S02E06: Christmas Movies

Transcript

00:00:00 Matt
Top Five Face-Off contains adult themes and language that some people may find offensive.

00:00:04 Matt
Listener discretion is advised.

00:00:06 Squirrell
She's Carly Hurst.

00:00:08 Hurst
And she's Harriet Squirrel.

00:00:09 Squirrell
And this is Top Five Face-Off, the official world ranking of everything.

00:00:13 Squirrell
What are we ranking today, Hurst?

00:00:15 Hurst
Well, Squirrel, today we will be ranking the top five Christmas movies of all time.

00:00:20 Squirrell
Coming right up after this.

00:00:36 Robo-Katy Perry
If there's more than one Then there's a best and a worst If there's more than five Call Squirrel and Hearst It's the Tough Fun Face-off Actual fact It's the Tough Fun Face-off That's our exact Tough Fun Face-off Tough Fun Face-off Official world.

00:00:59 Hurst
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, or good night, rankers.

00:01:01 Hurst
Welcome back, or if this is your first time, welcome to the show.

00:01:05 Hurst
For our new rankers, Squirrel, why don't you tell them what we do here and why we do it?

00:01:09 Squirrell
Wellhurst, this is Top Five Face Off, the official world ranking of everything.

00:01:14 Squirrell
Each week we choose a random topic suggested by our patrons, and we rank the top five and the worst things from that topic.

00:01:21 Squirrell
And then you, the rankers, go to our website at www..topfivefaceoff.

00:01:26 Squirrell
yourself.co.uk and vote for which of us is correct.

00:01:29 Squirrell
Except this week, we're not doing a random topic.

00:01:33 Squirrell
We're doing the first of two Christmas specials and we'll be ranking the top five Christmas movies.

00:01:40 Hurst
Yay.

00:01:40 Hurst
But we don't like to get to the point too quickly because we're British.

00:01:43 Hurst
So we'll kick off with a little bit of small talk.

00:01:45 Hurst
What's been going on, squirrel?

00:01:47 Squirrell
You know what has been going on?

00:01:49 Squirrell
A lot of Christmas stuff.

00:01:50 Squirrell
A lot of, people where they're like, oh, it's Christmas, we must do a face to face.

00:01:56 Squirrell
Come to London, expose yourself to germs, exhaust yourself right before Christmas.

00:02:03 Squirrell
Yeah, so there's been a lot of Christmas parties and, you know, all that kind of stuff.

00:02:07 Hurst
Yeah, same.

00:02:08 Hurst
I work in London and I have to be in once a week.

00:02:12 Hurst
And unfortunately, my office is just off Oxford Street.

00:02:16 Hurst
So, it's been extremely busy and the tube's been a nightmare, but I just want to get Christmas over with now.

00:02:24 Squirrell
So, absolutely.

00:02:26 Squirrell
I work from home.

00:02:27 Squirrell
So last week I was in London 3 days and that was a complete shock to the system.

00:02:33 Squirrell
I've usually just stuffed a jumper over my pyjamas, maybe run a brush through my hair, but you know, that's on a special day.

00:02:40 Hurst
Bucket in a ponytail.

00:02:41 Squirrell
Exactly.

00:02:42 Squirrell
And this time I had to be fully dressed out the house with a

00:02:46 Squirrell
back and, making sense in front of people.

00:02:50 Squirrell
It was, a bit too much for me.

00:02:51 Hurst
Horrible.

00:02:52 Squirrell
Yeah, it was.

00:02:52 Squirrell
So that's also what was gripping my **** too.

00:02:55 Hurst
Yeah, same.

00:02:56 Hurst
I just don't like Christmas people in London.

00:02:59 Hurst
There's far too many people.

00:03:00 Hurst
There's far too many children.

00:03:02 Hurst
Big crowds everywhere.

00:03:04 Hurst
I'm on this tube because I'm trying to get to work.

00:03:06 Hurst
You're on this tube because you're being annoying.

00:03:08 Hurst
You've come to look at the pretty lights or go to Hamleys or whatever shop you're going to.

00:03:13 Hurst
Get off my train.

00:03:16 Squirrell
Excellent, okay, yes.

00:03:18 Hurst
So yes, that's what's been gripping my ****.

00:03:22 Squirrell
Okay, fair enough, fair enough.

00:03:24 Squirrell
I think for me it's like it's just never ending.

00:03:26 Squirrell
Like I feel like I've done my shopping, oh no, then there's somebody else or there's something else.

00:03:32 Squirrell
I've wrapped everything, oh no, there's something else put safely in another place and I can't remember where I've put it and I can't find it.

00:03:38 Hurst
Yeah, and then you get it all and you sit there and go, this all now needs to be wrapped.

00:03:44 Squirrell
Yes, and there's so much.

00:03:46 Squirrell
And I think it's a great idea in November that, everyone has lots of little things and there's lots to unwrap.

00:03:52 Squirrell
And then by this point now, what are we, 17th?

00:03:56 Squirrell
I'm sick of it.

00:03:57 Hurst
Sobbing quietly in the corner.

00:03:59 Squirrell
Can't wrap another thing.

00:04:00 Squirrell
Haven't even wrapped any of Matt or Sam's stuff.

00:04:04 Squirrell
So good luck to them.

00:04:06 Hurst
Oh, just give it to them.

00:04:07 Hurst
Here you go.

00:04:07 Hurst
Happy Christmas.

00:04:08 Hurst
Save save on the recycling.

00:04:10 Squirrell
Yeah, there you go.

00:04:11 Squirrell
And then what's been making me feel old?

00:04:13 Squirrell
Oh my God.

00:04:15 Squirrell
So Sam.

00:04:16 Squirrell
Sam, who I still think of as, maybe five or six, especially at Christmas time, has just submitted his UCAS form.

00:04:24 Squirrell
Wow.

00:04:24 Squirrell
I just finished uni a couple of years ago.

00:04:27 Squirrell
No way do I have a child old enough to apply.

00:04:30 Hurst
Wow.

00:04:30 Squirrell
I mean, he can barely do his shoelaces up.

00:04:32 Squirrell
Never mind go to uni.

00:04:34 Squirrell
That's ridiculous.

00:04:35 Hurst
For me, it's more around, I kind of fell down the stairs a bit, really stupid, hoovering, and Hoover went and I went to grab it and all I did was kind of overstretch.

