And while we're talking about number ones, I'll tell you what, I bet Meatloaf's got a ******* lot of songs.

00:44:31 Squirrell
So, standard roles, only albums, no B-sides or anything like that.

00:44:36 Squirrell
How many albums has Meatloaf made?

00:44:41 Squirrell
Twelve.

00:44:44 Hurst
Unfortunately, I've got a drive down south tomorrow, so that's going to fill some hours, isn't it?

00:44:50 Squirrell
That certainly is.

00:44:52 Squirrell
And I'll tell you right now, you don't have to worry about the last three or the first one.

00:44:57 Squirrell
So I'll cut it down somewhere.

00:45:00 Hurst
Okay.

00:45:00 Squirrell
Battle free and then stop.

00:45:05 Squirrell
Okay.

00:45:05 Hurst
So we need to, obviously, big shout out for our number ones.

00:45:10 Squirrell
Yes, indeed.

00:45:10 Hurst
And in what voice am I doing it this week?

00:45:12 Squirrell
Well, going right back to the start of this podcast here, I think it's time to bust out some Skeletor.

00:45:20 Squirrell
Obviously cartoon Skeletor or not, whatever he sounded like in the movie.

00:45:23 Squirrell
Did he sound right in the movie?

00:45:25 Hurst
He was played by Jared Letter.

00:45:27 Squirrell
Yeah, I know.

00:45:29 Hurst
And he did it brilliantly.

00:45:30 Hurst
It was just, so he did it with an English accent.

00:45:33 Hurst
It was a weird one actually, because a lot of the English actors were doing American accents and American actors trying to do English ones, but his was pretty good.

00:45:39 Hurst
It was great.

00:45:40 Hurst
It was an excellent skeletor talk, because he was intimidating and frightening, but also

00:45:45 Hurst
really camp and a bit, they want to take the **** out of him, but they're scared of him.

00:45:49 Hurst
So no, very good.

00:45:51 Hurst
So original skeletor.

00:45:53 Hurst
I can only think of what I think he sounds like.

00:45:57 Hurst
That's what's going to happen right now.

00:45:58 Hurst
I can do what I think he sounds.

00:46:00 Squirrell
And if my maths is correct, this is Ohio's last turn as well, so.

00:46:03 Hurst
Oh, well, you know.

00:46:06 Hurst
It's a good one to go out on.

00:46:08 Hurst
So, our number ones, Jeff Pads, you're #1.

00:46:14 Robo-Katy Perry
Goddess Nedman, you're also #1.

00:46:18 Robo-Katy Perry
Ghost Chap, you're #1.

00:46:22 Robo-Katy Perry
Kovats, you're #1.

00:46:24 Robo-Katy Perry
In Ohio, you're #1 on a temporary visa.

00:46:32 Squirrell
True.

00:46:33 Squirrell
And Hurst, Money Slinger is now #1 as well.

00:46:38 Robo-Katy Perry
Money Slinger, you're #1?

00:46:43 Hurst
Oh, Money Slinger, welcome to the ranks.

00:46:47 Squirrell
He's slinging that money, like I believe we told him to do three or four months ago now.

00:46:52 Hurst
It went from being all talk to now being all action.

00:46:56 Squirrell
There we go.

00:46:57 Squirrell
There we go.

00:46:58 Squirrell
So there we are.

00:46:59 Squirrell
Yes, thank you very much.

00:46:59 Squirrell
Our number ones, they are our very favourite patrons.

00:47:03 Squirrell
Although we love all our patrons and we love all our rankers.

00:47:06 Hurst
Yeah.

00:47:06 Squirrell
We just love you more if you pay us.

00:47:08 Hurst
Yeah, definitely.

00:47:09 Squirrell
Quite simple, really.

00:47:10 Squirrell
Other than that, we'll be back in two weeks' time.

00:47:12 Squirrell
If you want to find us before that, we are.

00:47:15 Squirrell
Hello at topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:47:16 Squirrell
We are on Facebook.

00:47:18 Squirrell
We are on Blue Sky.

00:47:19 Squirrell
We are on YouTube.

00:47:20 Squirrell
We are on ******* everything.

00:47:22 Squirrell
If you search for Top Five faceoffs.

00:47:24 Squirrell
You will find us.

00:47:25 Squirrell
But what if the thing you're looking for is some art?