00:04:46 Hurst
I sort of put my leg back down three or four steps and completely annihilated my calf.

00:04:51 Squirrell
Oh my God, that sounds horrible.

00:04:54 Hurst
I swear to God, like in your 20s, you'd have bounced back the next day, but now I'm in my 40s, it took a full month and a fractured boot and physiotherapy just to get me walking again.

00:05:04 Squirrell
Oh my God, that's serious.

00:05:05 Hurst
Getting old sucks.

00:05:06 Squirrell
See, what I would take from that is hoovering is very dangerous and should not be done.

00:05:11 Hurst
Yep, I won't be hoovering the stairs in the near future.

00:05:16 Squirrell
There are bits of flooring like it's wooden and it's really, really slippy.

00:05:21 Squirrell
And I took a massive tumble the other day and all my hip and my ribs slammed onto the floor, all horribly bruised.

00:05:30 Squirrell
And yeah, I feel about 100 as well.

00:05:33 Hurst
You just can't bounce back like you used to.

00:05:36 Squirrell
No, not at all.

00:05:38 Hurst
Anyway.

00:05:39 Squirrell
Okay.

00:05:40 Squirrell
Enough of that.

00:05:41 Squirrell
I know.

00:05:42 Squirrell
Let's look at some of the rankers comments from the last episode.

00:05:46 Squirrell
We'll do the comments first and then the big reveal of who won.

00:05:50 Squirrell
Or do we do the other way round?

00:05:51 Hurst
Let's do that.

00:05:52 Hurst
Let's look at some comments and then see who won.

00:05:55 Squirrell
All right, cool.

00:05:56 Squirrell
So Meg 98, a vote for squirrel says Christmas wrapping slaps.

00:06:01 Squirrell
Okay, Hearst, this is a vote for you.

00:06:03 Squirrell
It's the season of goodwill to all men, which also coincides with the season of Hearst.

00:06:07 Squirrell
Some solid picks here, and I don't think Squirrel helped himself by picking something to do with Scott Mills, who I have long held a strong dislike for.

00:06:16 Squirrell
Sorry, Squirrel, you want to know.

00:06:18 Squirrell
But do you want to know a fun fact?

00:06:20 Squirrell
My mum went out with Noddy Holder of Slade fame for a brief time many years ago.

00:06:26 Squirrell
That is from the Vision.

00:06:27 Squirrell
That is quite a cool claim to fame.

00:06:30 Squirrell
And he says, Merry Christmas, everyone.

00:06:31 Squirrell
Hurst another for you.

00:06:32 Squirrell
I love driving home for Christmas.

00:06:35 Squirrell
Sad that neither of you chose Christmas time.

00:06:37 Squirrell
Don't let the bells end by the darkness.

00:06:40 Hurst
I was surprised that was missed off as well.

00:06:42 Squirrell
Yeah, who doesn't love a spangly jumpsuit at Christmas?

00:06:46 Squirrell
This is a good one and it doesn't say who it's from, but it does say a subscription to Top Five Face Off is surely the best Christmas gift you could buy.

00:06:55 Squirrell
Okay.

00:06:55 Squirrell
That is obviously an avid fan.

00:06:57 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:06:58 Squirrell
Hurst another one.

00:06:59 Squirrell
This wasn't so much Hurst winning as squirrel

00:07:01 Squirrell
doing a Hearst.

00:07:02 Squirrell
So presumably Squirrel's 4th choice was rubbish.

00:07:07 Squirrell
Okay, there's a vote for Squirrel.

00:07:08 Squirrell
Two seriously dodgy choices saved by the greatest Exmouth song of all time.

00:07:13 Squirrell
Bah Humbug is definitely too strong.

00:07:16 Squirrell
That is from Trooper.

00:07:17 Squirrell
Another for Hearst.

00:07:18 Squirrell
I love both of Squirrel's left field picks and even though I'm tired of people regurgitating the same songs we hear over and over again, Fairy Tale of New York has to be at #1.

00:07:28 Squirrell
It just has to be.

00:07:29 Squirrell
Nothing else matters.

00:07:30 Squirrell
Love and Christmas.

00:07:31 Squirrell
Holly.

00:07:32 Squirrell
Thank you, Holly.

00:07:32 Squirrell
Another vote for Hearst.

00:07:34 Squirrell
A rare Davpaz deviation from the Squirrel Squad into the Hearst Huddle.

00:07:39 Squirrell
A classic list of great songs.

00:07:40 Squirrell
Fun fact about driving home for Christmas.

00:07:42 Squirrell
Since Chris Rear is from my hometown of Middlesbrough, the home he was driving to is probably not the bucolic setting that the song inspires.

00:07:52 Squirrell
Love the sleigh bells.

00:07:53 Squirrell
Much love.

00:07:54 Squirrell
Once in Royal Davpaz City.

00:07:57 Squirrell
Very clever.

00:07:58 Squirrell
Squirrel, it's about time.

00:08:00 Squirrell
Love Scott M.

00:08:01 Squirrell
Maybe that's Scott Mills from the one for maybe.

00:08:05 Squirrell
Probably not.

00:08:05 Squirrell
But maybe, you never know.

00:08:07 Squirrell
Another one for Hearst.

00:08:08 Squirrell
Approach this episode with every intention of complete non-biased, having been accused of Hearst's favouritism.

00:08:13 Squirrell
However, with the greatest respect, Squirrel, you really screwed the pooch, sneezed on the stardust and knitted the noodle sideways this time.

00:08:21 Squirrell
Two complete unknowns in the best Christmas song ranking.

00:08:24 Squirrell
Pull the other one.

00:08:26 Squirrell
Hearst wins my vote, fair and square this time.

00:08:28 Squirrell
time, Rachel.

00:08:30 Squirrell
we love Rachel.

00:08:31 Squirrell
Okay, Another one for Hurst.

00:08:34 Squirrell
I didn't really like E17, but I don't like All I Want for Christmas Is You even more.

00:08:38 Squirrell
So I was happy that this got a number one at the time, and it's my second favourite.

00:08:43 Squirrell
No, it's not weird to have favourite songs of bands you dislike, shut up.

00:08:47 Squirrell
E17's song behind It's All Right.

00:08:50 Squirrell
However, Wham's Last Christmas is a contender for best Christmas song ever, so it's a vote for Hurst, but it's a shame about The Waitresses, as I really do like that one too.

00:08:58 Squirrell
Decisions we have to live with.

00:09:00 Squirrell
Don't know who that's from.

00:09:01 Squirrell
And last two, I'm afraid are both for Squirrel.

00:09:05 Squirrell
I can hear the older rankers howling about the new songs all the way from the USA.

00:09:09 Squirrell
Not the case for me, though.

00:09:10 Squirrell
I like the Christmas single song and I love the old 97s.

00:09:14 Squirrell
So a vote for Squirrel from Ohio.

00:09:16 Squirrell
And my admittedly irrational hatred for that wham song would be enough to swing my vote here, even if my perfectly reasonable hatred for E17 wasn't.

00:09:28 Squirrell
Some very strong opinions there.

00:09:31 Squirrell
Okay, so the critical point, do you think you've got it this time, Hurst or not?

00:09:36 Squirrell
Oh, no, Well, it is 19 votes for Squirrel and 22 votes for Hurst.

00:09:46 Squirrell
Oh, well done, darling.

00:09:47 Squirrell
Bravo.

00:09:50 Squirrell
At last.

00:09:51 Squirrell
Okay, very, very good.

00:09:53 Squirrell
Well done.

00:09:58 Squirrell
So this week's topic is Christmas movies.

00:10:00 Squirrell
We will do the countdown from 5th to 1st, stopping briefly to discuss the very worst Christmas movie of all time.

00:10:07 Squirrell
It should have been the top five biscuits, but then we did Christmas specials instead.

00:10:13 Hurst
Yeah, and it's absolutely crucial.

00:10:14 Hurst
Rankers understand that the worst is just for fun.

00:10:17 Hurst
In no way should it affect your vote.

00:10:19 Hurst
Don't worry about it.

00:10:20 Hurst
It's our opinion on what the worst is.

00:10:21 Hurst
You're not allowed to use it as part of your voting.

00:10:23 Hurst
You can only vote on top five bestest.

00:10:26 Squirrell
Yes.

00:10:27 Squirrell
Obviously, the whole world is relying on the rankers to remain focused and true.

00:10:30 Squirrell
Let's decide who will start by flipping the coin of destiny.

00:10:35 Squirrell
How do we know which side is tomb?

00:10:37 Hurst
So heads first and squirrels have tails.

00:10:40 Squirrell
Am I supposed to have a coin or something?

00:10:42 Hurst
Yeah.

00:10:43 Squirrell
Oh, here's a coin.

00:10:43 Squirrell
Go on, I go on, I go on.

00:10:45 Squirrell
Okay, this is really going to...

00:10:48 Squirrell
Whoopsie.

00:10:49 Squirrell
it's heads.

00:10:50 Hurst
Oh, is that me?

00:10:51 Hurst
That's me.

00:10:51 Hurst
OK, right.

00:10:52 Hurst
So my #5 is Die Hard.

00:10:55 Hurst
This is very controversial.

00:10:56 Hurst
I appreciate it.

00:10:57 Squirrell
Very controversial.

00:10:58 Hurst
It is a Christmas movie for several reasons.

00:11:02 Hurst
There's a Christmas party.

00:11:03 Hurst
It's on Christmas Eve.

00:11:05 Hurst
There are Santa hats and machine guns involved.

00:11:09 Hurst
For me, #5 is Die Hard.

00:11:11 Hurst
And for me, it is something that I watch every Christmas and only at Christmas.

00:11:16 Hurst
And Let It Snow plays at the end just for Santa.

00:11:20 Squirrell
So it's got to be.

00:11:21 Hurst
Yeah.

00:11:21 Squirrell
Okay.

00:11:23 Squirrell
So my 5th, I'm going straight in there with the Christmas smulch.

00:11:28 Squirrell
I really, really love Christmas movies.

00:11:31 Squirrell
I love the Hallmark Christmas movies that are super cheesy.

00:11:35 Squirrell
I am just full on Christmas.

00:11:37 Squirrell
So my #5 is Miracle on 34th Street.

00:11:41 Hurst
Which one?

00:11:41 Hurst
The black and white one or the newer one?

00:11:43 Squirrell
No, the one with Richard Attenborough.

00:11:45 Hurst
Yes, okay.

00:11:46 Squirrell
I watch it every year while I'm wrapping my presents.

00:11:49 Squirrell
So

00:11:49 Squirrell
Nobody else in the house really likes it, but I love it, so I watch it while I wrap.

00:11:54 Squirrell
It's quite nostalgic, I think, because of that.

00:11:57 Squirrell
And it's just so cute, and the little girl's really cute.

00:12:01 Squirrell
And it's a really good Santa.

00:12:04 Squirrell
He's such a good Santa.

00:12:05 Hurst
He's a good Santa.

00:12:06 Squirrell
Yeah, and it's all about that faith and belief, and I am Team Believe, so yeah, I love it.

00:12:13 Hurst
Okay, we have very different views on Christmas movies.

00:12:19 Squirrell
They're looking at me like, oh my god, what have I got myself into?

00:12:23 Squirrell
This woman is insane.

00:12:24 Hurst
I think I might lose this one.

00:12:27 Squirrell
I'm sure you won't.

00:12:29 Squirrell
Most people don't like Hallmark, sloppy, family Christmas crap.

00:12:34 Hurst
No, lots of people do.

00:12:35 Hurst
And I think this is where my downfall is.

00:12:39 Squirrell
No, not with all the nerds and the mouths.

00:12:41 Squirrell
You'll be fine.

00:12:42 Hurst
Yeah.

00:12:43 Hurst
Okay, well, I'll come in with my #4.

00:12:45 Hurst
For me, it's gremlins, because who doesn't love this tiny little Gizmo?

00:12:51 Hurst
And he is very cute.

00:12:53 Hurst
But then, you know, there are three rules for Gizmo, and that's don't expose him to light, don't get him wet.

00:12:59 Hurst
and absolutely do not feed him after midnight.

00:13:01 Hurst
And within the first 20 minutes of the film, all three things happen and chaos comes around in the form of these gremlins.

00:13:07 Hurst
But for me, the absolute heroine of this movie is the mum because she kicks ****.