00:47:28 Squirrell
Where can we get some art?

00:47:30 Hurst
You should definitely contact Hurst about that because he does do arts.

00:47:34 Hurst
And he talks about himself in the third person whilst he's talking about arts.

00:47:38 Squirrell
Weird.

00:47:38 Hurst
Isn't that weird?

00:47:39 Squirrell
A bit weird.

00:47:41 Hurst
Go to doghouseart.co.uk or go and find me on Instagram,

00:47:46 Hurst
on at dog.house.art and have a look at what I do.

00:47:49 Hurst
If you've got your own ideas of something you want to do or you want me to do, then let me know.

00:47:53 Hurst
I'm working on a commission still at the minute, but I was also thinking I might start doing a James Bond series afterwards because that might be quite good fun.

00:48:01 Hurst
I could do James Bonds.

00:48:03 Hurst
James Bond villains and maybe some James Bond cars.

00:48:06 Hurst
I'm not settled on anything out, but that's where I think I might head on the next one.

00:48:09 Hurst
So yeah, that's where you can get your art.

00:48:11 Squirrell
Excellent.

00:48:11 Hurst
Before we sign off though, I think, do you remember why Ohio became a volunteer?

00:48:18 Squirrell
He named our number one.

00:48:19 Hurst
Yeah.

00:48:20 Hurst
I think it's important that we just remind the rankers and the patreons and the number ones that that's why Ohio's managed to take a temporary visa as the number ones because it was him that came up with the name.

00:48:30 Hurst
Well done, Ohio.

00:48:31 Squirrell
He also made you watch all the Fast and Furious movies.

00:48:33 Hurst
Yeah, I know, but I try not to hold a grudge, especially for the number ones.

00:48:37 Squirrell
Unlike fan **** ************.

00:48:39 Hurst
Yeah, I can.

00:48:40 Hurst
I don't feel like it was a grudge.

00:48:42 Hurst
It was just a solution to a problem that needed solving.

00:48:46 Squirrell
Well, there we are.

00:48:47 Squirrell
We're back.

00:48:48 Squirrell
Two weeks time.

00:48:51 Squirrell
It's ******* hot.

00:48:52 Squirrell
First and I are getting out of here.

00:48:54 Squirrell
Not that we're in the same place, but we are both in equally hot places, I suspect.

00:49:00 Squirrell
Please rewind this podcast for the next person that comes along and we will be back in two weeks time for the top five Milo songs.

00:49:08 Hurst
Oh, see you later then, Rikers.

00:49:10 Hurst
Love you.

00:49:15 Harriet
Top Five Face-Off is presented by Matt Hurst and Matt Squirrel and produced by Powerstorm Awesome Fire Incorporated.

00:49:22 Harriet
For more details and to vote for a winner, visit topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:49:28 Harriet
Thanks for listening.

00:49:43 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

00:49:47 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

00:49:51 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

00:49:55 Robo-Katy Perry
Top Five Face Off.

00:50:00 Squirrell
Panos could have just created infinite Greggs.

00:50:04 Squirrell
Solve the problem.

00:50:08 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:50:08 Squirrell
Hello, excellent new rankers.

00:50:10 Squirrell
This is Top Five Face Off, the official world ranking of everything each week.

00:50:15 Squirrell
Nope.

00:50:16 Squirrell
Each episode we get it.

00:50:18 Squirrell
No, ******* hell.

00:50:19 Squirrell
Each episode we have a random subject chosen by us.

00:50:23 Squirrell
******* hell.

00:50:24 Squirrell
It's a horn.

00:50:26 Hurst
That's all right.

00:50:26 Hurst
Once we've done it a few times, you'll get used to it.

00:50:28 Squirrell
Yeah, that's true.

00:50:33 Squirrell
Hello, Rankers.

00:50:34 Squirrell
Squirrel here.

00:50:37 Squirrell
That's it.

00:50:38 Squirrell
There's no more outtakes.

00:50:40 Squirrell
We were...

00:50:44 Squirrell
That's one.

00:50:44 Squirrell
****.

00:50:48 Squirrell
Otherwise, yeah, that's it.

00:50:49 Squirrell
We were either somewhat professional this time round or the stuff I didn't put in is because it was just so ******* boring.

00:50:56 Squirrell
See you in a couple.