00:13:12 Hurst
She's got these monsters in the house and one goes into a food blender and she turns it on and gets whizzed up.

00:13:18 Hurst
One goes in the microwave and he turns it on and there's just this green explosion.

00:13:23 Hurst
And then she goes at one with this kitchen carving knife like Bates Motel.

00:13:29 Hurst
Just full on psycho mode with these gremlins.

00:13:31 Hurst
And another one gets kicked into the fire.

00:13:33 Hurst
So love it.

00:13:34 Hurst
Again, it's only something I watch around Christmas.

00:13:37 Squirrell
Okay.

00:13:37 Hurst
It has everything.

00:13:38 Hurst
It's got the love story, it's got the Christmas theme, it's got the gore and a bit of slapstick around it as well.

00:13:44 Hurst
And it's just, yeah, the true holiday message behind it is if you give your child a cursed pet as a present, that's on you.

00:13:54 Squirrell
Absolutely.

00:13:55 Squirrell
You reap what you sow.

00:13:56 Hurst
So yeah, my #4 is Gremlins.

00:13:58 Squirrell
Okay.

00:13:59 Squirrell
we are quite different in our Christmas movies, which is fine.

00:14:03 Squirrell
It's interesting.

00:14:04 Squirrell
Okay, my #4 is quite a recent one.

00:14:08 Squirrell
So there's a, isn't there a 10 year, you can't reveal the plot or something if it's been in the last 10 years.

00:14:15 Squirrell
And I think this is 99.

00:14:16 Squirrell
So it's last Christmas.

00:14:18 Squirrell
Have you seen it?

00:14:19 Hurst
Yes, that's the one with Amelia Clarke.

00:14:22 Squirrell
Yes, that's it.

00:14:23 Hurst
Yeah, yes, it's a nice film.

00:14:24 Squirrell
It is a nice film.

00:14:26 Squirrell
And it has, you know, all the positive messages.

00:14:29 Squirrell
but also it's really funny.

00:14:30 Squirrell
The mum paid by Emma Thompson.

00:14:33 Squirrell
She's hilarious.

00:14:35 Squirrell
So it's all about a girl who works as an elf in a Christmas shop.

00:14:38 Squirrell
She works there all year round.

00:14:39 Squirrell
It's one of those all year Christmas shops, which I just can't imagine doing well in, say, February.

00:14:44 Squirrell
But anyway, the boss, the manager, owner of the shop there is also really funny.

00:14:49 Squirrell
But it's just got a really nice message.

00:14:52 Squirrell
And so it's about a guy and a girl falling in love and the guy works in a homeless shelter.

00:14:57 Squirrell
So that's a nice thing.

00:14:59 Squirrell
And she has a really amazing singing voice.

00:15:01 Squirrell
And I feel like I'm going to give quite a bit away if I keep talking.

00:15:05 Squirrell
So I'm going to leave it there.

00:15:06 Squirrell
But it is a really nice film and there is a bit of A twist, which the first time I watched it, I was not expecting.

00:15:14 Squirrell
So I really liked it.

00:15:15 Hurst
Yeah, I like the film.

00:15:16 Hurst
It hasn't made the list and I haven't struggled too much with my list.

00:15:20 Hurst
But yeah, my #3 is relatively new.

00:15:23 Hurst
My #3 is Violent Night.

00:15:26 Squirrell
Yes, I've seen that one.

00:15:28 Squirrell
It's good.

00:15:29 Hurst
So it's Santa who used to be an ex like Viking warrior with his axe called Skull Crusher.

00:15:36 Hurst
He's kind of a bit blue at the minute because kids are wanting iPads and video games and not toys made of wood and you know he's having issues with his reindeer and all this kind of stuff.

00:15:45 Hurst
But just whilst you know he's really kind of a bit down and blue, he goes to this big house that's currently being robbed.

00:15:51 Hurst
There's a group of bad people holding a family to ransom and there's this cute little

00:15:56 Hurst
little girl who's, also being held to ransom.

00:15:59 Hurst
And he just gets his rage on, full on Christmas rage.

00:16:03 Hurst
So, he kind of just lets his inner Viking go.

00:16:06 Hurst
So again, because it's quite new, I won't sort of spoil it, but there's, you know, it's fine at night, so there is lots of gore and blood behind it.

00:16:13 Hurst
It's kind of funny as well.

00:16:14 Hurst
There's that kind of slapstick element behind it.

00:16:16 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:16:16 Hurst
So, you know, you've got Santa saving the day.

00:16:20 Hurst
He uses Christmas decorations as lethal weapons.

00:16:22 Hurst
He sucks a candy cane into a shop.

00:16:26 Hurst
You can stab it through someone's neck.

00:16:27 Hurst
I mean, you can't get more Christmas than this.

00:16:29 Squirrell
You really can't.

00:16:30 Squirrell
I mean, it's just at the heart of.

00:16:33 Hurst
Christmas, you know, blood-splattered, yuletide hug of a Christmas movie, if you ask me.

00:16:38 Squirrell
We really do have different views on Christmas movies.

00:16:43 Hurst
Yeah, I'm starting to look quite dark, actually.

00:16:49 Squirrell
Lovely.

00:16:50 Squirrell
No, that is a good movie though.

00:16:52 Squirrell
That is a good one.

00:16:53 Squirrell
So my one, two and three have swapped around quite a bit, but I think I'm going to go with it like this.

00:17:01 Squirrell
My #3 is...

00:17:02 Squirrell
Father Christmas.

00:17:03 Squirrell
So yet again, I'm afraid.

00:17:05 Hurst
I haven't seen that one.

00:17:07 Squirrell
Oh, you must.

00:17:08 Squirrell
It's, well, there's no blood or horror or gore, so it might not be your thing.

00:17:14 Hurst
There's, I'll watch it when I'm happening.

00:17:15 Squirrell
Not really that much violence at all.

00:17:19 Squirrell
But it is a real, it's a cartoon, an animation, and it's about generations of Father Christmas.

00:17:25 Squirrell
So there's Grand Santa, who's the grandpa, and was Father Christmas kind of during the war and stuff.

00:17:31 Squirrell
And then there's the current

00:17:32 Squirrell
Christmas and then he's got two sons and it's who's gonna be the next Father Christmas basically.

00:17:38 Squirrell
And one of the sons is all about spreadsheets and like it's a military operation and he's kind of really in charge at the moment and he thinks he's a shoe-in to take over, no worries.

00:17:50 Squirrell
And then there's Arthur, his brother, who is in the mail room and answers the letters that people write to Father Christmas that none of the others think are

00:18:00 Squirrell
important, but he is just the embodiment of Christmas.

00:18:04 Squirrell
He's so lovely.

00:18:05 Squirrell
He's so worried about the children getting their toys and like it's the old-fashioned kind of idea of Father Christmas rather than this military kind of, well, we got almost all of them, don't worry about it, we'll be fine.

00:18:17 Squirrell
So but yeah, basically one present doesn't get delivered and gets left behind and it's the story of how it gets to the child in the end, if it gets to the child, no spoilers.

00:18:27 Squirrell
And then at the very end, who's going to take over?

00:18:30 Squirrell
But it is just a really cute movie.

00:18:32 Squirrell
It's very Christmassy.

00:18:33 Squirrell
It's quite funny.

00:18:34 Squirrell
And he's...

00:18:35 Squirrell
One of my favourite bits is Arthur's got these slippers that are like reindeers with these googly eyes and they play Christmas carols.

00:18:43 Hurst
Awesome.

00:18:44 Squirrell
And they go off trying to deliver this lost present and they end up in the wilds of Africa with like lions and tigers and they're sort of being stalked by them.

00:18:54 Squirrell
And he takes off his slippers and he's like hypnotising them with the music that's coming out of his slippers.

00:19:00 Hurst
It's funny.

00:19:01 Squirrell
So it's really, really cute.

00:19:02 Squirrell
It is a kiddie film, but that's my #3 after Christmas.

00:19:06 Hurst
I will watch it.

00:19:07 Hurst
I'll make an effort to watch it.

00:19:08 Hurst
I'm trying to watch Christmas movies that I haven't seen because I tend to keep to the same Christmas movies every year.

00:19:13 Hurst
So I'll give it a whirl.

00:19:15 Hurst
Okay.

00:19:15 Hurst
My #2, and I've kind of done a U-turn here, is Elsa.

00:19:21 Hurst
We watch it every year on Christmas Day.

00:19:23 Hurst
I think we missed it once one year because my folks came over early and we didn't get a chance to watch it.

00:19:28 Hurst
I like it because it's funny.

00:19:30 Hurst
This kind of baby gets snuck into Santa's sack and gets brought up as an elf, even though he's 6 foot 3 and shaving.

00:19:38 Hurst
He goes off to New York to find his real dad who's on the naughty list.

00:19:42 Hurst
And then you've got this buddy the elf who just spreads chaotic cheer by eating syrupy spaghetti and yelling it for a fake Santa and just confusing every New Yorker he meets.

00:19:53 Hurst
It's just a really fun Christmas movie.

00:19:56 Hurst
It's not too cutesy, do you know what I mean?

00:19:58 Hurst
It's not that kind of overly cute Christmas movie, but it's funny and...

00:20:02 Squirrell
It is totally the other end of the spectrum too, though.

00:20:05 Hurst
I've done a complete U-turn on it, but it is one we do tend to watch every year at Christmas.

00:20:10 Hurst
The first time I watched it, I watched it with Matt.

00:20:12 Hurst
So I hadn't seen it.

00:20:13 Hurst
It's been out for years before I first watched it.

00:20:15 Hurst
But yeah, now it's made our Christmas Day list.

00:20:17 Hurst
So yeah, I'm gonna love it.

00:20:19 Squirrell
Okay, excellent choice.

00:20:22 Squirrell
Okay, so my #2, I was a little bit undecided, but I've gone with it.

00:20:27 Squirrell
It's Love Actually, which is a bit controversial because

00:20:33 Squirrell
Women don't have a great lead in this.

00:20:36 Squirrell
There are problematic storylines throughout.

00:20:39 Hurst
It's of its generation though.

00:20:40 Squirrell
It is, it is.

00:20:42 Squirrell
And Matt and I went to see it at the cinema and we watch it every Christmas Eve, every year.

00:20:47 Squirrell
And then we introduce Sam to it the other year and he loves it.

00:20:51 Squirrell
And I just love all the little kind of stories that all link together as it goes along.

00:20:56 Squirrell
And I love Hugh Grant as Prime Minister.

00:20:58 Squirrell
He's hilarious.

00:21:00 Squirrell
His dancing and singing is so funny.

00:21:03 Squirrell
And then those two, Martin Freeman and Joanna Page, who have that weird job that isn't really, surely it's not really a job.

00:21:13 Squirrell
They stand in for film stars and like to check lighting and things, but they always have to be naked and they're doing weird sex moves.

00:21:21 Squirrell
And you're like, is that really a job?

00:21:23 Squirrell
I just, are they body doubles?

00:21:26 Squirrell
Yeah, something like that, but they're testing lighting and things.

00:21:29 Squirrell
Not very Christmassy.

00:21:30 Squirrell
No, but it's absolutely hilarious because they just talk about

00:21:33 Squirrell
about like the traffic and it's so funny.

00:21:36 Squirrell
I didn't really explain the film actually, did I?

00:21:38 Squirrell
So it's a story about Hugh Grant becoming Prime Minister and then his sister is in another section of the stories.

00:21:47 Squirrell
That's Emma Thompson and her husband's Alan Rickman.

00:21:50 Squirrell
And Alan Rickman is a real baddie.

00:21:53 Squirrell
He's worse than in Die Hard, I swear.

00:21:56 Squirrell
And then there's just loads of little interlinking stories and it's really cute.

00:22:01 Hurst
And yeah, I really like it.

00:22:03 Hurst
Yeah.

00:22:03 Hurst
It nearly made the list, but Alf pinched it for me.

00:22:06 Squirrell
Yeah, fair.

00:22:07 Hurst
Right.

00:22:08 Hurst
Have we both done our #2 now?

00:22:10 Hurst
Yes.

00:22:10 Hurst
Right.

00:22:10 Hurst
So, before we announce our top Christmas movies, let's take a moment to pull disdain over the very worst Christmas movies.

00:22:21 Hurst
So the worst Christmas movie for me is Home Alone 4.

00:22:25 Hurst
What a absolute bullcrap.

00:22:27 Hurst
I didn't even know there was a 4! ****** ***! So it's completely...

00:22:31 Hurst
Same characters, but not quite.

00:22:33 Hurst
So Kevin has like just lost two siblings because there's only Buzz and Megan.

00:22:38 Hurst
So somewhere along the line, Jeff and Linnea are like non-existent.

00:22:43 Hurst
Marv is in it, played by some other actor, but they dress him up as Harry.

00:22:47 Hurst
So he's in like the long trench coat and the beanie hat.

00:22:50 Hurst
What?

00:22:51 Hurst
It's really confusing.

00:22:52 Hurst
Mum and Dad have split up.

00:22:56 Hurst
Dad's banging some fancy rich bird and Kevin spends Christmas with them in this big house and they have some royal family coming over and Marv's trying to kidnap the prince and so, you know, it sounds awful.

00:23:12 Hurst
It really is.

00:23:13 Squirrell
Yeah, it sounds ****.

00:23:14 Hurst
Yeah, they should have stopped it too.

00:23:15 Squirrell
Yes.

00:23:16 Squirrell
I mean, I do love Home Alone.

00:23:18 Hurst
Yeah, I would throw him in Home Alone 3, but that's technically not it.

00:23:21 Hurst
I think that happens around like New Year and stuff.

00:23:24 Hurst
But yeah, home alone.

00:23:26 Hurst
Stop at all.

00:23:26 Hurst
Yeah, sucks ****.

00:23:28 Squirrell
Okay.

00:23:28 Squirrell
Fair.

00:23:29 Squirrell
My worst, it's called Christmas on the Square.

00:23:34 Squirrell
Now, I started by telling you that I love the Hallmark movies and all those cheesy.

00:23:38 Squirrell
And so this is Dolly Parton at Christmas.

00:23:41 Squirrell
And I was like, yes, I am all in for this.

00:23:45 Squirrell
is going to be amazing.

00:23:46 Squirrell
Proper schmaltz.

00:23:47 Squirrell
I couldn't even get past the first scene.

00:23:49 Hurst
Wow.

00:23:50 Squirrell
It was so cringe.

00:23:51 Squirrell
It was so, oh God, it was just awful.

00:23:54 Squirrell
It was just so bad.

00:23:55 Squirrell
They were all singing and dancing in this weird fake way in a square.

00:23:59 Squirrell
Oh God, it was just so bad.

00:24:00 Squirrell
I couldn't even watch it.

00:24:02 Squirrell
Yeah, so that's my worst.

00:24:04 Hurst
I nearly, bit of a confession, went for the Polar Express for the last, but for fear of being lynched, I thought I wouldn't.

00:24:12 Hurst
Oh my God.

00:24:12 Hurst
The Polar Express is just weird.

00:24:14 Hurst
It's a bunch of weird kids on a weird train and I don't get it.

00:24:19 Hurst
But I know so many people love it and that, so I'm like, no, I'll go with Home and Home 4 because that actually does suck ****.

00:24:24 Squirrell
And that's probably safer.

00:24:25 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:24:26 Squirrell
Both awful movies, but remember Rankers, the worst doesn't count.

00:24:30 Hurst
Does not count.

00:24:31 Squirrell
It's just for fun.

00:24:31 Squirrell
So let's get back to the important business of our number one Christmas movies of all time.

00:24:38 Squirrell
I just can't even imagine what yours is.

00:24:46 Hurst
For me, it's Home Alone.

00:24:49 Hurst
Yes.

00:24:49 Hurst
And there was a big toss between Home Alone or Home Alone 2 because they're both equally, for me, just as good.

00:24:56 Hurst
But the first one topped it.

00:24:57 Hurst
I mean, you've got this eight-year-old kid with the confidence of a Navy SEAL who just wishes his family would go away and his family would go away and he darts off like any kid on their own would.

00:25:08 Hurst
He eats junk food, he watches movies, he's not allowed to.

00:25:11 Hurst
He's living his best no parents life.

00:25:14 Hurst
Absolutely.

00:25:14 Hurst
Then these two cat burgers

00:25:16 Hurst
killers decide to rob the house.

00:25:18 Hurst
But unfortunately, Kevin is basically MacGyver in fruity pyjamas.

00:25:22 Hurst
And he turns his home into this festive torture maze.

00:25:25 Hurst
You've got paint cans to the face, flaming heads, and booby traps everywhere.

00:25:30 Hurst
And it's just so funny.

00:25:32 Hurst
The timing is genius.

00:25:33 Hurst
There's all sorts of shenanigans involved.

00:25:35 Hurst
Harry and Marv are just, their timing together, it's just, I love to laugh.

00:25:40 Hurst
I like funny movies.

00:25:41 Hurst
I like it, especially like if there's a little bit of gore and people are getting hurt.

00:25:45 Hurst
I find that really funny.

00:25:47 Squirrell
I'm getting that.

00:25:49 Hurst
I'm pretty twisted.

00:25:50 Hurst
A bit dark.

00:25:51 Hurst
Yeah.

00:25:51 Hurst
Okay, I like it.

00:25:52 Hurst
And because the first time I saw it as a kid was on Boxing Day with my family and my dad.

00:25:57 Hurst
So it has this real kind of Christmassy vibe to it anyway.

00:26:00 Hurst
But yeah, I just, I like it because it's Christmassy, it's funny, the music is lovely.

00:26:05 Hurst
Like whenever you hear that kind of music at the start, you know exactly, you know exactly what movie's about to start.

00:26:13 Squirrell
Absolutely.

00:26:14 Squirrell
That is a good choice.

00:26:15 Squirrell
That is a good choice.

00:26:16 Squirrell
And definitely, it definitely bothered my list.

00:26:20 Squirrell
It was in and out, in and out, because it is an absolute classic.

00:26:24 Squirrell
And I do love the John Candy character as well.

00:26:27 Squirrell
It's just so random and doesn't fit with anything else, but it's really funny.

00:26:31 Hurst
Playing the clarinet in a random band.

00:26:34 Hurst
That's so weird.

00:26:35 Squirrell
But no, it's a great movie.

00:26:38 Squirrell
Good choice.

00:26:38 Hurst
So I've got some Home Alone facts or fiction.

00:26:42 Hurst
So this is the first one is in Home Alone, Kevin draws the battle plan of his house and what he wants to do.

00:26:47 Hurst
That was actually supposed to be made by the art department, but the one that McCauley Culkin drew, they really liked and they kept his original in the film.

00:26:56 Hurst
So there's that one.

00:26:57 Squirrell
Yeah, that's possible.

00:26:58 Hurst
And the other one is Kevin was supposed to rig a trap where car toy rolled across the floor, hit a domino line, launched a Lego into the air and rang a tiny bell.

00:27:08 Hurst
Purely so he could say, some people ring the doorbell, I make the doorbell ring back.

00:27:13 Hurst
I love it.

00:27:16 Squirrell
I don't remember that bit.

00:27:17 Squirrell
I feel like I would remember it.

00:27:19 Squirrell
Okay, I'm going to go...

00:27:22 Squirrell
I'm going to go with the first one being the fact.

00:27:23 Hurst
Yeah, so this little eight-year-old Macaulay Culkin drew his battle plan and it's his, it's his actual drawing.

00:27:30 Squirrell
I love it.

00:27:31 Squirrell
Yeah, it's so cool.

00:27:32 Squirrell
Yeah, that's cute.

00:27:33 Hurst
That's really cool.

00:27:34 Squirrell
I'm sure.

00:27:35 Squirrell
I'm sure.

00:27:36 Squirrell
My #1 has already been mentioned.

00:27:40 Squirrell
It is Elf.

00:27:42 Squirrell
Hey.

00:27:44 Squirrell
I just love it.

00:27:45 Squirrell
I came to it quite late, so when Sam was little, and he performed in a version of it.

00:27:50 Squirrell
He was the dad, and so we watched it a lot.

00:27:54 Squirrell
But I haven't got sick of it.

00:27:55 Squirrell
It's still really funny.

00:27:57 Squirrell
It's Christmassy and lovely, but there's those little bits more to it, which I really love.

00:28:02 Squirrell
And New York at Christmas just looks so amazing.

00:28:07 Squirrell
Yeah, it's definitely on my list.

00:28:08 Squirrell
But no, I love it.

00:28:09 Squirrell
It's so cool.

00:28:10 Squirrell
And I love how he wins around the brother.

00:28:13 Squirrell
And

00:28:13 Squirrell
Again, it's all about believing in Father Christmas because I'm team believe.

00:28:17 Squirrell
So yeah, I just love it.

00:28:18 Squirrell
It's my absolute favourite and I watch it every year without fail.

00:28:24 Squirrell
Yes.

00:28:24 Squirrell
And Sam has a new girlfriend this year and she'd never seen it.

00:28:28 Squirrell
Perfect excuse to watch it.

00:28:30 Hurst
Indeed, yes.

00:28:31 Squirrell
Everybody has to have seen it.

00:28:32 Hurst
Yeah, no, get her on it.

00:28:34 Squirrell
Oh, and I've got a fact.

00:28:36 Squirrell
An unestimated fact.

00:28:37 Squirrell
Yes.

00:28:37 Squirrell
Okay.

00:28:38 Squirrell
They had to film the breakfast scene, you know, where Buddy eats cold spaghetti with syrup and like pastries and sweets and stuff.

00:28:46 Squirrell
They had to film that twice because he was sick into it the first time.

00:28:51 Squirrell
Because Will Ferrell, because it was so gross.

00:28:53 Squirrell
Or when he's in the doctor and he takes out the little balls of cotton wool and starts eating them.

00:29:00 Squirrell
He wasn't meant to do that.

00:29:01 Squirrell
It was improvised.

00:29:02 Squirrell
But everyone thought it was so funny, they kept it in where he's just eating these

00:29:05 Squirrell
these little balls of cotton wool that he thinks are candy floss.

00:29:08 Hurst
I think I'm going to go with the second one.

00:29:11 Hurst
I think I'm going to go with the cotton wool.

00:29:14 Squirrell
Okay.

00:29:14 Squirrell
Am I wrong?

00:29:15 Squirrell
I'm afraid you're wrong.

00:29:16 Squirrell
I'm wrong.

00:29:16 Squirrell
Yes.

00:29:17 Hurst
So he was actually sick in the spaghetti.

00:29:20 Squirrell
Yes.

00:29:21 Squirrell
How gross is that?

00:29:24 Squirrell
The cotton wool actually wasn't cotton wool, it was candy floss.

00:29:26 Squirrell
Oh, right, okay.

00:29:27 Squirrell
They just didn't colour it and yeah, he was meant to eat it.

00:29:30 Squirrell
But yeah, he was sick in that and I'm not surprised.

00:29:33 Squirrell
It just, I don't think...

00:29:35 Squirrell
I love spaghetti and I love maple syrup.

00:29:38 Squirrell
Oh, no.

00:29:38 Squirrell
Not together.

00:29:39 Squirrell
No, definitely not.

00:29:40 Hurst
He used to be like M&M's and things and it didn't like you crushed out biscuits and...

00:29:45 Squirrell
Yeah, just tarts and stuff.

00:29:47 Squirrell
Pop tarts, yeah, the works.

00:29:49 Hurst
Yeah, that made me one sick, I think.

00:29:51 Hurst
Oh, cool, that was fun.

00:29:52 Squirrell
Yes.

00:29:53 Hurst
Right, so yeah, there we have it.

00:29:55 Hurst
So we've got two excellent lists, but only one could be the official world ranking.

00:30:00 Hurst
And it's up to you, our wonderful rankers, to disguise.

00:30:03 Hurst
To disguise?

00:30:04 Hurst
To decide.

00:30:05 Hurst
Our rank is 2 decide.

00:30:06 Hurst
Squirrel, how do they do that?

00:30:08 Squirrell
They can go to our website at www..topfivefaceoff.co.uk and vote there.

00:30:14 Hurst
Perfect.

00:30:15 Hurst
So I think this is normally where the boys would spin the wheel of decisions.

00:30:19 Hurst
But as this is the first, no, it's not the first of two Christmas specials, is it?

00:30:23 Hurst
We had to do it the other way around.

00:30:24 Hurst
So this is the last of two Christmas specials and the boys will be back in a couple of weeks doing the top five Christmas songs.

00:30:32 Hurst
No, they've done that.

00:30:33 Hurst
So whoever did this script,

00:30:35 Hurst
It needs to be shot.

00:30:36 Hurst
So basically.

00:30:37 Hurst
It was your polly just that meant.

00:30:39 Hurst
Oh yeah, it's my fault.

00:30:42 Hurst
So basically we would normally do the Wheel of Decisions, but this is the last of the Christmas specials and I guess they spun the Wheel of Decisions.

00:30:51 Squirrell
Yeah, and it's going to be biscuits, I think.

00:30:53 Hurst
You're doing biscuits.

00:30:54 Hurst
OK, wonderful.

00:30:55 Hurst
So there we go.

00:30:56 Squirrell
So that's the new year.

00:30:57 Squirrell
OK, so following protocol, we must do a big shout out for our official supporter hub.

00:31:03 Squirrell
Hi Kovac.

00:31:05 Squirrell
98 and a big shout out to our newest member of the Official Supporters Hub, Goddess Jasmine.

00:31:11 Squirrell
Hello, Jasmine.

00:31:12 Squirrell
Hey, Jasmine.

00:31:13 Hurst
And Daf Paz.

00:31:14 Hurst
We'd never forget Daf Paz.

00:31:16 Hurst
We love Daft Paz.

00:31:17 Squirrell
You guys are the absolute best.

00:31:20 Squirrell
Lots of love for our other patrons too, of course.

00:31:23 Squirrell
And if you aren't already in the gang, you can join for a measly 1 pound a month.

00:31:28 Squirrell
And that very recently became more than just a token gesture.

00:31:31 Squirrell
It became great value.

00:31:34 Hurst
Didn't just patron-only content.

00:31:36 Hurst
So you get the top five dwarves, top five friends characters, and the actual original pilot episode.

00:31:42 Hurst
And more will be added each month.

00:31:44 Hurst
At the end of the year, you'll be hearing top five

00:31:46 Hurst
things I got for Christmas.

00:31:47 Hurst
And choosing the worst, that one could get interesting.

00:31:50 Hurst
One pound seems way too cheap.

00:31:52 Squirrell
Way too cheap.

00:31:53 Squirrell
Yeah.

00:31:54 Squirrell
If I was a non-patron ranker, I'd be kicking myself right now.

00:31:58 Squirrell
That quickly changing the situation so that I no longer needed to kick myself.

00:32:03 Squirrell
That's a great cool squirrel.

00:32:04 Squirrell
I became a Patreon.

00:32:05 Squirrell
Absolutely.

00:32:06 Squirrell
So that is all for this week.

00:32:09 Squirrell
Don't forget to vote, then tell your friends.

00:32:12 Squirrell
Leave us some lovely reviews, lots of thumbs up on the social pages, become a Patreon.

00:32:18 Squirrell
Don't forget to rewind this podcast for the next people to come along and we'll see you next time for Top Five Biscuits.

00:32:27 Hurst
Yes, see you later anchors.

00:32:30 Hurst
Love you.

00:32:36 Matt
Top Five Face-Off was presented by Harriet Squirrel and Carly Hurst and produced by PowerStorm Awesome Fire Incorporated.

00:32:42 Matt
For more details and to vote for a winner, visit www.topfivefaceoff.co.uk.

00:32:49 Matt
Merry Christmas.

00:33:20 Hurst
I still have a bit of a cough, so apologies to that for any editing.

00:33:28 Hurst
Make them work for it, and it's a real, it's a real heather of a cough as well.

00:33:34 Squirrell
Meg 98, a vote for squirrel, says Christmas wrapping slaps.

00:33:40 Mat Hurst
Shut up, Meg.

00:33:41 Mat Hurst
I've been in the background.

00:33:46 Squirrell
I actually, I thought slaps was a bad thing, but I'm obviously not down with the kids.

00:33:53 Squirrell
Okay, so that's a good thing.

00:33:54 Hurst
Do I have to read all of these?

00:33:58 Squirrell
Yeah, probably.

00:33:59 Squirrell
Okay.

00:34:00 Squirrell
That's loads.

00:34:04 Squirrell
Sorry, that's not really the attitude, is it?

00:34:10 Squirrell
Oh God, generic witty banting during this section.

00:34:13 Squirrell
That sounds like hard work.

00:34:16 Hurst
Okay, let's crack on.

00:34:17 Hurst
Yeah, let's get ranking.

00:34:21 Hurst
Well, heads have, well, I have a head and you have a tail, so let's go for it.

00:34:30 Hurst
No, it's in bold, so I have to do that right.

00:34:32 Hurst
It's in bold, darling, it's in bold.

00:34:36 Squirrell
Then there's another vote for Squirrel.

00:34:38 Squirrell
Not going to vote for ******* E17.

00:34:41 Squirrell
They make the Spice Girls sound great.

00:34:43 Squirrell
The song from the holiday special of...

00:34:47 Squirrell
Oh God, G-O-T-G.

00:34:49 Squirrell
What's that?

00:34:51 Hurst
Guardians of the Galaxy.

00:34:52 Hurst
Guardians of the Galaxy.

00:34:54 Squirrell
Guardians of the Galaxy, right?

00:34:56 Squirrell
That was brilliant.

00:34:57 Squirrell
I'm glad you included it.

00:35:02 Squirrell
Thanks.

00:35:03 Squirrell
That's from Kov.

00:35:06 Hurst
I am starting the ranking, but before we announce our top Christmas movies, let us take a moment to pull

00:35:13 Hurst
What's that disdain?

00:35:14 Hurst
And the very worst Christmas.

00:35:15 Hurst
Oh no, when we burned at #2.

00:35:17 Hurst
Sorry, Matt, you get out.

00:35:20 Hurst
I'm getting, I'm just getting to the flow.

00:35:23 Squirrell
Just get into the flow.

00:35:27 Hurst
See you later, rankers.

00:35:28 Hurst
Love you.

00:35:29 Hurst
I can't believe they do this **** every week.

00:35:32 Hurst
No, big Lord above.

00:35:35 Squirrell
And also, they have so much information about each thing that they rank.

00:35:40 Hurst
I know.

00:35:41 Squirrell
I was just like, it's a movie.

00:35:43 Squirrell
There's farmer like it.

00:35:44 Hurst
Yeah, it's funny.

00:35:45 Hurst
There's like, you know, blood and guts and gore in.

00:35:49 Squirrell
So I just press stop while the recording now.

00:35:53 Squirrell
Okay.